Girlvert: A Porno Memoir (11 page)

Tyler knocked on the door and I let him into the bathroom. He saw that I had done the entire amount of coke that he’d just given me. I thought he would scold me for hogging it, but he smiled at me instead. “I knew you would do it all. So I split it up, see?” He showed me two other baggies in his pocket. He shook his head in a silly way. Nothing could tick him off now that we were about to make one of his fantasies come true.

I was led by the hand down the hall to Max’s master bathroom. The bathtub was filling up with hot water and bubbles. There were candles lit, and more champagne. Tyler took off my clothes and I stepped into the tub. Max and Tyler got naked and climbed in with me. The three of us drank champagne and laughed. It was all very romantic. Tyler started kissing me. His hands came out of the hot water and up to my face. He dunked my head under gently so I could suck his cock. The Jacuzzi was on in the giant tub, and it was loud. I couldn’t hear anything, so I just sucked. Tyler pulled my head up by the pigtails. Max stood up and started pissing on my face. He was smiling. Tyler was grinning, too—in complete adoration of Max. Tyler shoved my head onto Max’s cock and I sucked it down to the balls. Max throat-fucked me hard. That squeaking noise, from where the back of the esophagus is being crushed, resonated throughout the bathroom. Tyler stood up and started to piss on me. Both of them pissed at the same time. Max handed me my champagne glass so I could take a drink. Covered in their piss, I finished the bottle.

They helped me out of the bath and put a towel around me. The three of us climbed up onto Max’s large bed. Tyler and Max took turns face-fucking me, and then they fucked my ass. I was bent over with my face down on the sheet. Tyler and Max spread my asshole apart and pounded me. Then Tyler lied down on his back and I climbed on, putting his cock into my vagina. Max came behind me and stuck his cock into my asshole. They were double-penetrating me for as long as we could hold it. Doing a DP in your private life isn’t much different than on film. There is no focus on tenderness. The only difference is that the guys don’t have to open up for a camera to see what’s going on. At home, the limbs and bodies can collapse on each other and enclose the action. It’s more like a dog pile than a position when doing a DP in real life.

Tyler slapped my face while I was getting fucked in the ass and sucking both cocks. Surprisingly, Max was the more gentlemanly one during the sex, more than my own boyfriend. After we fucked, Tyler and Max came in my ass. Max came first. I collapsed afterward, from exhaustion. All of us fell straight to sleep soon after. I rolled up next to Tyler and cuddled him close. I had all of the drugs fucked right out of my body. There was cum leaking out of my asshole.

We all emerged from Max’s room at about ten the next morning. Nobody acted weird. It was just another night of partying as far as we all were concerned. As soon as I woke up and put on my swimsuit, I took a baggie of coke with me to the bathroom. Max told us to stay and hang out by the pool for the day. Why not? It was a hot summer day, and we had no other plans.

A guy introduced himself to Tyler and me in the kitchen. He was a houseguest of Max’s and was staying in one of the many rooms we didn’t know about. His name was Jonah, and he said he wanted to shoot me. “I shoot solo, girl-on-girl, and blowjobs. It’s internet stuff, but I pay in cash. Do you want to shoot today? A BJ? I’ll pay you two-hundred-fifty in cash, today,” Jonah said.

I gave Tyler a look of uncertainty. Who was this jerk putting me on the spot first thing in the morning? “I don’t know. I’m not really ready to shoot today. I don’t want to do it now. I just woke up and I don’t even have any of my stuff. What about my makeup and hair?” Shooting a blowjob scene was the last thing I wanted to do. I was tired and needed to do more coke.

Jonah pricked up. “I shoot really fast! It will be like twenty minutes, tops. You don’t need to do anything to your hair. Just wear your swimsuit. You look great. If you need makeup, then Max has some for you.”

