Ghost of Christmas Past (2 page)

To his
utter consternation though, when he had woken up a couple of hours
later, he had been all alone in the huge bed.

“
You are frowning,” Kieran whispered chidingly. “I know you
don’t want this but if you greet your bride to be with a look on
your face like that, she will start to cry and they won’t be tears
of happiness.”

“
I just want to get this over and done with,” Rupert bit out
and fought the urge to glance at his fob watch.

“
Smile, you have half of the village watching.”

The
smile Rupert aimed at the vicar didn’t quite hide the worry in his
eyes, but the vicar misread the reason for the fear and merely
smiled kindly at him.

“
Not long now. I think that the carriage must be on its
way.”

CHAPTER ONE

Four Years
Later

Rupert stared at the broadsheet in his hand and felt the
noise and hubbub within the busy tavern fade into the background.
Sight, sound, feeling, everything was suspended for that brief
moment in time when he realised what the date was. The edges of his
vision clouded; the entire focus of his being was firmly locked on
the date: 10
^th
December. He stared blankly at the bold, black
writing against the yellowed pages and immediately felt himself
drawn back to his deepest darkest memories.

His mind
went blank and his battered heart began to race. He tried to block
out the pain and tore his gaze away from the damning words printed
so boldly on the front of the daily newspaper, but found his eyes
drawn back to them again and again. The fragile paper crumpled
beneath the strength of his tightened fist, but he could still see
the words that were now indelibly printed on his mind. When he
realised what he was doing he slapped the broadsheet back onto the
table and stared blankly down at the battered table-top.

“
What is it?” Luke demanded from his seat opposite. He frowned
at Rupert’s suddenly stark face and picked up the broadsheet. He
smoothed out the crumpled pages and studied the front cover closely
when Rupert didn’t even appear to have heard him. Around them, the
other men at the table exchanged frowns at the sudden change in
Rupert’s previously affable persona, and turned watchful eyes on
Luke, who merely shook his head and handed the broadsheet to
Jacob.

Jacob
didn’t say a word and merely studied his friend carefully for
several moments before he looked down at the paper in his hands. A
quick glance at the date confirmed what he already suspected; it
was the anniversary of the carriage accident that had robbed Rupert
of his bride-to-be. He studied Rupert’s face closely. The only
outward sign of the man’s deep distress was the tightly clenched
fists that now lay on either side of the ale mug that rested on the
table before him.

In all
of the years that Jacob had known his colleague he had only gotten
Rupert to talk about that fateful day once, and even then the man
had been out of his mind and rambling because of the amount of
alcohol he had consumed. He only had to look at Rupert’s face now
to know that his friend was reliving the bitter memories of a happy
day that had gone horribly wrong. Given that there was little he
could say or do by way of offering comfort, he had little choice
but to stand back and allow his friend to deal with his grief in
whichever way suited him best.

“
Are you alright?” Harry demanded as he lifted Rupert’s ale
mug and took a suspicious sniff of its contents.

“
I need some air,” Rupert growled. He pushed roughly away from
the table, not bothered in the least to leave three of his
colleagues staring after him.

Only
Jacob didn’t bother to turn around; he merely waited until Rupert
had disappeared out of sight before he heaved a sigh and leaned
forward to rest his elbows on the table.

“
He has bad memories of this time of year. Just give him
time.”

Harry,
Jacob and Lucas had all been in the army and the Star Elite long
enough to understand the destruction it could wreak on a person’s
life. Questions hovered over the table but none of them voiced
them; they were fully aware that a man’s business was a man’s
business. If Rupert wanted them to know he would tell them. If not,
then they just had to be patient and wait for the time when he did
want to confide in them, or respect his wishes to keep it private
and be there in case he needed them.

Rupert
stood outside in the shadows and sucked in a deep breath of the
frigid night air. The raucous sound of laughter and chat coming
from the tavern echoed in his ears but he paid no attention to
it.

If it isn’t bad enough that it is that time of year again, it
has to be snowing as well
, he thought
morosely and tipped his head back to study the thick snowflakes
that drifted gently toward him. He hated snow.

“
Are you alright?” Jacob asked from beside him. Rupert glanced
down at the mug of ale his friend held out to him and took it with
a nod of thanks. The meagre warmth the amber liquid brought him as
he swallowed it was temporary and did little to banish the
horrifying memories that refused to be appeased at this time of
year. Usually he could go two or three days without thinking of the
macabre scene that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Of
late though it seemed that regardless of where he was, every
thought and feeling he had was focused around her; or the memory of
her.

Theadora
Weatherby. Thea.

His
love. The woman he had wanted to make his wife but who had instead
been cruelly snatched from him in the worst possible way. He closed
his eyes against the now familiar rush of pain and rested his
shoulders against the brickwork behind him while he tried to gather
himself. He was aware that Jacob was watching him but couldn’t find
the words to assure his colleague that he would get through this
battle – eventually.

“
It will get better as time goes on,” Jacob sighed. He had no
idea whether it would or not but he felt as though he had to say
something.

Rupert
shook his head. “Why doesn’t it though? I mean, it has been four
years now and it gets worse not better.”

“
Have you tried to go and see her? The least you deserve is an
explanation.”

“
She made it clear that she never wanted to see me again. She
didn’t tell me in her own words exactly.” He threw his colleague a
dark look. “She sent her uncle to tell me instead. Even if I did
find her now, she could be married to someone else, or not want to
see me. I just don’t know -” He shook his head, unwilling to admit
that he didn’t know how he would feel if he discovered that she
belonged to someone else now. He rubbed a weary hand down his face
and brushed the melted snowdrops off with a shake of his
hand.

