Get a Grip (Hollywood Nights) (28 page)

             
“How did you get up there?” she asked as she walked towards the door.

             
“Come inside, come up the stairs, and then come out the window.” He watched her. She could feel him watching her as she walked.

             
Sam opened the door to the pool house. It was a small place, a one bedroom apartment of sorts. She realized it was being lived in when she climbed the stairs and walked into a bedroom that smelled very much like him. A combination of laundry detergent and his cologne hit her senses and she looked around. His stuff was there. He was living in her brother’s pool house.

             
Sam was a little ticked off, because she never thought to ask Bo and Ivy if she could move in to it when she turned eighteen. She knew she was going to move somewhere. She couldn’t live with her mother any longer than necessary.

             
She dropped her shoes by the door and took a deep breath as she moved to the window. It was open. He was still sitting there only now he was looking at the window waiting for her.

             
“You coming out or what?” He laughed again. She liked his laugh.

             
“I’m in a dress.” She put her hands on the roof and tried to figure out how to get the rest of her body out without showing her underwear.

             
“Yeah,” he said. “I noticed.”

             
Everything inside her went warm under his scrutiny. His green eyes sparkled with something she didn’t quite recognize. He held out a hand to her and she reached for it. She climbed ungracefully the rest of the way out to the roof. She let go of his hand and straightened her dress so she could sit with him.

             
She kept pulling and pushing at the fabric. It suddenly seemed too short and insufficient for covering anything up. She finally let her legs go straight out in front of her and crossed one foot over the other to keep them closed. She tugged at the material and accepted it was not going any farther down her thighs. “What are you doing up here?”

             
“I like to sit out here and think.” He looked at the house. They could see people occasionally pass the door that led into the kitchen. They could hear bursts of laughter from time to time.

             
“You don’t want to be inside watching football?” she asked. She didn’t know what else to say. This wasn’t how she pictured talking to him.

             
“I don’t like sports much,” he said with an edge of bitterness.

             
“Me either.” She shrugged. They sat there awkwardly for a while. She looked at her toes and then wiggled them.

             
“That’s a pretty intricate design,” he said. She stopped wiggling her toes. “Let me see it.”

             
She took a much needed breath and asked, “See what?”

             
“Your foot. Give it to me.” He held out his hand as though she could just cirque du solei her leg into position for him to grab her foot.

             
“Umm.”

             
He laughed and then scooted closer to her and farther down the roof so he could pick up her foot and look at the toenails.  His hands were big, rough, and chilly. None of that stopped the flames from burning through her body from his touch. He moved his thumb over the top of her foot and asked quietly, “Did you do this yourself?”

             
She nodded. Her throat was dry, tight. He looked back at her and she realized he was waiting for her answer. She nodded again. His eyes had ensnared her in some trap that she could not break free from.

             
“It’s pretty.” He looked at her lips. “Are you into art?”

             
She nodded. His hand firmed on her foot and the fingers sunk into her flesh in turn as he semi-massaged. Her thighs tensed. She was starting to get embarrassed by the reactions her body was having.

             
“You look uncomfortable. Am I making you nervous?” He looked at her with genuine concern and let go of her foot as he moved to sit next to her. He was closer this time.

             
She shook her head no. She realized that if she didn’t talk soon he would not believe her. “I’m not uncomfortable.”

             
“But you are nervous?”

             
“A little bit.” She looked down at the pool. She was sure the water would feel awesome right now. She was on fire and it looked freezing cold.

             
“Why?” He pinned her with his gaze.

             
“Because your so…” She took a breath as his face came closer. Her eyes closed as his lips touched hers. His hand came up to cup the side of her face. His mouth slowly opened and his tongue tested against her lips.

             
For all of her mother’s worries, Sam had never actually had a boyfriend. This was her first kiss, and it was amazing. She opened her mouth a little bit and his tongue slipped into her mouth. She was pretty sure she made a whimpering noise. She couldn’t take time to be embarrassed. He circled her tongue with his and kissed deeper.

             
Her hand came up to his chest. She could feel the rapid beet of his heart under her palm. He pulled back a fraction of an inch and asked, “Will you come inside with me?”

             
She nodded. He led them back through the window. As soon as she was standing in his bedroom he put his arms around her and began kissing her again.

             
It seemed like an eternity of kissing. Then hands moved, hers, his, searching, exploring, until he was walking them backwards towards the bed. He sat down and guided her to sit on top of him.

             
They didn’t say anything. His hands slid over her breasts and his thumbs stroked her nipples. She was melting, so much going on without any control inside of her. Her mind registered all of the bad things that could come from this. Her body didn’t care.

             
He lay back on the bed and then rolled until he was on top of her. He pressed against her with his hips and she could feel the bulge in his jeans as rocked against her.  Her hands pulled at him. They were grinding against one another. Her hand slipped down to pull at his ass, then slid around to touch him under the jeans.

             
She no more touched the smooth flesh with her fingertips than the sound of Bo’s voice cracked the night air calling her name. Gordon’s eyes opened as wide as hers.

