Ghostsnaps (Knead to Know Book 4) (2 page)

Boone nudged me with his shoulder. “You’re quiet.”

“Am I?” I turned to him with a smile. “Just thinking.”

“About anything in particular?”

I shook my head. It wasn’t that Boone wouldn’t understand, but his internal compass pointed true north. Which made him an inspiring person to be around, but also one I had no interest in sharing many details of my past with. Especially anything having to do with my family. I once again buried those memories, still not entirely certain how they had wiggled their way to the surface. That wasn’t a subject I shared with anyone.

“When I suggested dinner and movie, I didn’t necessarily mean with everyone else. That’s cool too, but I was sort of hoping it would be just the two of us. Next time, maybe?”

The words “I’m seeing Phoenix” refused to come out because I still wasn’t sure we were right for one another. Yes, we spent a lot of time together. We had our routine these days, but I wouldn’t swear to the fact I was the only woman he was seeing or even that eighty percent of what he told me was the truth. He liked me and we were obviously attracted to each other, but beyond that anything—or nothing—could happen between us. I consciously spent most of our time together not thinking about where we were headed or the kind of person he was. Phoenix made it easy to live in the moment. He never talked any further into the future than the next day. I had only known one other person like that in my whole life and that was my father. Not exactly a comforting connection to make.

When I realized I had once again been quiet for too long, I scrambled to remember what Boone had just asked me. He couldn’t possibly be talking about what I thought he was talking about. He didn’t want to go out with me. I had resigned myself to that fact back when he told me I was like a little sister to him. We were just friends. He probably wanted to talk about Nicole—the one subject neither of us had brought up since they split. I cleared my throat. “Just the two of us? Like a dinner with your little sister?”

He grinned. “I deserved that. I panicked that night when I said that. But I’ve been thinking a lot, and I think we should give it another chance.”

I blinked. Panicked my foot. He seemed perfectly in control to me on the night of our disastrous first not-really-a-date date. My stomach knotted, but not necessarily in the happy way I thought it would if Boone ever asked me out on a real date. “Um, sure, we could give it a shot.” My teeth sank into my lower lip. “But we definitely don’t have to.”

“I’d like to. Since you don’t eat, I was thinking it might be easier on you to just hang out at your house so you don’t have to pretend.”

I nodded. Uncomfortable awkwardness was already taking hold of me at the thought of the two of us being alone, which was bizarre. Boone hung out at my house all the time these days, even when we weren’t working on a case, so what did it matter what we called it? It seemed like he didn’t want to be at home. I’d taken that as part of the breakup, but could it have been something else? Had he been hanging around trying to work up enough nerve to ask me out? My stomach churned, giving me a silent moment of thanks that I didn’t actually eat. “Just to be clear, you’re asking me out on a date? A real date?” My voice was wary, even to my own ears.

Worry flickered in his eyes. “That wouldn’t be the worst thing, would it?”

I pressed my lips together as warmth rose to my cheeks. I had liked Boone for a long time when he wasn’t available—from nearly the moment I met him (once I figured out he wasn’t a mute drug dealer). But during the months of my unrequited crush, I had developed more feelings than I cared to admit for Phoenix. Actually the way things were right now was mostly perfect. Boone and I spent most evenings together and Phoenix and I had the night. I wasn’t forced to rely on either of them, which suited me more than I could have imagined.

What any of that meant, I hadn’t the first clue. Did Phoenix consider me his girlfriend? Even the thought made me want to snort. Things with him were different than any relationship I ever had before—in both good and bad ways. He was new and familiar at the same time, which was a big part of what held me back where he was concerned. Even with that said, though, I wasn’t ready to walk away from him. Then again, Boone was Boone. Could I really pass him up without kicking myself in a couple months when things with Phoenix fizzled out?

Maybe I was overthinking all of this. “Not at all,” I finally said.

“So it’s a date?”