“
She was half dead, Rupert. People change their minds, you
know. How do you know that she doesn’t regret sending you away? She
was badly injured and had no idea if she could walk again. From
what you have told me, the carriage accident damned near killed
her. How do you know that she doesn’t have the same regrets you
have? One thing is for certain, putting yourself through this
misery year after year is certainly getting nowhere now is it? You
won’t be able to put this aside until you go and talk to
her.”

Jacob’s
words brought forward the imagery he had been desperately trying to
blank out. The sight of the snow lying in the yard before him
seemed to summon the memories forward in spite of his best efforts.
He was transported back to the second that he had caught sight of
the blood stained snow surrounding the shattered wreckage of the
bridal carriage that had been on its way to the church.

He had
clambered over Thea’s father’s body to reach Thea herself, who had
been unconscious and curled up on the snowy ground that had been
visible through the broken door she lay on. The wedding dress she
had worn had been torn in several places and stained red with
blood. The arrangement of flowers, berries and holly she had
carried had been scattered around her and lay very much like she
had, all bent and twisted in the pink-tinged snow. The stoic
silence of the men who had carried her with him through the village
to the doctor’s office still haunted him to this day. The memory of
the quietly weeping crowds he had walked through on that snowy
morning had shattered what had been left of his already broken
heart. People had travelled from miles around to witness his
wedding to Thea. They had attended the funeral of Thea’s father
instead.

The
blessed sound of Jacob’s voice brought him back to the present and
he turned to his friend with a sigh.

“
I am not going to pry or try to tell you what to do, Rupert.
I cannot conceive of what you must have gone through but I have to
say that if I was in your shoes, I would have to revisit my past
and at least find out why she refused to see you after the
accident.”

“
The marriage was an arranged one, Jacob. She didn’t want to
get married. She was forced into it by her grasping
parents.”

“
What happened to those parents, though? I mean, I know you
said her father died in the carriage accident, but what happened to
her mother?”

Rupert
sighed deeply. He hated Frances Weatherby with every fibre of his
being, and would have no regrets if he never set eyes on the
avaricious woman ever again.

“
I have no idea where the mother is now, and don’t give a
damn. I wish her in Hades,” he bit out darkly. “Why do you ask?
What relevance does that have to Thea refusing to see me after the
accident?”

“
You don’t know what influence her mother had on her, Rupert.
I mean, the woman talked her daughter into an arranged marriage,
who knows what else she persuaded Thea to agree to, especially if
Thea was scared and fogged with laudanum. If Thea didn’t tell you
herself that she didn’t want to see you again, how do you know for
definite that is how she felt?”

Rupert
shook his head. He knew that Jacob was only trying to help, but he
didn’t understand. “Do you know of John Weatherby? He is a
philanthropist who lives in Mayfair.”

“
Of course I do. Everyone in London has heard of
him.”

“
He is Thea’s uncle, and took over her guardianship when her
father passed away. He was something of a black sheep of the
Weatherby family, but isn’t as greedy and has certainly fared
better than his grasping brother. Isaiah Weatherby and his wife,
Frances had delusions of grandeur and lived far beyond their means.
Their profligate ways led the estates dry and when the coffers were
empty, they sold everything they could until the house was
practically empty as well. When the house was bled dry, they had
only one commodity left; their daughter Thea.”

“
I didn’t realise your marriage was to have been an arranged
one.”

“
It wasn’t really,” Rupert sighed. “I wanted it but Thea just
didn’t know I wanted it. She thought I was being forced into it. At
the time though I just wasn’t prepared to have my father or hers
for that matter, tell me what to do and I pulled at the strings a
bit.” He drained the tankard in his hand.

“
Jesus, Rupert. You never told me this before.”

Rupert’s
parody of a smile didn’t reach his eyes and he stared at his friend
for several moments. “I fell for her at the Abernathy’s ball the
year before, and couldn’t stop thinking about her, but she was
understandably wary. Her upbringing by that harridan of a mother of
hers was less than ideal and it took me some time to garner her
trust and get her to relax around me so that we could talk without
the formalities. When I did though I knew that marriage to her was
the right course of action to take. I couldn’t stand the thought of
her being sold to any highest bidder. Not Thea, she deserved far
more than that. So I reasoned that if I had to marry to honour my
duties to my family, I would much prefer it to be to someone like
Thea.”

“
So you agreed to go through with the wedding in the hopes of
getting her away from her family, but the accident prevented your
marriage and she refused to see you again.” He wished he hadn’t
said the last sentence when Rupert physically winced.
“Sorry.”

“
It’s alright. It’s the truth really. I think that Thea came
to stay at her uncle’s house, but I cannot be sure. I went into the
army as soon as it became evident that I wasn’t going to be able to
get close enough to her to change her mind or at least get her to
talk to me. I waited of course, but discovered about a month after
the accident that she had moved to the country to recover from her
injuries as best she could, however it was highly unlikely that she
would ever walk again.”

Rupert
rubbed his hand down his face again. It felt as though the events
that had changed his life so drastically had happened only
yesterday instead of four years ago. The pain was as sharp, the
memories as stark, and he knew deep in his heart that they would
never fade.

He was
nine and twenty now and a man of the world who had fought in the
war and spent a long time living and fighting in the shadows for
the Star Elite. The man he used to be was long gone and had been
replaced with someone whose memories would haunt him for the rest
of his life. He knew now that he should have stayed and fought
harder to keep her.