Geezer Paradise (10 page)

             
Willey smiled, then he started to cackle. "Hee, hee, hee," and went back to bed.

             
"I'm glad you think it's funny," I yelled at the bedroom door.

             
I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.  I wanted to go back to my own house, where there were no drunken monkeys.  I wanted my life to be peaceful again.  A week ago all I had to worry about was being evicted.  Now I had somebody trying to kill me to, and I would probably still get evicted. 

             
Where were those Golden Years people were supposed to retire to?  And where could I go to ask for my money back?  I had seen this movie before.  It was called,
Hard Times
.

****

              It were the dead of night an the Night Stalker was on the loose again.  His last mission was a complete success.  He drove McGee outt'a his trailer.  Now there was jest one lef ta go, A Polski named, Willey, who lived next door to McGee.  The Night Stalker didn't carry a bomb this time.  Now he had what they called a, Molotov Cocktail.  It were a lot cheaper to put together.  Jest a empty whiskey bottle, he had lots'a them.  Pour some gasoline into it and stuff a rag into the top. 

             
He worked his way ta the side of Willey's trailer, lit the gasoline soaked rag stickin' outt'a the top, and threw the whole thing at the trailer.  It hit with a thud, but the bottle didn't break.  Some of the gas splashed on the trailer's wall and flames were leaping up.  There was no time to write  his
Night Stalker
greeting on the trailer.  It were good enough.  Now he hadda git outt'a there.  He heard loud voices from inside the trailer--jest the reaction he wanted.  He moved into the shadows an' headed home.  If that didn’t work he'd try the snakes.  That ought'a do it.

****

              It was somewhere around 4:am when I woke up with a start.  I had dreamed I fell off my roof backwards wearing nothing but my underwear.  I used to dream I fell off my roof naked.  Maybe I'm getting better.  I was almost back to sleep when I heard a
thud
.  Somebody had thrown something against the side of the house.  I jumped up and looked out the window.  Flames were leaping up from below.   

             
"Willey," I yelled.  "We're on fire!"  Willey came running out of the bedroom, and we both ran outside.  The air smelled of raw gasoline.  A Molotov Cocktail had been thrown against the wall, but it hadn't exploded.  Willey came running with a garden hose and we doused the flames. 

             
"It looks like Flaherty is at it again," I said.  We looked around to see if it had

awakened any of our neighbors.  All the windows were dark. 

              "That does it," Willey said.  "It’s just too dangerous for us to stay here anymore.  In the morning we'll move over to McNight's place.  He's in the hospital.  He fell and broke a hip, and he probably won't be coming home for a while.  His place is next to Mary's and she has the key."

             
"Sounds good to me," I said.

             
When we got back inside, Oscar was snoring in his chair.  He had slept through the whole thing.  "I'll bring him back to Opal in the morning," Willey said.  "He's useless." 

             
It was hard getting back to sleep after being attacked like that.  We were hoping whoever did it wouldn't come back and try again.  Daylight was starting to come through the windows before I fell back to sleep. 

             
In the morning we looked at the damage.  The wall was slightly blackened, but the metal siding had kept the fire from spreading.  We were lucky.  We had a quick breakfast, then we loaded Oscar into the Wrangler and drove up 19 North to Opal's place.  Fifteen minutes later we turned onto the dirt road that led to Opal's house.  Willey got out and took Oscar by the hand.  He had Oscar's bag of clothes in his other hand.  As Willey and Oscar neared the house the screen door flew open and Opal appeared on the sagging wooden porch with a shotgun.

             
"Hold it right there William Jefferson Pulaski.  You ain't bringin' that animal back here.  He's yours now, so take'm and git outt'a here."

             
"But I was just borrowing him," Willey protested.

             
"I ain't takin' that druken' little skunk back," Opal yelled.  "Now git outt'a here less'n you want yer hide full'a birdshot."  Willey kept coming.  Opal lifted the shotgun and fired a round over Willey's head, which pretty much settled the argument.  Oscar beat Willey back to the Wrangler and jumped into the back seat.

