Girl in the White Dress: Sam's Story (14 page)

             
“It’s 8:30,” he said groggily.

I sprang to my feet. “Get up! We need to clean this mess up and get to the bus terminal in an hour. Danny is back today. His bus is scheduled to come in at 9:45.”

              “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He scrambled out of bed. “Ok, don’t panic.” He looked around his room. “Well, at least he’s used to my room being a mess. So we just need to remove any traces of the best sex of my life.” We both stopped what we were doing and looked at each other for a moment.

             
“That really happened, didn’t it?” I asked.

             
“Yeah, Sam, it did. And unfortunately we don’t have time to figure out what it means.” Part of me was grateful for that. I was not sure what I wanted it to mean. I had been trying for months not to care about Tim and it had not worked.

We picked up the apartment enough so that it was clean, but not too clean that it looked like we were hiding something.
Plus, Danny knew we were not clean freaks so anything short of “lived in” would be suspicious.

             
Danny was coming home today for a two week leave and then he was going to Germany for something he said was classified. He was serving our country and I was serving his brother. Fan-freakin-tastic. I quickly showered, trying to wash away my guilt. I was ready by quarter past nine, which was a miracle because generally, it took me about an hour to get out of the house. We got to the bus depot ten minutes early. While we were waiting, we awkwardly avoided the topic of last night. Suddenly, my phone rang. “Hello?”

             
“Hey, babe!” It was Danny.

             
“Hi! We’re waiting, where are you?” I asked.

             
“There’s an accident on the highway. The driver said there is a half hour delay.” Great, I thought.

             
“Ok, well, be safe and we will see you soon.”

             
“Love you, Sam.”

             
“Love you, too,” I replied automatically.

Tim looked at me. “What’s going on?”

“There was an accident. The bus is delayed about a half hour.” Great, more awkward silence.

Tim looked at me. “Sam, I think this may be the universe’s way of forcing us to talk about what happened.”

I just stared at him. He had no way of knowing I could not get last night out of my head. “I can’t. Not right now. I need to figure some things out.”

“And you think I don’t?
You are my brother’s girlfriend. He loves you. But honestly, there has been something between us since the moment I ran into you.”

“You don’t think I know that? Do you have any idea how long
I have wanted that to happen? It has never been the right time, it still is not. I love Danny, I do. Now I need to figure out what to do with these feelings for you. You’re his brother, it’s not like I had sex with some random guy.”

He was about to say something when we saw Danny coming out of the terminal. He ran over and gave me a huge hug and kiss. “I’ve missed you, babe.”

“Me, too,” I said. It was not a lie. I did. “How was the bus ride?”

“Eh, ok until we got stuck in traffic. But my day is better now that I’m home.” He gave me a squeeze. We grabbed his bags and walked to the car. The plan was to go back to the apartment so he could change and veg out for a bit before the three of us piled back into the car to go see their mom.

When we got back to the apartment, I could feel my anxiety start to rise. I hoped Danny would not figure out something happened last night. “Wow, Tim. You should have had a female roommate before. This place is finally clean! Well, cleaner than normal. I know Sam is not always the tidiest,” Danny commented.

“Hey, now!” I objected. Although, he was not lying.

Tim laughed nervously. “Yeah, well, I guess she keeps me in line.”

“Well, someone has to! You’re a slob!” Danny said. “Ok, I’m going to take a hot shower. When I get out, I want to hear what’s been going on around here.”

I know he meant around here as in the area but I could not help but feel so guilty. I looked over at Tim and he looked just as guilty as I felt. Once Danny was safely in the shower, I told Tim we needed to talk. “I love him,” I said.

“So do
I,” he agreed. “He can never know. It was a mistake.”

“
Yeah, a mistake…” I had to admit that hurt a bit. Another time, another place, I did not think either of us would have considered it a mistake. We agreed Danny was never to find out and that it absolutely could not happen again. I just wished I could get the image of his hot, naked body out of my head.

Once Danny was out of the
shower, we filled him in on the drama of Sophia and Miguel. (Who are they you ask? I have not mentioned them? I guess I was distracted. They were our upstairs neighbors and they might as well live in a Spanish soap opera. He cheats on her, she cheats on him to pay him back and the cycle continues. They are just pure entertainment.)

The visit with
Danny and Tim’s family was nice. I had met them a few times before and really got along with Tina, Tim’s mother. She probably would not like me so much after finding out what happened with Tim, but she would not know, right?

Danny and I had two good weeks together before he went back. Tim and I tried to avoid being alone together or even near e
ach other the whole time. I did not think we knew quite how to avoid the suspicion any other way.

The last night Danny was home, we threw him a party with all his friends. It was going great until one of his drunken friends went into Tim’s room to look for a CD and came out with my underwear.

              “Ooooh, big brother has been getting lucky!” the dumbass said. Tim and I glanced quickly at each other.

             
“You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone,” Danny said.

             
“It’s nothing serious. I guess it just wasn’t worth mentioning,” he said.

             
“Yeah, she really isn’t anyone special,” I said. I felt like I needed to contribute for some reason, idiot that I was.

             
“You’ve met her?

             
“Only by accident,” Tim said. “Anyone want another beer?” A loud round of cheers erupted. Subject change successful. I really hated his friends sometimes. Anyway, the rest of the party was uneventful, just a bunch of drunk guys playing beer pong and poker.

