Gilliflowers (16 page)

Recapping the wine bottle Dick informed me alcohol was totally off limits for the rest of the weekend. He gave me a glacial look. “We’ll discuss your behaviour in detail when we return home.”

I told him he was being unfair. It was supposed to be a holiday and everyone had a little extra to drink on high days and holidays. He reminded me that epilepsy didn’t recognise holidays and therefore limits applied regardless of day, date or location.

“In that case I’m going.” I pushed back my chair and rose unsteadily to my feet.

“No way am I spending a weekend in a house where I’m about as welcome as a turd in a communal Jacuzzi. I need a drink to make it bearable.”

“You’re being childish. Go back into the dining room, for the sake of propriety if nothing else. Finish dinner. We’ll talk later when you’re more sober.”

“I shouldn’t be here.” I said stubbornly.

Penny shoved her oar in. Pushing open the kitchen door she looked at me suspiciously. “Why haven’t you brought the bowls and cream? People are waiting.”

I gave way to a savage desire to hurt and humiliate her as she had hurt and humiliated me. “Get them yourself. I’m leaving. Shane might not have had sense enough to send me on my way yet, so I’m sending myself. Yep.” I spoke with slow emphasis and a heavy mock accent. “This common Geordie tart is taking the train home. Though actually,
pet!”
I dropped the mock accent. “I’m from the Tees Valley, not Newcastle. You might like to pass that information onto Lorraine, along with the frightening news that gays are everywhere.” Call me mean, but I was as pleased as Punch (
that’s the way to do it
) when she flushed red.

She recovered quickly, snapping, “people who listen at doors rarely hear well of themselves.” Snatching the stack of dessert dishes from the table she marched off telling Dick not to take too long, as people would wonder where he’d gotten too. The inference being that I’d be missed about as much as an anal fissure.

“What the hell is going on, Gilli?” Dick was understandably confused by my exchange with Penny. He reached to take my hand, but I slipped past him and ran upstairs to my room intending to gather my stuff together and vacate the premises.

He followed. Taking hold of me he manoeuvred me out of my cupboard room, towing me down the landing to his and Shane’s room. Closing the door he folded his arms, demanding an explanation for the comments I’d made to Penny. I was too fixed in anger to want to talk to him and made the mistake of trying to open the bedroom door so I could leave.

A brief struggle ensued. Dick is as slender as a willow staff, but he’s surprisingly strong with it. The struggle ended with him sitting on the bed with me belly down over his knees. Placing his hand on my trousered bottom he hissed a threat to bare it and blister it red raw unless I simmered down and explained what had occurred between Penny and I. So I did.

“I’m so sorry, honey.” He righted me, pulling me down beside him on the bed. “It can’t have been nice, hearing such unkind words.” He looped an arm around my shoulder, hugging me. “What you have to remember is you weren’t meant to hear them. It was unfortunate. We all do it, honey, pass thoughtless and cruel comments about people we don’t really know, usually because they make us feel threatened in some way. You do it, Gil. You often say awful things about Penny, things you never intend her to hear.”

It was true. I couldn’t deny it. I was often extremely rude and uncomplimentary about her, so I suppose I had no right to be outraged when the boot was on the other foot. Like Dick said it was unfortunate, a case of wrong place wrong time with regard to overhearing her. All the same I wasn’t suited by his response and even less suited when he told me going home was not an option.

“It’s a bank holiday weekend, Gilli. The trains and buses will be operating a reduced service and those will be all pre-booked and packed, that’s if they keep running at all. If this weather gets any worse most services will be cancelled altogether.”

“All the more reason for me to set off now then.” I muttered.

His voice sharpened. “You storming off in one of your legendary huffs will discomfort everyone, especially Shane. I’m not having it.”

“So I have to stay here and be treated like shit?”

“Grow up for God’s sake.” Dick got to his feet. He pushed a hand through his floppy hair in exasperation. “Why can’t you put other people’s feelings before your own for a change?” He glared at me. “Sometimes I feel like shaking you until your ear piercings fall out. You’re bone selfish. You always want what you want and on your own terms. You give damn all consideration to what others want and need.

Shane needs contact with his family.”

“Fair enough. I understand. But why drag me along? Penny doesn’t want me here.

