Giving Up the Ghost (7 page)

Of course, I could see that Lady Azura registered my response. She continued.

“It started happening to her very suddenly, when she was in her late forties. Her children had grown. She was an attorney at a large law firm, well respected for her keen analytic mind, but, I gathered, not on a partnership track because she was not well liked by her colleagues. I could see why. She was argumentative. Unwilling to listen to what others had to say. Arrogant.

“She came to me, she said, for advice. Her powers came and went sporadically. She wanted to learn to better harness the power, so she could use it to her benefit. But she did not like what I had to say to her. I told her this power was not the gift she believed it to be, but a terrible burden, and a destructive one. I told her I would help her to rid herself of this power, if she so chose.”

Now the second dream I'd had made sense. The one where Nina had given the crystal back. The one where Lady Azura had been urging her—pleading with her, really—to relinquish her power rather than to strengthen it. “So you mean, being able to read minds is always a bad thing?” I asked without meeting her eye.

“Our thoughts belong to us, Sara. They are precious. And they should be private. The choice to share our thoughts and feelings should be our own. And the ability to hear others' thoughts can be terribly destructive to the one who possesses the power. But then,” she said, looking at me keenly, forcing me to meet her eyes, “I suspect that you have learned this firsthand.”

My breath caught in my throat. How did she know?

She continued. “At first Nina seemed to want to work with me. She came back twice. She used the moldavite crystal I gave her to work on blocking out the power. But it seems the power was too seductive. Her ability to read others' thoughts turned out to be extremely beneficial in her capacity as a litigation attorney.”

“As a—what?”

“A lawyer who argues cases in court. She became a much-feared litigator who, of course, could always know what the opposition was going to do before they did it.”

I nodded. I could see why reading minds would be an advantage to a lawyer.

“She came back to me one more time. But it was to return the crystal I had given to her. She told me she was working on strengthening her powers, not blocking them. When I tried to tell her I thought she was making a huge mistake, she accused me of being jealous.” Lady Azura sniffed, as though the memory was something she'd prefer not to dwell on. “She called me a charlatan.”

“A what?”

“A fake. I suppose I lost my temper with her. She was not an easy person to deal with, and it was difficult to maintain one's professional composure when she turned combative. But that was the last straw. I threw her out.”

“Oh,” I said, suppressing a smile. I remembered my dream where my tiny great-grandmother had thrown the woman out. Leave it to Lady Azura to stand up to one of the toughest cross-examiners in the business, without so much as batting a fake eyelash.

“That was the last I saw of her for a very long time. She was promoted to partner, and then left the local firm to join a famous, high-powered corporate law firm in New York. I began reading about her cases in the newspaper. Some of them made national headlines. But she remained a deeply insecure and unhappy person at heart. She grew ever more greedy and became obsessed with her power. I heard through the grapevine that her personal life suffered greatly. She refused to do the hard work necessary to repair her broken relationships. Her husband left her. Her grown children moved far away from her. It became a vicious cycle: the more difficult she became as a person, the more frequently she read others' minds and heard their negative thoughts about her. She alienated her children's spouses. She was too critical of the way they raised her grandchildren.”

“So,” I said, “she was really successful professionally, but lost all her friends personally.”

“That's correct.” Another meaningful look my way. “She became very rich, I heard. She won the vast majority of her cases, and she defended some powerful but, shall we say, unsavory clients.”

She was quiet for a time, lost in thought.

“And then what happened?” I prompted her.

“I stopped reading news of her about ten years ago. Her name had been in the papers frequently, and then suddenly it wasn't. I forgot about her, to be honest. And then, several weeks ago, she reappeared. But she was no longer a living person.”

“She was a spirit,” I said.

Lady Azura nodded.

I wasn't surprised by this information, of course. I'd seen her as a spirit in my vision.

