Gazza: My Story (46 page)
Authors: Paul Gascoigne
50: Boring story, not at all funny, and total bollocks
THE GAZZA FILE
Everything you wanted to know and couldn’t find in the match-day programme. I used to enjoy those surveys, when I just started football, the ones in football programmes and comics, about a player’s favourite meal, favourite pop group. I always loved reading them. I also enjoy filling in forms.
So here goes …
1 Basic Facts
Born: 27 May 1967, Gateshead
Father’s job: hod-carrier
Siblings: two sisters, Anna and Lindsay; one brother, Carl
Education: two CSE passes
Marriage: to Sheryl, 1996; divorced 1998
Children: son Regan, b. 1996; two stepchildren, Bianca b. 1986 and Mason b. 1989
Height: 5ft 9in
Weight: normally 11 stone 10lbs, but have been 14 stone – don’t talk about it
2 Personal
House: none. Lived in hotels or flats since 1998
Car: at present, none. Gave away last one to Dad in 2002 when drunk, a Mercedes soft-top worth £70,000
Motorbikes: did have nine Harley-Davidsons, now only two
Last holiday: Dubai
Hobbies, interests: golf, tennis, fishing
Newspapers:
News of the World
,
Mirror
,
Sun
,
Star
Politics: what did you vote at last election?
Didn’t vote, have never voted. I have given my family a lot of money and houses, and yet they still voted Labour at the last election. That surprised me. I thought they would have become Tory, getting all that for nothing. I suppose my heart is still Labour.
Do you follow current events?
No, just the tennis.
Do you do now or have you ever done any housework?
When I was young, living at home, I did a lot of jobs in the house, cos we had to, with me mam trying to do four jobs to keep us going. When I was married, I did now and again load the dishwasher.
Can you cook?
I can do toast and switch on a microwave.
When your son Regan was a baby, did you change his nappy?
About once, for a photograph. In hospital once, when he had the shits, I pretended to Shel I’d changed him, but it was the nurse.
Religion: were you baptised – if so, what church?
Church of England, but I never go.
Do you believe in God?
Yes.
3 Favourite Things
Favourite food
At age eighteen, steak sandwich; today, nice bit of salmon.
Favourite drink
At eighteen, lager; today, Diet Coke or Red Bull.
When did you last have an alcoholic drink?
April 2003. I was in China, depressed, and drank a bottle of whisky in my hotel room. It was after that I went to the clinic in Arizona.
Favourite sweets
At eighteen, Galaxy; today, wine gums.
Do you smoke? If so, how many, what kind?
I didn’t start till I was twenty-eight, and it was Paul Ince at Euro 96 that got me going. I still smoke about twenty a day to calm my nerves. Regal King Size, they’re very popular in Newcastle.
Favourite TV programmes
Any sports, especially tennis. I find it hard to watch football. I’d rather be playing.
Favourite music, group
Elvis, my all-time favourite. I’ve got his autograph, which I swapped with someone for an England shirt. I also like Phil Collins and Genesis.
Favourite clothes and designer
Armani suits, Armani jeans.
Favourite film stars
Male, Gene Hackman; female, Julia Roberts.
Last film seen
Gladiator
. It was brilliant.
Last book read, or books currently by your bedside
Books about anxiety and depression – how many do you want? They’re mainly American.
Anxiety and Panic Attacks – their cause and cure
by Robert Handley and Pauline Neff;
Understanding Obsessions and Compulsions
by Dr Frank Tallis;
Coping with Anxiety and Depression
by Shirley Trickett;
How to Stop Worrying
by Frank Tallis;
How to Heal Depression
by Harold Bloomfield;
Daily Reflections
by Members of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Last time you cried
Two weeks ago.
4 Football
Has football for you been a job, a career, a profession, a way of life? How would you describe it?
It’s a profession, because you get paid and thousands pay to watch you. You have to be at your physical peak to play it.
Any pre-match rituals, superstitions?
Too many to list, but if I won, I kept the same shinpads for the next game. If we lost, I threw them away and got new ones.
In order of importance, which of these elements do you think are necessary for success in football: coaching, confidence, luck, natural talent, perseverance, personality, physical toughness, any others?