She thinks I’m a scrubber.” Angry and tearful I also got to my feet. “Do you know or even care how I felt sitting at that table knowing what they think of me? Do you know how it felt to be totally ignored, until it came to clearing up? I’m not a guest. I’m a valet at everyone’s disposal. Was that why Shane insisted I come? So his precious bloody sister had a kitchen serf on hand? He sat there and encouraged the prize cow to order me about. It was humiliating.”

Shane chose that moment to arrive on scene, pushing open the bedroom door. I knew from his face he’d heard what I said. I flopped back down on the bed, examining the knees of my trousers. He quietly ordered Dick to return downstairs and try to lighten the atmosphere. It had apparently been made heavy with my histrionics.

That’s right, people. The atmospheric pressure over middle England at Easter was all down to HH. Houseboy Histrionics. Look out for the symbol on weather maps.

Dick left, closing the door behind him. Shane turned to me, bestowing a look that all but turned my guts to liquid. He rapped an order. “Stand up.”

Heart pounding I immediately obeyed and the same when he instructed me to put my hands behind my back.

Launching straight into speech he accused me of always having to perform, claiming I wasn’t happy unless I was making some kind of scene aimed at turning the focus of attention on myself. He was sick and tired of my childish behaviour.

I experienced a renewed surge of temper. “Yes, Dick said the same. I get it. I’m childish. Sorry. I’m sorry for always being
childish
. I can’t help it. It’s how I am. I thought youth was part of my attraction for you both, but obviously the novelty has worn off.” I put a hand to my forehead, rubbing it. “I want to go home. I’m not welcome here.” I glanced at him. “You shouldn’t have made me come. It was unfair.

Public humiliation isn’t part of our deal.”

“Shut up. Stand up straight, put your hands behind your back and keep them there until I say otherwise. I haven’t finished speaking yet.”

I did as bidden.

“Penny,” he continued, “thinks you must have overheard her joking with Lorraine about you being my mistress and taken offence. Is that right?”

“She called me a common tart hanging around for what I can get. It didn’t sound much like a joke to me.”

“Ah,” he nodded, his thick eyebrow rising a little. “I suspected her remark wasn’t quite as innocuous as she made it sound. You’re as bad as each other, neither prepared to give the other an inch. It gets on my nerves. All the same you’ve overreacted, as you always do. So you heard a few silly comments. Get over it.”

“She thinks I’m a leftover from a moment of sleazy madness you both had. Am I?”

“You’re an ongoing madness,” he said dryly. Penny’s words are just that, Gilli,
her
words spawned from a lack of understanding. Ignore them. We three know they’re not true and that’s all that matters.”

“Still hurt though, Shane.”

“Only because you chose to let them.” He pointed a finger. “You were probably delighted to be handed the perfect excuse to sabotage the weekend because it doesn’t fall in with your plans of how you wanted to spend it. As for me being unfair, well tough. Fairness doesn’t come into it. You knew that from the start. What you insist on forgetting is this relationship isn’t run on your terms, it’s run on mine. I’m tired of you trying to top from the bottom by means of subversive strategies. Get it into your head, boy. You’re not going home in a self-righteous strop leaving everyone feeling guilty and uncomfortable. You’re staying put and you’re going to be a very good boy for Daddy, or Daddy will put you over his knee and spank your bare arse until you can’t sit down, regardless of being overheard. Understood?”

I said a tight-lipped, “yes, Daddy.”

“Good.” He held out his arms. “Come here you pain in the neck.”

I didn’t hesitate. Wrapping my arms around his waist I rested my head against his broad chest, relishing the rare post-rollicking cuddle. It was the best moment of the entire day.

“I’m not going to deny you to suit my family. By the same token I won’t give up contact with my family to suit you. You’re just going to have to learn to tolerate each other’s existence.”

His fingers twined my hair. He offered an apology for misreading the situation at the dinner table. When he’d heard Penny ask me to help clear up he thought she was making an effort to include me. I usually offered to help anyway, because I said being busy helped me feel more at ease.

“Listen, boy. If Dick and I had really wanted to humiliate you, we
would
have left you at home as if we were ashamed of you and your part in our life. We won’t tuck you away like some dirty little secret.”

