Garda - Welcome to the Realm (28 page)

“Both,” the word felt thick and heavy on my tongue.

“What do you mean both?”

I glanced over at her. She waited patiently but intently for me to respond. Her honey-blond hair hung over her shoulder, and a few strands danced in the breeze.

I observed the sunset momentarily, bright orange and pink burst forth, a warm and seductive sky.

“For a few years before I died, I started having symptoms. I would get headaches, forget things, and people made comments about my personality changing.” I paused to take a sip of my wine. I then set it down on the arm of my glider.

“At first, I didn’t think much about all of it, but then I started to see the personality changes myself.” I slid a quick glance to the side to see the expression on her face. She appeared calm.

“I started getting really negative about people and life; I took advantage of people that I shouldn’t have.” A heavy pause filled the air as I thought about my next words. My hands grew damp, and I rubbed my left hand on my jeans to dry it. “I became someone I didn’t like. I did things I would have never done, but the tumor in my head was growing, and I didn’t recognize the signs. It put a lot of pressure on my brain tissue.”

I traded the wineglass to my other hand and wiped my right palm over my pants. “I came up to visit Mitch and Beth before the wedding. I took advantage of my time there to hang out with some of my old friends, and one night I ran into Beth while she was out with some of her girlfriends.”

The sky darkened. Just like my story, I thought.

“She had been drinking—a lot. Anyway, I sat down with her and her friends and drank with them for a little while. I was really just making sure she was going to make it home safe.”

“When she was ready to go home, I told her friends I would make sure she got there.” I closed my eyes trying to block out what had happened then, but I had to tell Corey this part.

“What happened next, Brock?” Corey’s soft voice prodded me.

“In the car, she came on to me. She was drunk, and I kept telling myself that she thought I was Mitch. She snuggled up to me in the car and put her hand between my legs. She started kissing my neck. I made a really bad judgment call.”

I heard Corey sigh beside me, “Yes, you did.”

“Anyway, what happened then just happened, and the next day we were both mortified that it had occurred. At that time, I still didn’t know about the tumor growing in my head. I could barely face Mitch, but neither one of us wanted him to know. We didn’t want to hurt him.”

“That’s understandable.”

I glanced at her and she was watching the sky, the pinks were turning a darker purple.

“What happened next?” she asked.

“Six weeks after the wedding, Mitch and Beth announced they were having a baby. I was excited for them. Mitch had always wanted a few kids, although he had said this one was unexpected.” The glider started moving back and forth with help from my feet. “A few months after the wedding, I got such a migraine that I couldn’t stand. I was at work, and they called an ambulance. That’s when they told me about the tumor.” I paused for a moment. “They said that the tumor was so large that there was probably nothing that could be done. It was only a matter of time before it killed me.”

Corey’s chair stopped moving, and I saw her hand move towards me, but she set it back down on the wooden arm of the glider.

“Beth got in touch me with after her twenty-week appointment; just after I had learned what was causing all my problems. She had gone in for her routine ultrasound, and Mitch had had a court hearing, so he wasn’t there.” My throat felt thick as I continued. “She told me that during the appointment, they found that the baby was bigger than they thought it should be and they started recalculating the delivery date.”

Corey started to push her glider back and forth again slowly next to me.

“She told me the child was mine.” I swallowed, choking on the words, “All I could think about was how hurt Mitch would be about all of this. I told her not to tell him. I basically begged her to keep it to herself.”

I stood up and set my glass down on the table; I moved to the balcony railing. I hung my head, ashamed even now.

“Why did you tell her to keep the secret?” Corey had gotten up also and stood beside me.

“I was dying,” I lifted my head. “What good would it do for her to tell Mitch when I wouldn’t even be around to get to know the kid?”

I pushed up and locked my elbows, straining my arms on the wood railing. “I begged her to keep it to herself. I told her I wanted nothing to do with it, and that I would sign off any rights I had as long as she didn’t tell Mitch.”

