Garda - Welcome to the Realm (4 page)

I knew he felt the same. I sensed it just like I sensed the same need in him to kiss me and hold me.

The kiss we had while standing next to my car was almost like a goodbye—bittersweet.

As I drove back to his motorcycle, reality broke in, and the depths of my feelings and the passionate words that we spoke rushed back over me. Guilt accompanied them.

God, forgive me! I was as bad as my ex-husband! I had always sworn I would never prey upon a man who was married. I knew what it felt like to be cheated on, and here I was doing it to another woman. Anger and guilt were new feelings for me. Dear God, how do I deal with this?

Let go.

I know. I needed to let him go. I needed to send him home, let him lead the life he was supposed to live, not one of lies and deceit. What must he really think of me? What would he think of me someday in the future if our relationship did grow into something more? Would he always wonder if I would stray?

No. For his own good, and for my sanity, I needed to let him go. I glanced at the passenger seat. His head was turned towards the window, but the dark tint offered me a brief reflection of the soft frown on his face.

Just as I knew he wanted me, I knew he felt the same distress at our situation.

I parked my car beside his Harley, the dark paint and shiny chrome were almost ominous in the fading daylight. We sat quietly for a moment, both trying to come up with the words we knew we must say.

I shuttered myself, willing the strength to come to my mouth.

“Mitch,” I picked at a tread on my steering wheel, afraid to voice my thoughts.

“Corey, don’t say it. Look at me, please.” He spoke quietly and I responded to his plea. “Don’t say it. I know, I know.” His left hand cradled my cheek. I leaned into it, willing back the tears that threatened.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as the first tear rolled down my cheek.

“Corey, please…please don’t cry. Oh God, Corey, you are tearing me apart.” He wrapped his fingers behind my neck and pulled me close. Our lips met in an emotional kiss that did not last long enough. A lifetime would not have been long enough.

With our foreheads together, we touched each other’s faces, memorizing the planes one last time.

“Go, Mitch.” I swallowed, “Please, go before I won’t let you leave.” My voice begged for two different things, for the right thing and the wrong one.

He was stronger than I. He pulled away and opened the door. He hesitated in the open doorway, and mentally I begged him to turn back to me.

He did turn back, but only to lean in to speak. “Be careful, Corey.”

“Always, Mitch.” I smiled as another tear slid down my cheek.

He closed his eyes and stood up, stepping back to close the door. I didn’t wait for him to climb upon his bike, and I didn’t trust myself enough to even peek in the rearview mirror as I drove away.

I held myself together until I walked into my house. The lights in the kitchen ceiling were so bright against the stainless steel and granite that I turned them off. Leaning back against the metal fridge, I allowed my body to slide down to the floor as the tears took over.

How I could cry for a relationship that had never existed did not make sense. I didn’t understand it. I only knew that my hope of true love, of being with the man who was the yin to my yang was over. No matter what, I could not come between a husband and wife. It did not matter what kind of a relationship they had, I would not do that.

My head knew the right thing, but my heart broke in ways I didn’t think possible. Had I cried this hard when I knew my marriage was over with Matt? No. I had gotten angry, shrugged, and walked away, wishing him the best.

I would not force someone to be with me if he didn’t want to—so maybe that was why this hurt so much. I knew Mitch wanted to be with me.

He wanted me, yet I could not have him, and I knew that. The tears slowed, and I wiped at my face with the backs of my hands. A peace stole over me as I sat there surveying my dark kitchen.

I had to let him go. No matter how much I cared about him, or how right I thought we were together, I could not keep him. He was not mine.

I stood and walked to my room. I pulled a nightgown from my dresser and entered the bathroom to shower. As the water ran, I stood outside the shower letting the memories wash over me.

I turned off the faucet and stepped away. I wasn’t ready to wash the last remains of him from me yet. I took off my shorts, undid my bra and slipped my arms out of it without taking my tank top off.

