Geronimo (A Songbird Novel) (6 page)

I looked to the sky, wondering if Blake’s eyes were on me. How would he have felt about me stripping naked in front of another man?

“I love you,” I murmured. “Only you.”

“Jane, come on!” Harry shouted. “This is amazing!”

My eyes shot to the waterfall, and for a second I thought about pulling back, racing for my towel to cover myself, but…

I couldn’t do it.

I was on this trip to live for Blake and myself. Swimming under a waterfall was on my list. It didn’t matter who was with me or what I was wearing. I had a quest to fulfill, and if I didn’t swim for that waterfall, I’d regret it.

Closing my eyes, I whispered to my love again, “Let’s go.”

But I couldn’t help wondering as I swam for Harry if I was leaving Blake behind.

I didn’t know if I was ready to do that.

Chapter Eight

Harry

I couldn’t get the thought of Jane’s naked body out of my mind. She was beautiful—her curves, the milky color of her skin, those perfect breasts. It took every ounce of concentration not to grow an erection right in front of her.

I didn’t want to think of her as anything more than a friend. That was not what the trip was about. We were there to discover ourselves, to move away from pasts that were haunting us. I had no idea what Jane’s was. I’d had my fair share of guesses, but she’d said nothing concrete enough for me to know.

I’d given her nothing either, except for my little blip on the rock. Tammy had said exactly the same thing to me when she’d wanted to get married and I’d refused her. We hadn’t needed marriage to be together. Things had been perfect as they were…until I refused one too many times and lost her completely. As I’d stood on that rock, battling regret, I’d come so close to telling Jane the truth, but her pale skin and panicky retreat shut me up. I’d never been there for Tammy the way I should have been, but I would be for Jane.

Tammy would remain my secret not to share. I didn’t want to bring her into the equation. It was too painful, too guilt-inducing. I knew logically I wasn’t the only one to blame, but I’d played a significant part in losing her, and I couldn’t stomach the idea of what Jane would think of me if she knew what a coward I’d been.

I’d made a vow to never put myself in a position like that again. Love was too painful. But the longer I spent with Jane, the more I realized that I was a fool. Was denying my attraction, the easy banter we had between us, the comfortable silences, the way it all felt so natural really the right thing to do? I was falling for this American girl…and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could deny it.

“Well, you scrub up nicely.” Jane appeared beside me.

I’d been so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t even noticed her approach.

I leaned away to check out the green dress she’d purchased at the market that morning. It had one of those skirts that floated around her knees. The thing we both liked the most was the intricate gold design stitched into the bodice and skirt hem. It looked Arabian with tiny gold beads outlining the swirls and leaf-shaped patterns.

“Stunning,” I murmured.

“I know, right? My friend Sarah is going to go crazy for this dress.”

Jane sat down opposite me, oblivious to the fact I’d been thinking about her rather than the dress when I murmured
stunning
.

“She actually designed my—” Her voice cut off and she gave me a tight smile, her eyes glassing over. She picked up her menu and hid behind it while I resisted the urge to probe for more.

She’d probably mutter, “No histories,” anyway, just like I had.

I cleared my throat and perused the dinner choices. “I’ve already ordered a red for us to share.”

“Oh, cool. Was it the one we had a few nights back at the vineyard?”

“It is.”

“You’re a smart man.”

“I know.”

She snickered at my light joke but still wouldn’t show me her face. I was desperate to know what Sarah had designed for her and why she couldn’t tell me about it, but it was pointless to try to find out. More than anything, I wanted to keep the trip light and fun. So far, it’d been exactly that. We had three nights left before we had to drive back to Rye, and I wasn’t about to ruin the end of our trip with awkward, emotional conversations.

The waiter came over, and we ordered our meal. After eating every meal with her for the last several days, I could have confidently ordered on her behalf. She had very similar tastes to mine, and I was struck once again by how easy it was to be with her.

She’d methodically been trying to crush every one of my doubts that falling in love again was a bad idea.

I felt like I’d found my other half.

How could I not fall for her?

But…

Tammy twirled through my brain, her luscious locks of blonde hair, her sweet strawberry scent, the taste of her lips, and that smile that could have made me do anything…well, almost anything.

I closed my eyes and swallowed, turning away so Jane couldn’t see my expression.

We were at an open-air restaurant, seated at a small table on the edge of the large, round balcony. Music played to my right, entertaining the couples swaying in the center of the cobbled eatery. The faint smell of sea salt floated in the air. The nearby ocean was an inky patch of darkness, the sandy beach framed by lights from the bordering houses and restaurants.

I was sitting in paradise across from a beautiful girl, and all I could feel was an aching sadness, a bleak regret. If life had been fair, if I’d been the man I was supposed to be, Tammy would be sitting across from me. She’d be chirping away in her speedy voice, going over everything we’d done that day, linking her fingers and resting her chin on her hands.

But she wasn’t.

And she never would be.

Turning away from the thought that always felt like a punch to the face, I focused back on Jane. She was watching the couples dancing, her lips softly curled at the edges.

The band was performing an acoustic version of “The Edge of Glory.” It sounded great. I bobbed my head while the beat worked through me, and then I glanced at Jane.

“Want to dance with me?”

Jane’s head swiveled in my direction, her eyes wide at first, but then they narrowed and she nodded. “Sure.”

I held out my hand, and she took it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Because it was.

My heart double-thumped as I pulled her against me and we started to dance. Her hips swayed and we easily found a rhythm, getting lost in the music.

Her face was bright when I twirled her beneath my arm before resting my hand on her lower back. She fitted perfectly in my arms. I liked the smell of her hair—a citrus scent, so fresh and alluring. Her thick locks tickled the side of my face, and I couldn’t help rubbing them between my fingers as she leaned against me.