I’d put confidence first, followed by luck. Obviously you need natural talent, but all top pros have that, to have got that far. And there’s a lot of it around, and much of it goes nowhere. So I’m putting natural talent third in importance. After that I’d list physical toughness, personality, perseverance, coaching.
From your experience in many dressing rooms, at home and abroad, what would you say were the main topics of conversation, apart from football: cars, clothes, current events, family, jokes and stories, last night’s TV, manager and staff, money, music, sex and girls?
Girls and sex first, followed by cars, jokes and funny stories, last night’s TV, manager and staff, family, money, current events.
In your experience, have you ever come across a gay player – or one assumed to be gay?
No.
Would you say footballers are prejudiced against homosexuals?
No.
Is there any racism in football, in the dressing room?
None, but you hear it from some crowds.
Would you say footballers were clever, smart, streetwise, cunning, simple, naive – or can you not generalise because they come in all types?
I would say almost all footballers are streetwise. After that, they are all different. You do get clever ones. A few are sly and back-stabbing, which is not on your list.
When playing in Italy, and in Scotland, did you feel any prejudice against you, for being English?
None at all.
Do you get as much fun and pleasure out of playing football today as you did, say, at eighteen?
There was more fun when I was younger, without any tension.
Would you like to stay in football?
I’d like to be a coach and then a manager. By now, I must know most of the tricks players try. I did most of them.
If you don’t manage a job in football, then what?
Dunno. Might buy a trout farm and run it, or a pub
and let Jimmy manage it. Or I might go to Australia and open some Gazza soccer coaching schools.
If you hadn’t been a player, what do you think you would be doing today?
A joiner. I once made me mam a table – and it didn’t fall to pieces.
Your career, would you say it has been brilliant/very good/good/OK/could have been better?
Brilliant, no question.
Have you saved enough never to have to work again?
I have saved something, but I now need to invest it properly.
Do you think today’s players are overpaid?
If a team like Chelsea has got all this money, and want to offer you a fortune to join them, then good luck to you. But in the lower divisions, players can work just as hard, try as much, and yet get very badly paid. I feel sorry for them.
When and where were you happiest, as a player, as a person?
As a player I loved being at Rangers, everything to do with it. I also loved being at Spurs. As a person, I was happiest between the ages of sixteen and eighteen when football had not yet become a job but was something I did for fun and had no worries.
Which player did you admire as a boy?
Cruyff.
Who were the best players you ever played with or against?
Bryan Robson, then Waddle and Beardsley.
Of all the clubs you played for, which had the best atmosphere?
Rangers, for two reasons. The banter in the dressing room was great, the crowd was always brilliant and supportive. Lazio had a good crowd, very passionate, but the crowd I enjoyed hearing best of all was Newcastle’s when I was young and first started.
Which club had the best training facilities?
Middlesbrough, by a long way. It’s state of the art, the best facilities I’ve seen anywhere. The saunas were amazing, the gym top class, the players’ restaurant was like something in the West End.
Which managers/coaches have you personally enjoyed most?
Terry Venables, Walter Smith.
Which of your goals still stick in your memory?
The header for Lazio against Roma in the Rome derby. A hat-trick I scored for Rangers. A free kick for Spurs against Arsenal which got us to the FA Cup final.
Of today’s younger players, who do you admire?
Beckham, of course, not just his football but how he has handled the media and his commercial work. I buggered up all that. I always seemed to be at war with them.
Which club’s results do you look for first?
Newcastle, followed by Rangers, Spurs, Everton.
Which English club do you admire most today?
Manchester United.
Which well-known people, non-footballers, have you enjoyed meeting in your life?
Phil Collins.
What would you say was your best quality, as a person, as a player?
As a person, I like to think I’m easy-going, fun to be with. As a player, I’m a winner. I’d go through a brick wall for the team.
What about your worst qualities?
As a player, making crazy tackles. As a person, being too spontaneous. That’s always when I’ve let myself down.
Note: ‘PG’ denotes Paul Gascoigne. References to countries, cities, towns, etc., are to football teams unless otherwise indicated. Subheadings of individuals are filed in chronological order.
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Adams, Tony
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Albania (country)
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Allen, Paul
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Amoruso, Lorenzo
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Anderson, John
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Atkinson, Ron
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Beardsley, Peter
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