Glittering Images (65 page)

I began to be seriously worried. All counsellors had their failures, and Darrow himself had made it clear that he preferred not to counsel women.

The happy young monk who had welcomed me to the house on the occasion of my first encounter with Darrow greeted us cheerfully and showed us into the Visitors’ Parlour. ‘Father Abbot’s just back,’ he said. ‘He won’t keep you long.’

‘Poor old Darrow,’ said Lyle when we were alone. ‘I hope he won’t wilt at the prospect of coping with your next huge problem.’

‘Darrow’s tough enough to cope with anything.’

‘Well, he can cope with you but he’d better not try to cope with me! The last thing I want is to be coped with by someone who’s given up sex.’

The hostile note in her voice was now unmistakable, and I was just searching feverishly for the words which would soothe her when footsteps rang out in the hall.

Lyle at once looked as if she were about to face a firing squad. ‘It’s him, isn’t it?’

‘Lyle, think of him as a friend –’

‘But he’s not a friend,’ she said, very pale. ‘He’s the enemy, I know he is, I know it –’

And then in walked my exorcist to confront all the demons I had so persistently failed to recognize.

‘The power of self-deception is great in the case of all men, but I incline to think that it is greatest in the case of a popular official such as a Bishop, who never hears anything but his own voice, and the sycophantic acclamations which it evokes.’

HERBERT HENSLEY HENSON
Bishop of Durham 1920–1939
Retrospect of an Unimportant Life

I had a surprise when I saw Darrow because he had not yet changed back into his habit after his outing in the world, and he was still wearing his clerical suit. The monk’s habit had created an illusion that his personality merely formed part of a communal identity, but in clerical clothes the illusion of conformity was lost and his individuality became striking. He looked even more authoritative, even more confident – and he looked restless too, like an adventurer who was accustomed to sailing regularly in uncharted waters. It was as if his cool analytical serenity, which was such a feature of his monk’s character, had been given a brasher, more volatile edge, and suddenly for the first time I could see him not only as a chaplain in the Navy but as a novice driving his superiors to such distraction that he had been exiled to Yorkshire to milk cows.

Beside me I heard Lyle’s sharp intake of breath, and as I realized that shock had temporarily overcome her hostility I knew she was astonished because Darrow was so different from the ‘white-haired portly old buffer’ whom she had probably imagined. Darrow himself took one look at her and stopped dead. I stepped forward.

‘Father, may I introduce Miss Lyle Christie. Lyle, this is Father Jon Darrow.’

Darrow said swiftly, ‘How do you do, Miss Christie. Please sit down.’ He did not offer her his hand but instead pulled out a chair from the table for her.

‘Thank you.’ Lyle sounded very cool, very suspicious. I knew the meeting had started badly but I was unable to locate the source of the awkwardness until Darrow said: ‘If I’d known Miss Christie was with you, Charles, I’d have paused to change into my habit. A monk should be a monk, not a somewhat eccentric clergyman with an ostentatious cross on his chest – it creates a disconcerting impression. Now, before I leave you in order to change, can I offer you some refreshment? Perhaps Miss Christie would like some tea.’

Lyle firmly declined the offer of tea. I uneasily declined the broader offer of refreshment.

‘Then if you’ll excuse me for a brief interval –’ He was gone.

As soon as the door had closed Lyle swivelled to face me. “Why on earth didn’t you warn me he was like that?’

‘He’s a striking sort of chap, isn’t he? My father thought he should have been a lawyer.’

‘A
lawyer
? Good heavens, no! He should have been an actor I can see him as a very sinister Prospero in
The Tempest
, or possibly as a very hypnotic Claudius in
Hamlet
, the sort of Claudius who makes it crystal clear why Gertrude could think of nothing but going to bed with him –’

‘My dearest Lyle!’ I was astonished. It had never occurred to me that a woman might see Darrow as sexually attractive. I had assumed he would seem too chilly, too austere, but I had forgotten that women are susceptible to an authoritative manner, particularly when that manner is wielded with an air of buccaneering self-confidence.

