Give Me Strength (30 page)

Jared winked at me. “From planning all the
Valentine birthday parties in the future of course, seeing how
she’s done such an amazing job tonight.”

Rumour on the street according to Evie when
she took me aside later that night was that Jenna had a dream. As
the sharp and all-knowing mother of the Valentine clan, I really
liked her, but her dreams didn’t bode well for me. They included
healthy, bouncing grandbabies and lots of them. That was off the
table for me. If Travis and I remained together, it was off the
table for the both of us.

I rubbed at my chest.

The thought of Travis never having his own
babies gave me indigestion.

Travis looked down at my wince. “Okay?”

“Indigestion,” I replied, moving my glance from
Jared climbing the stage to look up at him.

“Can I get you something?” His gaze softened as
he smiled down at me. He’d make a great dad. Of that I was
sure.

Crap, were those tears lurking in the back of my
eyes?

I blinked them away, hearing everyone clap after
Jared said something. My hands clapped numbly.

Standing on the other side of Travis and Jenna
was his dad, Steve. Steve had his arm around Jenna, forming a
strong family unit.

“Thanks everyone for coming tonight and sharing
Evie’s birthday with us.”

I blinked again and focused on Jared as the
crowd around us clapped wildly, all eyes turning to Evie when the
spotlight hit where she was standing. She gave a bright smile and
waved her glass in a jaunty salute.

I looked around the entire room, suddenly
breathless.

“
No Valentine gets walked on. Ever.”

“
But I’m not a Valentine.”

“
Yes you are.”

“Travis?”

He looked down at me, concern in his eyes.
“Sweetheart?”

“I think I need some fresh air.”

In a matter of moments I was out the back of the
bar and sucking in lungfuls of it. I wish I could say it was fresh,
but it was the back of the bar. The air was cool at least, soothing
the embarrassment burning my cheeks from freaking out.

Travis looked down into my gasping face. “What’s
wrong?”

“Nothing,” I puffed and waved airily, certain I
was about to vomit. “I’m just…having a moment.”

“Talk to me, Quinn.”

“Family,” I blurted out under the pressure of
his burning eyes. “I’ve never had one. Not really. It’s a bit
overwhelming.”

“Sweetheart, our family is a bit much for
anyone. It’s not just you.”

Travis reached out and tucked my hand in his,
and the nausea took a back seat to his touch.

I cleared my throat. “I need to ask you
something, and I need you to be honest with me. A hundred, no...two
hundred percent honest with me.”

His eyes searched my face. I had no idea what he
could see besides my red cheeks, the fear in my eyes maybe, because
what if he wasn’t okay with what I was about to ask?

Travis nodded, patient, a little cautious.

“If you’re asking me to try, for us, then I
figure that means you want us to have a future.” I looked down at
my hands and forced the words out. “But you know I can’t give you a
family. What I need to know is if you’re okay with that.”

“Quinn—”

“Travis,” I cut him off as I looked up, focusing
somewhere over his shoulder. “Maybe you should take some time to
think about it. Not just answer based on how you feel right now.
What about in five years, when your brothers and Mac are all having
babies. All of a sudden, it’s nappies and cute baby talk. Then all
they’re talking about is how little Dean is doing with potty
training, or how little Juliet got an A on her spelling bee. Years
later, their weekends are all caught up in taking their kids to
soccer or netball and dealing with kids’ parties and raging
sleepovers. Then it’s teaching them how to drive, glaring down
potential boyfriends for your daughter, or seeing them graduate
from university. You would be watching all of that happen to
everyone close to you. What if one day you resent me for not giving
that to you. For having to stand on the sidelines and watch it
happen to everyone else…but you.”

Saying that out loud sounded so much worse than
how it sounded it my head. It wasn’t indigestion. It was goddamn
agony.

“How can I deal with being the one that couldn’t
give that to you?”

My chest burned as I tried not to look at
Travis. Maybe I was having a heart attack.

He stepped forward, right in my space, until his
face was all I could see. “Lucky for you I’m going to ignore the
fact you think I’d only be with you for what I could get from you.
Why does this have to be so hard?”

“I…what?”

“If one day we wanted kids together, why can’t
we just adopt? Or be foster parents? There are so many beautiful
children out there just thrown away. Why can’t we be the ones to
love them? Give them parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts and
uncles, friends.”

Foster kids? The very thought had the next
breath I sucked in lodge tight in my lungs until I thought I’d pass
out.

“Quinn?”

“Huh?” His voice sounded far away because
suddenly I’d been shown a way to give to someone else what had been
taken from me, and that was huge.
Huge.

Travis said something else but I didn’t catch
it. Instead I said, “You…you want that?”

Even I could hear the wonder in my voice.

Travis tilted my chin until his eyes held
mine.

“I would love that. There’s only one thing I
love more than the idea of doing that with you.”

Silence fell as a cool wind gusted through,
ruffling my hair around my face. I could hear the tinny noise of
music coming from inside and the tinkle of glassware and laughter
going on around us.

“You,” he said.

“Me?” I tried to say. I felt my mouth move, but
I didn’t hear anything come out.

“I love you.”