Was he fucking kidding? Max’s makeup was for his Max girls, it was all bright and tacky, the secret ingredient to making his girls look like circus freaks. Tyler took a second to ponder the possibilities that he could use the cash for. “Ori, it’s cash. That’s a good deal. I mean, twenty minutes? We could use the cash to pay Ernesto. Come on, Ori. Just do it. It’ll be a turn-on. I want you to do a blowjob scene at Max’s house. Come on! Do it. For me?” Like usual, Tyler turned Jonah’s proposition into something “romantic” for us to share.

“Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll get ready,” I smiled. Tyler leaned down and kissed me for it.

“Okay. Great. Oh, and it’s a POV blowjob scene. It’s going to be with me, is that all right?” Jonah added that part last, purposely. I’d already said I would do it. I didn’t ask who it was going to be with because I presumed it would be Max or Tyler. Not Jonah. He was disgusting. The man’s stomach was the size of a beanbag chair. There’s no way he could even see his toes, let alone his dick. No offense, but in this fable, Jonah
was
the whale—over three hundred pounds. But he was serious. My shocked expression didn’t stop Jonah from handing me his fresh HIV test.

I’m not a mean person. So, I just acted like it was cool. I said, “Yeah, it’s fine.” Tyler reminded me that it would only be twenty minutes, at the most. I got ready in misery. Tyler tried to stifle laughter. “Shut-up! It’s not funny, Tyler! I can’t believe I’m going to blow some fat guy right now. He’s so gross.” I laughed, too, and shook my head. The things I do for money!

Jonah came into the bathroom when I was ready. I’d already been asked twice through the door if I needed any more time to prepare. Yes, I needed time. I didn’t know how much time it would take to make me ready to suck Jonah’s dick. A bell didn’t go off in my head indicating that it was suddenly a good idea, something to look forward to. I gulped in the last bit of air in the bathroom that held only my smell. Soon it would mingle with the smell of some dude’s butt, gut, and balls.

Tyler was outside by the pool sipping on a refreshing cocktail while I was inside working hard for our cocaine money. Jonah held the camera and filmed me in the bathtub. I got out and dropped to my knees in front of him. I’d become a master at the art of POV. I looked into the lens and talked dirty to him. I stuck my fists into my mouth and got my hands really wet. Then I felt my body all over, before going after his cock. Jonah was wearing a white tee shirt and pants. He had an odor about him, like it’d been a while since his last shower. I hadn’t seen Jonah smoke, drink, or do drugs, but he smelled foul, from a poor diet, I guessed. I could feel and smell his breath all over me. I unbuckled Jonah’s belt and undid his pants. I unzipped him and reached in for his wiener. It wasn’t rock-hard ready, like a porno dick. I had to stroke it to get the blood going. His dick was on the small/normal size, and it was crooked. It really stunk down there. I was getting nauseous. Jonah’s dick smelled like feet. I gagged myself with my hands in my mouth, my throat. I wanted to keep my hands wet so I could just jack him off mostly. I did not want to suck Jonah’s cock.

However, I did shove his cock into my mouth enough to technically call it a blowjob scene. I choked on it, and I spit on it. I couldn’t tell if Jonah was pleased with the performance. He stayed quiet behind the camera. If he had wanted me to suck his balls, I would have quit the scene. The smell underneath his gut was too gnarly—the sourness of old dead skin. Jonah lost his boner a couple of times, making the scene longer than twenty minutes. I didn’t say anything. The best thing to do when a dick goes limp is to nurture the person it is attached to. I just smiled and stroked it so it would come back to life and put me out of my misery. We got through it, finally. Jonah ended by jerking off on my face and mouth. His cum was white and thick, like curdled milk being squirted out of a warmed triangle of cheese.

Tyler collected the money for us. Jonah thanked me for the blowjob. I didn’t want to stay and hang around Max’s house much after that. I needed to go home and take a Silkwood shower. We had the cash, Tyler reminded me. It worked out in the end. We stopped and got another eight ball on the way home.