I nodded, my mouth too dry to speak. I had a date (in the loosest sense of the term, since Phoenix and I never went out) with Phoenix tonight and then one with Boone tomorrow. Some girls could balance seeing two men—but Izzy was right. I wasn’t one of them. One way or another I would have to figure out what I wanted: the strange, exciting bad boy (a personality type I swore I’d never fall for) who challenged everything I believed in, with whom it more than likely wouldn’t work out, or the man with a heart of gold, whom I had a deep connection with and was my dear friend?

“Hey, Jesse.” I kissed the giant bouncer’s cheek as I handed him a box of cupcakes and bypassed the huge line waiting to get into Phoenix’s nightclub, Xavier’s. I couldn’t judge Jesse for using his jinn sway to control people’s appetites and send potential customers my way. And I didn’t ask him to stop. Granted, knowing my success wasn’t completely based on what I was doing took some wind out of my sails, but success was success and I needed the bakery to support me and Izzy. If we were cheating a bit, it was harmless.

“He’s in his office,” Jesse said, not waiting a second to tear open the box.

I pointed at him. “You share those with the line.”

His laughter trailed after me as I went inside into the deafening music. I slipped through the crowd and disappeared behind the velvet rope and up an unassuming stairwell. My footsteps quickened just at the thought of seeing him, but I chose not to examine that fact too carefully. Most things between me and Phoenix were best left unexamined.

I opened his office door without knocking. He wasn’t at his desk. Before my heart could fall in disappointment, however, he reached out and captured my wrist, pulling me close. Phoenix’s arms wrapped around me and he lifted me from the floor, deepening our kiss until every last ounce of tension melted from my body. Though my appetite was perfectly sated, streams of his darkness forged through me, dulling my senses and giving the world around me a dreamy haze that I was all too happy to stay in as long as he kept doing such wonderful things with his lips.

Slowly, with complete control, he slid me down the length of his body. I shuddered with desire at the expression in his dark hooded eyes as he brushed his hands over my face, pushing my hair back and kissing me one more time. “I have a couple more things to finish up here.” He nipped at my lower lip.

“Then you better let me go and get to them. I only have a two-hour window until I have to go back to the bakery.” I tried to pull away, but Phoenix’s hands at my back held me firmly in place against him.

“Can’t be avoided.” He kissed me again. “I’ll meet you at my place in twenty minutes, an hour tops.”

“I’ll stay with you.” I brushed my lips against his jaw then went back for a more lingering embrace.

His hands roamed down my back to cup my ass, and his tongue caressed mine. That was more like it. I slid my arms around his lean waist, leaning into him.

“It’ll never work.” He broke our kiss again and this time took a step back from me. “Everything about you distracts me.” He looked toward his door then back to me in a not-so-subtle gesture.

“Are you kicking me out?”

“Yes.” He laughed.

“You’re lucky I like you,” I grumbled, smoothing my skirt and letting my heartbeat settle.

He chuckled softly. “Are we done with hate sex already? I might miss it.”

I tried very hard not to encourage him. The last thing he needed was encouragement. “Keep it up. It’ll come back sooner than you think. I can’t believe I was excited to see you tonight.”

He caught me before I could get to the door. His hands trailed down my shoulders as his body fit against mine so closely I could feel the soft sway of his chest against my back. His lips caressed the side of my neck, sending ripples across my skin. “I’ll make it up to you.”

I fought hard not to turn around and wrap my arms around his neck again. “Promises, promises,” I said softly before I walked out. It took every last ounce of will that I possessed not to look back. That was the thing between me and Phoenix. Every interaction felt like part of a game and required strategy. The problem was, I couldn’t tell whether or not I was winning—let alone ever agreeing to play. Was a little normalcy really that hard to achieve?

I didn’t go to his place. I wasn’t going to sit in his house like the little lady and wait for him to come home. I had things to do. Well, not really. What sort of person had things to do at two in the morning when their booty call chose work over them? It wasn’t like he didn’t know I was coming. I shook my head. Oh well, another night of semi-frustrated baking. It wouldn’t be my first or last.