“She died lonely and bitter. Her husband had remarried. Her children had stopped speaking to her. For the first time since I had known her, she appeared humble. Contrite. Alas, too late. But she told me what had happened. The last few years prior to her death, her power had reached such strength that she was unable to filter out others' thoughts at all. Everywhere she went, she heard the thoughts of the people around her. It slowly began to drive away her reason.”

“You mean, she went crazy?”

“That's a harsh way to describe it, but accurate, I suppose. She quit her job. Her children helped her find a retirement community that sounds like it might have been more of a very well-financed psychiatric residency program.”

I gulped.

“Her spirit told me that while there, she withdrew from the company of others more and more. She simply couldn't block out their thoughts. Eventually she fell ill and died. But death brought her no relief. Her spirit was stuck here, and bore the same burden.”

“Her spirit could also read minds?”

“Yes, and so she visited me late one night a few weeks ago, in February. I wasn't sure whether I could help her. But she was so remorseful. She begged me to help her. I pitied her. I tried to help her.

“I explained to her how spirits can become trapped here sometimes. I told her that we had to exorcise the negative energy from within her spirit. She had to start by forgiving herself, and more importantly, others. She had to acknowledge that people are flawed—not just herself, but all the people who had once loved her. That everyone harbors thoughts deep inside that are just that: thoughts. Practically everyone has dark thoughts, but these thoughts are not meant to be overheard. They're a way by which people work through issues in the safety of their minds.”

I had the feeling that she was talking as much about me as she was about Nina Oliver.

“Nina had never understood her power while she was alive. I felt she had to reach that step before she would be able to move on. So we had a session, such as I have never had before with someone who has passed on to the spirit world. Highly unusual. And very difficult for me. I am still not sure of the outcome of that session.”

“So that's what I saw,” I murmured as it all became clear to me.

Lady Azura looked at me sharply. “What did you see?”

“The vision I had just now. It was of your session together. Of you trying to help her.”

Lady Azura sat up even straighter in her chair. “Sara, this is extremely important. I need you to tell me exactly what you saw.”

So I told her what I had seen. About the black cloud. About the broken mirror. About how the cloud vanished underneath the door.

When she heard about the way the black cloud had escaped from the spirit and broken the mirror, she drew in a sharp breath. Like that explained a lot.

Then I told her everything else. About my dreams. About the black cloud over my bed. And about my own ability to read minds. How it seemed to be gaining in strength and frequency with every passing day.

Lady Azura listened intently. “This explains so much,” she said when I was finished. “I have not seen Nina's spirit since that night, several weeks ago. I did not see the cloud you speak of, but I discovered the cracked mirror after she had gone. I was not sure how the two things were related, but I knew they were somehow.

“It makes a great deal of sense that her negative energy was released from her spirit and into this house. I began to suspect your newfound ability to read minds soon after that happened. Now my suspicions are confirmed.”

“So Nina's powers transferred from her to me?”

“It seems so. Whether it was that Nina's energy somehow attached to your aura, or whether it simply triggered something that was a latent power you already possessed, remains to be seen.”

“Lady Azura, I don't want this power. I don't want to turn out like Nina. Can you help me?” I begged.

She clasped my hands. “Of course I can help you, Sara. You are going to have to follow what I say and work very hard, but if you want to, we can get rid of this power together.”

Chapter 10

I heard the determination in Lady Azura's voice, but I was worried. What if I
couldn't
get rid of this power? Would I end up like Nina? Driving everyone I loved away from me? Landing in the loony bin?

Lady Azura seemed to be able to read my thoughts. She patted my hand. “Nina was weak and fell victim to her powers. But you, Sara, are strong. Much stronger than she. Perhaps stronger than I.” Her brown eyes twinkled. “This negative energy has been swirling around the house for a while now. It has latched on to you. It is not like your other powers.”

Now that she had gotten to the bottom of what was happening in the house, Lady Azura seemed reinvigorated. She strode around her room, opening drawers and cabinets, gathering crystals and bringing them to the table.