Chapter Seventeen

Swingers

N
elson
and Hannah were a porno couple who planned on getting married one day. They were from England but had been living together in the States for over a year. I met Nelson on the set of
Guttermouths
, a video in which the girl getting fucked has a foul, trash-talking mouth. I am a natural at using crude language. I have my mom to thank for that.

Nelson was impressed by my performance, both verbally and anally. Nelson had a huge nine-inch cock. It looked even bigger on him because he was short. He stood only about five foot five, but he was intimidating. He had a frosty personality. He was muscular and tan, and obviously way into his good looks. He was a little on the fake side, though. Nelson’s nose had been surgically altered to a straight line, and his front teeth were the work of some 1990s cosmetic dentistry.

After he fucked my ass and came on my face for the scene, Nelson introduced me to his girlfriend. Hannah was a tall, blonde, demure knock-out. They were a solid and striking couple. Phone numbers were exchanged, and plans were made to hang out. Later on the phone, Tyler and Nelson talked about the fact that we were all swingers and that we should go out to a swinger party together. Tyler considered us to be a swinger couple because we did porno and had threesomes on the side.
We were not swingers. We were in porn and did get crazy with our friends on occasion, but that didn’t qualify us to be part of “the lifestyle,” as it’s often called. Swingers were mostly nasty old people that sat on sex swings and “made love.” The swinger “lifestyle” was portrayed on shows like
Real Sex
. Swingers were always at some log cabin retreat. The men had more stretch marks than the women. Swingers were always eating each other out in a group on the floor. Swingers made me want to suck my vagina into my stomach. I thought Tyler and I saw eye to eye on the subject of swinging—that we were not into it. To me, this party we would be attending with Nelson and Hannah was nothing more than a party. We were not going to swing.

Tyler hadn’t yet met Hannah. When we arrived at their apartment, her beauty took his breath away. She was six feet tall in heels, towering over Nelson. She was Nelson’s gorgeous trophy with platinum blonde hair and a top-of-the-line Beverly Hills boob job. Hannah was nineteen and already a star by porno standards. The girl with the biggest picture on the box and magazine covers. If it weren’t for her incredibly alluring, sweet personality, it would have been difficult to stand next to her. I thought she was something out of this world. The girl was just a heavenly creature.

This swinger party was executed with the same measures that an upscale rave would have. You had to call and make an appointment to meet up with and buy tickets from the promoter. On the night of the party, we followed directions from a map that came with the tickets. It only gave the address of another meeting spot, not where the actual party was. We left Nelson and Hannah’s apartment off Vineland and drove to a parking structure in Universal City. There, a shuttle van escorted us and the other guests to an undisclosed location in the Hills.

Tyler and I had been doing coke steadily since we woke up that morning. I was high and nervous when we got to the party, but I marched in with confidence because we were with Hannah. Everyone noticed her. I felt inadequate beside her, but I could still feed off of her radiance. She wasn’t the kind of girl that invokes jealousy. She was shy and humble.

I took a turn in the bathroom with our coke. The house was grand and modern. Nelson loved the décor. Everything was polished and new but bland as could be. The carpets and walls were white. It was several stories tall and had massively high ceilings. All of the art just blended into the background. There were clear glass sculptures of human figures. Nothing so far alluded to the fact that it was a sex party. The patrons were well dressed and tame. They were young professionals, attractive, groomed, and in their twenties and thirties.

Nelson and Tyler strutted Hannah and I in and out of all the different rooms on the first floor. We got some vodka cocktails to wash down the ecstasy. Apparently everyone at this party was taking ecstasy, but you couldn’t tell just by looking around. No one was acting wasted or silly. It was the best behaved drug-crowd I’d ever seen. I didn’t get it. Why all the mystery and fuss for this bunch of dull, normal folk? I was still wondering if something was supposed to happen at this shindig. I was starting to get bored and uncomfortable. Mingling with the other guests didn’t come so easy, not with this crowd. Tyler and I assimilated with wild partygoers. Where were all of the stupid druggies? I wanted to cut loose and whoop it up. Where was the real party?