I started with my trusty list then made bread dough like I did every night. Thirty loaves in the process of rising later, I was ready to start on the sweets. A thump in the café stalled me on the way to the cooler. What the hell? I wiped my hands on my apron as I went to check on the noise. “Izzy?” I said, opening the door.

No one was there. I walked out between the empty tables and checked the front door. It was locked. Faint sounds of jazz carried through the air. I listened closer. Was Izzy awake? She didn’t even like jazz. “Hello?” I called.

“I thought I said we’d meet at my place.” Phoenix’s dark, smooth voice came from behind me, and his hands curled around my waist.

The music was gone just as suddenly as it started. I should have known it’d be Phoenix. After all, it was his move in the game. “Too late. Now I’m busy.” I smiled to myself, then flipped around to face him, putting a step or two distance between us. “And you’re the distraction.”

“Is that so?”

I nodded, trying not to laugh.

“How about a kiss goodbye?” He took a step in my direction and I took one back.

“You’ll have to catch me first.”

His eyes glinted for a moment, then he darted forward. I managed to position a table between us, enjoying his pursuit more than I should. I laughed as he missed again.

“According to my watch, I still have an hour and fifteen minutes to make you remember why you like me.” His sultry voice was low and tempting as he stalked around another the table.

Heaven help me, the
why
was already surging back. “Maybe I don’t want to remember,” I teased. I let him back me through the cafe, just managing to stay out of his reach. I was pretty certain I was winning this encounter, though it was still too early to call.

Finally, when I had nowhere else to go, I let him capture me and pull me against him. His dark gray eyes perfectly masked everything he was thinking or feeling as he looked directly at me. A trickle of worry wound through me. “I think that’s opposite of what you want. In fact,” his hands slowly roamed up my ribcage then back down to rest on my hips. A sigh escaped my lips. “I don’t think you ever forgot why you like me.”

“Why do you care?”

His lips eased into a smile. “Because I like doing this.” The soft, tender brush of his mouth against mine made my knees feel weak. “If you really don’t have time, though, I’ll leave.”

It was inevitable. I was going to give in. He had to know it. My body went soft and pliable the moment he touched my waist, but he waited for the final verdict. The sudden urge to confess that Boone had asked me out lodged in my throat. Instead, though, I asked for clarity. “What are we doing here, Phoenix? Do we need to talk about what we are? About what this is and what we expect from each other?”

Some of his ease evaporated, but he didn’t look away. He held my gaze in silence. “We’re practicing living in the moment. You need a lot of work,” he finally teased.

Disappointment hit me hard and fast.

He blinked and his hands stilled. “Maggie, do you want more?”

Yes, of course I did. But I wanted him to want it too and…I shook my head ever so slightly. “No, of course not.” He looked like he was going to say something else, but I didn’t want to be placated (not that he would do that) or to face any more moments of truth tonight. Sweet, unthinking oblivion called my name in a siren’s song. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rose up on my tiptoes so our lips were almost touching. “Aren’t you supposed to be reminding me why I like you?”

He closed the distance between us, kissing me until I could no longer tell where I ended and he began.

****

My head rested on Phoenix’s shoulder and our fingers twined together in front of us. The soft glow of his bedside lamp was the only light in his bedroom, but it was enough for my eyes to adjust. Something about his apartment’s perpetual state of darkness created a dreamlike quality—like the things that happened between these walls weren’t exactly real and somehow didn’t really count…which, of course, I knew wasn’t true.

Phoenix hid it well, but there was something achingly sweet about him, though I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was. And every time I got close to narrowing it down, he’d do something to make me mad. Most of the time he goaded and challenged me, but then there were moments like these where what we had didn’t feel quite so finite. He seemed less like a no strings fling and more like…well, more.

But I wasn’t deluding myself. Phoenix wasn’t going to change. No one ever did. And I didn’t know that I wanted him to. Casual was good for me. It gave me time to figure out my life and to enjoy the present, instead of always worrying about the future. Like if I chose Boone would I ever be able to forget that each day, each year, brought him another step closer to death? Baker had already died. Could I watch another person I loved do the same, even if it was from old age? Living in the moment was easier. I didn’t have to think about those things. It wasn’t like I had any control over them anyway.