“What did she say?” Corey leaned against the balcony, her mid-back against the rail, her arms crossed over her chest.

“She finally agreed it would be best. She didn’t know I was dying, no one did. I never told my family.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to put a damper on the baby coming. Right after Chase was born, I came to see him. The guilt I felt made it too hard to stay around, so I went back home. A few months later, I was driving home from a chemo treatment, and the tumor put pressure on a section of my brain that controlled my eyesight. I crashed my car, died instantly.”

The quick intake of breath from Corey told me I had surprised her.

“I guess when the police contacted Mitch, they only told him I had died in a car accident. At the time, they didn’t know about the tumor. The police never gave it a second thought since no one else was injured.”

Corey’s head fell forward, her chin almost to her chest, “Oh, Brock.” She lifted her head and I watched from the corner of my eye as studied me, “Why didn’t you want to tell me the truth?”

“I’m not proud of what I did.”

“But you could have told me the truth. You’ve been hurting for a long time, and Mitch and Beth have no idea why you did what you did. You need to tell them.”

I pushed off the railing, “Are you kidding me? Mitch doesn’t want to hear it, and Beth was so hurt, I’m not sure what I could even say to make it better.”

She turned to face me head on, “You need to tell them the truth. While what you did was wrong, there were reasons why you did it. I think they would understand it and eventually accept it.”

Was Corey right? Could Mitch forgive me? Would Beth be able to understand why I had chosen to distance myself?

~ Corey ~

Finally, Brock was opening up and telling me the truth. While it was horrible to know what he had done, I was able to understand it and forgive him. I knew that I wasn’t the one who needed to forgive him, though. He needed for Mitch and Beth to forgive him, and, most of all, he needed to forgive himself.

“I don’t know, Corey, I don’t think they would forgive me.” He turned and walked back to the glider. The muscles in his back were pulled tight with tension. If I wasn’t so afraid of touching him, I would have gone to him and tried to ease the suffering he was feeling.

After he sat back down I walked over to him, “What if I try to talk to Mitch about it?”

He shook his head, “I can’t ask you to do that. I know I need to try and talk to him, try to get him to understand, but I don’t know how.”

I sat down beside him, “Don’t worry, Brock, we’ll figure something out.”

The two of us sat in a somewhat comfortable silence for a while. I wasn’t angry with him anymore, and I wanted to somehow help him. My thoughts rolled over and over in my mind as to what I could do without any concrete plan coming to mind.

Brock left not long after, one of his charges needed some assistance, and one that he would have to deal with more directly. I smiled as he left. For once we parted without anger or frustration.

Still thinking over what he had told me, I phased down below and watched Mitch for a while. He was standing at an overlook high up on a mountain road. His face appeared to be relaxed, but his body posture told a different story.

His motorcycle sat quiet behind him. I smiled. Maybe this was my chance to go for a ride. I stepped over into the living arena.

“You’re in deep thought there, mister,” I said softly from behind him.

He spun around, his heart racing.

“Sorry, I forgot how startling my popping in can be.”

He laughed and his body visibly relaxed. “Hi, Corey. Yeah, it is a bit frightening to be standing alone on the side of a mountain and then not.”

I noticed that the lines around his eyes seemed harsher than the last time I had seen him. I got closer and touched his face gently.

“Are you alright? You seem tired.” My thumb grazed over the soft skin of his lips and he grinned.

His slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him, “I’m much better now.”

His lips met mine in a soft seductive kiss. My body melted towards him. No matter how many times he kissed me, my body always wanted to respond to it. My hands wound around his neck, and I deepened the kiss.

He pulled back after a few moments. “Let’s go someplace a bit more private.”

I gazed into his handsome face and smiled. “Sure, as long as I get to ride on the back of your bike.”

“I do owe you one, don’t I?” he laughed as he spoke.

“Yes, you do, and I now plan to collect on that promise you made me.” As I finished speaking, I watched the smile fade from his expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I made you other promises and didn’t keep them,” his voice was hoarse as he replied.