Travis reached out and squeezed my hand, and for
some reason he may well have just moved heaven and earth. I wasn’t
whole, I wasn’t sure I ever would be, but Travis loving me made me
realise that no one ever really was. If we were, how did it explain
the need for someone to fill us with their love?

“
Perfect is for people who don’t know how to
be real, and I don’t want any of that. I want you.”

I swallowed, feeling tears spill over. Travis
was the peace I’d been struggling to find since as long as I could
remember.

“Travis.”

He slid his hand around my neck and pulled me
in. His lips touched my forehead for a brief moment before he
pulled back. “Sweetheart, I promise, soon David will be a memory
and then we’ll have time for us.”

I wiped at the tears on my face. Travis swatted
my hands away and tilted my head as he took over. “It’s not a party
without a few tears,” he offered.

“Well.” I chuckled. “Glad I could help out.”

“Just don’t start throwing chairs,” he
joked.

I straightened my shoulders because finally I
was finding my place. Quinn. The survivor. Jesus. I sounded like a
television show.

“I could totally Jackie Chan your ass.”

His eyes crinkled. “Oh you could, could
you?”

My eyes narrowed at his patronising tone. I bit
down on my lip enticingly and lowered my lids. “Uh huh. When you
least suspect it, I’ll have you laid out flat and begging for
mercy.”

***

The next morning I was
in the kitchen making a cooked breakfast when the knock at the door
of the duplex came. It was Sunday and even with the sun already
high in the sky, everyone was still bunkered down in bed.

Not for much longer
, I thought as I
filled the frypan with bacon and the scent overtook the kitchen.
All I’d done was remove the packet from the fridge, and already
Peter and Rufus were banging at the back door, frantic to get
inside. Rufus was letting out intermittent powerful barks amidst
Peter’s desperate yips, both of them busy informing me they were
famished from the morning walk Travis and I took them on.

I peered out the blinds. Seeing Casey standing
there, I swung the door wide. “Casey! How did you know I’d just put
breakfast on?”

He shrugged. “I know everything.”

I rolled my eyes and he grinned, stepping inside
and following me back into the kitchen.

Travis came down the stairs dressed in a T-shirt
and jeans, tying his wet hair back after his shower. My heart
swelled as I turned back to the kitchen counter and started
removing eggs from the carton.

“Did you get my message?” I heard Casey ask
Travis.

“Yeah,” he replied unhappily.

I tuned out as they spoke, busying myself with
putting bread in the toaster and getting mugs down from the top
cupboard.

“Oh, Quinn? Did you know your car’s leaking oil
on the drive?”

I spun around. “What?”

“Your car. Leaking oil,” Casey told me.

My eyes narrowed and I balled up the tea towel
and tossed it on the counter. “That horrible mean bitch,” I
muttered angrily and started for the front door.

Travis snatched my wrist.

I gave him a look. “Travis. I won’t go further
than the driveway.”

“Don’t care if it’s the front door or the
goddamn moon. I’ll go move your car onto the street and then I’ll
have a look at it. Probably just needs a new oil filter or
something.”

He snagged the keys off the hook by the front
door.

“Thanks, Travis!” I called out.

Travis rolled his eyes. “I’m buying you a new
car.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“I know, but I was giving you a chance to take
your words back. You can’t buy me a car.”

He waved his hand in an “I can’t hear you”
gesture and pulled the door shut behind him as the toast
popped.

I looked at Casey. “He wouldn’t really, would
he? Buy me a new car?”

“We are talking about that piece of yellow scrap
metal out there currently falling to pieces on the front
drive?”

I sighed. “Yes.”

He shrugged and then grinned. “If someone said
they were buying me a new car when I owned that, I wouldn’t
complain. You know he lo—” He halted his words.

“Loves me?” I put down the butter knife and
leaned up against the kitchen bench. “I know,” I said softly,
feeling an idiotic smile creep over my face.

“Well that’s what you do for the people you
love. You look out for them. Anyway, I’m glad he told you. I know
he was worried about the whole assignment thing but I told him once
he explained—”

“Wait…what? What assignment thing?”

Travis walked in the door and hung up the keys.
He smiled at me. “You’re right, Quinn. Your car does hate you.
Looks like it’s the rear seal. That’s gonna cost a stupid amount of
money to fix because the engine will have to be removed to be able
to replace it.”

That sounded bad. Really bad. He was smiling
because it was just another reason for me to get rid of her and get
something new and safe, but all that was beside the point.

“What assignment is Casey talking about,
Travis?”

Travis froze, his eyes steady, the green in them
dark as he stared at me. Something didn’t feel right, and I opened
my mouth but nothing seemed willing to come out. My chest was
starting to rise and fall a little faster in the silence. The fact
that Travis remained motionless only escalated the feeling of
unease.

“Travis.” My eyes pleaded with him to talk to
me. “What assignment?”

Casey folded his arms and looked down at his
feet. Travis shifted his eyes between the two of us.

“You.”

“Me?” I whispered, not understanding the hard
edge in his voice.

He gave a single nod.

“What about me?”

“You’re our assignment.”

“You...you mean what, bodyguard duty since the
whole Melbourne incident?”