Gateway (The Gateway Trilogy, Book 1) (18 page)

She replied without turning. “That's good, Ember, thank you.”

I wanted to ask what was wrong, when of course I knew so much was wrong. They looked as stricken as the students, as though they were finding out for the first time the boogie man was real, but the Elders had been grappling with the unlocked Gate for months.

I chose my words carefully; Annys wasn't the type to be questioned. “Has something happened? Other than the breach?”

Master Dogan and Annys exchanged glances.

“The manner in which the Gateway closed,” Master Dogan said, “it was distinctive. The Elders had questions and we felt it necessary to tell the truth.”

My pulse quickened. “About me? Is that bad?”

“They were displeased,” Annys said, coming to sit at the table, “but at us, not you. We broke protocol by keeping them in the dark. You needn't worry though, we've smoothed things over.”

“Oh, that's good, then,” I said. “Am I allowed to tell the other—”

“No,” Annys said, then softened her tone. “Now is not the time for that. The students are still reeling from the events of last night. We'll need to wait until nerves have settled before revealing your lineage.”

“That I'm part Daemon,” I said.

“I think we can all agree there is no longer any doubt,” Master Dogan said.

I nodded. Being unable to move a napkin wasn't enough to convince me otherwise, now. I was what I was. And I could use it to save lives.

“Is it true? Did the Gateway seal itself?” I needed to hear it from a reliable source.

“It appeared that way,” Master Dogan said.

They were both watching me and I knew they wanted details of what had happened.

“I was walking. I… stepped over the boundary,” I said, knowing that was forbidden as a first year, unless instructed, “and it felt like… like I was blown to pieces. It took me a second to realize it was the Gateway that had broken apart, not me. And then, I just knew I had to do something. I couldn't go in slowly—there wasn't time—but once I was inside I knew what to do. I could feel the Gate, wanting to be whole. Does that make sense?”

Master Dogan nodded. “It was the Daemons who created the Gateway, it makes perfect sense that you would be attuned to it. The texts refer to it being imbued with a self-preservation instinct—which is why Marked ones continue to be born, millennia later—which explains the feeling you had of it wanting to be reformed.”

“From there it was just force of will, I guess. I'm not sure how I did it, I just knew that it needed to be done.”

“And so you did,” Master Dogan said, a spark of pride behind his weary eyes.

“We would like to show our gratitude,” Annys said, “though our options are limited just now.”

“What? No, I don't need a reward,” I said hastily. “I'm grateful Taren found me; that he brought me here, where I'm not a freak. Or, well, still a freak, but a useful one.”

“It's really nothing to get excited about,” Annys said. “I just felt badly that because of our current state of disarray we won't be allowing visitors for a time. I know you were scheduled for a visit from your mother. I thought perhaps you might like to go see her, instead.”

“You mean leave the Institute?”

It was the last thing I wanted. This was the one place I felt safe, and it had been Annys who had assured me my mother was safer with me gone. I'd just make her understand the delay in visiting.

Annys' expression was contemplative for a moment. “I haven't wanted to say anything,” she said, “but your mother doesn't seem to be doing well in your absence. She's made several calls in the past two weeks and I think seeing you might do her some good.”

“Oh.” She had sounded even-keel when we'd spoken on the phone, but that didn't mean things couldn't change.

“It's not just for her,” Annys continued. “As you can imagine, the Elders have questions and would like the opportunity to observe you and be kept abreast of your progress. When classes resume on Monday I fear your schedule will be even fuller than it has been.”

I pictured myself as a lab rat running a maze, the Elders holding clipboards and stopwatches.

“What about the Demon?” I asked, my mouth suddenly dry. “He'll be inside my head the whole time.”

It was Master Dogan who answered, his tone reassuring. “Ember, you've come leaps and bounds from where you started, and even before, you weren't under Its control, not really. It got you to believe certain things that led you to act, but now you know not to believe it.”

“As well,” Annys said, “the influence of the demons is stronger here. Away from the Gateway, their strength wanes. In truth, I think you might be safer away from the Institute. The Guardians assigned to your mother are still in place, and if you choose to go, I've arranged for Katrina to join you, as your own personal protection. It's not unusual that programs for at-risk youth require a peer mentor to accompany them on trips.”

Annys was saying I had a choice, but I got the feeling this had already been decided upon. My mother must have been driving her crazy with phone calls if she was willing to go to all this trouble. I couldn't see the harm; it seemed safe enough with Guardians watching us, and I had gotten better at blocking out the Voice. And, as Master Dogan had pointed out, listening didn't mean believing. It would be good to see my mother—we'd never been apart this long.

“Thank you,” I said, “for going to all this trouble.”

Annys waved her hand dismissively. “It's nothing. Especially compared with what you did for all of us—for the world—last night. Go, enjoy yourself. Come back Sunday, refreshed and ready to learn.”

I smiled, my spirits genuinely lifted. “I will,” I said, “I promise.”

***

Kat came to get me at four o'clock that same day. She looked bone-weary like the rest of us as she leaned against my doorframe, but on her it looked sultry.

“I hope you know I'm giving up some prime demon killing to baby-sit for the weekend,” she said.

Her tone was teasing, but held a hint of edge. She really was disappointed to not be out fighting. The concept was foreign to me—I hated conflict. I didn't like raised voices, let alone raised weapons.

“Sorry,” I said with a shrug. “but if you're good, I'll take you to an open mic night where lesbians spout angst-ridden poetry.”