‘I can think of nothing more bizarre,’ Lyle was saying fiercely, ‘than that a man like that should be a monk. It must be an act – that’s
his
glittering image! – and underneath it I’m sure he’s not monkish at all. Did you see how he absolutely recoiled when he saw me? Obviously I represent the biggest possible temptation to him – Jezebel reborn!’

I decided the time had come to take a firm line. ‘The reason why Darrow stopped dead when he saw you,’ I said, ‘(and I deny that he recoiled) was first because he was genuinely surprised to see you here and second because he knew straight away you’d dream up all kinds of ridiculous fantasies about him unless he was wearing his sexless monk’s habit!’

‘But how can a man like that live without sex?’

‘Darling, I hate to say it but I’m afraid you’re prejudiced here by the fact that you’ve been on intimate terms with a cleric who couldn’t cope with chastity –’

‘That’s right – throw Alex in my face!’ cried Lyle, having worked herself up into a nervous rage. ‘I wish to hell I hadn’t come to this beastly place!’ And she burst into tears.

I was still trying to comfort her, still wondering how on earth Darrow was going to deal with us, still reminding myself that I could hardly expect to live happily ever after in a problem-free paradise, when Darrow himself walked back into the room.

Lyle leapt to her feet and marched up to him. ‘I think you’d better see Charles alone,’ she said. ‘I’m not running away – I just don’t want a monk probing around in my past, that’s all, and to prove I’m not a coward I’ll tell you straight away that I’m pregnant and Charles has said he’ll marry me and of course he’s quite mad and mustn’t be allowed to ruin himself like that. I don’t care what happens to me, I’m too rotten to bother about, but Charles is good and decent and he doesn’t deserve to be dragged down in this vile mess – and if you’re as wonderful as everyone’s always saying you are, you’ll want to step in and save him from me.’

‘Lyle –’ I began in despair but I was interrupted.

‘Miss Christie,’ said Darrow, ‘what I want is of absolutely no importance here. The important thing is what God wants. Are you an apostate?’

‘No!’ shouted Lyle, tears streaming down her face.

‘Then you’ll accept that your first duty is to God, and that duty at this moment is to be calm so that you can hear Him if he wishes to communicate with you. Charles, give her your cross. Miss Christie, take the cross and hold it tightly … That’s right … and keep holding it … Yes, you’re being tortured by the demons of shame, guilt, despair, rage and terror, but no demon can withstand the power of Christ – yes, keep holding it … and now sit down here … Charles, you sit down too and put your arm around her … That’s it … and now I’m going to sit down beside you both and we’re all going to pray that in the name of Jesus Christ Our Lord these demons may be cast out and vanquished … and not just for your sake, Miss Christie, but for Charles’s sake and for the sake of the child … Close your eyes and breathe very deeply … and evenly … and listen to my silent prayer, listen for any word from God, listen and listen very carefully … Lord, hear our prayer.’

Lyle had squeezed her eyes shut and was shivering against me as I held her. I longed to tell Darrow to help the healing process with the power which he could channel through his hands, but although I never spoke he still heard me. He said severely, ‘Charles, concentrate on our prayer, please,’ and I said at once, ‘I’m sorry.’ At first I thought concentration would be impossible, but Darrow’s training had not been wasted, and after praying hard I opened my eyes as he opened his. The words were faith and trust. I had heard them clearly.

Beside me Lyle gave another shudder and opened her eyes.

Darrow leant forward. ‘Did you hear?’

‘No, I heard nothing.’ She rubbed her eyes. ‘But I know I have to have faith in God and trust Him to look after me.’

‘That’s it. What did you hear, Charles?’

‘You were praying for faith and trust. I believe that I must trust you to help us and that I must have faith that I’ll be able to serve God here to the best of my ability.’

‘Exactly. And it’s God we all have to serve, isn’t it, Miss Christie? I must serve God by helping you both to reach a correct response to this terrible ordeal, Charles must serve God by doing what he believes God’s calling him to do and you must serve God by channelling all your energy into perceiving what he requires of you.’

