Given (15 page)

“Of course I'm a man!” he roared.

“How can you be a man? Men don't change into…into bears and then back again,” Mary Katherine said, trying desperately to find something that she could be absolutely certain about when suddenly everything she thought she knew was in doubt.

“I am Eshu.”

“Well, that certainly explains everything,” she said with a sharp snap of her teeth.

Jacob rubbed his hands over his face and pressed his fingers against his eyes. “This is very hard to explain.”

“Well, it was darned hard for me to see. What
are
you?”

“I told you I'm a man. Don't ask me again,” he said, giving her a look so fierce that in that moment he looked more bear than man.

“I'll ask you as many times as I like. You married me under false pretenses. That's grounds for an annulment. I'm sure any justice of the peace would give me one on the grounds that my husband is… What was that word again?”

“Eshu.
Are you so unhappy in our marriage that you've already looked into ways to get out of it, when we've only been married a few weeks?”

“No. I knew someone back in Tennessee who got one because her husband lied to her in regard to the disposition of some property. Not knowing that my husband can turn into a furry beast most certainly qualifies as a deception, does it not?”

Jacob's jaw clenched, and he deliberately lowered his shoulders and unclenched his hands. “That's fair. Look, Kate.” He rubbed his hands over his face again and exhaled with a heavy sigh. “Eshu, are an ancient race from the land now known as Africa, West Africa specifically. A long time ago my people's powers were taken away, making it possible to enslave us and send us here to the New World.”

Mary Katherine stared at him, not sure what she had expected to hear, but definitely nothing this fantastical. “But you were a bear,” she repeated, really unable to formulate any other thought.

He nodded. “Yes, I can take on the shape of any animal I want, for the most part, though I prefer the bear.”

“Why?” Mary Katherine asked, suddenly curious.

“Why what?” he asked with a frown.

“Why the bear?”

Jacob shook his head with a laugh. “You
would
ask me that. No one else ever has.” He shrugged. “I don't know. I never gave it much thought, but we all have totems, our preferred animal forms.”

“We?
You mean there are more of you?”

“Of course.
Did you think I was some type of freak of nature?”

Mary Katherine didn't answer, given that was precisely what she'd thought, and from his thunderous expression, she knew it wouldn't be prudent to tell him that. It probably wasn't a good idea to mention that she'd immediately thought about the P.T. Barnum curiosity museums and wondered if any of his people were in them. “Your father?” Jacob nodded. “And Grace?” Mary Katherine had a sinking feeling as she realized that her friend had lied as well. “How many others?”

“There are a few others in this area, but none here in Gist,” Jacob said.

“Oh my God.
I can't believe you married me without telling me about this. What about our children? Will they be”—she struggled with the word—“Eshu as well?”

Jacob lowered his head. For the first time, he actually looked ashamed. “Well, that's another matter.”

Mary Katherine leaned forward, alarmed by his demeanor. “What do you mean? Even I know that people who have relations, especially as much as we do, eventually have children.”

“Well, of course, but Eshu—we don't breed well with humans.”

“What?”
Dear God
. Surely he wasn't saying—

“We're mostly barren with humans, and when we do have children, they're usually wholly human, with no Eshu traits.” Jacob said the words as though they were being pulled out his throat one syllable at a time.

“You mean, we'll not have children?”

“It's not unheard-of, but it's unlikely. That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't think you'd ever find out since we wouldn't have any children. I had planned to tell you if you'd ever gotten with child, though it probably wouldn't have been Eshu.”

“That's awfully generous of you, Jacob. You didn't think it was important to tell me that you, my husband, can turn into an animal at will?”

“Think about the first thing you said when you found out, Mary Katherine. You accused me of being an animal.”

“That would be because I saw you as a four-hundred-pound black bear. I would think that qualifies as an animal.”

“But I'm not an animal,” Jacob said through gritted teeth. “I'm Eshu.”

“I can't believe you lied to me this way.”

“I never lied. I just didn't tell you certain things.”

“You're splitting hairs, Jacob, and you know it. Certain things? You didn't tell me you were an—”

“Eshu.”

“Yes, Eshu.
Definitely
not
an animal. And don't you think it was only fair to tell me that you'd condemned me to a life without children?” Suddenly taking strength from her seething anger, Mary Katherine rose to her feet with every intention of brushing past him to get out of the barn, but she hadn't factored in his uncanny speed. Before she reached the door, he was in front of her, seizing both her shoulders, somehow holding her in place without hurting her in the least.

“You've got to listen to me. Don't you understand? I wanted to be with you, and I knew you'd never marry me if you knew.”

“Don't you think I had the right to know that beforehand?”

“No. You think I'm an animal.”