             
The next day the apartment was a disaster. Boys are slobs who did not get better with age. But more importantly, today was the day Danny had to go back. We only had a few hours together and he wanted to spend some quality time with me. He had packed a picnic and we went to the lake he had brought me to way back when. I really was going to miss him. Regardless of the mistake I made with Tim, I loved Danny and would never intentionally hurt him. As I watched him gaze out at the lake, I realized he could never know about Tim and me. We were not going to let it happen again and we both cared about Danny. I must have been lost in thought because I did not hear Danny calling my name.

             
I shook my head. “Sorry.”

             
“Where were you?”

             
“I was just thinking about how much I love you and how much I’m going to miss you.” Not a lie.

             
He smiled. “Good. I love you, too.” His face got serious. I could sense my anxiety acting up. “Sam, there’s something I want to ask you.” Oh, crap.

             
“Really?” I asked innocently. “What’s that?”

             
“I’m going to be gone awhile and I’m going to miss you like crazy. And I’ve been thinking about this for some time…” I saw a box in his hand. Oh my God…

             
“Sam, I love you. You are amazing and I want to spend forever with you. Marry me?” The ring was gorgeous.

             
I tried not to let panic creep in. I loved him, but did I want to marry him? I just slept with his brother for crying out loud. Do I want to send him to war with a broken heart? He would be gone for a year at least… I looked at him and I could tell he was waiting anxiously for an answer. I could not really blame him.

             
“Yes,” I heard myself saying. He swooped me up for a big kiss.

             
“You have made me so happy, Samantha Rayne. I love you.”

             
“I love you, too, Danny,” and part of me hoped I loved him enough.

             
Tim was home when we got back and Danny could not wait to tell him the news. Tim just stared at me and I stared at my feet. “That’s great, Dan,” he said. “Really great.” But his eyes told a different story.

             
“I know and of course, you’ll be the best man.”

             
“Of course,” Tim echoed. He would not stop looking at me. “So when is the big day?”

             
“We haven’t even discussed that yet,” I said.

             
“Not yet, but soon after I get back,” Danny glanced at his watch. “Crap, I have to get packed. The bus will be here soon.” He went into his/my room to get his stuff packed. I could not even look at Tim. I was too afraid I would burst into tears and was not sure why.

             
We both brought Danny to the bus stop. I kissed Danny and told him I loved him and would write soon. I was sad and relieved he was going back. He and Tim hugged and he waved out the back window as the bus drove away. Tim and I drove back to the apartment. Silence had never been so deafening.

Tim’s side

They were getting married. Ok, not until Danny got back in a
year or so, but they were still getting married all the same. The only thing Tim could do was stare at Sam when Danny told him the news. She could not even look at Tim. His heart was breaking but he heard himself agreeing to be the best man. What kind of best man sleeps with the bride? Was in love with the bride? Ok, well the kind in movies, but this was not a movie. As much as Tim loved his brother, he could not let her marry him. He had to do something, but what? The ride home from the bus station was torture. He wanted to talk to her when they got back but she booked it out of there. He knew she ran when she needed to think, but what could she need to think about? She had made her choice… had she not? Did she wonder if she made a mistake? Did she love him? He was making himself sick with unanswered questions.

Tim
grabbed a beer and called Brian. Krissy answered.

“Did you miss us already?” she asked.

He laughed. “You know it, beautiful. Brian around?”

“He’s out on the boat. You want him to call you?”

He debated telling Krissy but did not know if she knew the story and he was not in the mood to explain it to her. “Actually, would you guys mind a guest for a couple of days?”

“Of course not,” she said. “You’re always welcome.”

“Great, I will see you soon.”

The drive to Hyannis seemed to take forever.
Tim found Brian at the marina working on his boat. “Hey, Krissy told me you were coming out. What’s up? You look sick.”

“I fucked up, Brian. Bad.”

He looked at Tim quizzically. “What did you do?” Tim told him about his ultimate betrayal.

“So, Danny has no idea that you slept with his girlfriend?”

“Fiancé,” I corrected.

“Fiancé?”

“Yes, he freaking proposed and she said yes. She couldn’t even look at me when they told me.” He took a swig of the beer Brian had handed him. “And I’m the best man.”

“Damn, man, I don’t even know what to say. You know I love you both like brothers, but you fucked up.” Brian had never been one to sugar coat things.

“I know and the stupid thing is part of me would do it all over again. It was amazing. She is amazing. It was so much more than I ever thought it could be. We did not just have sex, I felt like we actually made love. Ahhh!” he let out a scream of frustration.

“But she’s with Danny,” Brian stated.

“Right, she’s with Danny. What I do not get is I know she has feelings for me, too, but her loyalty to him takes over. Which makes me love her even more,” Tim said.

“And you’re sure you love her?”

“There is no doubt in my mind.”

“You know what you have to do then, right?”

Tim sighed and nodded.

“Leave her be. If you really love her, give her space. Maybe she just needs to think. IF
she is meant for you, it will happen someday.

Tim did not want the answer to the
next question. “But what if she doesn’t come back to me?” His whole world would be shattered, he thought.

“Then she was never really yours to begin with.”

Tim sat and pondered what Brian had said. No matter how much Tim did not want to admit it, he knew Brian was right. Life sucked.