“Whoa, someone's feeling sassy,” she replied, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

She was right. The good mood that had started in Master Dogan's office had only grown. I was being allowed out in the world again, to the land of Indian food take-out, perfect lattes at Buzz and unrestricted Internet usage. If Master Dogan and Annys both felt I was ready to be released into the wild, who was I to doubt them?

We exited the dorm and strolled down the path toward where Kat was parked. We reached the boundary line and she glanced at me.

“Ready?”

I took a step past the boundary and smiled. “Piece of cake.”

It wasn't cake, exactly, more like brussel sprouts. I didn't enjoy the walk, but could get through it. By the time we reached the car, I was queasy but held it at bay. The nausea eased as we wound our way down the mountain. I leaned my head out the window, delighted by the breeze, and the fact that, so far, I'd heard nothing in my head but my own thoughts.

“Kat,” I said, straightening, when my curiosity got the best of me, “what happened with Taren? Why did they take him off duty?”

She gave me a sidelong look and said, “You heard about that, huh?”

“It's a small Institute,” I said, hoping I sounded casual.

Friday rush-hour traffic was in full effect and Kat wailed on her horn. “Come on, it's not going to get another shade of green.”

We moved forward a few car lengths, but stopped again when the light turned red.

“Perfect,” she muttered.

I waited. I couldn't ask again; I didn't want to seem desperate for information.

“The truth is, I don't really know what happened,” she said finally. “He won't tell me, which is infuriating.”

“He didn't say anything?”

I couldn't let it go. It wasn't purely selfish; I was worried about him.

“I made it back to the house around dawn to get some sleep—demons are less likely to strike in crowds or during daylight—figuring I'd meet up with Taren and arrange to go on a sweep later. When I got there, the house was empty. I called him and texted him a dozen times out of my mind with worry, and then he showed up an hour later, slamming doors and cursing. I asked what was wrong and he told me to mind my own business and shut a door in my face. I took the hint and crashed at a friend's place. I haven't heard from him since.”

“Have you tried calling again, or—?”

“Ember, I've known Taren most of my life—we trained together, became Guardians together, and in all the battles where it counted, he's been there to watch my back. It's killing me that I have no idea what's going on with him, but he's made it clear he doesn't want my help. I swear I'm not trying to be a bitch, but it sounds like he's made it clear to you, too.”

The words cut deep, more so because she was right. Even before Taren had been suspended he'd been distancing himself from me, and my attempts at closeness had only driven him further away.

“I'm sorry,” Kat said. “I had hopes for you two. Everything he said about you was really nice. And who knows? When he gets over whatever he's going through, maybe there's still a chance.”

“Yeah,” I said, the word sounding hollow.

“See, this is why being a lesbian is so much easier. You don't have to deal with men,” she said, cracking a smile.

At first my smile was forced, but I realized she was right; Taren and I had time. Neither of us was going anywhere anytime soon—he was too valuable for Annys to make the suspension permanent, whatever the issue was. And aside from this brief trip home, I was going to be at the Institute for the long haul. I could be patient.

“So,” Kat said, “where's this Mecca of lesbian poetry goodness you told me about? I could go for some coffee.”

***

We left Buzz with bellies full of latte and pastry. Too early for poetry, Kat found a table of cute girls to flirt with while I caught Clyde up on my new “boarding school.” I also inquired if anyone had been in asking about me, but thankfully, the answer was no.

An hour passed and I got antsy to get home.

“Hey Kat, you ready?” I called to her from the bar.

She was whispering in the ear of a petite blonde with cropped hair. When Kat finished, the girl giggled, a blush rising on her cheeks.

“Kat?” I said again.

She looked up. “Yeah, sorry, I'm ready.” She walked over to me. “Not sure what you had in mind for tomorrow night, but Magda says her band is playing down the street.”

“Is that what Magda says?”

“So, are you up for a little music?” she said, ignoring my smirk.

“Is that OK? To be out…”

“Crowded place, remember? And don't worry-anything pops up, I got your back.”

It was a tempting idea; I loved live music. Who knew when I'd get the chance to go to a club again? Besides, Kat was giving me the puppy dog eyes, which apparently being straight did not make me immune to.

“OK, sure. Sounds fun,” I said.

“Awesome, I've already got all the info,” she said, holding up a flyer. She waved to Magda and I gave Clyde a hug before leaving.

Minutes later we were pulling up outside of my apartment. I felt the need to warn Kat that my mom might not be on her best behavior.

“So, my mom is kind of…”

“Bi-polar,” she said, “I know, you told me. Don't worry, being raised within the Institute I've been exposed to all levels of sanity or lack thereof. Wherever she's at on the mood scale, we'll deal with it.”

I sighed with relief. What a difference it made not to feel ashamed.

It was strange to knock on the door, but I realized as I walked up that I had no idea where my key was. Probably still in a dish on my desk where I left it that dark night, weeks ago. The door flew open and before I could say anything, my mother pulled me into an embrace.

“Em, it's so good to see you.” Her heart wasn't pounding, her breathing even. I relaxed into her arms.

“It's good to see you, too, Mom.”

She gave me a last squeeze and released me. Her eyes were bright; she looked great. I wondered how long it had been since Annys had spoken with her and deemed her on the brink.

“Mom, this is Kat,” I said, “Kat, this is my mom, Rachel.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kat said. “Thanks for letting me stay over.”

“My pleasure. I was thrilled when Annys said Ember could come home for the weekend. Make yourself at home.”

She stepped back from the doorway and we entered. The place looked lived-in, but tidy. It was when things got too dirty or too clean that I worried.

Kat went to the living room to put down her overnight bag. All I’d brought was my satchel; everything I needed was already here. I followed Mom into the kitchen where she poured us some iced tea.