Gay Bombay: Globalization, Love and (Be)longing in Contemporary India (25 page)

Greater Bombay’s population, currently 19 million, is bigger than that of
173 countries in the world. If it were a country by itself in 2004, it would rank
at number 54…India is not an overpopulated country… it is the cities of India
that are overpopulated. Singapore has a density of 2,535 people per square
mile; Berlin, the most crowded European city has 1,130 per square mile. The
island city of Bombay in 1990 had a density of 17,550 people per square mile.

Some parts of central Bombay have a population density of 1 million people
per square mile. This is the highest number of individuals massed together at
any spot on the world.
(Suketu Mehta, 2004)75

Andheri station, where I get down from the train, sure feels like this spot.

I have been suffering from claustrophobia since the past six months in America, but that is a luxury I cannot afford to have in Bombay. I suffer a brief panic attack, but draw upon my crowd navigation skills, (luckily, like cycling and swimming, one never loses these) to emerge outside 10 minutes later.

The meeting venue is the McDonalds, in the bustling open-air market located right outside Andheri station. This is the norm—people collect at a restaurant and then are guided to the actual meeting (in someone’s home) by volunteers. There are thousands of people milling about the market with noisy rickshaws, cars, bicycles, cows and goats, buses and the loud sales pitches of hundreds of street vendors all adding to the commotion.

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The restaurant is as densely packed as the streets outside; with families, groups of teenagers and swarms of children running around (or rather, squeezing their way around the crowds). The harried service people at the counter are trying their best to fulfill the incessant demands of Maharaja Macs, Vegetarian McCurries, spicy fries and cardamom tea.

I am to look for a man wearing a black cap with
GB
written on it. I am a little nervous and wonder how I would be if I were not approaching this meet as an
out
researcher who has already appeared this year on the BBC and in the
Boston Globe
talking about my sexuality. Probably it would have been the same as last year, before I left. Sure about my sexuality, but not wanting to do anything publicly about it. Now, intoxicated with one year of reading
Out
and
The Advocate
, gay marriages in Massachusetts being a reality and the little bit of fame that my film festival generated, I cannot possibly go back to
what might people think
mode.

The group is easy to spot. I introduce myself to everyone around the table say eight or ten men, including a few first-timers who are shy and reserved. The veterans strike up a conversation right away. I am made to feel at ease. After half an hour, we rise and board a local bus.

Joseph, who is in charge, buys tickets for everyone. ‘Don’t worry, we have a budget for this’, he grins when I raise an inquiring eyebrow. We reach our destination, Pratham’s home, singing film songs and laughing loudly, much to the consternation of the other bus passengers. I am happy as I walk with the group, making small talk and getting to know more about their lives.

Once inside, I introduce myself to the individuals already assembled there and tell them more about the kind of work I plan to do—these are people I will come to know intimately over the course of the next few months; and then years. Some of them recognize me from my emails on the mailing list, others are learning about me for the first time. I can see that they are intrigued by me—they wonder where I was all these years—if I was indeed living in Bombay and I wonder the same. They are taken aback by my shorts, blond-streaked hair and brazenly out attitude and I enjoy the attention I receive. My excitement is palpable and I know that the group members can sense it. It feels so good to be here…could Malinowski have felt the same rush as he pegged in his tent on an
alien
beach?

Up Close and Personal
147

Two weeks later, I walk into the Bandra café
Just Around the Corner
with the practiced air of a Gay Bombay veteran. Enter. Find man with cap. Hug all around for those I know. Handshakes and smiles for the newbies. Small talk until we reach the actual meeting venue. Then ease into the meeting, observing, taking notes and interjecting as need be.

In the interim, I have travelled to the southern city of Bangalore to attend the Second International Conference on Sexualities, Masculinities and Cultures in South Asia—which has been an eye opener for me in terms of making me aware of the momentum gathering around LBGT rights in the country.