I closed my eyes, resting my cheek on her head and feeling like we’d been doing this for years.

The song finished but we stayed where we were. Jane’s fingers squeezed my hand as the next song began. Being a huge Ed Sheeran fan, I recognized the “Kiss Me” cover immediately. Tammy and I used to lie in bed listening to his music all the time.

The thought should have made me move away from Jane, but I couldn’t. We started swaying in time to the music, our feet barely moving as we basically just hugged on the dance floor. Running my arm up her back, I pressed her closer. She turned her head, resting it against my shoulder and brushing the tip of her nose across the racing pulse in my neck.

She felt just right in my arms, like she’d been meant to be there all along.

I didn’t understand it, but that wasn’t enough to stop me from dipping my head and caressing my lips across her smooth cheek. I pressed a kiss against her ear. Her head lifted off my shoulder, her fingers playing with the short curls at the nape of my neck. Her green eyes were so wide and open, searching my gaze in question.

I answered before fear stopped me.

Leaning forward, I pressed my mouth to hers, closing my eyes and relishing the softness of her lips. She pushed back, running her fingers into my hair and tipping her head. I took that as permission to deepen the kiss. Parting my lips, I brushed the tip of my tongue against her top lip—a quiet little knock for entry.

She responded, her breath mingling with mine as she let me in.

Her tongue was warm and tasted faintly of the peppermints she was always sucking between meals. I ran my tongue along it, savoring the flavor, the sensation, lost in the magic of kissing a girl I cared for.

I hadn’t done that in a really long time, and I’d forgotten how much better it was.

Until it ended.

With a small gasp, Jane tore her mouth from mine. “No.” She shook her head and stumbled out of my embrace.

Covering her mouth with quivering fingers, she looked at me with wide, glassy eyes before fleeing the dance floor.

The couple next to me turned to give me a quizzical look but I ignored them, walking back to our table in a slight daze.

Her eyes, the way they shone like that. It reminded me of Tammy, the last time I’d seen her. She’d been standing in our doorway, begging me…and I’d shrugged and told her she was asking too much.

If only I’d said yes.

I could have wiped that look off her face, made her happy.

Instead I’d kissed goodbye the last chance I’d ever have with her.

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stopped at the table, staring out at the black mass of water. Thoughts of Tammy were pushed aside by Jane.

I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I had in the past.

I should have fought for Tammy. Tried a little harder. Was I honestly ready to pull another Harry, shy away from the difficult conversations so I didn’t have to feel anything more than lighthearted humor?

Pinching my lower lip, I let out a sigh and headed left in search of Jane.

Thankfully I found her easily. She was resting against the marble railing, in the next tier down. The wind was making tendrils of her hair dance across her face. She tucked them behind her ear, then slashed her finger under her eye.

Sliding my hands into my pockets, I cleared my throat so she knew I was coming before I ambled over to her. Resting my legs against the railing, I stared across the houses and out to that inky black sea.

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

“No, it’s okay. I…” She shook her head and sighed.

Her lips bunched as she fought a fresh wave of emotion.

I kept my voice soft and non-confronting. “Jane, I know we said no pasts, but do you mind my asking if you’re married, or getting over someone?”

She let out a wispy, sad laugh, then sniffed. “No. I mean ye—I mean, I don’t…” She squeezed her eyes shut and huffed out the rest. “I was nearly married, but…” She shook her head. “You’re the first person I’ve kissed since him and I just…”

Hearing those words out of her mouth was a comfort more than anything. I got it. I understood completely what she was going through. If she was anything like me, her insides were a mashed-up mess. He must have been someone pretty special, just like my Tammy.

Jane’s quiet sniffles brought me back to her side. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

I ran a hand up her back and then lightly patted her shoulder, not wanting the touch to be anything more than friendly. “Not at all. Again, I’m sorry for kissing you, but I just couldn’t resist. I’m blaming the dress, actually.”

A smile tugged at her lips but it was wonky and weak. “I’m flattered.”

“Please do be. The dress really is beautiful.” I winked so she knew I was actually talking about her.

She of course got my double meaning, the way she so often did. Her cheeks fired red. Not even the fact we were standing in a pale beam of moonlight could hide the color of her skin.

I laughed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry. This trip is not going to get awkward. We said no sex and I meant it.” I lifted my chin and squinted up at the sky. “Don’t even want to.” I stuck out my tongue and made a disgusted face, hoping for a laugh.

I got one…and a slap on the arm.

“Watch it.” She pointed at me, her eyebrow peaked.

I grinned and spun to face her, resting my butt on the railing and enjoying the way the pale light made her green eyes glow. The tears had added to their vibrancy, making her more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. It was enough to steal a man’s breath.

But I couldn’t let it, and so I tuned in to the music above, grateful the band had moved on to a more upbeat set.

“Can’t Stop The Feeling” was playing and I pointed to the stairs. “Let’s get up there and dance like five-year-olds.”

Jane’s nose wrinkled. “What?”

“Yeah, let’s be crazy.” I took her hand and dragged her up the stairs. Stopping on the edge of the dance floor, I pointed to the middle and said, “I dare you to go right into the middle and dance like you’re a five-year-old.”

“You are insane.”

“I know.” I nodded. “Ready?”

She let out a reluctant groan, then grimaced and squeaked, “One…”

“Two…”

“Geronimo!” We laughed the words together, then ran onto the dance floor and started flailing around like kids. I waved my arms in the air while she jumped on her feet and giggled, her body writhing around like a floppy rag doll.

People stopped to watch us, no doubt assuming we were drunk, but we didn’t care. Our crazy joy was contagious. The dancers nearby started laughing with us, and a couple even joined in.

Jane’s smile was like a spotlight—mesmerizing and making my heart do things it hadn’t done…maybe ever.