God Ain't Through Yet (18 page)

I
t seemed like on the days that something really bad happened to me, that day immediately shot into the category of doom in my mind. There were now too many doomsdays for me to remember, or forget. And every time a new one entered my zone, it reminded me of some of the ones from my past.

Mr. Boatwright, an oversexed, elderly old friend of the family, had been such a big bad wolf in sheep's clothing that he held a position of virtue as high as that of a saint until the day he died. He had started raping me when I was just seven years old.

As horrific as that whole episode had been, I couldn't remember the exact month or day that it started. I couldn't remember the exact day and month that Daddy left me and my mother either. As a matter of fact, the only day that a milestone event occurred in my life that I remembered down to the last detail was the day that Rhoda smothered old Mr. Boatwright to death—four days after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. King's murder was the only way I was able to remember Rhoda's crime so well. Now I had another black day to add to the calendar in my mind: today. Because until the day I die, it would be known as the day that my husband left me for another woman. The fact that the other woman was a friend made it even more excruciating. I knew that no matter what happened next, this was going to be one of the most difficult and unbearable days on the calendar for me to get through in the years to come. And it would remain that way even if Pee Wee and I got back together.

But from what that hound from hell had told me, and the way he had thrown his affair and his whore up in my face in my own house, a reconciliation didn't even sound like a remote possibility. And I was so angry and disgusted with him, I wasn't sure that I wanted him back anyway!

The sun had come out and it looked like it was going to be a nice day after all. But nothing was going to make it a nice day for me. I felt like I had been knocked down and then run over by a tractor.

In addition to me thinking about all of the bleak days that I'd endured, I also thought about some of the other truly bad situations I'd faced that didn't just fall on any one day in particular. Like some of the people who had taken advantage of me and Muh'Dear after Daddy had run off. One woman, who had let us sleep in her barn because we had run out of money, made Muh'Dear clean her house and the houses of all her friends for free. Me, well, she'd made me be her personal slave. I had to haul water to and from her spring, feed her chickens, and do a variety of chores around her house that nobody in their right mind would make a child do. I thought about all of the nasty kids in school who had called me names and punched me for no reason at all. I even thought about the racism I'd encountered in Erie, Pennsylvania, when I tried to rent a motel room there almost thirty years ago. I had survived all of that shit, so I knew that I could probably survive anything. But that didn't stop me from being mad now. I didn't know how this drama was going to play out. However, there was one thing I knew for sure. And that was, no matter what happened or how this ended, I would never forgive Elizabeth Stovall.

That bitch!

I could still smell her perfume, Trésor, one of my favorites. I knew right then and there that I would never wear that fragrance again. Now it smelled like brimstone. Rubbing my nose didn't help; it only made it worse.

 

It had been just a few minutes since Pee Wee and Lizzie left my house together with his luggage. I stood in my driveway watching his car until it turned the corner. I didn't know why some of my neighbors were still watching me. All of the excitement was over—unless Pee Wee and Lizzie came back.

I turned to go back to my kitchen, dragging my feet like a dying mule. As soon as I made it back inside, I immediately dialed Rhoda's number. I knew she would stick by me, and console me, until this mess was resolved. She answered on the second ring.

“I need to talk to you,” I blurted. I stood looking out of the window above my sink.

“Is somethin' wrong?” she asked, sounding more like a teenager than a woman in her mid-forties.

“Oh, hell yeah! Something is definitely wrong,” I choked.

“Hmmm. Well, I hope it's not too bad. I've only got half a bottle of scotch in the house.”

“Pee Wee is having an affair with Little Leg Lizzie.”

“Excuse me?”

“My husband is having an affair
with that bitch I hired to work for him
! He just left the house with her, and some of his things. They…they are moving into an apartment together.” I had to pause to catch my breath; it felt like it was trying to desert me, too. “Rhoda, it was awful. They had the nerve, the unmitigated gall to come into my house to tell me that they are in love and want to live together! Can you fucking believe that shit? What kind of woman would do that to her friend?” I exhaled and rubbed my chest. “I
knew
something was up when I went into that barbershop yesterday. But I refused to believe it was something this bad!”

Rhoda was taking too long to respond. I knew that she was going to take this hard. She was as much Pee Wee's friend as she was mine.

“Rhoda, I know you are upset. But I need for you to be strong for me,” I sobbed. I released a few tears, wiping them away with the back of my hand. “Can you believe that man? He's been having an affair for I don't know how long with that two-faced, backstabbing woman—and now he only wants to be with her!” I couldn't even hear Rhoda breathing on the other end.

“I already knew,” she finally said.