Climbing under the sheets, I stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take for my heart to mend. Within minutes, I felt my body relaxing and slipping off to sleep.

I woke early to get ready for day shift. Filled with mixed emotions, I got up and went to get my coffee. As I walked by my desk, I noticed my phone blinking. I picked it up to find a text message from Mitch that had come after I had gone to bed.

“I hope you are sleeping better than I am. I forgot to tell you I was off on Friday. Be safe at work. I will text you if I can.”

I read over the message a few times before deleting it. So he wouldn’t be at work today, at least I would not have to worry about running into him on a call.

I got ready with a heavy heart. I knew that although the temptation would be lessened, a part of me had hoped to at least see him at a distance.

My shift moved quickly, with one call after another. Even if he had been at work, our time to chat on the computer would have been hampered from endless ambulance, animal, and domestic calls from my dispatcher. At least something was keeping me busy and my mind occupied.

At the very end of my shift, as I was heading back to my station, a vehicle caught my attention. I recognized the blue Ford truck that was pulled into the ice cream parlor by the emblem on the rear license plate. That particular emblem could only be used by sworn police officers.

As I was stopped at the intersection, the door to the store opened and a woman walked out holding the hand of a small child. Behind them was a man who was licking an ice cream cone. Our gazes met over his partially-eaten treat, and he stopped walking.

Both of us directed our attention to the child in front of him as the boy reached up to open the door handle of the truck.

He had a son.

The light changed color, and I turned to head towards my station without looking back. I needed to see that. I needed to know. He had never told me. Why?

I pulled into the station and parked my car. Slamming my hand against the steering wheel, I wanted to scream. Does it even matter why? Dammit!

I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts. Finding Mitch’s name, I deleted it from my phone.

Fool! I was such a damn fool! I knew there was a wife. How did I not know he had a child? Of course, I never asked. Wait, he should have told me. He should have said something.

The anger I felt for myself switched directions. I got out of my car, slamming the door as I walked towards the station.

When I got home, I changed clothes and walked down to my basement. Forty-five minutes of kicking and punching on the water bag didn’t lessen the anger. It wasn’t until I was well into the next forty-five minutes of Tae Kwon Do forms that I felt my body start to relax and focus on my slow, smooth movements.

The next day, I spent time at the station catching up on paperwork. Saturday mornings were relatively quiet and a good time to sort through things that needed attention.

My phone jingled a tone that told me I had a text message. I picked it up without thinking and glanced at the glass screen. My fingers began to tremble when I saw the phone number and the message, “Can you talk?”

I was tempted to ignore it or type back, I don’t talk to liars, but I wasn’t that kind of person. “Sorry, not right now, working on something.”

“Okay, when you have time, let me know.”

I set the phone down next to me and tried to focus on the report I was working on. Yeah, right.

Pushing away from the desk, I stared out the front window of our station. The road was quiet this early in the morning. Okay, dispatch, you can send me a call. Anything would be better than being stuck with my thoughts.

The microphone at my chest beeped with three tones and called the city officers for a robbery in progress. Okay, so I wasn’t dispatched, but I would head that direction to see if I could help. They only had a few guys on this time of day, and I knew they always welcomed the help.

As I walked to my car, I told myself I was going to search for the criminals, not try to get a glimpse of Mitch. I snorted to myself because even I knew that was a lie.

I listened to the description of the suspects while I drove down to the city streets at a good clip. One of the officers got on the radio and gave out a general direction of travel, and I set off that way, advising my dispatcher when I was in the area.

I saw two cops jump out of their vehicles and take off into an alley on foot. Where did that alley come out? I accelerated and drove around the corner, barely checking to see that the road was clear as I turned. I made another turn and stopped quickly at the end of the alley exit just as the subject ran out and slammed into the side of my patrol car.

It gave the pursuing cops a chance to catch up and put him face first onto the hood of my car.

