Gina and Mike (2 page)

I was scared. I thought about telling Mom but I didn’t think she’d believe me. She thought the Smiths were a “lovely family.” More importantly, I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Mike. And Smith said that if I told anyone, Mike would pay.  I couldn’t do that to Mike. Baseball was everything to him. He had pitched varsity since he was a freshman and had hoped for a baseball scholarship to his dad’s alma mater.

Mike wanted to make his dad proud. His dad had just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease and the family was devastated. Knowing that his dad was going to die made Mike even more determined to attend the college his dad did.  But it was a private school and very expensive. Mike needed the scholarship to help pay his way. So I wasn’t about to let Smith jeopardize Mike’s scholarship chances by benching him or pulling some other screwed up move.

I stuffed my stained sundress in a plastic bag and hid it under my bed. I was never going to wear it again. Ever! I wrapped myself in the red and yellow Snow White blanket I had since I was a little girl. I remember begging Mom to buy it.  I must have been about five at the time. Twelve years later, it still comforted me in a way I couldn’t quite explain. It was like being wrapped in childhood sweetness, a protective armor made of hugs and kisses and everything good.

Mom knocked on the door and walked in. “Everything, OK?”

I looked up from my book. “Yeah, why?”

“Just that you didn’t say anything when you got home. You came right up here. Hungry?”

I shook my head. “I had pizza with Alex and Andrew.”

“Get all your homework done?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess it was good that you babysat for the Smiths tonight,” Mom said.

I jerked my head.  “Why?”

“Just that Mr. Smith can help you with your calc, since you’ve been having trouble and all.”

“No.”

“No what?” Mom asked.

“I don’t need his help. I wouldn’t want his help. I’m doing fine in his class.”

As soon as I said it I heard the razor sharp anger in my voice.  

Mom tilted her head in confusion. “Are you sure everything’s all right?”

“Positive.” I closed my book. “I’m just tired. Too many late nights.”

I waited until Mom left before I grabbed my journal out of my antique mahogany nightstand.  I wanted to write about what happened. How I felt. But I was afraid that if I wrote it down on paper, it would live forever. And I didn’t want it to live forever. I wanted it to be gone.

Besides, what if someone found my journal and read it? That would be even worse. No. It had to be my secret. No one could ever know.  It had to be my secret.

Forever.

***

The next day was Friday. I would have feigned being sick but I didn’t want to make up the physics exam I had been studying for all week.  I liked when I didn’t have to study on a weekend for a Monday test and could just relax. The only good thing about the day was that Smith wasn’t at school. I hoped that his bald head felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on it.

On my drive to school, I stopped at the mini mart and stuffed my sundress into the outside trashcan. When I bought the bright yellow dress, I thought it was beautiful, the color of Mom’s flowering buttercups in spring. I couldn’t wait to wear it. Now, the dress represented everything I hated. I could still smell Smith’s stink on it and it made my stomach lurch.   

I knew that I owed Mike an apology.  When he called after work, I didn’t hang on the phone long. He kept asking what was wrong and the more he asked the more irritated I became. We ended up arguing over which Girl Scout cookie was the best.  So incredibly stupid, I know.

I was stashing my physics book in my locker when I saw Mike out of the corner of my eye. His hands were behind his back, and I could tell he was holding something.

When he walked up, he kissed me on the cheek and I jerked.

“You OK?” he asked.

I nodded.

“How was the physics exam?”

“Totally sucked, but at least it’s over.”

He held out the box of Thin Mints he had been hiding behind his back, and his lopsided smirk tumbled into a smile. “It’s a peace offering.” His eyebrows raised in exclamation. “Your favorite.”

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up. A smile slid onto my face before I could stop it.

Mike’s little sister, Alice, was selling Girl Scout cookies, which is how we got into the pathetic fight in the first place. Mike had to drive Alice around after school to deliver orders. He brought it up so I’d know he wouldn’t be able to come over to my house after school.

I took the box of cookies. “Thanks. Sorry for being such a bitch last night.”

