Gilded Hearts (The Shadow Guild Series) (6 page)

He scrambled to pull the headgear free, but the strap around his head had tightened, cutting into his scalp and pulling his hair.

“Pip!”

As the illumination receded, he realized he could see something through the goggles after all, or
in
them, as if it were far in the distance, but approaching fast. No… as if
he
were approaching the scene. Shapes formed and took on substance.

A man walking through a hallway, anger racing through him. A young woman, dancing at her coming-out ball, wishing she could be with her new beau but knowing it was forbidden. An old woman, her hand aching as she fought to solder circuits to a metal plate.

No, this isn’t right.
He shouldn’t be hearing this, feeling the pressure of the unmade decisions weighing down on him. The machine was forcing something down on his mind, something far weightier than the goggles he could no longer feel.

Piper?

The scene blinked away, replaced by the image of naked flesh. The scent of sex hit him hard and as he looked down, he saw a man fucking a woman, her legs resting on his shoulders as he pounded into her. Pleasure coursed through him, setting every cell in his body on fire with want.

Samuel?

The scent of cunt and come, the feeling of her body clenching around his shaft, was too much. Felt too good. Reaching forward, he pinched her nipples hard, causing her to buck up as he thrust in. Fuck, she was so tight. New pussy. He couldn’t keep his eyes open as he came with a shout.

A field of grass. Running along the bank of the river with the wind pushing him from behind. Boyish laughter as he chased after his sister, dodging the gopher holes and torn fences.
If I go just a bit faster, I know I can catch her.

Samuel?

Darkness. Bitter cold as the wind tore into his skin from the water. Looking around, knowing his informant better hurry and show up soon, or else he’d disappear into one of the pubs for the night. Find a nice whore to lose himself in.

“It took you long enough to get here.”

“Do you have my money?”

“Yes, dammit. This better have been worth me coming out in the dead of—” Pain sliced through Samuel’s body as a scream ripped from his lips.

Sam!

Laughter ringing in his head. The image of a woman, gold hair framing her face. Pain, hunger, the need for money and comfort to chase away the hurt of childhood. Lonely. Piercing in his neck, boot to his head. Wind from the airship blowing across his face.

Too many images. Flashes of sights and sounds, all without context, overloading his brain. He couldn’t keep up as everything slammed into his mind. Somewhere along the way he ceased to exist as Samuel Hawkins and became the shallow reflection of the memories of the dead.

Help me.

“You’re scaring me, Sam!”

Piper, help me!

There was something wrong. The images poured into his head so quickly he couldn’t keep up, blurring together until they danced before him like a stereopticon gone mad. Hate, lust, and need tumbled and mixed until he didn’t know where one emotion started and the other stopped. Over and over, relentlessly grinding him down until his mind was stretched to the near breaking point.

Gasping, Samuel jerked in the chair as everything flared to black. His ears rang and the scent of blood filled his nose.

Blinking rapidly, Samuel slowly realized he could see. That he was in fact staring into the concerned eyes of Piper, and her hands framed his face. The goggles were on the floor, ripped from the interface, the wires tangled in the buttons and fabric of his greatcoat, now in a heap at his feet. Samuel sucked in a great billow of air, his body shaking madly as he let it out slowly. The remnants of the memories still flashed, threatening to squeeze his thoughts from his head. A single hard shake did little to clear his mind.

“Take deep breaths,” Piper said, moving her hands down to his shoulders to squeeze. “That was… what happened? Dammit, I told you not to touch anything.”

“I don’t…” He swallowed hard and brought a shaking hand to his face to wipe the tears away.
Tears?

“Sam?” Piper kissed his temple, pushing his hair from his forehead. “Speak to me.”

Looking her in the eyes, he shrugged. This had, after all, been inevitable. “Something went wrong. It finally had me where it wanted me and wouldn’t let go.”

He lost consciousness.

Piper stood outside the doctor’s surgery, trying her best not to lose her mind. It had been three hours since Sam’s collapse and no one was telling her anything. No reassuring looks, no whispered comments
he’s fine, we’ll let you know
. Worst of all, she’d been shut out from the examination room.

This was all her fault. Samuel should never have been here. She should never have left him alone in this place to get into trouble. The bloody machine had come alive and had tried to force something upon him, which in itself was something that should have been impossible. Had she stayed with him, there was a chance she could have helped, prevented the screaming and crying, the blood flowing from his nose. Or kept him from ever touching the damn thing in the first place.

God, she was a fool.

The corridor walls seemed taller, more restricting than she’d ever remembered. But even they could barely contain her as she paced. She was on a return pass when a low moan vibrated through the closed door—Sam. Piper pressed her ear to the wood and another moan reached her, followed by the murmur of voices. If she could hold her breath long enough, she might be able to make out the—

“I don’t believe that eavesdropping is behavior befitting an archivist, Miss Smith.”

Piper gasped as she straightened and turned to face Master Ryerson. This was worse than the time she’d gotten caught trading her bread for extra sweets during the evening meal. “Sir, sorry. I’m concerned for Sergeant Hawkins. I was simply trying to hear what was going on without disturbing the physician.”