I stretched our arms out in front of us, liking the look of his fingers laced through mine. The nicotine patch on his arm warmed my heart. I didn’t know if it was for me or not, but he hadn’t been smoking nearly as much since we started spending time together. I pulled his arm back down around me. “I can’t believe Phoenix is your real name. Did your parents hate you?”

His soft laugh echoed in his chest, making me smile. “Possibly. You’re welcome to ask them.”

At that nugget of information, I had to look at him. I rolled over, half lying on him, my leg draped over his, and pushed myself up so I could see his face. “Your parents are still alive?”

He carefully lifted a curl off of my forehead and put it back in place. “Of course. How old do you think I am?”

That was true. He hadn’t been a jinni that long, but still. Most everyone I knew from the Abyss were orphans or at the very least estranged from their families. Finding out Phoenix still had his parents was absolutely fascinating. “I guess I just assumed. What are they like? Do you still have contact with them? Don’t you worry about their safety? Where are you from?”

“They are very nice people. I do still see them when I can. And no, I don’t worry about their safety. I’m not nearly as polarizing as Holden. Surprisingly enough, very few people actually try to kill me. And most people are like you. They assume I’m alone in the world, though I’m not sure why.”

Huh. I wondered what his parents looked like. Judging by his high school pictures, I imagined they’d be painfully normal but maybe on the geeky side—which was wonderful.

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“How am I smiling?”

“Like you were expecting a snake but found a kitten.”

That was an apt description of how I felt. Phoenix’s past was a fluffy, cuddly kitten that was just mine. Even if it didn’t mean anything, it was a gift. He didn’t share it with other people just like he didn’t share his home with anyone else. These were things I knew for certain. They were truths I could hold onto even when I wasn’t sure of anything else between us.

“What about you? What happened to your family?”

My heart slowed and I ducked my head against him, brushing my lips against his collarbone as I thought about what, if anything, I wanted to reveal to him.

He kissed my shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

I smiled just a little. Maybe I did want to tell him. Just a little. “I don’t have a family,” I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. “Except for Holden, as you know.”

His eyes, now serious, met mine. “Did they die?”

I sighed, my throat tight. “I’m sorry. I don’t like to talk about it. I haven’t even told Izzy. My family doesn’t really reflect who I am.” I shook my head.

“If you ever want to, I’m very understanding.” He winked and kissed the back of my hand.

“How about this? I will tell you about my parents when you tell me about how you became a jinni.”

All hints of teasing fell away and he gave me a single nod. “Fair enough.”

I studied his face. He had a scar over his upper lip and lashes I would kill for. I lightly touched the dent in his chin. “Are you worried I will tell someone that you have family?”

He chuckled. “Yes. Terrified. It’s just like you to risk the life of two elderly people that you don’t know.”

I grinned, tracing an endless pattern over his chest with the tip of my finger. “You trust me. Admit it. You trust me more than anyone else. I’m like your call in case of emergency person, aren’t I?”

The amusement faded from his face. His dark unreadable eyes narrowed, while his fingers trailed softly up and down my side. “I guess I do.”

Back to seriousness. It was my own fault. I had been half joking and half serious in what I said. I broke his stare and pressed my cheek to his chest, just over his heart, and stared into the darkness. I hadn’t honestly expected him to admit I meant anything to him. Usually if I pushed him, he’d strike back. Like if I accused him of liking me, he’d tell me he didn’t waste time with girlfriends or something like that to remind me that what we were doing was fun but not permanent. That my place in his life, while fun, wasn’t at all necessary. This was confusing. After several seconds, I pushed the uncomfortableness away. I looked back up at him with a smile. “Just so you know, I’m going to read stuff into that. So much. Now I have this mental picture of you drawing little hearts and arrows around our initials on all your contracts.”