Lyle said shakily, still clutching my cross, ‘I want to marry Charles. But I’m afraid that’s selfish and wicked and may not be God’s will at all.’

‘It’s not selfish and wicked to want to find the best possible solution to your dilemma. But what you must be certain of is that marriage with Charles is the best solution.’

There was a silence. Then Lyle sobbed, ‘Oh, Alex, Alex …’ and once more broke down in tears.

‘Hold her close,’ said Darrow to me, and I was suddenly aware of his care that there should be no physical contact between himself and Lyle. I drew her to me again and kissed her cheek. She was still clutching the cross, and as I kept my right arm around her shoulders I covered her left hand with my own to confirm her grip.

When she was calmer she said to Darrow, ‘Alex is such a good man – you mustn’t condemn him.’

‘It’s certainly not for me to condemn him,’ said Darrow, ‘or for Charles either. Clearly we’re dealing here with a tragedy where people have suffered greatly, but although I talk of suffering and tragedy, Miss Christie, you’ll know as a Christian that out of every disaster can come a new beginning, a new hope, a new faith – and not just for you but for the Jardines too.’

‘But they can’t manage without me!’

‘Beware of falling into the trap of thinking that there’s only one possible future, a future which is unfavourable to the Jardines. Such an assumption is actually a form of vanity; the truth is that no one’s indispensable, so look to the future with humility and then I think you may be able to hope – and not only for yourself but for them as well. Think of our prayer just now. You must have faith in God and trust him to look after all three of you in the difficult days ahead.’

Lyle seemed soothed. After blowing her nose on her handkerchief she said in a low voice, ‘My marriage isn’t valid, is it?’

‘Ah,’ said Darrow, ‘yes, let’s sort out exactly where you stand. If you married Dr Jardine in good faith you’d be adjudged an innocent party now that the marriage has turned out to be invalid. You would only fall into serious error if you went on with the marriage once you knew it to be no marriage at all.’

‘So it was all a lie.’

‘I suspect we’d come closest to the truth if we called it an enormous piece of self-deception by Dr Jardine. Let me first explain why the marriage can’t be valid. The defect is probably not in the marriage ceremony itself; it’s arguable that in certain circumstances it might be possible to contract a marriage valid in the sight of God without the assistance of Church and state. For instance, if a man and woman were marooned on a desert island and wished to live in a Christian marriage I don’t think they could be called sinners if they exchanged vows reverently before God and set about being a good husband and wife. Dr Jardine’s father and stepmother apparently considered themselves on a desert island in Putney and certainly she would have been regarded as the old man’s common-law wife, but their spiritual position is debatable and would depend very much on old Mr Jardine’s motives. However possibly he acted sincerely and reverently. We’ll never know. What we do know is that old Mr Jardine was free to marry but his son, unfortunately, was not.’

‘But Alex thought – he was so certain – and Mrs Jardine, his stepmother, she thought – and she was so certain –’

‘I’m sure they were sincere in believing they were right. But old Mrs Jardine was evidently capable of considerable spiritual elasticity – to put it kindly – and Dr Jardine had apparently performed his famous trick of converting black into white with an elasticity which wasn’t spiritual at all.’

‘But Carrie refused him his marital rights – Martin Luther thought –’

‘Martin Luther wasn’t God. Nor is that view of his on divorce consistent with the law of England.’

‘But if the spiritual core of the marriage has been destroyed –’

‘I know there’s a vocal party within the Church which believes that various circumstances can destroy the core of a marriage and constitute a spiritual dissolution, but refusal of marital rights isn’t one of those circumstances, and despite Mr A. P. Herbert’s new law it isn’t by itself a ground for divorce. Moreover I think it’s impossible to argue here that the core of the marriage had been destroyed when Mrs Jardine was still standing by her husband through thick and thin in order to save his career. An aspect of the marriage had certainly broken down, but in every other respect one could hardly find a more loving and loyal wife, and indeed I would judge it indisputable that Dr Jardine had no remedy at law.’