Getting Old Is Très Dangereux: A Mystery (15 page)

Evvie grabs Sophie’s cane away from her, drops it to the ground, and jumps on it.

I hold up my hands, trying to calm them. “This is not a big deal. So the girls must have changed their minds and gone for breakfast.”

“Yeah!” Bella says eagerly. “No big deal.”

“Yes, big deal,” Ida says ferociously. “My morning class was canceled, so I decided to join them for breakfast and when I got to Jerry’s there was no sign of them.”

“We’re fast eaters?” Bella whimpers, looking at Sophie in terror.

“You lied.” Ida crosses her arms and glares at Sophie. “You could not possibly eat that fast. I demand to know where you went!”

Sophie puts her hands on her hips. “You demand? Who are you to demand?”

Evvie warns, “Don’t say anything you’ll be sorry for later.”

“Keep out of it, Evvie,” Sophie says as she points her finger right into Ida’s gut. “Maybe we wrapped our take-out egg salad sandwiches and went to the park. Maybe we walked in, decided we weren’t hungry, and walked out again. Maybe we saw a cockroach on the wall. There’s a thousand different possible explanations.”

Ida grimaces. “None of those are true. How about the other 997 lies?”

Sophie’s had it. “You want the truth? Okay, here’s the truth. We saw you coming and we didn’t want to eat breakfast with you.”

That does it. Evvie is right. Those are words that can’t be taken back. Ida is in shock. Bella tries to hold back her tears. Evvie shakes her head in disbelief and Sophie pulls her cane out from under Evvie’s feet and thumps away.

Oy. The last fight any of us had was back around ten years ago when a lone handsome senior bachelor came to pick out a bride. It was hell, sheer hell. This is not good.

All three girls walk off quickly in different directions.

Evvie calls after them, “Come on back here. We’re going to the mall—with or without you. Right now.”

Evvie gets into the front passenger seat. I follow suit and take my place as the usual designated driver.

One by one, still scowling, the other girls take their seats. What a sight. All three of them scrunched together, arms tightly crossed and refusing to look at one another.

There’s one way they’ll forget their animosity. I filled them in briefly when I phoned them early this morning about why I wanted to go to the mall.
Now I’m giving them more details about dinner with Mme. Michelle. Followed by returning to the hotel after it was robbed and the poor maid was killed. They listen openmouthed with the avid attention they give their favorite soap operas.

The rest of the ride is me being battered by dozens of questions. What did she wear? What did she say? What did you eat? How did Jack handle it? And their shock to learn that Jack went back to see her today again. To comfort her?

Sophie sums it up. “What a piece of work she is. I’m glad she lost her computer. So there!”

Frankly, by now I’m sorry I invited the girls along to go to the mall to look in on Eye Openers, the eyeglasses store. I should have left them home. They start bickering again as soon as they get out of my car and are facing one another. Fortunately this time they run out of steam quickly.

Finally Sophie says, “I still don’t know why we’re doing this. Isn’t it Morrie’s job?”

“Morrie has enough on his plate trying to track down the killer. Tracing eyeglasses will be low on his priority list, and I have a strong hunch this is important. We can give him a hand.”

“Are we there yet?” Bella whines like a three-year-old who’s been taken on a long trip and wants out.

Sophie says, “You know how she hates walking through this mall. It’s the size of Chicago.”

“You shoulda entered at the north entrance. We’re going the long way,” Ida adds to the chorus of kvetchers.

The three adversaries click their canes along the tiles as emphasis for their arguments.

Since today is a weekday, the mall is not too crowded, so we’re able to move at a good pace. Evvie had been enjoying the window shopping, but now she’s annoyed. “Stop exaggerating. And complaining. And why did you have to schlep those silly Cane Fu canes along? Watch out, they’ll make you so crooked, you’ll really need them.” She doesn’t bother to hide her sarcasm.

Sophie humphs. “And someday you’ll be glad we did. Maybe we’ll stop a purse snatcher or something.” She looks around searching for suspicious faces.

