Glass Hearts (3 page)

I think about lying in Dane’s arms last night. I think about having him under me, on me, and inside of me this morning. It puts an instant smile back on my face. “Everything is great so far.”

“I can’t believe how quickly things change.”

“I know. At least this one was for the better,” I reply, glancing at the bathroom door. He’s only been in there for a few minutes, but I miss him already.

“Well, I better get going. I’m meeting some old friends for brunch,” she says. I’m glad she’s not alone all summer. I would feel really bad if I knew she was just sitting there sulking while I’m spending all my days wrapped in my boyfriend’s arms.

“Have fun and call me tomorrow. Just because I’m not staying with you, doesn’t mean I don’t need to hear your voice every day,” I reassure her.

“I will. Now get back to that sexy boyfriend of yours,” she says. I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Don’t worry…I’m not letting him out of my sight. Have fun today. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye, love.” Her voice trails off, and I want to ask her if she’s sure that everything is okay, but she hangs up before I get a chance.

I nestle myself into the pillow and close my eyes as I listen to the shower run in the other room. I wonder where we go from here. I wonder what it will be like to live together. I wonder if I’ll be able to find a job so that I can carry my weight. There are so many unknowns right now, but I push all the worry away and stay lost in the moment, waiting for my boyfriend to join me in bed again.

When Alex showed up at my apartment yesterday, I didn’t know what to think. I spent so much time losing myself while we were apart and the minute I opened that door and saw her standing there, I could see myself again. She hurt me so much, but being with her is less painful than being without her.

Walking away from her in the park was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I watched Alex shatter right in front of me, and it took everything I had not to wrap her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. I wanted her, but I needed to save myself. I was still upset, and needed time to sort through our relationship and what had gone wrong. I knew the moment I fell in love with Alex that those feelings would never die. Alex buried herself deep in my heart, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t leave room for anyone else. Time seemed to lessen my anger and left me feeling empty and alone. It wasn’t the first time I’d felt lonely, but it was worse than the other times. Being in love is different from loving someone. It hits you harder when it all falls apart.

A part of me wanted to tell her to leave and never come back when I saw her standing in front of me yesterday. It would have killed me, but she wouldn’t be able to damage me any more than she already had. But after looking into her eyes, I realized that it would hurt more to watch her walk away again than it would to let her back in my life. I couldn’t do it. Regret can be paralyzing, and I knew I’d regret watching her walk away again.

When I first met Alex, I thought she was too good for me. Perfection seemed to surround her. We were both running from our pasts and I’m just lucky we stopped in the same place. I had quit dreaming about normal years ago, but suddenly it fell into my lap.

As I open my bathroom door, I see her lying in my bed just like I’ve dreamed of the past couple months. Her long blonde hair is fanned on my pillow, begging to be touched. She’s cuddled under my sheet, but I know there’s nothing else under it. I wish we could stay locked in my apartment forever, just like this. I crawl under the sheet in nothing but my boxer briefs, fresh from my shower and curl my body around hers. “Did you miss me?”

“I always miss you,” she mumbles, moving her body back into mine so every part of her body molds to mine.

“I like the sound of that.” We lay quietly for several minutes, just taking in the feeling of being next to each other again, skin to skin. It’s amazing that feeling you get when you don’t think you’ll have the one thing you want ever again, and then one day it’s yours again.

“Dane.” Hearing my name come from her lips makes my mouth go dry. Her voice is always so soft and smooth; I used to lie in my bed for hours trying to remember it. I went to Art class a few times after we broke up, and whenever I heard her voice I wanted to run to her, and run away from her at the same time. It brought everything rushing back to me, good and bad.

“Yeah.”

“What did you do while we were apart? I mean, you quit coming to class and I was just wondering why,” she says, lowering her voice. I can tell by her tone that she’s afraid to hear it.

I take a deep breath as I decide what to tell her now and what can wait until later. Our relationship is delicate at this point, and I don’t want to do anything to damage it anymore than it already is. I’m not messing it up with her. “I couldn’t go to class and pretend anymore. I couldn’t go to class and pretend that I didn’t want to hold you, touch you or kiss you. I couldn’t stand to hear your voice and know you weren’t talking to me.”

She turns in my arms, and I can see her eyes welling up with tears. “Dane, art means everything to you. You needed that class. I would’ve dropped or worked something out with Mr. Thomas so you could continue.” I know she would have done that for me. She left me when I needed her, but she was putting her parents’ wants first and I know, in a way, she thought she was putting me first because of their threats. The more I think about it, the more I feel for her. It must’ve been horrible to have that tug-of-war inside her head. I should have seen it, but I didn’t.

I’m going to make sure she never has to choose again.

I brush a piece of hair out of her eyes. “I sold a bunch of sculptures to a hotel chain, and a local gallery is permanently displaying my work. I needed some time off to get enough completed to make that happen, so Mr. Thomas let me finish the semester by counting my sculptures for the hotel as my final project. I still plan on graduating.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. I feel my chest tighten when I look at the sad expression on her face. This is a guilt she shouldn’t carry on her shoulders. There is so much more I need to tell her, but can’t right now. Call me a fucking coward, but I need to put a stronger wall around our relationship before I start dumping everything on her.

“Baby, I’m not going to pretend like what happened between us was okay, but my art career couldn’t be going any better than it is right now,” I say, softly kissing her lips. She seems hesitant at first, but quickly responds to me, brushing her soft lips against mine. When she pulls back, her eyes are full of question. “What’s wrong, baby? I can tell you have something else on your mind.”

