Go Your Own Way (20 page)

Lennox shook himself. He couldn’t think about those days. That was then and this was now. One moment with Will couldn’t bring that time back. And he’d have to be stupid to invite the past into his life.

Will shifted and rolled away with a sleepy yawn. He slept on as Lennox climbed out of bed. Having Will in his life was changing him, making him feel and remember what was better left alone. Will was an electric shock through his skin and in his veins, except he didn’t fade and leave lightning bruises across his skin. He pulsed stronger with every second, awakening what Lennox wanted left alone.

He shivered and tiptoed into the bathroom. He needed a shower and a quick meal before school. Lennox ignored the urge to curl up in bed with Will again and turned on the faucets.

A cold draft woke Will. It took a few minutes to figure out why a spring was digging into his back and why his pillow wasn’t the fluffy pouf he liked to use. His ankles were freezing. Will wrapped the blanket around his feet. Sunlight streamed through a gap at the bottom of the curtains. Lennox was gone. The trunk was still in place, and the door shut, but the room was quiet.

“Lennox?”

He looked around for a clock and found one on the nightstand. It was tiny and didn’t light up, so Will held it up to his nose. An hour until the bell for his first class. That was just enough time to head home for a shower and a change of clothes before—

Saturday
. He took a deep breath and fell back against the pillows. No school. No false smiles or thanks for all the well-wishes from kids who didn’t like him. More than one boy had sneered sympathies from their parents since early October, but none of them had really meant it. Even his friends had been distant since then. Or maybe he had been.

Will put the clock down. Cracked walls, a few water stains and more nail pops than he could count. It wasn’t home—wasn’t anything safe or sure—but comfort was in this place that Lennox had shared with him.

He could relax for a few hours with Lennox, head home and then pile into the Jeep with Karen and—

Karen.

Will sat up so fast he saw spots. He swore and scrambled out of bed to find his phone. Lennox appeared a few minutes later, his hair damp, with a toothbrush dangling from his mouth.

“Do you have a phone charger?” Will asked. He shook his phone and tried the power again, but it was dead. “I forgot to call Karen last night. She’s going to be furious when she sees me.”

“Who?” Lennox brushed his teeth as Will threw his phone down on the bed and swore.

“My stepmom. She—you don’t have a charger, do you? I don’t know why I asked when you can’t even lock your—” Will looked up. As soon as he met Lennox’s eyes, he blushed. He had nothing to be embarrassed about, but he looked away. He’d loved yesterday. Loved the heat and the desire and the passion. Everything had been wonderful, simple and so real that he could still feel Lennox’s fingerprints on his skin. Yet it was awkward, too. Part of him wanted to step into Lennox’s arms and kiss him good morning, and the other part wanted to dart out the door and never come back.

It would be so easy to pretend right then. If everything was simple and perfect, Will could do what he wanted. He could call Lennox his boyfriend without wondering whether he was wasting time, whether Lennox was leading him on, or he was leading himself on. They liked each other—they did things together Will never thought he’d do without commitment—but neither of them had managed to admit their feelings.

“There’s a pay phone on the corner.” Toothpaste dribbled down Len­nox’s chin and onto his chest. “Damn it.”

Will laughed. That was the Lennox he was learning to look for, the boy he was falling for that only he saw. That Lennox was opening before him like a flower in the early dawn, before the heat of the day dried and cracked him. He was falling, tumbling, spiraling, diving head-first into this boy. This was all going to hurt so much if it was only real to him, if he was making this all up in his imagination.

Lennox grimaced, but Will smiled as he reached over and wiped his chest off.

“You’re worse than a toddler,” Will told him. Lennox met his eyes bashfully. This was better than any dream Will could have had. It was real; it had to be. Something—someone—waited for him inside of Lennox’s rudeness . For right now, he would have to be patient. Soon enough, this boy he kept glimpsing would be visible all the time.

“I’m going to head home, grab a quick shower and call Karen. She’ll probably ground me for not calling her last night.” Will grabbed his clothes. “Do you want to go with me?”

Lennox nodded. “If I can make it that far.” Lennox shook his leg, making the monitor twist around his ankle. How had he forgotten? The ankle monitor was hard to miss, and it made Will pause. How much chance did they have together if Lennox was trapped within such a small world?

Will took his time dressing and freshening up in the bathroom. When he finished brushing his teeth, Will hesitated and then placed his toothbrush on the sink beside Lennox’s. He would be back to use it again.