“Did you think—
you already knew?
What the hell do you mean by that?”

“I already knew that Pee Wee was havin' an affair with Lizzie and that he was goin' to leave you for her. But…I…see you and—honey, I saw it comin' a long time ago!”

It had been hard for me to share this painful information with Rhoda. But it was even harder for me to remain conscious after she told me she already knew! My best friend already knew that my husband was having an affair with another woman and didn't tell me! The world had gone to hell in an Easter basket and was taking me along with it.

I couldn't think straight. It felt like the parts of my brain were meandering around in my head, trying to figure out what thought to process next. Then it seemed like every thought in my head had merged into one. And that was unbearable. My head was aching all over. I had to be in the middle of a nightmare. But since I was wide awake, leaning against the sink to keep from falling, I knew this was not a nightmare.

“Rhoda, what the hell do you mean? Please tell me you are joking. Please tell me that you didn't know about Pee Wee and Lizzie.” Her silence told me all I needed to know. “Then it's true? You knew about this already? You're not kidding?”

“Yes, I knew,” she answered. She blew out some air that seemed to chase the words out of her mouth like she couldn't get rid of them fast enough.

“R
hoda, what kind of friend are you not to tell me?”

“Calm down, Annette—”

“Calm down my pussy! My husband just left me for another woman! And not just any woman! This is a woman that I handpicked and then practically served my husband to her on a silver platter! This is a woman who I thought was a friend! How in the hell am I supposed to be calm after some shit like that?” I was seething. There were no words that could describe the pain I was in. It seemed like every cell in my body was on fire.

“Annette, we can't address this as long as you're behavin' like a fishwife. Let's discuss this calmly and rationally.”

“When did you find out?” I didn't want to admit to Rhoda that I'd seen a few red flags myself. It was bad enough that I'd ignored the few red flags along the way during that fiasco with Jade. This was much worse. Despite the red flags each time that I even
thought
that Pee Wee was up to no good, I dismissed it. And that was because I had already accused him of fooling around several times before and I had been wrong.

“Annette,
everybody
knows,” Rhoda said gently. “It sounds like you are the only one who didn't know.”

I couldn't believe my ears. I thought I'd heard wrong. “What did you say?” I rasped. “I know that you didn't say what it sounded like you just said.
Everybody knows about my husband having an affair with Lizzie?
”

“Uh-huh. Scary Mary held me hostage at the Grab and Go a couple of nights ago and asked me how long it was going to be before you saw what everybody else sees. Yes, everybody knows about it. That's all they've been yip yappin' about at Claudette's beauty parlor these days…and at the bowlin' alley…and at the nail shop that I go to on State Street…and at church…”

“Apparently not
everybody
. I sure as hell didn't know!” I screamed, pounding the wall with my fist.

“I had been a little suspicious for a while, but I had no proof. I'd even been hearin' things from those heifers who work the cash registers at the Grab and Go checkout. And…” Rhoda paused and groaned. “And Otis even put a few bugs in my ear. It devastated him. You know how emotional my husband can get when it comes to relationships. He's Jamaican to the bone. You know how men tell each other everything. I guess Pee Wee took him aside one day and, you know, got off into that home-boy talkin' shit.”

If a semitruck had rolled over me, I couldn't have felt any worse. Everything on me, from my eyes on down, felt like it was being poked with daggers. “Were you ever going to tell me? If I hadn't brought it up today, how long were you going to let me be the fool in the dark?” I asked, rubbing my forehead, then my cheek. My tongue was fighting with my bridgework to see which one could make it down my throat first. I swallowed some air, but it went down the wrong windpipe so I started choking and coughing.

“Are you all right?” Rhoda asked. “I am really beginnin' to worry about you, girl.”

“I'm fine,” I managed. “Keep talking. Answer what I just asked you.” I pounded my chest with my fist.

“Now, you know me. I got your back now and I've always had your back. But you know Pee Wee was my best friend way before I met you. I didn't want to get in the middle of this mess by tellin' you before he made his move.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I wailed.

“I didn't know he was goin' to up and leave you for Lizzie. I just thought he was gettin' him some pussy on the side. By the way, she was not really a virgin. She told him about a thing with some Russian guy that picked her up after bingo one night about ten years ago.”

“I don't give a damn if Lizzie fucked the Pied Piper! She's fucking my husband now—and has been for God knows how long—and you knew about it and didn't tell me. That's what I care about!”

“Annette, you and my husband are very close. You are probably the closest female friend he has. At least in America. You know about me and Bully. You've known for years. Have you felt like it was your obligation to tell Otis?”