She clears her throat. I know Alex isn’t a very forward person, but I have enough of that for the both of us. “Did you see anyone while we were apart? You know about what happened with Mason, and I was just wondering-”

“Stop. I couldn’t think of anyone but you. I know I have a reputation that will always follow me, but before you there hadn’t been anyone for a long time. I sure as hell couldn’t have anyone after you.”

A small smile touches her lips and I watch her whole face relax. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear that.” My body tenses. I wish she could say the same thing to me. I wish she could tell me that there was no one else while we were apart, but there was. If I ever see Mason Fucking Landers again, he’d better hope he has his running shoes on. I fucking hate the thought of him, or any other guy, touching her.

“We should probably do something besides lay in my bed all day. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?” I ask, rolling out of bed to put on some clothes. The other truths can wait until later. I’m not ready to open the whole book of Dane…not when we’ve just joined our lives back together.

She climbs out of bed and walks over to join me. She is questioning me with her eyes. She wants to know that everything between us is good. It is, or it will be. I wrap my arms around her small waist; I swear this girl hasn’t eaten since we broke up.

She leans up to kiss my chin. “I miss your cooking.”

“I can tell. Go take a shower, and I’ll make you something.” As she begins to walk away, I run my hand over her ass, earning me a sexy smirk over her shoulder. I missed doing that and seeing her reaction.

While I’m busy getting breakfast ready, I try to think of something Alex and I can do to ease the tension between us. She knows more about me than anyone, but being apart for so long, and the things that happened between us, caused an unnecessary distance. I have a sculpture that needs to be finished today, and I remember her mentioning that she wanted to watch me sometime. Maybe we can set a space up for her to paint while we’re there so it can be a place we go together when we need to escape reality.

I prepare every breakfast item I can with the ingredients I have in the apartment and place them on the table before she walks out of the bedroom. She looks beautiful in a black tank top and jeans as she walks towards me. When she’s about to sit in the chair, I pull her toward me and sit her on my lap, burying my nose in her hair to smell her apple-scented shampoo.

“Come on, I’m hungry,” she laughs, trying to wiggle out of my grasp.

I let her go. “I’m only letting you go because you need to eat,” I say, putting extra emphasis on the last few words.

She leans down to kiss me before taking her seat. “I appreciate that.”

For a few minutes we sit in silence, enjoying eggs, pancakes and bacon. I would be content just to sit and watch her for the rest of my life; even the way she eats is sexy. The last couple months I’ve spent most of my time alone. I quit going to most of my classes, I didn’t go out at night unless I had to work, and if I did go out, it was to sculpt in the studio. My best friend, Tyler, left for a project overseas and won’t be back until October, and besides a few calls from my mom, I’ve had little contact with the outside world.

Being alone gave me lots of time to think. I thought a lot about where I’d been, and where I wanted to go. I struggled for years, but eventually stopped with the excuses for why I should continue to live my life the way I was and turned everything around. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve been perfect since; I haven’t. Forgiveness and second chances are the two things that saved me. I had to give Alex the same. She deserved a second chance.

“It’s kind of weird not seeing Jade today,” she says, shoving her half empty plate forward.

“Where did you say she was going?”

I’m glad she has Jade. I don’t know where she’d be without her.

“The Hamptons. She needs to clear her head and thought a summer away from the city would do the trick.”

“Why would she need to clear her head?”

Alex looks at me like I’ve grown another head. I obviously haven’t hung out with Jade since Alex and I broke up, but she doesn’t seem like the type of girl to get too worked up over anything.

“Tyler left for six months,” she says, her eyes growing larger with every word. She isn’t telling me anything I don’t know. He’s my best friend, and I miss him, but guys aren’t quite as dependent as girls. We don’t talk every day and I’m fine with that.

“Yeah, he’s gone for work. So what?”

“Are you kidding me? Jade’s practically in love with him, even if she won’t admit it. He pretty much said, “See you later,” and left. He doesn’t call her. It’s like she’s going through a breakup, but it’s weird because they were never officially in a relationship. Sometimes I can’t believe that guy is your best friend,” she sighs. She’s tapping her fingers on the table, and I can tell she’s frustrated with me. I get it. I would be upset if Alex left me like that, but I would never date Tyler. The guy is a great friend, but that’s about where his relationship qualifications end.

“I’m sorry, but if it makes you feel better, this is the longest I’ve ever seen him hang around the same girl. Maybe the break will do them some good,” I say, reaching across the table to grab her hand and stop her tapping fingers. “Hey, do you want to do something fun today? I have a sculpture due to the hotel later this week, and I was wondering if you wanted to watch me finish it?”

Her face lights up instantly. “I thought you would never ask. Can we start now?”

“Let me get breakfast cleaned up, and then we can go to the studio.”

“Studio?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I rented some studio space so that I could work on my sculptures. It’s nothing much, but it gives me enough storage space for all my things,” I reply, carrying our dishes to the sink.

“Here, let me help you with that,” she says, trying to grab a plate out of my hand. I shake my head and continue to clean up. It’s suddenly quiet between us again as she sits on the counter watching me clean and put away dishes. I don’t know what happened, but I can’t wait to get her out of the apartment and work off some of this tension. Maybe she’s realizing that even though things between us feel the same, our lives have changed over the last two months. I feel like I’ve grown up, and I can tell she’s matured a lot too. We just need to grow into each other now.

“Ready to go?” I ask as I place the last dish in the cupboard.