“Corey, go back into the alley, about halfway through, he tossed a gun. Can you go find it?” Joe called out to me as he cuffed the guy up.

“Sure, Joe.” I took off jogging into the alley, the heavy weight of my belt bouncing on my hips. About a quarter of the way down, I slowed and started searching. It didn’t take long.

Beside a large brown trash receptacle lay a black Smith & Wesson semi-automatic pistol. I turned to call down the alley and found myself staring at an approaching Mitchell. Damn.

His light blue uniform shirt fit tightly over his protective vest. The equipment spread out evenly over his duty belt around his thick waist. A waist I had wrapped my arms around. I blinked to clear the memory.

“I got it.” I examined the gun, half expecting it to get up and walk away. I felt more comfortable observing the weapon, deadly or not, than trying to face him.

I heard Mitch get on the private side channel of his radio and call Joe to tell him the gun was located. He stepped up beside me. The heat from his body spread over me even with the seven inches between our arms.

I shifted to move away from him. “You got this?” I glanced his way, but did not make eye contact.

The feel of his hand on my arm made my knees weak. I locked them to stop the quivering.

“Corey, we need to talk.” I lifted my vision from the dirty pavement in front of me to his worried expression.

One second was all it took for my resolve to start to shatter. The stress outlined on his face and the pleading in his eyes made me step closer to him without thought.

The fingers of his hand slid down my arm to my hand. All thoughts of the instrument of crime on the ground were forgotten as the urge to kiss him roared through my body.

So focused were we on each other that neither of us heard Joe walk up and clear his throat.

I pulled my hand back and spun around, flushing as I met raised eyebrows.

“Okay, you guys have this, right?” the fact that we had been caught in an inappropriate position made my words come out in a nervous rush.

“Yeah, we got it.” I watched him stare down Mitch for a moment before he turned to me, “Thanks, Corey.”

“Yep, you got it.” I walked away as quickly as I could without appearing like I was running, even though in my mind, I was.

One look! One simple touch and I was putty in his hands! Dear God, please give me strength! The blue sky above me, normally so serene, only reminded me of how much I loved to peer into his face. I shook my head and climbed back in my car.

~ Brock ~

There were many things to do in the Realm, and time moved differently here. It could be a minute or several days. Like a finger on the fast forward, we could control the speed. The only thing we could not do was reverse.

If we could have gone back in time to change things, I might have gone back to the night of the foot pursuit and changed the outcome of their meeting. So many lives were going to be affected soon.

We were not supposed to control free will, but there were times when we used it to change a destiny slightly, to protect someone from an outcome that would cause so much pain. I should have used persuasion to change the events of their first meeting.

I stood back against a tree, watching them kiss on the hard rock near the running water. I considered the area and had to admit the setting was the perfect backdrop to a seduction, but I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I invaded her thoughts with one simple word, but a word strong enough to cause her to pull back. She was not the only one feeling guilty about her actions, but I reminded myself that she had a different destiny and I was only trying to protect her for that.

I didn’t have to hear their thoughts to feel the pain in the car ride back. I could have eased it, but I knew the timing was not right. Another simple thought, so easily put into her mind, changed her direction. I knew she would need to get used to the idea of letting him go before she actually did it, if she was even able to before her time was up.

While she sat on the kitchen floor, I finally allowed my presence to be felt and helped to ease her pain. I allowed peace to flow over her before I left her to rest for the night.

She had appeared so heavenly lying on the pillow, her hand snuggled up under her cheek as her breathing slowed. I allowed my body to come through, and I ached to brush a piece of hair off her cheek. Only fear of an unknown connection kept me from doing so.

I had stood watching her as she did roundhouse kick after roundhouse kick on the blue and white weight bag. I had not been present when her anger took hold, but as I viewed her brutal workout, I realized she had held the anger long enough and I could have helped her to calm down, but she managed to do it quite well on her own as she moved slowly and fluidly from one stance to another in her martial arts form.