Today’s meet is in Karim’s home. Karim is a journalist with one of the country’s leading news magazines. He lives in an airy one-bedroom-hall-kitchen apartment. The décor is ethnic chic—cane furniture, hand woven rugs, low seating cotton cushions in pink, mustard, blue and lime green, wispy red curtains, potted plants and books. Paintings by the famous writer-artist Manjula Padmanabhan adorn the walls. Today, the room is cramped with 25 gay men—scientists, engineers, students, corporate executives; young twinks with coloured hair, in tight singlets, harem pants, jewellery and sunglasses; old butch men with paunches, glasses and salt and pepper beards. Bottles of Pepsi and Fanta are being passed around, as are fresh scones; courtesy Karim’s excellent baking abilities.

The free wheeling discussion begins with the challenges and practical issues faced by gay men seeking long-term relationships in Bombay. Isaac suggests the organization of a match-making bureau for gay men, on the lines of the arranged marriage bureaus for straight people in India. Karim wonders if we are not fetishizing long-term gay relationships in India, just like the West. He informs the group that the gay guide
Spartacus
has asked them for an update on the India section and there is a debate on what locations to reveal in the guide. He also warns the group about Internet hustlers that have been operating in gay chat rooms, meeting people offline and then robbing or blackmailing them.

There are some tense moments at the meet. The first occurs when Isaac asks Homi, a shy newbie from Andhra Pradesh, to say something about himself. Daulat chides Isaac to stop treating the first-timer like ‘an animal in a zoo’. Isaac angrily responds that he did not refer to the man as ‘an animal’. Murgesh steps in to defuse the tension. Meanwhile,
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the object of this attention nervously observes the proceedings, silently.

I find out that he is a Navy officer, recently posted to Bombay, but never see him at another meeting or dance party after this during the rest of my stay.

The second tense moment occurs during an argument about in-

creasing the mandate of Gay Bombay to include more outspoken public activism. Senthil, Karim, Vidwan, Daulat and others are of the opinion that members of Gay Bombay should play a more proactive role in protests like the recent one organized by Humsafar against the obnoxious Bollywood film
Girlfriend
, be more visible on television and in the press and make financial contributions to other needy LBGT causes, such as the recent email appeal from a
hijra
group seeking funds for a new computer.

Isaac, Pratham, Pulkit and others disagree and a heated argument follows. Murgesh proposes that a blanket decision not be made and each proposal be considered individually, based on its feasibility. Karim reminds the group that they had raised money for the Larzish Bombay gay and lesbian film festival through one of their bar nights last year and the same method could be adopted again, if everyone agreed upon it. Vidwan states that there is a difference between helping
hijras
and including them as part of the community; he feels that the Gay Bombay group is exclusionary to other sexual minorities, to which Pratham retorts—‘Why should we be messiahs for the downtrodden? We are

a social space for
gay
people, why be anything else?’ Senthil counters this by reminding the group that even the existence of Gay Bombay as a social space might come under threat if right wing political organizations make gay people their next targets for victimization, or if their dance parties began to be raided by the police and in case such things happen, the only people who will publicly demonstrate are the
hijras
.

I chip in with comments about us all having a conscience that we should be guided by, which receives indulgent smiles from the warring parties.

It is evident that this issue is a deeply divisive one within the group; I am to encounter it at several times during my stay at several different levels. Over the next three months, on subsequent visits to India and after I relocate to Bombay in 2006, I attend many meetings like these.

I also attend a series of get-togethers organized by the Humsafar Trust every alternate Sunday called
Sunday High
. Some of these meetings discuss important issues faced by the community, like the threat faced by Up Close and Personal
149

gay men from hustlers and blackmailers, while others are just occasions to unwind and watch films together. At these meeting I am exposed to a different kind of gay culture existing in the city; the issues faced by other sexual minorities like
hijras
and
kothis
.

Then there are the parties; not just regular Gay Bombay parties at night clubs but also private dinners in people’s homes. I visit the Humsafar centre to see the HIV-prevention work they are doing and dig through their archives.