“The sergeant’s well-being is not your concern. You should be in the library conducting your studies. You still have much to learn, even if you have been assigned to active duty.” The haughty expression, punctuated with the lift of a single eyebrow, highlighted his feelings about her continued interest in Samuel.

“Not my concern?” How could he not see that she was responsible for him? Samuel trusted her, counted on her to ensure nothing went wrong. “He’s a friend, sir. I don’t believe it is unnatural to express an interest in his well-being.”

“He should never have been here in the first place.”

“With all due respect, sir, I am not an apprentice any longer.” It was probably not the wisest strategy to antagonize her mentor, but she was almost to the point of not caring. For the first time in years, Samuel was here with her and her carelessness had gotten him hurt. “He’d asked for my help with the prostitute investigation. I know we are to wait for the official report, but I thought—”

“No, Miss Smith. You didn’t think. He might have been one of us, your
friend
, but he is no longer. He doesn’t believe in what we do. He calls us fools and yet he carries superstitious beliefs of the soul and the possibility of redemption and the afterlife. Your renewed friendship, no matter how brief, is putting your position with the Archives in danger. Do you wish to be cast out?”

“No, sir.” She’d lost the only family she’d ever known—her mum—once. The idea of being separated from the people who’d taken her place was unbearable.

So when Master Ryerson beckoned her closer, Piper wasn’t sure she could make her body move. Every step would take her further from Samuel, the one man she’d cared for above all others. She’d forgotten how he made her feel, the comfort and joy that simply being in his presence brought her.

But Master Ryerson was correct in one thing—Samuel didn’t understand them any longer. Giving herself a small push, Piper moved.

“Miss Smith, do you have feelings for the sergeant?” While Ryerson’s tone was casual and curious, Piper knew the question was anything but.

She’d spent extra time on dressing her hair that morning. Why, she wasn’t exactly certain, but it felt right to take a bit of extra pride in her appearance. It was her birthday after all.

Stepping out into the corridor, she wasn’t at all surprised to see Dennison and Jones waiting for her. With a right proper bow, Dennison held out a small parcel for her.

“Happy birthday, Miss Smith.” His brown eyes shone and she could tell he was properly excited and pleased. “I got you a present.”

“I see that. And how did you manage to sneak something into the Archives?”

“I have my ways.”

“Bloody bastard gets special considerations.” Jones kicked at the floor before he stepped in beside Piper. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, Jones.” Ignoring Dennison, she jumped up and placed a kiss to Jones’ cheek. “I know you’d get me something if you could.”

“I doubt he’d manage something like this.” Dennison crossed his arms. “Open it.”

Unable to stop her curiosity, Piper pulled the string, allowing the thin material to fall away, revealing a small bottle. “Oh.”

“It’s rose water. I thought you might appreciate something more refined.”

Samuel joined them in the hallway. “Still trying to buy her affections, Emmet?”

Piper shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying the attention, but the moment Samuel arrived she couldn’t stop. Not because she had feelings for Dennison, but because she didn’t want Samuel to think she wasn’t interested in him.

“At least I understand what a woman wants, Hawkins.”

Samuel slid between her and Dennison so she couldn’t see his face. “It doesn’t matter if you understand it or not. It’s not for you. We are nothing more than sexless drones to do as we are commanded. You can’t love, fuck, nothing. If you do and are caught, they’ll wipe your mind and toss you aside.”

Without another look at her, Samuel pushed past and strode down the hall.

“He’s got a bloody bee up his arse.” Jones stepped closer to her. “He didn’t even wish you well.”

Piper was surprised when Dennison continued to stare after Samuel. “Leave him be.”

“But he didn’t even—”

“Jones, I said leave him be.” Holding out his arm to Piper, Dennison smiled. “We best get you to the common hall before others wonder what you’ve gotten up to.”

The entire journey, Piper couldn’t get Samuel’s words from her mind. He wasn’t allowed to love her, nor she him. They could never be together.

Happy birthday.

Pausing to collect her thoughts, Piper kept her face impassive despite the turmoil swirling inside her. “Sir, attraction is a natural physiological response. I am well aware the temptation of the flesh can disrupt the mind’s capacity to remember. While I admit to being… intrigued by the man Sergeant Hawkins has become, I am not sexually drawn to him. Concerned that I might have inadvertently lead him into harm’s path, certainly. But there is nothing beyond that.”

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

If Ryerson sensed even a hint of her deception, Piper would be removed from the case. “Why had you taken him there? The vaults are our most sacred of places.”

Careful now, Pip.
“I thought it best to keep his presence hidden as much as possible. Only Master Lowe would be in the vaults that time of day and he wouldn’t be curious about the sergeant’s presence as some of the apprentices would be.”

“There are other rooms on the main floor that would have served as well.”

“But none with the access to the prostitute’s records we required. They still haven’t been loaded into the Archives central machine yet.” That much was at least true.