The cuddly moment came to an abrupt end. I was held at arm's length and impaled on a sharp look. “You’re not a common tart and my sister is not a cow, prize or otherwise. I have no control over her behaviour, she’s a free agent operating under her own authority, but you’re not. I have control over how you behave. I told you at Christmas I wouldn’t tolerate you being anything but polite to her. Dislike her by all means, I understand, she has some hard views, but be polite. She’s far older than you.

Show her age some respect if nothing else. If I hear you refer to her as a cow again I’ll discipline you.”

He opened the bedroom door and patted a hand to my backside. “Stop playing the pouting princess, paste a smile on your face and get back downstairs. Tough it out like a man.”

So I obediently pasted a smile and went downstairs. Neither Lorraine nor Penny offered apology regarding the remarks I’d heard. It was like they had never happened, a case of social amnesia.

Lorraine at least asked if I wanted a coffee, as there was still some left in the pot.

Affecting a broad Geordie accent I said. “Aye, thanks, hinney, that would be grand.”

It got me visual daggers from the men folk, but she gave a small touché type smile. I gave her back an elegant nose.

Penny got on with ignoring me over and above basic courtesy. By way of revenge I insisted on engaging her in conversation she had to respond to, until I finally got a certain look from Shane. It clearly said enough is enough.

I was genuinely tired and as soon as a reasonable hour was reached I excused myself and headed off to bed, receiving a kiss goodnight from Dick and Shane. It brought a dark look to Penny’s face, but she didn’t comment. James and Lorraine pretended not to notice. The Muppet had been at the port and was happily nodding away in his chair. I doubt he’d have noticed if the men folk had shagged me on the hearthrug.

Dick came into my room to wish me a final goodnight before retiring himself. I took the opportunity to apologise over the wine business, trying to initiate a discussion, wanting to resolve the matter before I went to sleep. He refused to be drawn on the subject. It wasn’t the time or place. Discussion was pending. It would take place at home. I asked if he’d told Shane about what I’d done and he said no, not yet, but of course he would. I sighed. It looked like my renaissance with Shane was set to be short lived.

I slept heavily and awoke late feeling hung over and headachy. A cool shower revived me a little.

By the time I got down for breakfast Penny and Lorraine had already left the house to go shopping in Birmingham City Centre. The Muppet had driven them on account of their broomsticks being in the garage getting a service.

Shane bade me a cool and smileless good morning and I knew he was in the picture with regard to my wine rebellion. He announced he and James were heading on a journey to eyeball the recently renovated Perrott’s Folly, a building that was reputedly one of the inspirations for Tolkien’s Two Towers. (Tolkien lived in Edgbaston when he was a teenager, but managed to tunnel his way out) In a moment of magnificent maturity I overcame an urge to make a string of lewd gay jokes centred around fellowships, rings and such like. James didn’t look the sort of man to enjoy such jests. I’d have liked to go see the folly too, but no invite was forthcoming.

It was clearly a fellowship of two with no place for the house hobbit.

Dick was quiet over breakfast, engaged in thought. As soon as Shane and James departed the house I asked him what Shane’s reaction had been to the wine incident, getting a cold look and a sharp shush by way of reply. My stomach fluttered with nervous anticipation as I was told to keep my tongue still and speak only when spoken to. A mindset clicked into operation. He made it clear he was dominant in charge. He was Sir and I was sub. My only function was to serve him in the ways he wanted to be served. I knew why. It was a way of reaffirming roles, especially his role in relation to mine after my blatant disobedience of the night before.

At his instruction I cleared away the breakfast things and made tidy the kitchen.

He then gave me a head start of exactly one minute to get upstairs to his and Shane’s bedroom. By the time he arrived I was to be naked and kneeling on the floor with my hands behind my back and my head bowed. Undoing his belt and pulling it free from the loops on his Levi’s he doubled it and said if I failed he would whip me. Dick has never used a belt to punish me and I doubt he ever will. It was a threat intended to heighten the atmosphere and spur me to action.

I wasn’t about to leave it to chance though. I tore up the stairs pulling off my t-shirt and undoing my jeans as I went. I only just made it, dropping naked to my knees and assuming the desired position as he pushed open the bedroom door.