Mike brushed my long hair out of my face. “Are you sure you’re all right? You look tired.”

“I am.”

“Not too tired for later, I hope.”

“No. I’ll be ready at 7.”

We had plans to go for ice cream and then to the woods to make out. We hadn’t been together for a while because of Mike’s work schedule. Before last night, I couldn’t wait to be with him, to be wrapped in his arms and next to the body I knew so well. Now, I wasn’t so sure. I hoped that when it was just the two of us, everything would be OK, that it would fall back into place like nothing had happened. But I knew that I wouldn’t know until that moment came. My heart shifted into overdrive just thinking about it.

The bell rang and Mike kissed me again before heading off for the last class of the day. I had English class, and I was hoping that the teacher was in one of her talking moods. Sometimes, she wasted an entire period telling stories about when she was a kid. There was this one guy who was really good at luring her into monologues when no one felt like working. I would have to tell Eric that today was one of those days and see what he could do.

“Hey, Gina. Wait up.”

I turned around to see my best friend, Sue. A hair over five feet tall, she’s built like a gymnast and definitely has the energy of one. Everyone calls her Tigger, because she always seems to be bouncing from place to place.

“How come you didn’t call me back last night?”

“I had to babysit, remember?”

“Yeah, I know. But you could have called afterward. I had something really important to tell you.”

“Like what?”

Sue looked around to see if anyone was super near us and then leaned in close to me. “Like Dave broke up with Diane and now she doesn’t have a date to the prom and she bought her dress already.”

My eyes popped like champagne corks.  “Really? But they’ve been together forever.”

“Yeah, as long as you and Mike. Maybe a little longer.”

“How’s Diane?”

“OK. She said she saw it coming. She said that Dave was ignoring her and acting weird. Dave, on the other hand, acts like he’s won the freakin’ lottery. Jerk!”

“So what’s Diane going to do?”

“Take her dress back. She said that even if a guy asked her to the prom that she wouldn’t want to go because she’d feel like he was only asking her because he pitied her or something. And she doesn’t want to be pitied.”

“What about Dave?”

“Word in the hall is that he’s going to ask a ninth-grader. Some girl he’s apparently had his eye on all year. “

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. It totally sucks for Diane.”

I couldn’t help but thinking how trivial the whole Dave and Diane saga was compared to what I was dealing with. I mean, I was raped. Raped by one of my teachers. I couldn’t tell Mom. I couldn’t tell my best friend. I couldn’t tell anyone. About the only thing I could do was stay as far away from asshole Smith as I could.

I couldn’t avoid going to class, but I could avoid babysitting for him. Mom would wonder why I stopped babysitting for the Smiths, so I’d have to come up with good excuses. Then again, maybe the asshole will tell his wife that I’m a lousy babysitter and not to call me anymore. The worst part about this colossal mess is that I really liked Alex and Andrew. I’ll miss them, and I’m pretty sure they’ll miss me.

Eric was sitting at his desk right inside the door when I walked into English class. I stopped and whispered into his ear.  He nodded, and I knew he would see what he could do.

Chapter 3

Gina

Eric charmed Mrs. Hoffman, who was more round than she was tall, and it wasn’t long before she was decades deep telling a story from her childhood. She was the type of person who told you every little detail. Sometimes, she got so caught up in the details that she’d forget where she was in the story and someone would have to remind her. Today, she talked about the big red and white Coca-Cola cooler at this store near her childhood home.

“And you’d flipped back the lid, reach into the ice-cold water and pull out a bottle of soda,” she said, rubbing her chubby hands together as if she was warming them. “There was a bottle opener attached to the front of the cooler. I’d wipe the wet bottle off with my shirt, pop off the cap and drink it fast so I wouldn’t have to share it with my sister.”

Of course Eric, who looked like Clark Kent minus the glasses, did his usual good job of asking questions to keep the story going.  Mrs. Hoffman thought he asked the questions because he was genuinely interested in what she had to say and for that, he was her forever favorite.

