Glimmers of Change (73 page)

Janie smiled, settled down in the chair next to his, and accepted the glass of lemonade he held out to her. “Thank you.” She sighed as she sipped the drink, breaking into a laugh when one of the colts butted Amber playfully with his head and then pranced away.

Matthew could see her relaxing.

“It’s so beautiful,” Janie murmured. “I think I’ll always feel this plantation is my true home.”

Matthew nodded, not able to take his eyes off her. He couldn’t agree more. “Have you seen
all
of it?” he asked.

Janie turned to look at him, her eyes puzzled. She blushed when she felt the intensity of his gaze, but she didn’t look away. “
All
of it?”

“I know about a special place down by the river,” Matthew revealed.

“Carrie’s special place?”

“No,” Matthew responded. “
My
special place.”

Janie cocked her head speculatively. “Then, no, I might not have seen that particular part of the plantation.”

“Hmm…It seems a shame to have missed something.”

Janie’s lips twitched. “It would be a shame,” she agreed.

“I think we should remedy that,” Matthew said, his heart beginning to pound as her soft blue eyes gazed at him. He could only hope he wasn’t reading more than he should into what he saw there. He stood. “We have time before dinner.”

Matthew cleared debris from a large boulder on the edge of the river, thankful for the shade created by the arching branches of an oak tree, and for a breeze strong enough to keep any mosquitoes and gnats at bay.

“This is beautiful,” Janie murmured as she watched the calm surface of the river reflect the puffy clouds gliding slowly by. After eight months confined by the crowded, noisy streets of Philadelphia, she was thrilled to be back on the plantation, but she couldn’t use that as the excuse for why her heart was beating so quickly.

“I found this spot the very first time I visited the plantation. Since it was the dead of winter, it looked quite different. I was surrounded by snow-shrouded trees and ice chunks in the river.” He shook his head. “That seems a lifetime ago.”

“It
was
a lifetime ago,” Janie replied. “Neither one of us are the same people we were six years ago. I, for one, am quite glad for that. I wouldn’t want to still be that person.”

“You were wonderful!” Matthew protested.

Janie smiled. “I was a young girl with idealistic dreams of what life was like.”

“And now?”

Janie’s gaze swung out over the river as she considered his question. “And now I hope I am a woman with a clear vision of who she is and where she is going.”

“Is there room in that vision for someone else?” Matthew dared to ask, forcing himself not to hold his breath as he waited for her answer.

Janie’s eyes swung back to stare at Matthew. “I…”

“I’m sorry. I know it is probably too soon to talk about my feelings for you,” Matthew said apologetically.

“It’s not that,” Janie murmured. She had grown beyond the point where she was interested in playing games. She recognized the increasing openness and intimacy in the letters they had shared over the last month. She recognized the look in Matthew’s eyes, and she wouldn’t deny how she felt about him.

“What is it?” Matthew asked quickly, encouraged by what he saw flitting across her face. He reached out to take her hand, feeling a quick disappointment when she pulled it back.

Janie sighed and turned to face him. “Do you really believe you can ever love anyone but Carrie?” she asked bluntly.

Matthew should have been surprised by the question, but he wasn’t. He had long since realized that as much as he had tried to hide his feelings for Carrie, he had failed. Of course Janie would have seen them. “I will always love Carrie,” he said honestly, “but I’ve realized in the last month that I was never actually
in love
with her.” He couldn’t blame Janie for the look of skepticism that blazed in her eyes. “My mama used to tell me I was always determined to get the one thing I couldn’t have. She warned me that I would spend my whole life unhappy if I closed my eyes to the beauty of what was right there waiting for me.”