“Yeah, sure,” Evvie adds. “That’ll be the day. If you’re not happy, go home.”

“But I want to go detecting. That’s our job,” Bella whines again.

Ida snarls. “You detect? That’s a laugh.”

Sophie puts her arm around Bella. “Look who’s talking. What do you contribute?”

I’ve had it. “Enough already. When are you going to stop this silly argument? Finger pointing.
She lied. No, she lied. Who cares? We have to live with each other.”

Ida humphs. “You call this living?”

Evvie looks at me. “Let’s leave them here right now.”

Bella startles. “Noooo … we’d get lost and we don’t have a car.”

Ida stamps her foot. “That’s a cheap shot. You know we’d never find our way out of here.”

Bella sits on a bench to tie her sneaker. Sophie immediately joins her, seemingly exhausted even though we’ve been here only fifteen minutes. Ida moves away, arms crossed, her cane leaning against the wall. It’s her favorite stubborn position.

I chide the group. “You know I’m trying to help Jack solve his problem. Until it’s solved I’m stuck with Mme. duBois in my life. You promised to help. Whining is not helping. Arguing is not helping. I need us to work together.”

Evvie points her finger at the three of them. “You heard how that French piece of stale pastry treated Gladdy at dinner. Like she was some bit of chewing gum under her shoe. How she humiliated Jack by paying the check behind his back.”

Ida grins. “Lucky for you she did. You’d be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the next few months to pay for it.”

“All right already. So stop fighting and be of some help.” Evvie stares them down.

The three enemies look properly ashamed.

Evvie points. “And see—there’s the store now.”

“Sorry,” says Bella, head down, blushing.

“Yeah, me too.” Sophie pulls her ample shoulders back and straightens up, ready for work.

Evvie asks, “Ida? With us or against?”

“With. With! What are you all waiting for?” With that, she troops ahead of us, cane slapping, right into Eye Openers.

Even though Sawgrass Mills is an outlet mall, this store has delusions of grandeur. High-tech design. Very well lit. Glass mirrors everywhere. Frames for designer eyeglasses on display in towering Lucite cases.

At the moment, we are the only shoppers. In the back, I can see through a glass partition that the optometrist is testing another customer.

Seeing five possible buyers, the two female clerks both amble over.

The tall skinny blonde in mauve speaks first. “May we help you? I’m the manager, Ashley.”

The petite brunette in black linen smiles an encouraging smile and chimes in. “I’m Tina.”

Bella bursts out, in singsong, “I’m Bella, they’re Evvie and Gladdy and Sophie … ” Glaring, she adds, “and Ida.”

Ida nudges her. “Who asked you?”

“We’re just looking,” Sophie says, pulling Bella
with her to pretend to scan the wares, but close enough to listen in.

Ida can’t help another retort. “Don’t break anything or you’ll pay for it.” Evvie elbows her in the ribs to shut up.

I address the two young hip-looking women. “We’re from the Gladdy Gold Private Detective Agency.”

The saleswomen look dubious, hiding smiles of derision. I quickly whip out two of our business cards and hand them out.

Evvie immediately kicks in. “We are senior detectives solving senior problems.”

The saleswomen are amused. I get the feeling they’re bored with no customers around, otherwise they’d ignore us.

Ashley says to me, “What do you want to know?”

“We’re looking for someone who very recently bought a pair of glasses here. Perhaps even yesterday. Unfortunately we don’t know his name or what he looks like or the brand he bought.

“I recognize this eyeglass case.” I point to the type of case that Morrie found in the hotel suite.

Ashley smiles proudly. “This is one of our very newest designs. People have commented on them.”

Tina’s eyebrows go up. “Yesterday was a busy day.”

Ashley is keen to help. “You know it’s a male.
And he had our newest designer case. Anything else?”

I say, “He may have very recently come to this country.”

Evvie says, “I’m assuming he paid with cash.”

Condescendingly, Tina says, “Doesn’t ring a bell. Not too many people pay with cash these days. Sorry.”