             
Willey jumped in and said, "Let's get outt'a here."  We beat a hasty retreat down the dirt road, which was hard on my little Wrangler's suspension.

             
"Great," I said.  "Now we're stuck with a monkey."

Chapter Six

WE WERE PACKING our things before we moved to McKnight's place, when Willey's front doorbell rang.  Willey opened the door cautiously.  There was a young Latino kid standing there.  He was dressed like a Yuppie, a mint green Izod pull-over, tan chinos, and boat shoes. 

             
"Hi, Willey," he said.  "May I come?" 

             
Willey was confused.  "Eduardo, is that you?  I didn't recognize you.  Come in, come in."   Eduardo came into the kitchen. 

             
"You're just not used to seeing me in my civilian clothes," Eduardo said.  "You see, I'm working undercover at Jack's and the dumber I look, the better."

             
There wasn't a single gold chain or any other bling in sight.  The ponytail was still there, but it wasn't oily.  The earrings and pencil thin mustache were gone.

             
Eduardo came over and shook my hand.  "Hello, Mister McGee, it's good to see you again."  This was a whole new Eduardo.  He didn't even sound the same. 

             
"Good to see you, too, Eduardo," I said.  "Sit down and make yourself comfortable."  Eduardo sat down.

             
"First I want to thank you guys for helping my grandmother with Darryl.  I was afraid she was going to lose it."

             
"We were very happy to help her," I said.

             
"Let me explain why I'm here," Eduardo said, and he took his wallet out of his back pocket.  He pulled out a plastic enclosed card with his picture on it and handed it to me.  I read it and handed it to Willey. 

             
Willey looked at it and asked? "You're with the FBI?"  Eduardo nodded and put his ID back into his wallet. 

             
Eduardo said, "I've been assigned to investigate Senator Buckland's possible ties to Flaherty Construction.  We knew Flaherty's right hand man, Stevens, drank at Frank's, so the Bureau put me in there as a bartender to observe him.  That's why I told you about Stevens, Willey.  I was hoping you'd keep your eyes and ears open while you were ferrying him back to the parking lot at night when he was drunk.  I was hoping you'd pass along anything he said.  You see, we're in a hiring freeze at the Bureau, and we're short of agents.  That's why I'm here. I need somebody to work with me gathering evidence.  I could pay you guys four hundred dollars apiece for each assignment, and a hundred dollars a day past three days.

             
When I saw how well you both handled Darrell I knew you could handle gathering evidence for the Bureau.  Would you guys be interested?" 

             
I said, "We sure could use the money, Eduardo, but we've got problems of our own with Flaherty.  He wants to buy this park and throw us all out of our houses.  So we started to sort of look into Flaherty's business to see if we could find anything to stop him.  Flaherty found out about it, and I had a bomb planted under my house.  And Willey had a Molotov Cocktail thrown at his house."

             
"What happened to the bomb?" Eduardo asked. 

             
"It didn't go off," Willey said.  "We've got it in Barney's shed.  I'll get it."                After Willey left, Eduardo saw Oscar watching TV.

             
"Is that a monkey?" he asked. 

             
"Yeah, that's Oscar, he's one of Willey's relatives." 

             
"Relatives?"

             
"It's a long story." 

             
"Did you guys find out anything interesting about Flaherty while you were checking Flaherty out?"

             
"Only that he's chummy with Senator Buckland," I said.  I couldn't tell him about the break-in.

"Yes," Eduardo said, "We're aware of that.
"  Eduardo smiled.  "I don’t suppose you saw any envelopes passed to Senator Buckland?"

             
"That's what we were hoping for, but it didn't happen." 

             
Willey came back in and placed the bomb on the table.  "I disarmed it," he said.  Eduardo picked up the putty-like substance and squeezed it.  Then he smelled it and smiled. 

             
"Somebody's pulling your leg," he said.  "This is Play Dough.  And the dynamite is just road flares.  Somebody is trying to scare you."

             
"Well, it scared the hell out of us," I said. 

             
"Maybe Flaherty is just trying to scare you off." 

