Gio (5th Street) (18 page)

Bianca felt her face fire up as she pulled her car into the dairy parking lot. She wasn’t buying anything but she needed to talk to someone about this already and she didn’t want to have this conversation while she was supposed to be concentrating on driving in the snow.

“Toni?”

“Yeah?”

Biting her lip, she tried to think of where best to start. “Have you ever been in a relationship where you were happy but still found yourself attracted to someone else?”

“Oh, honey this sounds juicy. Hold on. Let me turn my sign over to closed and lock this door.”

Bianca heard her giggle and she smiled trying to shake the anxiety she’d been feeling for days. She turned the key, shutting off the ignition to her car.

“Okay, so who is it and how come you hadn’t told me?”

“First, you answer my question,” Bianca drummed her fingers on her thigh. “Have you?”

“Of course I have. It’s perfectly normal. Even married women can be attracted to other men. Nothin’ wrong with that unless you act on it.” Bianca thought about that last sentence for a moment without responding. “Oh, Bianca. You’re too cute. So you have a crush on someone else and you’re worried about it? I think it’s especially normal for you since Felix is gone so much.”

“But it’s not just someone else. It’s his friend. His friend like from way back. They’re real close.”

“Ooh!” Bianca could tell by Toni’s excitement she didn’t get the magnitude of this and how could she? “What friend?” Then in a much less excited tone, she scolded again, “And I can’t believe you hadn’t told me!”

Bianca took a deep breath and started from the beginning—way back in high school beginning. She filled her in on the important details feeling like she was slowly building a case against herself and why she was guilty of something only she hadn’t done anything.

Toni listened intently, responding with “uh-huhs” in all the appropriate pauses. When she got to the part of the first dream, the night Felix arrived, Toni was quiet for a moment then she burst into laughter. As nervous as she still was about all this Bianca couldn’t help laughing with her. “It’s not funny, Toni!” she said but continued laughing. “Can you imagine if I would have said Gio’s name as I came?”

Toni cackled even louder now and as funny as Bianca knew this
wasn’t
she continued to laugh, too, barely able to catch her breath. Bianca was grateful she hadn’t squeaked or this conversation would’ve gone nowhere. As the laughter calmed, she wondered if she should even go on. The dreams were even worse but somehow she knew Toni would find them more humorous than inappropriate. This was not the outcome Bianca had hoped for when she pulled over. “Toni!” she tried to sound firm as Toni continued to giggle. “I need clarity. Get it together, woman!”

“Okay, okay.” Toni cleared her voice. “So the guy is beautiful, crazy sexy and he’s obviously attracted to you too but you did say he’s respectful, right? And he was mindful of making sure that you were not offended by his playfulness. If that’s all it is then I wouldn’t worry. You’re very attractive Bianca, of course, the two of you are gonna flirt.”

“There’s more.”

“Oh?”

Now that Bianca had her full attention again, she told her about the night they’d gone out and the ride home with Gio—what Evelyn had said to him. “Oh, what a slut! And pshaw! The men’s restroom? That is so nineties!”

“That’s not the point, Toni.” Bianca wasn’t feeling humorous anymore; the incredible unease was back and she was beginning to feel choked up. She needed someone to understand and tell her she wasn’t crazy for feeling so incredibly guilty and selfish. “The point is there is this… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like there’s something bigger than the both of us when we’re alone. I’m left completely breathless sometimes—I’m utterly mesmerized by him and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it—
felt
it in him. We both know it’s wrong but it’s beyond any comprehension. If we can’t even understand it, how can we control it? And I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit. A huge cop-out.” Her voice broke and she stopped unable to go on.

“Bianca,” Toni’s voice was full of remorse. “Sweetie, don’t cry. I didn’t know this was bothering you
that
much.”

Bianca sucked it up and took another deep breath feeling like a blubbering idiot. “It’s just that I keep having these dreams, Toni. In the last one I got out of bed with Felix, tip-toed over to Gio’s room, took off my clothes and climbed in his bed. And the thing is it’s always so real yet it’s so easy for me to do it. I know it’s only a dream but even in dreams I usually think the way I would in real life. And in the dreams I want him
so
desperately.” She breathed in, thankful that she was completely in control of her emotions now and continued. “I can barely look at him for fear that he’ll know. He’ll see it in my eyes. And the worst part is, I talk in my sleep.”

“Oh, shit. You do?”

“Well, I used to. I haven’t slept in the same room with my grandma in years but years ago she told me I did. What if I do one of these nights and I say his name? Say the things I do to Gio in my dreams—that I can’t stop thinking about him—that he’s on my mind constantly now even when Felix is making love to me. It’s
so
wrong!”

Bianca heard Toni breathe in deep and then hum. It was something she did when she was brainstorming or trying to figure something out. Bianca could almost picture her walking around her little salon. So, she waited patiently hopeful that Toni would have some words of wisdom for her.

“No. I asked you to really think about it, girl.” Toni snapped back. “Now think, because I’m just being honest here, so again, don’t get mad. When you told me about how you told him you loved him, you said it just like that. You said, ‘He said he loved me and I told him I loved him too.’ Then you got all squealy and I had no choice but to do what any good friend is expected to do and squeal with you. But I did think it was weird you never actually said you loved him or that you were
in
love. You said you
told
him you loved him. It’s different.”

“Well, I
am
in love with him.” Bianca tried not to take offense or sound defensive but it did bother her that Toni would think she could be so immature she’d be more excited about the idea of being loved and saying it for the first time than actually being
in
love.

“Really?” Bianca could tell by Toni’s tone she
really
wasn’t buying it. “And when did you know you were in love? Do you remember the moment you knew? That’s usually a pretty big moment you remember forever.”