Hannah and I grabbed onto one another once the pills kicked in. Both of us started smiling and laughing very hard at nothing. Nelson and Tyler were busy scoping people out. I pushed my way through the crowd to the bar several times. I am fairly pushy by nature. I don’t hesitate shoulder-shoving or elbowing a pathway to get what I want. Hannah and I bonded as attracting opposites. She was the polite and well-mannered half of our team. I covered the loud and demanding end.

About an hour after we entered the place, Nelson, Tyler, Hannah, and I went upstairs. There were three other floors to discover. I was feeling good from the pills, drinks, and my wonderful new friendship with Hannah. The white carpeted spiral stairs led us up to another set of rooms. First, we walked into a lounge area. It looked onto the foyer and living room downstairs. It was no different than the rest we’d seen. A mini bar was set up for self-serve drinks. Groups of four and five stood around and socialized. This floor didn’t have what we were looking for, whatever that was.

Floor number three was just a loft. Pillows and cushions were laid all over the space. I was beginning to have a hard time walking and seeing straight from all of the pills. We sat down on some cozy pillows. Others sat near us. Mellow electro-lounge music filled the space. Tyler turned and started talking to a girl with bouncy, buoyant tits next to us. The ecstasy was really strong. Each of us had one and a half each. Hannah sat back with me and we let our eyes roll back into our heads. Jaws clenched and unable to swallow, we let the drugs take us completely.

“This is Cait, Ori. She wants to meet you. I told her what we do, and she thinks it’s great. How we’re a couple and we love each other and we can still do what we do for a living,” Tyler said, squeezing my hand. He and the girl with the bubbly tits, named Cait, were really chatting it up. I was too high to get mad at him for telling a stranger about our professional sex lives. Cait took my hand. Then Tyler kissed her on the lips, with lots of tongue. Cait reached for my leg as she made out with my boyfriend.

Nelson was right next to us, observing. He brought down Hannah’s top, exposing her perfectly constructed breasts. Tyler followed Nelson’s lead. My little boobs came out and so did Cait’s buoys. She had a boyfriend with her, who came behind her and started feeling her ass. Tyler pushed my head to Cait’s, wanting me to make out with her. My mouth was dry and tasted horrible from all of the shit I was on. I couldn’t do it. I was too shy. I had not expected any of this.

Nelson’s huge dick came out and he stuck it in Hannah’s mouth. Then in Cait’s mouth. Tyler nudged my head to his lap, encouraging me to get going on his. I just smiled. At least our friends were here, and the person I loved.
Is this what I have to do in order to keep proving I am a sexual being?
I thought. I didn’t want to be lame. Everyone wanted to have a good time, and this was part of the fun. I didn’t want to back out of it and spoil it for Tyler and Nelson, so I went along.

Cait sat on her boyfriend’s dick and some more people entered the room. Others saw what was going on with our group and started forming small groups themselves. Bodies were exposed, and mouths began going back and forth. I could only catch glimpses because I was already engaged in my own small orgy. I didn’t want to get fucked, though. It was looking like I was going to have to, so I got up and wandered down the hall. Tyler got up to see what I was after. Maybe he hoped I was going to go reel in another stranger.

In a daze, I drifted up another set of white carpeted stairs. Tyler caught up with me and helped me up the steps. We found ourselves amidst a group of nearly twenty people having sex. It was the top floor of the house, just one small open room. Slightly bigger than a crawl space or attic, it was the most crowded area of the party. Tyler and I were fully dressed and stepped over the naked bodies. No one noticed us coming in and trying to pass. I was still really high and just wanted to party like a normal person does on ecstasy and coke. All of the random bodies having sex got to me. While both Tyler and I liked the attention from new partners while we were working—it was easier to pretend I was someone else while on the job—I didn’t look for sex with strangers in my private life. Friends from time to time were one thing, but unfamiliar people made me uncomfortable.