“What are you talking about?” I pulled back so I could see him better.

“I promised to keep you safe, instead I caused your accident.” Pain washed over his face.

“Oh, Mitchell,” I put my hand on his cheek, “you didn’t cause my death. I made the choice to do what I did. This wasn’t your fault.”

He shook his head, “No, it was my fault.”

My left hand reached down for his, and I pulled him toward his bike, “Look, let’s go someplace else, and we’ll talk.”

He climbed on and started the engine. I waited until he nodded at me and I stepped up on the foot peg he pointed to. The vibration of the bike filled me, and I took a seat behind him.

The bike had a backrest, but I wanted to hold onto him, so I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled out on the road, and we started heading down the mountain.

The wind whipped my hair, and I reached back with one hand to gather it tightly and tuck it into the collar of my shirt. I held on to Mitch, inhaled his musky scent, and felt his back move as he drove. The sun shone down on us, lighting our way.

We drove for an hour before he slowed down and pulled into a lot. I sat up and recognized the stone lot near the creek we had once visited. When he stopped, I climbed off the back and waited while he dismounted.

“So, what did you think?” he asked when he turned to me.

My mouth split open with a huge smile, “I loved it!”

He threw his arm over my shoulders, and we made our way towards the path. “Glad you enjoyed it.” He placed a kiss on my temple.

We stayed quiet as we walked; holding hands and following the running water to the place where we had once sat, the rock ledge where we had confessed our love to one another, the memories bittersweet with all that had passed in the intervening months.

After we got settled on the rocks, Mitch tucked me into his side and rested his head against the top of mine. His heart beat steadily in his chest, and the sound of birds filled the air around us. The water gurgled over the rocks, and we both remained silent.

“I didn’t think I would ever see you again, Corey,” he whispered into my hair right before he kissed my head.

“I know.” I pushed away enough so that I could observe his face. “I know you were hurting, Mitch. I saw some of it after the accident.”

“What did you see?” His hand played with the ends of my hair on my back. I loved the almost-tickling sensation of his fingers’ movements.

“I was at the funeral.”

His brows rose, and his hand stopped moving. “You were there? Did you talk to me?”

 “I did.”

His hand resumed the movement along my back, “I felt you. I heard you, only, after a while, I thought I had imagined it. When you disappeared after that, I thought the pain had produced the sound and feelings.”

My head found its way back to his chest. “No, I was there. You needed my strength.”

“I did.” He kissed the top of my head again. “I need you.”

For a while we didn’t talk. “Mitch, I need you to understand that what happened was meant to be, and you can’t blame yourself for it.”

He pulled away and put his hand under my chin to lift it. “You can say that all you want, but I still feel responsible. You are so important to me, and I had promised you I would keep you safe, but I didn’t.”

“Mitch, honey, it was my time, my destiny to die that day.” I thought briefly about how Brock had made the call a bit early, and I decided not to tell Mitch that part.

“I can’t accept that. Your destiny was with me. What am I supposed to do now?” he asked, hurt threading his words.

I sighed, “I don’t know.”

~ Mitchell ~

When Corey just popped in on me, I was more than surprised. Happiness filled the emptiness of the past half year.

When she wrapped her arms tightly around me, I knew exactly where I wanted to take her. The drive to the creek was smooth, and for once, I didn’t have to pretend that she sat behind me. I actually felt her body tucked tightly to mine.

The smiles she gave me put light back in my heart. The kisses she placed on my lips ignited me with a peace that I didn’t know could be felt.

I almost forgot that she was dead. Her body felt so real, her scent drifted around her and completed me.

When our conversation turned back to her death and the promises I had failed to keep, we both tensed.

“I can’t accept that. Your destiny was with me. What am I supposed to do now?” I felt like I was being a whiney child, but I had to know what happened now.

I felt her sigh as she spoke, “I don’t know.”