Matthew paused, his eyes turning toward the water before he continued. He knew Janie would give him time to explain. “My daddy used to tell me that he loved mama from the minute he laid eyes on her, and that he would never be able to even look at another woman. He told me that
Justin men
loved for life. When I met Carrie, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When I realized, that very first night, that Robert was courting her, I decided I was doomed to always love a woman I could never have. The chaos and the pain of the war kept me from considering things could be different. It was just one more source of pain for me. I buried myself in my work, deciding that being single would allow me to make more of a difference through my writing…” His voice trailed off as the feelings swamped him.

“And now?”

Matthew smiled and swung around on the boulder. “And now I realize that the most amazing woman I have ever known was right there all the time.” His expression grew somber as he reached out and took Janie’s hands. “When I was in New Orleans hiding under the platform with Ben, watching people being beaten and murdered, your face was the only one I saw. It was
your
eyes gazing at me that kept me sane. You were the only thing that kept alive my desire to live.”

Janie’s face whitened, but her eyes held his steadily.

“Janie, I love you. I love your strength and your passion. I love your ability to laugh and keep moving forward even when life hands you nothing but pain and struggle. I love that you are going to be a doctor. I love that you are a strong woman who has the courage to speak your mind.” Matthew took a deep breath. “And I love how your blue eyes become soft with compassion and sympathy when someone else is hurting. I love that you make me better than I really am.”

Janie shook her head. “You are the most remarkable man I know,” she said firmly.

Matthew eyes widened as hope bloomed. “You don’t mind that I love you?”

“Mind?” Janie asked, a smile lighting her eyes. “If you had ever done more than just look at Carrie every time I was in the room, I probably wouldn’t have married Clifford. I loved him in the beginning, but I never felt about him the way I felt about you.” Her smile softened with emotion as her eyes shimmered with tears. “I have loved you almost from the day I met you.”

Matthew laughed loudly, lifted her from the boulder, and pulled her close. “I love you, Janie,” he whispered, just before his lips claimed hers.

When Matthew finally released her, Janie still had one important thing to talk about. “It truly doesn’t bother you that I’m a divorced woman?”

Matthew smiled tenderly. “Other than the fact that I wish I had been the one who had the privilege of beating Clifford up when he came to the plantation instead of Robert, it makes no difference to me at all.” He held her shoulders and gazed down into her eyes. “You were remarkable before, but you are even more remarkable now. My mama used to tell me that hardship usually creates the most beautiful people if they don’t become bitter. You are the most beautiful person I know.”

Janie blinked back tears of gratitude, hardly able to believe Matthew actually loved her.

“There’s something else I need to tell
you
,” Matthew said.

Janie smiled, knowing that nothing he could tell her would change her feelings for him. “Go ahead.”

He told her about his earlier conversation with Thomas and Abby, and then waited for her reaction. He was suddenly aware of just how uncertain his future was. He wondered if that would bother Janie.

Janie smiled. “My grandmother Ganny called that ‘shifting with the wind.’ ” When Matthew just blinked at her, she laughed. “Change has always been hard for me. My grandmother used to tell me that it was usually in the winds of change that we find our direction. I didn’t like that very much because if things were going along smoothly, I just wanted them to keep going that way.”

“And they never do,” Matthew murmured. “Things always change.”

Janie smiled. “
Glimmers of Change
. I really think that title says it all — especially right now. Everything seems hard, but there is still reason for hope.” She gripped his hand tightly. “We will find our way together, Matthew.”

Matthew felt a powerful surge of joy. He laughed, picked Janie up, and swung her through the air, laughing even harder as her peals of merriment rolled over the water and echoed back from the woods.

~ The End

Keep reading for information on Book # 8 –

Shifted By The Winds

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The Bregdan Principle
 

Every life that has been lived until today is a part of the woven braid of life.

It takes every person’s story to

create history.

Your life will help determine the

course of history.

You may think you don’t have

much of an impact.

You do.

Every action you take will reflect in someone else’s life.

Someone else’s decisions.

Someone else’s future.

Both good and bad.

The Bregdan Chronicles

Storm Clouds Rolling In 
1860 – 1861

On To Richmond  
1861 – 1862