“You are getting way off the subject—”

“Just answer the question please. You know about me and Bully, but you don't feel it's your business to tell my husband, right?”

“So this is about your loyalty to your boy? Is that your excuse for not telling me?”

“Not exactly. Well, yes and no. But there is more to it than that.” Rhoda got suspiciously quiet. “A couple of weeks ago, I spent an afternoon at the Do Drop Inn with Bully. He was goin' back to London the next day. With Jade and Vernie in the house, we can't, you know, do as much as we normally do. Not in the house, I mean. See, we, uh, get kind of loud when we get carried away. Anyway, while we were still in the motel office checkin' in, Pee Wee and Lizzie strolled in the door, arm in arm.”

“Well do say!” I boomed.

If the Do Drop Inn burned to the ground, or if somebody's disgruntled mate tossed a bomb in the window and blew it to kingdom come tomorrow, it wouldn't be soon enough for me. That was one place that had become such a den of iniquity—of Biblical proportions—to me, that I would
never
set foot in it again.

“That evenin' Pee Wee called me up and told me to meet him at the Red Rose for a drink. As soon as I got there, he started askin' me about me and Bully. Under the circumstances, I had to come clean. I love my husband and I don't care how good Bully makes me feel, I am not leavin' my husband for him, or any other man. My husband is a happy man, and I want him to stay that way.”

“Let me get this straight. You couldn't tell on Pee Wee because you didn't want him to tell on you and Bully. Is that the case?”

“I guess it is.” Rhoda got silent again. “Listen, I want you to know that I already told Pee Wee not to ever bring that woman to my house, or even attempt to make her think that I will accept her. So you don't have to worry about her poppin' up at any of our private parties or our backyard cookouts. And in knowing that, I doubt if Pee Wee will be partyin' much with us anymore either.”

“I won't miss his company,” I spat.

“And if it'll make you feel any better, I was goin' to tell you everything anyway whether he did or not…eventually.”

“Oh, really? And when were you eventually going to tell me?” I wailed.

“Pee Wee called me last night and told me about you comin' to the shop to meet him for lunch. He said he talked it over with Lizzie, and they both agreed that you were too good of a woman for him to be holdin' you back. You need to be with a man who appreciates a good woman like you.”

T
he last thing I wanted to hear was somebody telling me again what a good woman I was. Good women didn't lose their husbands, because they were too smart and intuitive! They were savvy enough
not
to be so trusting that they would befriend a woman who probably had a plan from the very beginning. And that plan included using me and my naïvete to get what she wanted. Being a good woman was what got me into that mess with Jade! If this was what it meant to be a good woman, I was through with this “good” shit, and that was one thing that I was going to make known, loud and clear.

“Shut the hell up, Rhoda! I don't want to hear all of that shit anymore!”

One thing that was digging a hole in my brain was the fact that I didn't know which one had made the first move and all within a month. I knew Pee Wee, so I didn't believe that he was the one who had initiated this nasty business! Even if Lizzie had been the initiator, Pee Wee had fallen feetfirst into her trap, like a fly caught in a spider's web. The bottom line was, Pee Wee was no longer the man I used to know. But I had to wonder if I ever really knew him in the first place. I couldn't read his mind, so I never really knew what he was thinking until he told me. I had based all of my beliefs on his actions and what he'd said. Just like I had done with that Louis Baines and he'd screwed me royally, in more ways than one. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to be the same fool twice. Well, the joke was on me because Pee Wee and Lizzie had conspired to play me in the worst possible way.

“Rhoda, do you think that hearing this riffraff about him letting me go so I could be with a man who appreciates me is making me feel any better?” I growled. “I do not want to hear any more shit like that from you!”

“No, but I—”

“Let me ask you again! When were you going to tell me?”

“That's what I'm tryin' to tell you! If you'd just let me finish.” Rhoda snorted so loud it sounded like she was in my kitchen with me. “I told him last night that if he didn't tell you by today, I would. And I meant it. I didn't care if he blabbed to Otis about me and Bully. One thing I know for sure is that no matter what I do, my husband will never leave me. He'd be pissed off, but he tells me all the time he wouldn't leave me to go to heaven.”

“Well, aren't you the lucky one. It's a damn shame all women are not as lucky as you!” I sneered. “Then what you just said about not telling on Pee Wee because he'd tell on you doesn't make any sense.”

“Pee Wee begged me not to tell. He said it was his place to tell you, not mine. But like I said, I told him that if he didn't tell you today, I was goin' to. He was all right with that. So now you know.”

“You said everybody else knows.”