“I know. I hate it,” I said as my eyes followed her around the room. “I think it's made me depressed or something. I've been moping around all week, feeling sorry for myself because no one cares that my birthday is coming up. And because I've been reading my friends' minds. And every time I do, I feel bad about what I hear.”

“Together we will help you learn to block the ability,” she said. “It may be difficult at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become for you.” She spoke with such conviction that I started to believe we could really do this.

“You mean it's like riding a bike or learning to whistle?”

“Exactly.”

Haltingly, I told her how I had been able to block it out a few times on my own by imagining I was putting a bubble up around me.

“Sara, that is wonderful news,” Lady Azura exclaimed as her face lit up. “That was your own instincts, guiding you in the right direction.” The worried look on her face was now completely gone. She blinked her eyes rapidly as she spoke to me. “Let's use this bubble you talk about; it is your shield. Visualize it now. But instead of using it defensively, to block out others and fend off their thoughts, use it as a positive energy force. Try now,” she urged.

So I tried to conjure up the bubble. I closed my eyes. Thought positive thoughts. Opened my eyes. I could see the bubble shimmering and silvery all around me, like I was inside some freaky spacecraft.

“I did it!” I shouted, springing up. “Can you see it? Can you see the bubble?”

She smiled and shook her head. “I cannot see it. But you have astonishing powers, Sara. And unlike Nina, you are able not only to block this negative energy, but to produce a positive force to change its very nature. You did not bring this on yourself, nor did you invite it, so it will be far easier for you to offset it.”

We spent the next two hours practicing. It was one of the most exhausting things I had ever done. It was so hard at first. I couldn't produce the bubble quite so easily the next few times I tried. At first it was like a weak force field. I could actually watch as Lady Azura's thoughts bounced against it, but then it would drop like a popped soap bubble, and I would be able to hear her thoughts rushing in. I could hear her worrying about me. Worrying about my father and his fears about the house. I suspected that she was letting me hear her thoughts. On purpose. That she was able to let me hear them, or not, at will.

I tried harder.

And gradually I got better at it.

By now it was evening. It was almost time for dinner, I realized, but I wasn't even hungry. I felt drained, but happy, too. I jumped up from my chair. “Can I go practice?” I asked her. “I want to go find Lily. Or some of my other friends, and see if I can block them.”

She nodded. “Go ahead, my dear. Go and be strong.”

I raced out the
door and down the sidewalk toward Lily's house.

Just as I skidded to a stop at her front walkway, I saw her emerging from the door with Miranda, Avery, and Marlee.

“Sara!” yelled Lily. She looked happy to see me. But was she really? I started to tune in to her thoughts. It would be so easy to do. So tempting to listen in. I'd discovered the hard way that kids my age so often said one thing and thought another. I could feel the temptation start to win.

Then I stopped myself. I didn't want to end up like Nina. Closing my eyes, I conjured up the bubble.

It worked. Lily's thoughts bounced off my bubble. I refused to hear them. Maybe she was glad to see me, and maybe she wasn't.

“Hey, guys!” I said, swallowing my hurt feelings. So what if they were all hanging out together? Without me. Maybe it was a school thing or something.

“We were just hanging out!” said Lily as the three of them joined me. “And we were about to walk over to your house to see if you were around. I know you were in a hurry to get home, so I figured you had to help out your great-grandmother. And now here you are!”

I chose to believe her. I chose not to think that they so were not on their way to see me, and that she made up the story so my feelings wouldn't be hurt. I chose not to let down my bubble and read their thoughts to see what they really were thinking. I chose, as my dad might put it, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

And ended up having a really fun time.

The early evening air was cool and smelled of damp earth and sea air. We decided to walk down to the beach. I love the beach when no one else is there. We found an old Frisbee half-buried in the sand and spent the next half hour tossing it, collecting shells, just having fun. I kept wishing I'd brought my camera with me. And then it was time to get home for dinner.