Giving Him Something He Can Feel (12 page)

“Alex, did you just say you love me?” I asked him. He didn’t want to repeat it but he did anyway.

“Yeah I been in love with you for a while now.” Niggas always want to play games. I was so used to being lied to that I tended not to believe what people told me. I couldn’t take it for what it was,
so for clarification I asked him,

“Okay do you love me or love fucking me? Because there’s a big difference nigga.” He came closer to me, looked me in my face, and said, “Look Kandi, I love you. Why do you think I come to your house to fuck you? I wouldn’t risk shit like that for a regular bitch off the streets.” He started smiling and said, “Quit fronting on me. You know you want me too, so stop denying it.”

He always knew what to say. Alex was so smooth he could sweet talk a phone operator into a free collect call. After hearing Alex say he was in love with me, Caine was a memory in my past.

Alex’s face was in my sweet spot once again. I was in love with that nigga too but if I wasn’t, then I was damn sure in love with his sex. Giving me two orgasms back to back with his tongue Alex pleasured me the rest of the night with his dick. Not giving a fuck if Caine came home or not, I fell asleep in Alex’s arms.

Spinning out of control

Kandi

3 months later

It had been months since I’d heard anything from Caine. I filed a missing persons report months ago but there had been no luck finding him. Caine’s job kept calling like fucking crazy. Apparently, the motherfuckers hadn’t gotten the memo. Every time the company called, it was always the same thing. So it was no surprise when the phone rang and it was Caine’s job again.

“Hello,” I said with a nasty attitude. Letting whoever was on the other end know I was not the mood for that shit.

“Hi, this is Henry Gibson calling… May I…,” I cut him off saying, “I know who you are Henry and to be honest with you, I don’t want you calling my home anymore.” I said that shit with so much attitude, I just knew he could see me rolling my eyes through the phone.

Mr. Gibson was Caine’s boss and Caine Sr.’s good friend. Apparently, Henry was very fond of him because Caine was Chief Information Officer of the company within a couple of months being there. Mr. Gibson was going on-and-on about how he had no choice but to terminate Caine because he had been missing in action for so long. He went on in detail about how the company truly missed Caine as an employee and how savvy he was with his business skills and ability to land major deals. Henry never tried to make it personal although I knew it was.

“Look Mr. Gibson, it’s not my fault Caine left and hasn’t been seen since. I’m so stressed out that I couldn’t even tell you what day it is.”

The conversation was getting real at that point. I had to let him know what was up. “I’m tired of y’all motherfuckers calling me while I’m going through a tough time.” My voice was getting louder and louder like Tina Turner singing Proud Mary. The beginning of the conversation was nice and easy then it turned rough. I was giving it to him too.

“Do you understand that Mister Gibson? So the next time you call my home and ask to speak to my husband, like he’s really going to come to the fucking phone, you just think about the shit I’m going through. Unless you’re calling me about Caine’s paychecks that can be signed over to me then I shouldn’t be seeing this number on my caller ID again. Now, you have a good-got-damn day Mister Gibson.” Before I hung up, I told him, “When the police, your company, and whoever else is looking for him, find him, tell him I’m looking for his ass too.”

I hung the phone up so hard and quick the telephone receiver broke. His sorry ass didn’t have a chance to speak another word.

I mean to be completely honest, I’d moved on from Caine. Since Caine’s disappearance, Alex and I had moved in together and had been making our love affair work. I was three months pregnant and we were the happiest people on earth right then. I was giving Alex, my King, his prince or princess; you know some Lion King type of shit. I was in a happy relationship with Alex and for him to love and adore me was a-fuckin-mazing. I loved him. His dick was the straight truth and his head game was bible. Those bobble heads didn’t have nothing on that nigga.