Bianca didn’t. All she remembered was being stunned when she heard Felix say it to her for the first time. But she was hurt. How could Toni be thinking this all this time and not mention it?

She
was
mad. God, was she ever. Just not at Toni. She was mad at herself. How stupid was she really? Was it possible she’d convinced herself she was in love with Felix just because she got all caught up in the way it felt to be in love—liked hearing him say it back? And what, if anything, did her not actually being in love with him have to do with her feeling what she did when she was around Gio? She did at least have feelings for Felix. She cared about him and her feelings of jealousy when hearing about him with those other women were genuine. There was no way she was faking those.

Then she remembered what she’d felt when she saw Gio kissing Evelyn. She’d just texted Felix back agreeing to meet him back at the cabin but glancing up to see Gio and Evelyn kissing had been enough to make her spring out of her seat and bolt for the door. Bianca squeezed the steering wheel feeling her face flush, utterly mortified. She was ridiculous. What was wrong with her?

“I’m not mad,” she repeated as she pulled out of the parking space. “I’m just confused and all of this is just making me so insane.”

“And that’s perfectly normal.” Toni had her reassuring voice on and Bianca appreciated it because what she needed right now more than ever was reassurance. “From what you tell me Gio sounds like a sweetheart—a sweetheart that also happens to be eye candy. I’d question your sanity if you
weren’t
attracted to him. Shit, I think I want him and I haven’t even seen the guy.”

Bianca laughed feeling completely grateful for having a friend like Toni. Toni would never judge her and she was always there when she needed her. She’d always told Bianca she could call her at any hour for any reason and unless she was stone cold dead asleep that she didn’t hear it, she’d always answer. That had almost happened these last few nights when she’d awakened from her Gio dreams.

“I just wish I didn’t feel so incredibly guilty about waking up right next to Felix in his bed having a full blown orgasm brought on by his friend.” Just the thought made her wince.

Toni exhaled heavily. “Okay, I’m only gonna say this because I hate that you’re beating yourself up about innocent dreams but I’m warning you’re probably gonna be pissed.” She paused, probably waiting for a response but Bianca didn’t give her any. She could never be pissed at Toni. “I’ve been looking into this Shelley girl he met up with in Chicago and I haven’t said anything to you because I have nothing solid but it’s not looking good. Now, I could be totally wrong about this so don’t start getting all upset or anything. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because I could be on to something or like all the other times it could turn out to be nothing. All I want you think about is this. What you’re doing—dreaming about his friend—is harmless. It’s
just
a dream. He, on the other hand, well, let’s just say his complete and total innocence is questionable at best.”

Bianca thought about that for a second as she drove into the cabin’s driveway. She could see Felix, Gio and Ray sitting on the porch holding coffee mugs. Probably tea for Felix and hot cocoa for Gio and Ray just like they’d been drinking the last two evenings she’d driven up. What was it about these guys and liking to drink on the porch?

“I’m here now,” Bianca said as she pulled the car up across from the cabin facing the porch where the guys sat.

Felix smiled at her and Gio glanced up at her for a second before turning back to Felix who’d said something that made him laugh. “Okay. I’ll let you go then,” Toni said. “But let me just leave you with one last thing. In all the times you’ve been going out with Felix, when you were so excited about him coming up for a couple of months and when you told me he’d said he loved you—I’ve never once heard the emotion I heard from you today when you spoke of Gio.”

Bianca stared out her windshield at Gio and Felix. Just a couple of weeks ago she was certain there was nothing or no one that would make her happier than Felix. Now, not only was she not sure if she was even in love with him, she may’ve fallen and in a way she didn’t even understand for someone else—someone she could never have—his best friend.

She’d never forgive herself for breaking up their friendship. Only she was already feeling it from this far away—the pull. She needed to be near Gio now. She wasn’t ready to walk away—didn’t think she could if she tried. But she had to before she did something she could never take back. What in the world was she going to do?

Last night had been rough. Each day that passed having to see Bianca with Felix was that much worse than the last. It made Gio wonder how much longer he could take being here. But then they’d have another one of their moments and the more urgent question became how in the hell would he ever bring himself to leave? He couldn’t decide which was worse—having to see her with Felix—or never seeing her again. At least only as often as he ever saw Felix which if he wasn’t training him was only every six months or so.

Felix had left early that morning. Gio hadn’t even been up when he left and if he had been he would’ve pretended not to be. Felix would be gone for almost two days. The last thing Gio wanted was to witness their long goodbye.

After taking a shower, he called his mom to check in. She’d asked him to call at least once a day so he figured he’d get it out of the way now. Then he called Jack. The night of Noah’s dinner Jack had discreetly asked him to call him when he could. Gio had the next day and Jack told him he was going to hold off on adding the rest of the guys to the title of the gym because of a lawsuit he had pending. He didn’t want any of them getting dragged into it as part owners. He even offered to take Gio off the title because if the lawsuit got ugly, which his lawyers didn’t anticipate it would, they could come after Gio as well. Gio had told him he wasn’t worried and to do whatever made him feel better. Since getting Gio’s name off the title would involve a lot paperwork and getting them signed and notarized Jack said he’d hold off on that for now.

In this morning’s call Jack told him things were moving along. The lawsuit was going to be dismissed but it’d still be some time before he could get the guys on the title. He seemed worried that somehow they’d find out he’d only added Gio’s name and be hurt. Gio told him what he was sure was the truth. None of them would think anything of it and would understand but guaranteed him they wouldn’t find out from him. His lips were sealed until Jack told him otherwise.

Bianca was having breakfast alone when he walked into the dining room. “Morning sleepyhead,” she said smiling brightly when she glanced up and saw him. “Feel good to sleep in?”