Master Ryerson continued to stare and it took every bit of her control not to look away. His silent, unwavering gaze pierced her, reducing her to the scared five-year-old she’d been upon their first meeting.

“Very well. We will be keeping an eye on Hawkins. His reaction to the viewer was quite unexpected. It might indicate a greater mental capacity than we’d first given him credit for and might require further investigation.”

Oh no.
“Sir, I don’t suspect the sergeant would appreciate a return to life here. His very presence would cause too much of a stir amongst the apprentices. It was the reason I’d sought to keep him as removed as I could.”

Those colorless eyes narrowed at her. “What he wants is of little interest to me. It appears that you are both under the impression that his continued absence from our facility was not with our blessing. Trust me when I say that if we’d wanted him back, his detective inspector guardian wouldn’t have been able to stop us.”

Piper couldn’t quite believe that, and yet she had no doubt the elders’ reach went far beyond her expectations.

“Of course, sir.” Piper wanted to step away, move closer to Samuel if she could. “I do believe, though, that the sergeant is no longer a scared child and is more than capable of making his own choices. I would go so far as to say if the Guild Masters tried to pull him back against his will, they would be in for a very rude awakening. It wouldn’t be in the best interests of either the sergeant or the Archives.”

Whatever Master Ryerson was going to say was swallowed up by shouts from behind them. Piper turned and started toward the door, when Ryerson’s steely fingers grabbed her by the shoulder and held her still. While she could have pulled herself away, the act would have undermined her professions that her interest in Samuel was little more than curiosity. Forced to wait, Piper counted five heartbeats before the door was flung open and Samuel strode from within.

“I said leave me the bloody hell alone!”

“Sam?” She tried to break free from Ryerson’s hold, but he was unrelenting.

Samuel spun to face her, his lips pulled back in a near snarl. “I’m leaving.”

“Of course. I will show you out.” But when she tried to leave, Master Ryerson held her close.

“You.” Samuel pointed a finger at Ryerson. “Let her go and leave me to get back to my life.”

“I presume the doctors explained the situation to you.” Ryerson did release his grip on her, but shifted to block their escape. “You must stay here under observation until we can be certain there is nothing wrong with your mind. Something unexpected happened when you were connected to the viewing device. It would be irresponsible of us to let you go now.”

“You want me to stay so you can poke and prod me? Fill my mind with drugs until I’m unable to remember my own name? Go to hell.”

“There is no such thing as hell, sergeant.”

Samuel’s gaze slipped to Piper. His eyes were hard and the muscles in his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. It might have been years since they’d seen each other, but Piper recognized the signs of his temper. Knew he’d always been challenged with controlling it. Not wanting to give Ryerson or the doctors any more reason to hold him, Piper motioned for him to follow.

“I’ll escort you back to the surface. While I know Master Ryerson has the utmost concern for your well-being, I’m sure the elders can appreciate your preferring to return to your own home.”

Samuel took her by the hand and led her around where Ryerson stood. “Thank you, Pip. Let’s get out of here.”

“Run away again, Hawkins.” Ryerson called after them. “You’re never going to be that far away from us.” The echo of his voice chased them as they fled.

The closer they got to the exit, the harder Piper’s chest constricted. Once Samuel left the Archives, he would be out of her reach. If his head was as jumbled as she suspected, she had no doubt he would do what he could to distance himself from ever coming back here. Piper needed him to help her figure out who had betrayed them.

She held her peace until the doors to the lift clanged shut. Keeping her back to the watch glass in the corner, she hooked her pinkie finger with his. “Sam?”

The muscle in his jaw jumped. “I’m fine.”

“I’m not blind, nor am I stupid. I know you’re not. You were unconscious for hours. What happened back there?” The way he reacted, it was too much like the extractions she’d witnessed. But somehow magnified. The Archives machine had pushed something onto him that it shouldn’t have. His greatest fear had come to life and she knew it was enough of a betrayal to drive him out of her life forever.

Until last night, she’d never thought she would see Samuel again. He could never be a part of her life, and not simply because he’d walked away from the guild. She knew it would kill him to come back to the Archives. Samuel’s spirit would be broken as he was pulled deeper and deeper into the workings of the place.

She licked her lips and kept her voice low and even. “Talk to me.”

“I… can’t. Not here.”

“Where then?”

“Pip, you can’t do this. They will cut your strings and keep you here forever. Or kill you.”

She snorted. “I’d like to see them try. I’m far more resourceful than I think anyone realizes.”

For a moment the old sparkle returned to his eyes and he chuckled. “Do the Guild Masters realize the hoyden they have living beneath their roof?”

“Doubtful. Though Master Lowe has always told me I have more spirit than is healthy.”

Samuel’s grip on her fingers tightened. “I don’t trust them.”

“Then trust me. I’m not a child anymore. I’ve learned to care for myself.”

“I could help you vanish. They’d never find you.”

Samuel’s grip bit into her forearm like steel into wood. “Sam, stop!”