Alex had been talking about doing the marriage and family thing for a while. I was a little bit skeptical of the marriage thing. Especially since, I was not even divorced from Caine and no one seemed to know where the fuck he was. I mean shit, I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale, but I damn sure know how the police operate. The streets would be quick to talk about how Caine was only missing for a couple of months and I was already getting married again. Fuck that! There was no need for me to ruin the relationship I had with him. Things were going good just the way they were. Alex provided and delivered in more ways than one. I know niggas gone be niggas but I’d never had so much chemistry with a person before. I was almost positive he was still fucking Lola and to be honest I couldn’t even knock him. If her head game was anything like her pussy-eating game, then that bitch deserved a gold medal. I’m talking Flo-Jo.

My mind was racing faster than the speed of light. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Alex had something to do with my husband’s disappearance. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to determine he had motive to want Caine dead. After all Caine did disrespect him to the fullest by pissing on him. I blamed myself because if I never told Alex to come over to
my house months ago, none of that would have happened.

I was trying my hardest not to think negative about Alex but I was bugging out. They did have their differences and Caine did leave on his own free will. So maybe Alex was right. Caine was just not coming back. Trying to calm down before I stressed myself out more, I laid down on the couch. The added stress was not good for the baby, Alex, or me. I tried not to think too hard about the shit that was going on and eventually dozed off.

Waking up from a refreshing nap, I felt a whole lot better. I prayed about the whole situation and it was time for me to let it go. Feeling generous and being “pregnant” hungry, I decided to take my mom, Mary to lunch. I hadn’t seen her in a while. Although she knew I was pregnant, she had yet to see me. She had been back and forth out of rehab. Currently she had been clean for about 2 years and had been good sticking to it. She left Pimp Todd alone, went back to school to get her G.E.D., had her own place, and found a part time job. I owed all that to Caine.

Without him sending her to rehab the first time she probably would have been dead or in prison. I picked my mom up from her apartment and we went to Red Lobster to have lunch. She loved those cheddar biscuits. Looking over the menu, I decided to order a Cajun Chicken and Shrimp Linguini Alfredo, with a side of fresh broccoli, seasoned brown rice, and French fries.

Mary kept it simple by ordering a steak and a baked potato.

“How excited are you to have your first baby?” my mama asked. I was excited but I wasn’t expecting her to ask me that question. Especially since, she was known for leaving me in the house alone when I was younger to chase dick. “I’m thrilled,” I told her. The look on my face must’ve told another tale because she just shook her head. The waitress came back to the table with our drinks. I had water and my mooching ass mother had an ice tea and a shot of Bacardi. “Do you remember Butterfly?” my mom asked as she stared at me waiting for a response. “Yeah, that’s the lady that was around your house the other time I was there right?” My mom took her shot to the head and said, “Yeah that’s her. Well she said she wanted to see you. She said when you were around us last time you gave off some bad energy.” How the fuck did that lady know. She had never spoken to me personally before. It was a hi and bye situation so how the fuck could I give off bad energy.

Butterfly was one of my mama’s friends she met in rehab. She said Butterfly would come into the rehab facility and give the addicts physic readings for $2.00 per visit. My mama swore by that lady because she gave her some accurate readings before. My mama said she told her that Todd was no good for her and if she kept going down the same road then she would end up dead. My mama also said Butterfly gave her the real reason my father left so long ago.
Anytime someone would bring up my father I would just smile. It was not my fault he left. I asked my mama what Butterfly said about my daddy, but Mary would never go into detail about my father and what she found out. My Mama was the one who called and told me I was pregnant.

“Kandace what are you having, a boy, or girl,” my mama asked all excited when she called me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Mom. I’m not pregnant,” I told her sounding confused.

“What made you call me out the blue and asked me if I’m expecting?”

Mary paused for a second and then said, “I’m going to be a grandma. My physic told me you were pregnant,” she explained.

I told her there was no way in hell and three weeks later I found out I was indeed pregnant. Mama said Butterfly was the one who told her she was going to be a grandma. So therefore, my Mama trusted and believed every reading.

“What is she some type of witch or something,” I said sarcastically.

Not really expecting a reply back my mom looked at me and said, “Yes she is and I think she can help you find out where Caine is.” For once in her life, she made sense. She had grabbed my attention. Our food came out and we both ate our lunch. My mom was playing around with her food but I straight smashed mine.