Today, he asked her what kinds of soda they had back then and she went on to talk about Frostie root beer (her favorite).

“I can still picture the bottle cap. It was red, white and blue with a picture of a man with a mustache and beard,” she said. “Back then, you’d get a penny for every glass soda bottle you returned to the store.  Of course, I always returned the bottle because I could then buy a piece of penny candy.”

It was at this point – in the middle of her describing the red, white and blue bottle cap – that I zoned out.   Her details were like sleeping pills. The more she fed me the sleepier I got. 

When I jerked awake, Mrs. Hoffman was describing how the store owner chewed tobacco.

“This man, who was probably in his late 60s or early 70s. Oh, and did I tell you that he lost the tip of his middle finger in a meat slicer when he was quite younger? Yes, well, anyway he did. Uh, where was I?”

“He chewed tobacco,” Eric said.

“Yes, the tobacco. Well, old Mr. Mahoney would open the store door and spit out the big, juicy wads of tobacco. And if I walked to the store in bare feet, which I often did in the summer. I hated shoes. Still do.  I’d have to be careful not to step on the wet wads.”

“Did you ever step on one?” Eric asked.

Thank God the bell rang because her description of stepping on a slimy black blob was making me want to puke. 

“Thanks, Eric,” I whispered as I walked past him. “The tobacco wads were a little too much, though.”

He smiled. “I didn’t feel like discussing
The Iliad
either so it was all good.”

When I got to my locker, Sue was waiting for me.  “You didn’t forget, did you?”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

She put her hands on her hips. “Prom dress shopping. You said you’d go with me.”

“Crap. I did forget. I promised Mike that I would be ready by 7 so I need to be home by 6.”

“Well, that gives us a couple of hours. We can get one shop in. How about Bridal Bliss?”

“Sure.”

I really didn’t feel like going dress shopping with Sue, but I knew how excited she was about this year’s prom. She really, really, really liked Ron. Last year’s prom was more of a friend affair. Sue needed a date and Keith needed a date and they were friends so they decided to go together. This year was a different story. She was really hot for this basketball player we met when we cheered at St. Francis Catholic High.  We saw Ron in the hallway after the game and he asked Sue for her number. They had been hot and heavy ever since. She was even thinking about going the whole way with him. 

When we got to the bridal shop, there were rows and rows of dresses in every color and style imaginable. Sue had brought a teen fashion magazine (prom edition) and showed the page she had paper clipped to the clerk.

“I’d like something like this,” she said, pointing to a picture of a long powder blue gown with sequins on the bodice.

“I think I have something similar,” the clerk said. “Follow me.”

I leaned against the floral wallpaper wall as Sue tried on dress after dress. I was glad I had my prom dress and all of the accessories bought. Mom and I had taken care of that a few weeks ago. I chose a pink gown that I absolutely adored as soon as Mom pulled it off the rack. Better yet, it was on sale because the style was being discontinued. So I got my dress for half of its original price. I loved bargains. 

“On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best, what’s this dress?” Sue asked, turning in a circle. It was a mint green gown with poufy sleeves.

“A six.”

“I agree. The dress has to be a ten.”

She held up the first dress she tried on. It was a pale yellow with a fitted bodice, scoop neckline and elbow length sleeves that gathered into sleeve bands. “This one reminds me the most of Princess Di’s.”

I agreed; it was the closest. Sue was fascinated by the whole Princess Di and Prince Charles love affair. The day of the wedding, she got up super early so she could watch the entire ceremony on TV. She was determined to find a prom dress that had some resemblance to Di’s dress. The clerk wrote all of the information down on a card for Sue, who decided to check a few more shops before making her final decision. By the time I got home, I was exhausted. 

I had an hour before Mike picked me up. I set my alarm so I could lie down for twenty minutes before hopping into the shower.

I had tossed and turned the night before. The rape played over and over in my mind. And like a movie you watch repeatedly, new details emerged that you saw but had forgotten or pushed aside. Like the dark, dime-size mole on Smith’s torso between his belly button and pubic hair.