Girl, 15: Charming but Insane (25 page)

‘But, Jess,’ said Flora, a huge blush unfolding across her face. ‘It’s not Ben I’m crazy about. It’s Fred.’

Chapter 28

Jess’s world seemed to split apart. Words went peculiar. The word ‘Fred’, for example, stopped having any meaning. Maybe Flora meant something else – or maybe she had said something else. Perhaps she had said ‘Ben’ and it had just sounded like ‘Fred’.

‘Fred?’ echoed Jess. The word came out in a tiny squeak.

Flora’s eyes swivelled around nervously: she looked at the sky, the grass, the tree trunk, her own knees.

‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘Fred.’

It was impossible for Jess to speak. Flora – and Fred? Utterly weird. Jess’s heart was leaping about like a cat in a bag. Flora fancied
Fred
? This was so totally out of order, Jess could not comprehend it. She just stared open-mouthed at Flora, looking, for a moment, rather unfortunately like a codfish. Flora began to twist the rings on her fingers in a jittery kind of way.

‘It’s not a sudden thing,’ she said. ‘And it’s nothing to do with what he said about me in the newspaper.’

She blushed, and her eyes sparkled, even though they were modestly fixed on the earth. Probably beetles were already looking up and falling in love with her. ‘I’ve always, like, you know, loved the way Fred is so – you know, like, clever and funny. Only I didn’t let myself get, well, like, too carried away because you and Fred were kind of close. So I, just, well, sort of stifled my feelings for him.’

Stifled her feelings! Wow! Heroic! Give the girl a medal!

‘Anyway,’ Flora went on, ‘recently you haven’t, like, spent so much time with Fred, and since you and Ben seem to be getting it together, I thought you wouldn’t, you know, like, mind.’

Mind?
Mind?
Jess considered the word ‘mind’. It was such miles away from her feelings, she could hardly remember what it meant.

Jess was aware she had absolutely no right to feel anything. She didn’t own Fred. They weren’t even on speaking terms these days. But deep inside, she knew that if Flora started going out with Fred, it was war. Jess could eat all the carpets in the world, tear down all the curtains, break all the windows in the country and still come nowhere near to expressing her absolute horror and fury. She was astonished by her own rage. She knew she wasn’t entitled to it. But there it was, blazing away inside her like a vindaloo curry with extra chilli sauce.

‘Ben and I are not getting it together,’ she said coldly. ‘I don’t know what gave you that idea.’

Flora’s big blue eyes got somehow bigger and bluer in doe-like innocent amazement.

‘Well, you’re always together,’ she said. ‘Everyone thinks you’re going out.’

‘But you’re my best friend!’ exploded Jess. ‘If I was going out with somebody I’d tell you – before I told anybody else. I tell you everything, remember? Though it seems you don’t feel the same way about me.’

‘I only never mentioned it because I didn’t want to hurt you!’ Flora retorted. ‘I realised it might be horrible for you if Fred and I were going out.’

‘Well, rest assured on that one.’ Jess managed to control her anger, but she was shaking. ‘I wish you both every happiness.’

‘Why are you giving me such a hard time, then?’ complained Flora.

‘I just hate it when you don’t tell me things,’ said Jess, between clenched teeth. That wasn’t it, really. The truth had dawned on Jess, and it was something she must keep from Flora at all costs.

‘So you’re really, really OK about it? asked Flora eagerly.

Jess nodded. Flora reached out her arms and gave Jess a hug.

‘Oh, thanks, thanks so much, Jess, you’re such a babe!’ she said. ‘I’ve so dreaded talking to you about Fred. He’s so clever and witty and I think his nose is really cute. And I love the way his hair kind of flops about all over the place.’

‘I hate his hair,’ said Jess. ‘And I wish he would cut it. I’ve told him a hundred times, but he won’t listen.’

‘I suppose he’s always, like, busy thinking about ideas and stuff,’ said Flora. ‘I think he’s a comic genius.’

Jess didn’t say much more. She was too shocked to talk properly. She had wasted so many hours preparing herself for the idea that Flora was falling for Ben, and now she had to go back to square one and start all over again. Except this felt so very different that she knew she would never get used to it.

‘Please help me, Jess,’ said Flora.

‘How?’ asked Jess, dully, from some deep hole in which she seemed to be sitting.

‘The thing is . . . you know Fred. He’s always been one of your best mates . . . I was wondering, could you possibly go and talk to him and, well, you know, like, sound him out type thing? Mention my name and see what kind of reaction you get. And if he seems interested, let him know I’m, well – let him know I like him, too.’

Flora ended this speech with another pretty blush. Jess’s imagination reeled at the dreadfulness of this errand.