They are about to walk away when Evvie pleads, “Listen, this guy tried to rob someone.” My sister is smart. She isn’t mentioning murder—that might scare them. “Last few days, did anyone seem suspicious to you?”

Ida pipes up, “You two seem like very sharp gals. I bet you can look at a customer and know whether they’ll buy or not.”

Tina takes the bait. “We think so. And there are always the looky-loos.”

Ashley adds, “We can spot them right away.”

Evvie asks, “So who didn’t fit in?”

The two women look at one another and begin laughing.

Now Bella and Sophie move in closer. It’s starting to get interesting.

Ashley says, “There was this old guy. Really old. And dressed pretty shabby, all in gray.”

Old, really old? That’s odd. Is it possible? Jack’s thinking a professional hit man. Couldn’t be a senior.

Tina continues, “But when he got closer, we could tell his clothes weren’t cheap. It’s just that he looked like he slept in them.”

Ashley giggles. “He was going to pay in euros, but then he changed his mind for some reason.”

Bingo.

I’m excited now, as are the girls. “I think he might be who we’re looking for. Tell us everything you can about him. Did you think he was French?”

Now the saleswomen are into the game. They take turns.

Ashley says, “I think so. He spoke in English, but badly.”

Tina says, “It’s hard to describe him. He looked so … bland. He was short, skinny, and … bland.” She looks to Ashley. Ashley shrugs in agreement.

She obviously can’t find a better word, but maybe that says something about how he can sneak around without being noticed.

Ashley says, “He didn’t care what the glasses cost, but he needed them fast.”

She adds, glancing toward the back room, “We told him he first had to have his eyes examined. Weird that he didn’t know that. An old man who never wore glasses before? You should have seen how scared he was of the exam.”

Tina says, “And then when we informed him he’d have to wait an hour, I thought he’d have a conniption.”

Ashley says, “He said he’d pay triple if he could get them right away. He was starting to get scary so we told him we would do the best we could. Maybe forty-five minutes. We could see him waiting out in the mall, pacing back and forth, looking at his watch.”

Evvie asks, “So if he didn’t give you his euros, how did he pay?”

Ashley, knowing what we’ll ask next, heads for the payment desk. She flips through a file. “He used a credit card.” And in another second, she whips out his receipt.

We all crowd around her. Ida grins. “We’ve got him!”

I wonder. Can it be this easy?

MISSED CALLS

E
vvie and I are back at Lanai Gardens in the laundry room. I have my cell phone with me, waiting for Jack to call. He’s with Morrie; they’re checking out the old guy’s credit card.

Since she’s keeping me company, she’s doing a load, too. And she has her cell, waiting to hear from Joe. She’s always on edge when he goes to the hospital without her. He insists that she have days without him. “‘Go have fun,’ he keeps telling me. As if I could. He’s on new medications. I don’t know how I feel about him taking them,” Evvie says. “He’s so frail now that if these don’t work they’ll weaken him even more.” She looks at me with tears forming. “It might even shorten his time.”

I put my arms around her and hug her. She can’t even say the words that mean the end of his life.

Evvie shakes off her depressed mood. “I just try not to think about it.”

The dryer dings and it’s time to get my clean wash out, so she can put hers in.

She shakes her head sadly, still thinking of Joe. “It took this long to get us to be friends again. Even lovers. Why do we always have to learn life’s lessons the hard way?”

This doesn’t call for an answer. We know the answer. There is none. We concentrate on our chores.

Evvie smiles. “We haven’t had any time to discuss stuff alone. I’d rather talk about the narrow escape you had at your so-called farewell dinner. If it had been me I would have skewered her with a salad fork and that would be that.”

I laugh. “I wish you had been there, but I took your advice and remained a lady.”

“You really thought I meant it? I wanted you to show her up as the phony she is. Nah, you did it the right way.”

It’s my cell that rings first.

“Jack?” I listen. “It’s only the noise of the washer and dryer. Can you hear me?” Evvie leans over, trying to hear. I tell him, “Let me repeat what you’re saying. Ev’s with me.”