             
"What happened to the Molotov Cocktail?" Eduardo asked. 

             
"The bottle didn't break, and it didn't explode." I said.

             
"Somebody's trying to scare you, alright," Eduardo said.  "But they're not trying to kill you.  At least not yet."

             
Willey said, "We were going to move into an empty house on the other side of the park, and hide Barney's Wrangler."

             
"That sounds like a good idea," Eduardo said.  "Move and keep your heads down until this blows over."  Eduardo leaned back in his chair.  "So, can I talk you guys into helping me?"

             
"Four hundred bucks," Willey said.  "What do we have to do?"

             
"Well, the Bureau received an allegation that Buckland is paying bribes to local officials to help Flaherty.  Flaherty's accountant was the victim of a hit and run last month after she pointed out some discrepancies in the company's books.  But she survived.  She's at the Seaside Nursing Home in Palm Harbor.  According to her daughter, Flaherty set her mother up to be killed."

             
I thought about the black car that tried to run me down, and realized how lucky I was.

             
Eduardo continued.  ”She says he's giving large amounts of money to Senator Buckland.  The mother won't tell the daughter too much, she's afraid they'll come after the daughter, too.  I have an agent stationed outside the front entrance of the nursing home overnights to protect her.  We can't send an agent inside to investigate without exposing the investigation.  What I need is for one of you to go into the nursing home at night through a window that will be left unlocked, and talk to the accountant.  Find out what she knows.  What do you think?"

             
I looked at Willey.  "Think we should try it?" 

             
Willey asked Eduardo, "Is that it, is that all we have to do?"

             
"That's all you have to do.  Just get in there and find out what she knows.  Then report back to me."

             
"I sure could use the money," I said.  "I'm willing to try it."

             
"Count me in too," Willey said.  "Now how do we find this unlocked window?" 

             
"The window is on the rear of the building facing the Gulf," Eduardo said.  "It's the last window on the right.  It's an empty room and you can also leave by that window after you've talked to the accountant.  The unlocked room is number 204.  The accountant's room number is 205, right across the hall.  Just get in and tell Hattie, that's the accountant's name, that her daughter Jennifer sent you.  Find out what Hattie knows, then get out of there.  There's one more thing.  The nursing home has camera surveillance in the front, so you'll have to come at it from the water.  Do either one of you have a boat?"

             
Willey said, "Palm Harbor isn't far from Frank's.  We could make the trip on the pontoon boat.  What do you think, Barney?"

             
I said, "It's either that or I'll be living on peanut butter sandwiches for weeks."  Besides, I felt safe working for the FBI. 

             
"When do you want us to go there?" Willey asked.

             
"Tomorrow night.  Do you have any questions?"  Willey and I both shook our heads.

             
"Okay," Eduardo said.  "You've got the job.  Just be careful."

             
As Eduardo was leaving I said, "Tell Sofie I said, hello."

             
Eduardo smiled, "I'll tell her.  I think she likes you.  She talks a lot about how you handled Darrell.  She calls you her hero." Willey was smirking at me.

             
Things were looking better, and I could go back to my own house again.

              The next night we parked on a dirt road that ran along the coast, and walked back to Frank's Restaurant.  It was 3:am.  Everyone had gone home.  We were ready to steal the pontoon boat--but it was for a good cause, and we'd return it afterward.   I carried a red plastic gas can that held a single gallon of gasoline. We figured we could make the trip to the nursing home on just about one gallon of gas.  There were a couple of gallons on board.  We wanted to leave the boat with the same amount of gas as we found it.  

             
Willey said, "They leave the boat low on gas at night so if anybody steals it, they won't get far."

             
"You sure you have the key to the boat?" I asked.  Willey held it up to show me.  "I made a copy when I started here in case I lost the original." 

             
We had brought Oscar along because we thought there might be another attack on Willey's house.  We climbed aboard and poured the gas into the tank.  I untied the lines and Willey turned the key in the ignition.  We were off!   The Intracoastal was as smooth as glass as we glided almost silently over the black water.  We ran without lights.  I sat up front with Oscar and watched the lights go by on the shore.  It was a warm night and the ocean breeze was refreshing.  The stars were bright above and the moon lit up the tops of the palmetto trees. 