For the first time, I saw that Tyler could agree. He looked at the mess of sucking and grinding limbs as if it had all finally gone too far. Whatever he thought we were ready to handle as a couple didn’t add up to this. He took me by the hand and we exited the top layer of the house. I still had a cocktail glass in my hand, but it had nothing left in it. I had spilled my vodka cranberry all the way up the white carpeted stairs.

We rejoined Nelson and Hannah and Cait and her boyfriend where we’d left them. They were lounging on the big, fluffy pillows on the floor, spent I supposed. I didn’t want to sit down again. They all got up and we migrated downstairs to a living room full of dull people. To Hannah’s and my horror, Nelson and Tyler started talking to an attractive woman and told her all four of us did porn. We didn’t know any of these people, and I was always afraid of being judged, even by strangers. What we did for a living was our business. Before the solicitation of the woman went any further, I tugged at Tyler.

“I want to go now. I’m not feeling good. I think I might be sick. Let’s leave, please?” I tried to look as sincere and pathetic as possible. “Hannah doesn’t feel good either.”

“Well, here,” Tyler handed me a bag of coke. “Go to the bathroom and do some of this. Take her with you. It always makes you feel better.”

It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but technically Tyler was right. Coke always made me feel better. When ecstasy got too strong, I could always right myself by doing lots of coke or speed to cancel out anything else and make me feel grounded. By the time I straightened out with the coke, we’d all had enough of the swinger party. It was time to leave. We caught a white shuttle van back to the parking garage and piled into Nelson’s Jeep. He drove us back to his and Hannah’s place.

“Do you have anything to drink besides energy drinks?” Tyler asked as he took a peek into the fridge. Nelson and Hannah’s kitchen was full of protein powders and bottles of water. No real food and certainly no booze. They’d invited us up for a nightcap and we assumed that meant alcohol.

Nelson briskly made his way over to take a look. He had such a shrewd way about him. If he smiled or laughed, Tyler and I felt like we had accomplished something others rarely could. Nelson was naturally joyless and stiff. We didn’t give up on him.

“Ah, here we are. This is something. I’ve had it for a long time. Somebody gave it to me as a gift. Yes. I think this will work out all right,” Nelson said in his British and self-satisfied voice. It was a bottle of Cristal. Tyler and I were impressed.

Nothing about the party was discussed. We drank the Cristal and joked around as the night waned. It was late, and Tyler and I did some lines of coke on the coffee table. Hannah didn’t say much. She was out of it. Nelson went into the bedroom for a minute or two. When he came out, he was naked and his big dick was fully hard. He walked right over to Hannah and pushed it into her mouth. Tyler looked at me with a distressed face. He didn’t know we were all going to fuck. There was no way he’d be able to get it up after so many drugs.

Ecstasy has a nice way of telling a man’s body that he’s doing something very unhealthy. Cocaine has an equally humbling effect. Tyler, like millions of other men who’ve done both of these drugs simultaneously, had an unresponsive cock. I sucked it and he jerked it, but nothing would happen. I think it was shrinking from all of the pressure we put on it. Nelson fucked away at Hannah, who was like me and went along with anything her boyfriend wanted. Like a robot, she obeyed.

Tyler gave up after a while. No sex for him. He felt so inferior next to Nelson. It didn’t seem fair. After an hour, Nelson put on some sweatpants, and Hannah a robe. Tyler was sulking, and we wanted to leave. We all said our warm goodbyes and parted ways. We made plans to get together the next weekend, just for dinner, no party.

In the car, Tyler was bummed. He wanted to fuck Hannah, and it’s all he could think about. The whole next day he beat himself up for not being able to get an erection. None of this mattered to me. I was glad he couldn’t fuck. I didn’t want to have sex with our new friends, not this time. Hannah was nice. Couldn’t I have at least one non-sexual relationship among our friends? After all, we weren’t swingers.