Being pregnant ain’t no joke. I know I had gained about ten pounds thus far and I was only three months. We didn’t converse too much over lunch. She talked about some problems she was having at work and a little bit of this and a little bit of that. The whole time she was talking, I was thinking about how that physic bitch could benefit me. I would at least know where the fuck my husband was if nothing else. We finished eating and the waitress came to the table to take my money for the tab. Once we get in the car, I told my mother to call Butterfly. I explained to her, “I do want to know where Caine is, so if Butterfly can help then I’m willing to listen.” Mama called Butterfly and told her to come over to her apartment so I could ask her some questions and get a reading. Butterfly agreed and said she’d
be over shortly.

Mama and I arrived back at her apartment where we waited for that so-called physic bitch to get there. Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Mama went to open the door and Butterfly came in. She had come prepared too. She had tarot cards, a little crystal ball, and a curtain of an outfit. The only thing I could do was burst out laughing because she reminded me so much of Miss Cleo. I could picture her saying, “Call me now, for your free physic reading.” I was just laughing and laughing then Butterfly said, “Is there something funny gal?” in a very deep Caribbean accent. I didn’t want any shit so I just told her, “Nope, nothing’s funny.” She looked me up and down, walked around me in a full circle twice, and then said, “Good, because I don’t think you’ll be laughing when I’m done.” Butterfly walked over to the kitchen table where she began her set up. First, she laid down a thin looking silk scarf then placed her crystal ball on top of it. Then she shuffled her tarot cards and set them down beside the crystal ball. Mama stayed in the living room. Far enough to not interfere but close enough to hear what was going on. I walked over to the kitchen table where she had her little set up. I also ignored the little comment she made. She told me to close my eyes and put my hands into hers. I did as she asked but I was hesitant.

Shit I just really wanted to ask her one got damn question. She said, “Oh, girl,” then she quickly let go of my hands and lifted her head back up. I opened my eyes and then she looked at me and started laughing. That bitch was crazy as hell. Butterfly began her reading by saying, “Pay attention gal, I’m going to lay down 3 cards.” I got scared then but I was ready to get it over with. She went on, “With these three cards comes pleasure or pain. Do you understand what me is saying gal?” Her voodoo accent was so thick I could barely understand what she was saying. So I told her, “Yeah, I understand just come on please.” She laid one card out on the table and said, “This one is a pleasure card… You married a man for money and he’s gay.” She laid out another card on the table. Just like the first time she announced, “This two is a pleasure card... You have a baby on the way but you’re unsure of the father.” I tried to stop her but she lifted her hands up and said, “Never interrupt a reading gal!” How was she going to tell me I didn’t know who the father of my child was. “Oh that’s where you’re wrong old lady,” I started spazzing on her. “Hush gal! Hush,” she said. Then she laid the final card on the table. “This three card is also of pleasure. Your child will have a sibling closer than you think.” I rose up from the kitchen table and said, “Is that all you have to say because everything you said was bogus.” She wasn’t lying about everything though. I just didn’t want to face the facts. I knew Caine was gay because I went to the address that was on Gina’s letter and I knew about him and Ohnny.

“Listen girl,” Butterfly began to speak, “Alex was born Michelle Alexander. He is transgender and so is Lola who was born Teddy Lolander. Lola, as he likes to be called, is your unborn child’s father.” I dropped back down at the kitchen table. That bitch had to be wrong. How the fuck was Lola a man and Alex a female. Butterfly finished by saying, “The three pleasures in life gal, have become your downfall.” The room went silent for a minute. My mama came over to me to give me a hug. I just started to cry because if what Butterfly was saying was true then I was killing them both. Gathering all her little bullshit cards Butterfly said, “So I guess I should be going now. Call me later Renee.” My mama told her she would call her in a few days. That fake ass wanna be physic ruined my life in a matter of seconds and she thought she just got to walk out of there and leave.

“So that’s it?” I asked. “Damn do you have any more bad news I should to know?”

Right before Butterfly walked out she turned around and said, “Oh yeah, your husband is dead.”