             
“Shit!” he said. “What am I doing?”

             
She sat up in a panic. She stood up quickly and they both adjusted themselves. She headed down the stairs and out of the pool house. He didn’t follow her. She smiled at her big brother who had a very curious expression on his face.

Bo asked, “What were you doing in there?”

“Looking for Gordon,” she said and looked up at the window. She couldn’t see him but suspected he was there. “He’s not there.”

“He probably needed a break from his mother.” Bo laughed as he put his arm around her. “Where are your shoes?”

“In your house somewhere.” She giggled nervously. Bo looked back at the pool house as they walked. He looked down at her with a mix of emotions. He frowned at her, but he didn’t say another word about it.

Six years later…

              Sam hated Thanksgiving. She especially hated having Thanksgiving at her brother Bo’s house. She walked into the place she tried more often than not to avoid when she knew there was a chance that Gordon would show up. They had spent the better part of six years avoiding each other. It was easy to do when they were both attending college at different schools, when they were working on one film or another. There was no point in avoiding him this year. Ivy made sure of it.

             
She was about to push the doorbell when a hand moved past her and pushed it for her. He was that close, in her personal space like he always seemed to be when they were alone. He smelled delicious. She hadn’t bothered to look up at him. She knew his eyes would disarm her.

             
“Nice dress,” he said.

             
She hated that she liked his attention. It was wrong. They were family. Even if they were not blood related, they were bound to the same groups of people for eternity. “Thanks.”

             
“I haven’t seen you in a few years. Not since…what’s his name?” Gordon asked.

             
She didn’t get a chance to answer. Bo was at the door. “Hey! Look at this. Both of you home for the same holiday. It must be a miracle! Did you come together?”

             
“No, of course not.” She hugged and then hurried past her brother. “Don’t be ridiculous. Why would we come here together?”

             
She looked at the two men looking at her. Gordon had folded his arms and arched his dark eyebrow as if he was just as curious as her brother who stood with hands on his hips and a similar expression. “You both live in West Hollywood. You drove separate?”

             
“I took a cab actually,” Gordon said.

             
“You didn’t offer to pick him up? Sam!” Bo shook his head. “I don’t get you. One minute you’re talking about how important family is to you and the next you’re making him take a cab when he lives what…a block away?”

              That was news to her. Gordon shrugged. Of course he could stand back there and make all those faces because Bo wasn’t looking at him. “I’ll take him home.”

             
That got his attention. “Good. Come on in the kitchen, you are the first people to arrive so far.”

             
This turkey day went very similar to the last Thanksgiving they had been to together. The one that changed everything. The reason they alternated holidays with the family. Food was eaten, football was being watched, kids were playing video games, teenagers were mixed with both crowds and another group of adults and kids sat together playing a board game. Gordon was nowhere to be found.

             
As if caught in a déjà vu cycle she went to the kitchen and looked around. Ivy, pregnant with her third child whispered. “I think he’s out back.”

             
“Who?” She heard herself say.

             
“Enough.” Ivy was so serious it scared her. She put her hand on her back and pushed her, the same way she had six years ago, out the back door.

             
Sam walked out and looked around. She looked up and saw him sitting on the roof of the pool house. “What are you doing up there?”

             
He laughed and asked, “Why don’t you come find out.”

             
“I better not.” She looked back at the house.

             
“I doubt he will come looking for you this time.”

Gordon sounded so sure of himself she had to ask, “What makes you so sure? He’s still my big brother.”

“He only came looking for you last time because one minute we were on the roof kissing and the next minute we were not.” Gordon let his body relax until he was lying on the roof looking up at the stars.

Sam had no idea Bo knew she had kissed Gordon. He knew she had lied to him that night. She could feel a boil of anger swell inside of her. If he knew all this time and never said anything he must have wanted her to be as miserable as she was. She looked at the house and scowled.

She looked at the man on the roof of the pool house and started towards it. Six years of guilt, anxiety, frustration pulsed through her. Gordon knew Bo knew and no one bothered to tell her. She kicked off her shoes and climbed out of the window.

“Hey!” She poked him in his side. “Why did you wait to tell me?”

“I just found out myself.” He grabbed the spot on his side where she poked him and rubbed.

“When? Exactly when.” Sam was furious.

“After dinner. I was going to call a cab and bail, and he found me and asked what happened. He told me that Ivy saw us kissing and she didn’t hide her enthusiasm well. He looked out. Saw us, had a big brother moment, which I totally understand since I have two little sisters, and when he looked again we were gone. He really had a big brother moment then and came out to stop it.” Gordon didn’t even look at her. He looked up at the night sky. “I know it was for the best.”

Those were her words, not his. He had tried a few times through the years to pursue her. She could never get past the fact that if they made stupid childhood decisions it would impact them forever. Not that it seemed to matter. They were still suffering the consequences of not having a relationship.

She adjusted her dress and looked down at her toes. She still did creative toe work. He didn’t seem to notice. She took a deep breath and said, “His name was Todd.”