             
Oscar seemed to be enjoying the ride.  He had most likely never ridden aboard a boat before.  He was fascinated by the luminescence in the water.  He leaned over the side, watching the water sparkle as we moved along.  I held onto the back of his shorts so he wouldn't fall in.  Could monkeys swim?  A streak of light in the sky caught our eyes and we watched a comet flash across the night sky.  The lights of the waterfront mansions slid by one after another.  Every square foot of waterfront had been built upon.  That's the thing about the ocean, except for the occasional pay-to-park beach or a causeway, you can't get near the water.  I had to wonder how the people in those mansions had accumulated so much wealth.  I couldn't imagine being that rich. 

             
After about fifteen minutes the lights of the nursing home emerged out of the darkness.  It sat on a point of land that jutted out into the Intracoastal, just as Eduardo had told us.  Willey guided the pontoon onto a smooth patch of shoreline, and we tied up to the bushes at the water's edge.  The tide was out and there were a few feet of sand showing. 

             
I stepped ashore.  "I'll be back in about twenty minutes.  Whatever you do, don't leave here without me."

             
"We'll be here," Willey said.  "Good luck."

             
I climbed up a slight embankment onto the nursing home lawn facing the rear wall.  It was a large, one story brick building. It appeared to be square, but the tops of palm trees jutting above the roofline told me the building had a central courtyard.  They build the nursing homes in the shape of a square donut.  That allows every room to have windows.  The daylight is necessary to keep the old folks from getting depressed.  I crept along the outside wall until I came to the last window on the right.  I pushed up on the bottom and it moved easily.  The windowsill was about three feet above the grass.  I threw my right leg over the sill and stepped into room 204.  So far, so good.

             
The room was empty as promised.  I slowly opened the door to the hall and looked both ways.  Nobody there.  I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me.  Room 205 was just across the hall.  I moved quietly and turned the doorknob on 205.  It was unlocked.
I opened the door and slipped inside.  The only light in the room came from a night light low on the wall.  I approached the bed and looked down at the sleeping woman.  She must have been good looking, but now she was all banged up.  I gently touched her arm and she awoke with a start. 

             
"It's alright," I said.  "Your daughter, Jennifer sent me." She relaxed a little, but she was still unsure. 

             
I said, "She wants you to tell me what you know about Flaherty Construction and I'll pass it on to the FBI."

             
"They tried to kill me," she said.  "And they almost succeeded, the bastards.  I never know if they'll send somebody in here to finish me off."  I could hear the fear in her voice. 

             
I said, "If it makes you feel any safer, the FBI is watching this building every night."

             
"Thank you, that does make me feel safer."

             
I had to ask. "Hattie, the car that hit you, was it a big, black car with tinted windows?"

             
"Yes, how did you know that?"

             
"The same car tried to run me down.  I barely escaped with my life."

             
"Why would they want to kill you?" Hattie asked. 

             
"Because I was trying to stop Flaherty from bulldozing the mobile home park that I live in.  He wants to build condos there." 

             
"They're no good bastards," she said.  She reached out and opened the drawer of a small table that stood next to the bed.  She took out a pocket notebook and handed it to me.  "Here is everything I know about those sub-human pigs.
 
I hope it puts them away for life."  I put the notebook in my pocket.

             
"Is there anything you want me to tell your daughter?" I asked.

             
"Yes.  Please tell her to be careful.  Tell her not to come here to visit me.  It could put her in danger."

             
"I'll pass it on," I said.  I nodded and went to the door.  I peeked out into the hall.  No one was out there.  I waved goodbye to Hattie and closed the door softly behind me.  Then I headed back to room 204.  I had only taken a few steps when a tall, gaunt, old man in a nightgown stood up from behind a tray cart.  Damn, how was I going to talk my way out of this?  I nodded at the old gent and said, "Good evening."