‘If you don’t really want to do it,’ said Flora, ‘I was going to ask Jodie.’

‘No!’ cried Jess. ‘I’ll do it! I’ll go round his house tonight.’ At this point they heard the bell ring distantly for the end of the lunch hour.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Jess’s mind felt like a butterfly against a window pane – fluttering desperately at an invisible barrier, doomed never to escape.

She left school in a daze and started to walk home. Should she go straight round to Fred’s or go and see him after supper? Supper, her stomach informed her, was out of the question. This was Jess’s own personal Death Row. Maybe she would never eat again. So maybe she should call by straightaway, and get it over with? But what if she nerved herself up to call on her way home, and he wasn’t back yet? All that nervous tension for nothing.

‘Jess!’ She felt a hand on her shoulder. For a brief crazy moment she thought it was Fred. But it was Ben.

‘How’s Mackenzie?’ she asked.

‘Gutted,’ said Ben, shaking his head and shrugging. ‘He’s, like, “I’d do anything, anything, to keep her.” I told him not to be so stupid. She’s never going to change her mind now – is she?’

‘No,’ sighed Jess. ‘I don’t think so. I don’t know whether she said anything about this to Mackenzie, but she’s obsessed with somebody else.’

‘No, I don’t think she did say that.’ Ben frowned. ‘Um – who?’

Jess laughed bitterly. ‘Ironically, I thought it was going to be you. I know you’re interested in her and I don’t blame you.’

Ben stood stock-still and stared at Jess in amazement.

‘Me?’ he gasped. ‘Me, interested in Flora?’

‘Well, aren’t you?’ asked Jess.

‘No way!’ said Ben, grinning in complete shock.

‘But you always seemed to want to talk about her – asking me stuff about her all the time.’

‘I was just, like, worried about what Mackenzie was getting himself into,’ explained Ben. ‘He’s one crazy guy, you know. He’s got a wild streak. He needs somebody keeping an eye on him. I’m not, like, interested in Flora. No way.’

For a moment Jess thought he was going to confess that he was interested in somebody else. The way he paused, and looked sideways at her, made her panic a bit for a second. Just a few weeks ago, she had often fantasised about Ben Jones walking her home and declaring his undying passion for her. Now the thought scared her to death.

‘I’m not interested in any girls, yeah?’ said Ben quietly. ‘Not in that way. I don’t want a girlfriend. I couldn’t, like, cope with it.’

Relief surged through Jess.

‘Good,’ she said. ‘I’d hate it if she’d managed to break your heart as well as Mackenzie’s.’

‘No girl’s ever going to break my heart,’ Ben assured her. ‘Other stuff is so more important.’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Jess. But right now, she couldn’t think of anything.

‘So who’s the, like, lucky guy?’ asked Ben. ‘The one Flora’s got her eye on?’

‘Fred,’ said Jess.

‘You’re kidding!’ exclaimed Ben. ‘No way! She shouldn’t even go there! So tight! Harsh! Unfair to you!’

‘To me?’ faltered Jess. She had always thought Ben was a nice guy, but a bit dumb. Now it seemed he was more perceptive – well, more perceptive than Jess herself, on this subject at least.

‘But you and Fred are so, like, made for each other,’ puzzled Ben. ‘Well, aren’t you?’

‘I don’t think so, somehow,’ said Jess. ‘We’re not even speaking at the moment. And once Flora makes a play for anybody – that tends to be it.’

‘So has Fred, like, y’know . . . got feelings for Flora?’ asked Ben, with a doubtful frown.

Jess sighed. ‘Who hasn’t? – Apart from you.’

‘So they haven’t actually, like, got together yet?’ asked Ben.

‘No,’ said Jess. ‘Tonight I have the delightful task of going round to his house and broaching the subject.’

‘Oh wow!’ breathed Ben. ‘So harsh! You poor thing!’ They had arrived at the road where Ben turned off. ‘Good luck, then,’ he said, and put his arm briefly round her shoulders. ‘Ring me if you want to talk. You know – afterwards, yeah?’

As Jess walked off down the street that led to Fred’s house, it did cross her mind briefly that Ben might possibly be gay. She hoped so. It would be so cool. She had always wanted a gay best friend. But somehow she had always assumed it would be Fred.

Fred was turning out to be something else entirely. And in five minutes’ time she would be with him. Face to Face. For the showdown.

Chapter 29

Jess arrived at Fred’s house and stood on the pavement outside, her heart hammering. Should she call now? Or come back in an hour or two? His mum’s car wasn’t there, and Jess knew his dad usually came home much later than this. Get it over with. That was best. If she rang first, somehow he might make an excuse and avoid seeing her. She walked up the path and rang the bell.