Throughout, I interview, interview and interview. I am lucky that each of my trips coincides with significant media action…2004 is a gay summer as the
Indian Express
calls it;76 and I am there, bang in the middle of the action. Sexuality conference in Bangalore. Pride March in Calcutta. The Pushkin Chandra double murder case in Delhi. The
Girlfriend
controversy all over the country…. (See Chapter 4 for a discussion of the media coverage of all these events.) In 2005, I visit at the time of the release of the gay themed
My Brother Nikhil
and in 2006 I relocate to India bang in the middle of the letter writing campaign and court decision over Section 377. So much juicy material to dig into.

INTIMACY

I use the same questionnaire I designed for my online interviews as a guide for semi-structured personal interviews with individuals that I meet in the different Gay Bombay spaces as a participant observer. I use a snowball interviewing or friendship pyramiding technique format—

I begin with a set of established contacts—including some of the Gay Bombay organizers and my online interviewees—and cull new informants based on their recommendations and also from my observations at Gay Bombay events. By using theoretic sampling, I try and maintain diversity among my respondents, with regard to factors like age, occupation and marital status as well as how they choose to access Gay Bombay (that is, via the net, meetings, parties or a combination of these).

I also interview some leading gay and
hijra
activists from Bombay that have been critical of Gay Bombay in the past; even though their interaction with the Gay Bombay list or events is limited, I want to incorporate their viewpoints into my analysis.

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Following my online questionnaire, I move from general questions to specific ones in my physical interviews—I work loosely within the framework of the questionnaire—but let the bulk of the agenda setting be directed by the respondents. I conduct some of my interviews with my participants individually and the others as dyads (interviewing two friends, partners or associates together).

The community welcomes me warmly. I think there are a number of reasons for this. First, my own homosexuality. Almost all my subjects first ask me if I am gay when I express an interest in interviewing them.

My sexuality thus serves as my passport into the community. It helps me build rapport and gain the confidence of the community members. My forthrightness in revealing details about my own private life is also appreciated. Since, I am asking my respondents to be open and share details of their lives with me, I reciprocate by being honest about my life experiences and beliefs.

My interviewees are college students, working professionals and businessmen. They live either alone or with their partners, with their families as either out or closeted, or with their spouses and or extended families as married men. Those who can, invite me to their homes to conduct my interviews. Others ask me to come to their offices late, after office hours. I schedule interviews with those whose homes or offices I cannot visit, in different restaurants, at locations convenient to them and embark on a delightful gastronomical journey—
Vithal Bhelwala
near the Victoria Railway Terminus where I gorge on delicious
pani puris
, the best street food in the world;
Aswad
at Dadar with its Maharastrian
kothambir vadis
and
missal
; prawn
pulao
and
kheema parathas
at Jehangir art gallery’s Samovar café; sizzlers at Yoko’s in Santa Cruz—and when time is of the essence, the local Barista or Café Coffee Day.

I do not face any problems in explaining my research theme to my interview subjects—it is enough for them to know that it will be turned into my graduate thesis and a book later on. For some of them, anonymity is important; others insist that their real names and identities be used in my write up. (Ultimately, as I explain a little later, I decide to use pseudonyms for
all
respondents). They are conscious of their position as research subjects—and sometimes ask me, even after casual conversations, if I am going to use the conversations within my project.

Up Close and Personal
151

A few of my respondents are skeptical—of both, my intentions and research methodology. They feel that I am exploiting my sexuality to gain currency in Western academia. Although they agree to be interviewed, they sometimes pepper their answers with cynical and often condescending judgements about me. Others strongly advise me that though my intentions are good, what is needed right now in India is hard activism on the ground and if I really cared as much about the gay community in India, perhaps I should come back and get involved in these grassroot efforts. Their comments strike a chord and I find myself getting very defensive whenever they are raised.