When they went outside, Will stepped over broken glass. Most of it glinted in the empty parking spaces near Lennox’s door, but a few bottles must have been used in a throwing contest all over the parking lot. As Will started his truck, he saw no sign of the men who had lingered outside half the night. He saw no other cars or bikes at all. It was unnerving to find this lot so empty, but to know they weren’t alone. Someone else stayed at this motel. They came in the night, vengeful and cruel and more haunting than a bad dream. Will hoped he never met those men.

As Will drove, he watched Lennox out of the corner of his eye. The entire way to his house, Lennox watched the odometer, clocking miles and ignoring the dust kicking up through his cracked window. Will turned down the one-lane road that lead to his house, but Lennox stayed silent as they turned off the main road and rumbled over the gravel. As he pulled into the yard, Will had to take a deep breath at the sight of his dad’s Jeep still parked outside the garage next to Karen’s car. It was getting dusty from the wind that had picked up last week.

Will killed the engine and led the way inside. Not a lot had changed in two weeks, but it was still uncomfortable to step into the house. Ben’s cap and coat hung on the hook by the door. It was cool enough to wear a jacket again, but Will couldn’t bring himself to pull his down. If his dad’s jacket was going to hang there for a little while longer, his would, too.

Lennox kicked the door closed behind them.

“Don’t put shoe prints on the door. My dad hates when I—just take your shoes off here.”

Lennox flinched, but toed his shoes off and tucked them into the corner. Will sniffed and ducked into the kitchen, but it was empty. Karen seemed to be gone and that worried Will, too. If she was out looking for him after working all night—

The bedroom door down the hall opened so fast the knob hit the wall. Karen came out, her hair still slick with conditioner, a towel haphazardly wrapped around her.

“Where in the world have you been, William Elliot Osborne?” Karen brandished a bar of soap at him. Lennox took a step back. “I ought to skin you alive!”

“I’m sorry,” Will said. “My phone died and I forgot to call and there’s so much going on.”

“Where?”

“Lennox’s. I stayed there last night. There were… people outside.”

“People are always outside,” Karen said. “People get from inside to inside by going outside.” She took a deep breath and adjusted her towel. “I’ve been up all night. After I got home from work, I waited for you. Do you have any idea how scared I was to find your bed empty at four in the morning?”

Will bowed his head and let her have at him. She rarely scolded him, but when she did, she always made him feel worse than when his dad laid into him. Ben had been getting on his case for as long as he could remember and sometimes he got mad about silly stuff, but Karen never did. If she was yelling, he deserved it.

“I am going to finish my shower,” she told him. “You are grounded. Marty needs to be let into the store at ten to open. You’ll go open up and help him.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Karen disappeared into the master bedroom, and Lennox winced as the door slammed.

“Just imagine how pissed she’d be if she knew your dick had been in my throat last night,” Lennox said.

The bedroom door popped back open and Karen’s head appeared around the doorframe. “We’ll talk about that when I’ve washed this conditioner out.”

“Oh my god,” Will muttered. He was hot all over. “Downstairs. You can wait in my room so she doesn’t murder you.”

“She seems capable of it,” Lennox said. “How long has she been doing the motherly thing?”

Will opened his bedroom door and pulled the string for the stairway light. “A while. Dad met her after he busted his head open rock-climbing. She stitched him up and told him off for scaring me. I was nine.”

They went downstairs together. Will didn’t turn on his light. His room was nothing like Lennox’s. It was personal, warm, littered with books, photographs, clothes and clippings of articles he’d written for the school newspaper. Blankets hung on a rack by the stairs for the winter, a little flat-screen television stood on a stand and a mountain of shoes was piled up by his desk.

“What are you standing in the dark for?” Lennox flipped the light switch and glanced around before flinging himself down on the bed.

“It’s a little messy.” Will put his backpack on his desk. “Don’t break anything while I’m showering.”

He started to strip, and then stopped when he saw the lustful eyes trained on him.

“No need to be shy,” Lennox said. “I can still taste your dick in my mouth.”

Before Lennox could continue, Will ducked into his bathroom and shut the door.

“Tease!”

Will showered and ran a comb through his hair. On a school day, he would take longer to get ready, but for a day at the store, spent in the back room helping Marty check on orders, he didn’t need to look nice. Only when he put his comb down did he notice the new marks on his neck. Will turned his head and examined at them in the mirror. They weren’t big, but they stood out as vivid reds and purples against his freckles.