“I never said that. I don't know what I think, but I had the right. I knew something was wrong; I never could fully trust you. Now I know you've been lying to me all along. Stay away from me, Jacob Adams. Just stay away from me.” And with that, she pulled out of his grasp and walked out of the barn. The howl she heard when she was halfway across the field behind the barn was human, but animal as well. The sound was so agonizing that she had to pause as it pierced her heart in response. Then she remembered the lies. Loving Jacob was the biggest mistake of her life; the only thing that could make it worse would be to return to that barn offering the forgiveness that he was too proud to even ask for.

* * *

Mary Katherine looked up from her desk, where she was going over accounts. As she wanted to maximize revenues, most of the large house was used as public space, so her father had converted a sizable closet behind the back stairs into a very small office. Nothing had been changed since his death, so the room had a decidedly masculine feel. The dark wood desk, an office chair, and an oak filing cabinet were the only furnishings. There was no second chair, because she didn't typically receive guests there.

Normally she enjoyed the tedious task, finding comfort in balancing her receipts and expenditures. Reconciling the figures, making order out of chaos, gave her a sense of control. But not today. Her nerves were too frazzled for even checks and balances to have an effect. She hadn't seen Jacob since she'd left him in the barn two days earlier. It simply wasn't like him to just give up. The man had no quit in him, so she'd spent the last two days dreading his reappearance.

Now she was starting to wonder if maybe he had given up. The look on his face when he'd said he wasn't an animal was painful to recall. And his howl as she left had been almost unbearable to hear. In that moment she'd almost given in and gone back to him, but she'd still felt too freshly betrayed. She could almost forgive the Eshu strangeness—she could understand why he would have difficulty telling her about that—but to not tell her they'd never have children… She placed one hand against her narrow waistline. When she had planned to remain single, having children was one of the aspects of marriage that had tempted her to change her attitude. She'd always loved children, and knowing that she would never have any had hurt. Had hurt deeply.

She looked back down at her account book, hissing in irritation when she realized she'd added up the numbers in the column incorrectly. Forcing herself to focus, she wielded her eraser with a vengeance. This time she managed to concentrate, to the exclusion of everything else, and was startled to look up and see Jacob standing in front of her office door.

Determined to maintain her dignity, Mary Katherine rose and stood behind her desk. Of course he still towered over her, but it was better than when she was seated. He looked tired. His eyes were slightly reddened, and he obviously hadn't shaved in several days. It gave him a slightly roguish look, reminding her of those mornings when they'd awakened together. Reminding her? Her problem was in forgetting.

“I was trying to give you time enough to get over your anger,” he said in typical Jacob fashion. His direct, blunt speech was one of the things that she found so attractive about him most of the time.

Mary Katherine pursed her lips. “I would imagine it's going to take more than a couple of days.”

He nodded in a sharp jerk of his head that was sufficiently different from his usual graceful movements that she paused. He looked so uncomfortable and miserable that her heart softened. How could she hurt him even more? Then she stiffened her resolve, determined to go through with what she'd planned. After all, delaying it would only make the situation worse. Taking a page from his book, she decided to be direct.

“Jacob, I would like to get a divorce. I don't feel that I could ever trust you again.” She watched his face go blank as her words sank in. The room was totally quiet for a long moment as he stood before her wordlessly. Before she could think of anything else to say, he finally spoke up.

“Have you forgotten that one of your businesses is a rooming house? Do you really think any respectable people will stay here once word gets out that you're divorced?”

Mary Katherine raised her chin. She had thought about that. “I know, but most of my income is from the store, anyway. I can get by without the rooming house.”

“What if they stop patronizing the store as well?”

“It's the only one in town.”

“But it's a small town. People are already talking about my being back at my papa's house.”

Mary Katherine sighed. “Yes, Coraline was telling me all about it.”

“Look, Kate. There's no reason for us to divorce, at least not right now. If you lose your business because of what I've done, I'll feel horrible. I simply didn't think about the consequences.”

“No reason to get divorced? Jacob, you lied to me.” He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. “And don't you dare say that you didn't.” Jacob set his chin mutinously but said nothing more. After waiting several long seconds for him to speak again, Mary Katherine stopped to think about what he'd just said. Not get a divorce? She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat at the notion. She had to think about this from a purely practical standpoint. So far, the gossip wasn't so bad. Most folks just assumed they'd had a fight. Fights were fairly commonplace among the newly wed. Folks were mostly speculating, but if it came to a divorce, there was no telling what people might think. It wasn't as though she could tell people why she was divorcing him. For one thing, she couldn't bear the thought of hurting his family, not to mention destroying the entire Gist line of the Underground Railroad. Even worse, if people didn't believe her… And what sane person would believe that there were people who could turn into animals? She shook her head. She could very well end up in a lunatic asylum. So he was right: a divorce was probably not her best option, but what about—