“Scary Mary knew from the get-go. She told me that she'd called you one night and tried to tell you, but that you didn't want to listen. She said she'd even let them use one of her rooms the first time they…got together. And before you go off on me, she just told me that last night.”

“This is going to kill my mama and daddy when they find out,” I managed.

“They already know,” Rhoda reported. “I'm surprised you haven't heard from them yet.”

“What?”

“Scary Mary told me that she told them last night. The man that Pee Wee and Lizzie are rentin' the apartment from is one of Scary Mary's tricks. He owns that building over on Webb Street next to the brickyard.”

“I—don't you tell me that my daughter already knows about this, too!”

“Not that I know of. Listen, I don't think you should go to work today. I can tell that you are a mess. Let me pick you up and we'll drive up to Cleveland, rent a room, go out to dinner, and get drunk.” Rhoda sucked on her teeth. “I need to get out of this house anyway. I had to straighten out another mess between Jade and Vernie last night.”

Jade and Vernie were the last two people in the universe that I wanted to discuss. I didn't even comment on what Rhoda had just said about them.

“After Pee Wee forgave me for sleeping with Louis, I thought that I didn't have to ever worry about losing him. So I never thought he would end up leaving me anyway!” I shouted, squeezing the telephone so hard my hand tingled. “And I know this is his way of getting back at me for sleeping with Louis last year. I just know it!”

“Do you think he really is in love with Little Leg Lizzie? Or do you think she's just the convenient excuse he needed to get back at you for Louis?”

“I…I don't know what to think right now!”

I blew out some stale air and glanced around the kitchen. Everything seemed surreal. It was like I was watching this tragedy unfold on a screen, because it didn't seem like it was happening. At least not to me! Especially since I'd been so good since I ended my affair with Louis. I had not even glanced at another man sideways since! I had bent over backward to keep Pee Wee happy. What else could I have done?

“I can tell you one thing, I will drag him through so much courtroom mud he will be farting mud pies by the time I'm done!” I declared.

“And what good would that do? Don't you think it's goin' to be ugly enough? Makin' it uglier will affect Charlotte more than it will you.”

“You let me worry about my child!”

“Just don't do anything stupid!”

“Like what? It sounds like I've already done enough stupid shit! Damn that Louis Baines!”

“Girl, don't put all of the blame on Louis Baines. You don't know if that's the reason Pee Wee lost his mind.”

“Pee Wee is having an affair because I had one. That's the only thing that makes any sense! I just can't believe that he'd choose Lizzie over me. She—she…you know. She's an old maid.”

“Annette, you can sit there and mean-mouth the other woman all you want to, and it is not goin' to make a difference. My husband cheated on me with a bitch who looked like James Brown on a bad hair day. I wouldn't have felt any worse if he'd screwed Halle Berry. You know how men are. To them, tail is tail. Pee Wee is in love with another woman. If you think he is worth it, fight for him. Don't give up all you've invested.”

“Rhoda, let's try to keep this in its proper perspective,” I suggested.

“Fuck that shit!” Rhoda howled. “You want to know what the real proper perspective is?” She didn't bother to wait long enough for me to respond. “I'll tell you! Sister, you need to be a
sister
and go whup that bitch's ass!”

“I have never fought another woman over a man,” I muttered, already wondering what I was going to say when Rhoda heard from one of my neighbors that I'd gotten violent before Pee Wee and Lizzie left my driveway. For the time being, I wanted her to think that I was still above violence. “And I'd feel kind of foolish starting that now at my age. Besides, I don't want to end up getting arrested and spending a few nights in jail.”

“Well, it would be worth it, goddammit!”

“That won't change anything. It'd only make matters worse.” I rubbed my neck like I was trying to reduce the lump in my throat. All the rubbing did was make my neck hurt even more. “If he comes back, he'll come back on his own. But I can tell you one thing, since he thinks I'd make some man such a good woman, I just might not be available if he decides to come back. Fuck him!”

“I still think I should take you out for a drink,” Rhoda insisted.

“Rhoda, I have to be here when my child gets home from school. This is something she should hear from me. And I need to face my mama and daddy, and get that part of it over. Not to mention Scary Mary—speak of the devil! She just parked in front of my house!” I moved a few feet away from the window.

“Call me after she leaves,” Rhoda said sharply.

“And she's not alone! Muh'Dear and Daddy are with her. Lord, they're rushing across my yard like soldiers going to the Battle of Jericho!” I cringed.

“Oh shit! By the time they get through with you, you'll be in so many pieces, I'll have to scoop you up with a shovel.”

I hung up the telephone, but I didn't move from my spot. My legs were so numb I couldn't move right away anyhow.