For a moment, Will almost left them alone, but Marty would see them and ask questions. Karen would too, if she hadn’t already noticed them. Every customer would stare. They all knew him and, although he’d never made an announcement in the local newspaper or officially told his neighbors, they all knew he was gay. They would all flinch at the thought of another boy putting those marks on his neck.

He almost rushed upstairs to borrow Karen’s con­cealer, but quickly changed his mind. Karen wouldn’t appreciate him burst­ing into the bathroom when she was still in the shower, and concealer would hide his freckles, too. Either way, it was going to draw attention. Will turned his head to see his neck from a different angle, ran his fingers over the marks, and went back to his bedroom. Lennox was draped on his bed next to Oyster. They were both on their backs. Oyster panted and squirmed as Lennox scratched his belly.

The moment caught Will. His idea of Lennox had never brought him to such a simple vision of Will’s own childhood, of the reality that this boy was capable of being someone he hadn’t shown himself to be yet.

“Nice dog,” Lennox said. He grabbed Will’s arm and pulled him onto the bed. “I see where you learned to lie on your back so well.”

Will growled as he landed on top of Lennox. “He also taught me how to wrestle.” Lennox yelped as Will pinned his arms with his legs and tried to find a ticklish spot. “But my dad taught me the Tickle Monster!”

They rolled around, one pinning the other down for only a few moments before he lost his grip and found himself on his back. Oyster yipped as he rolled off the bed. Lennox landed in his place, breathless with laughter as Will wriggled his fingers in Lennox’s side. They struggled for another moment. Will lost his hold and landed hard on Lennox’s chest.

“Ouch, you’re heavy.” Lennox took a breath and tried to sit up. The laughter faded from his voice as Will sat up. “And all elbows.”

Dad would like him.

If his dad could see Lennox like this, could see how fun and gentle he could be, how much Lennox cared for him, he would love him too. Yet every hour it was getting harder to believe that would happen. His dad might never wake up. Some day, Will might bring his own kids to visit their comatose grandfather in the hospital.

“Will?”

Lennox’s fingers brushed his neck. Will blinked and stared down at him once more. He’d never had a real chance to look at Lennox’s eyes before, and had simply assumed they were brown. Today, however, they were a bright green. Even without any lights on, he couldn’t miss the brightness that radiated out to meet him.

Will bent his head and met him for a searing kiss. Lennox inhaled sharply, but moved with him, his lips parting as Will pressed him down into the pillows. He drifted into the touches, the pressure, the texture of Lennox’s lips as they brushed his. Warmth crinkled out from his lips, through his chest and down to his toes. They breathed as one as they broke one kiss, diving down for another.

“Will? Are you still here?”

They broke apart as Karen appeared on the stairs. Will stood and ran his hands through his hair. Lennox sat up and adjusted the waistband of his jeans.

“Sorry. We’re—um, I’ll get to the store.”

Instead, Will found himself with a face full of wet brown hair and his arms pinned to his sides. Karen hugged him for a long time. Will squirmed until she let him go.

“Don’t you
ever
scare me like that again, all right?” Karen hugged him tighter and looked over his face. “I thought—it’s hard enough worrying about Ben, but thinking something might have happened to you as well… never again, do you understand me? I don’t care if you have to mail me a letter that I get three days after I ground you. I want you to tell me where you’re going and who you’re with.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t plan any of it, it just—we went to Lennox’s to do homework. I was going to come to the hospital after, but then—”

Karen squinted at Lennox. Will swallowed and turned to him as well. He’d almost forgotten him with Karen in front of him, but now that he was looking at him again, he couldn’t ignore the tingle of the kisses they’d shared moments ago. The most recent time Karen and Lennox had met, however, would always be tattooed in his mind.

“Lennox, this is my stepmom, Karen. Karen, this is Lennox. He’s—”

“We’re fuck-buddies.”

“We are
not
.” His stomach clenched at the lecherous grin on Lennox’s face. It had been so easy to forget this side of Len­nox: the troublesome, cruel, rude side of Lennox that he showed everyone else.

“Really?” A familiar, burning laughter was in his eyes. “Do you have a better explanation for why I’m still digesting your semen? ‘Cause you didn’t buy me dinner and I wouldn’t pick something that bitter in the first—”