Games (3 page)

“So, you had sex with her and then told her you needed space?” Reggie paused. “I don’t want to steer you into doing something you’re not ready to do, but what do you see in the future for the two of you?”

“Whatever plans I may have had were ruined last night.”

“You made a mistake, but with some work and discipline, you can move past this.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling guilty and ashamed of what we did,” Brian admitted. “At least not enough to be with Shay again.”

Guilt and shame were two things Reggie knew a lot about. He almost lost his precious Julia behind it.  “Have you asked God for forgiveness?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe He’s forgiven you?”

“I think so. I’m not really sure. It seems too easy.”

“Brian, if you’re going to live by that Bible you’re reading, then you’re going to have to believe what it says. The Bible tells us that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and He will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Brian listened attentively.

“That same Bible tells us that if we walk after the things of the spirit and not after the flesh, there is no need for us to feel condemned about our past sins and mistakes. We are made righteous by the blood of Jesus. I know what it’s like to live like a prisoner after you’ve been set free. I almost lost Julia behind it and if you don’t dismiss the guilt by forgiving yourself, you and Shay don’t have a chance.”

“How do I do that? How do I forgive myself?” Brian earnestly asked. “I mean, I knew what I was doing and I knew it was wrong. But to be totally honest, I wanted to do it.”

“Brian, first take responsibility for your actions. Accept that you handed control of your life over to your flesh. Then leave the sin in the past. Do what it takes to build up your spiritual man and not your flesh and be watchful.”

“For instance, you and Shay have been intimate. Don’t tempt yourself by being alone with her. Meet in public places or come out to the house, but don’t hang out here alone. Don’t play little kissing and touching games, because you will find yourself right back in bed. And, son, you need to talk to her, to get a clear understanding of where your relationship is headed. That’s part of the problem. You and Shay have never defined your relationship. You won’t even admit that you have one. Invisible boundaries are easy to cross, but if you draw the boundaries together, you’re less likely to cross them because you’ll know what’s expected of you.”

Reggie spent the rest of the afternoon with his son. Before he left, he prayed for him. Only time would tell, if he got through to him or not.

***

Shay’s head had barely touched the pillow when her phone rang.

“Hello,” she said, without checking the caller ID.

“Did I wake you?” Brian asked.

Has his voice always been this sexy
?  “No, what’s on your mind?”

“Us.”

“There’s no us remember; you need space,” she said sarcastically.

“You’re right. I just wanted to make sure we have an understanding.”

“And the correct understanding would be—”

Brian breathed deeply into the phone. “That you and I will always be friends.”

Shay felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Part of her had hoped they could build a relationship. All afternoon, last night replayed in her mind and she was almost certain he’d told her he loved her. Maybe that’s what people say when they’re at the zenith of satisfaction, she guessed.

“Brian, how do you feel about me?” She had to know.

“After all this time, you don’t know?”

“I’m not sure.”

In the dead silence that covered the line, Shay’s breathing accelerated and the pulse in her neck throbbed. “Brian?”

He cleared his throat. “LaShay Hampton, you’re a beautiful woman and my best friend and after last night, you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

Shay didn’t bother saying good night. She hung up the phone and cried herself to sleep.

Shay tossed and turned in her bed. For the third night in a row she couldn’t fall asleep without thinking about the pleasure she’d found in Brian’s bed. She hadn’t seen him in two weeks and every inch of her seemed to be crying out for his touch. Her ears longed to hear his voice. Since he announced his need for space, her eyes were open
ed to see how much he really meant to her.  No matter what she told herself, the truth was she wanted him so badly, she could smell him. It wasn’t all physical; she could have sex with anyone, if that were the case. She missed Brian. She missed his company and conversation. Shay hated to admit it, but she wanted to make love to him again.

To release the tension, she increased her exercise routine by an hour and practiced meditation. Nothing worked. In fact, each workout left her more aroused.

Nighttime was the hardest for her. Last night, she had to jump in the shower in order to cool down enough to sleep. When she did fall asleep, her dreams were filled with images of him. She awakened drenched with perspiration.

“God, I can’t take this anymore. Why did he have to feel so good?” she cried and held onto her pillow to muffle the noise. “God, I am so sorry for opening this door, please forgive me. Please deliver me from this torture. I promise I’ll never do it again. I won’t have sex with anyone but my husband,” Shay vowed then rocked and cried until she fell asleep.

***

Reggie and Julia sat at the kitchen table watching Shay frantically move around, looking like a wild woman with her shoulder-length hair going every direction on the compass. She looked tired, like she hadn’t slept in days. It was two o’clock in the afternoon and she still wore pajamas. The white film in the corners of her mouth was indication she hadn’t brushed her teeth either. After pulling out every drawer and opening the cabinets, she moved to the den. She never said a word, so they had no idea what she was looking for.

Julia looked at her husband for an answer, but he didn’t have one, just shrugged his shoulders.  Reggie had noticed Shay’s erratic behavior and had a pretty good idea as to what was bothering her. Brian was having similar issues. The other day at Starbucks, Brian went off because the young man gave him a grande instead of a tall caramel apple cider. It didn’t matter that they charged him for the smaller size. “That’s not what I want!” he yelled until they made him the right size.

Shay stormed back into the kitchen. “Have you guys seen my gold charm bracelet?”

Julia ignored her daughter’s rudeness. “Good afternoon, Shay.”

“I said have you seen my gold charm bracelet?”

Julia stood and pulled the piece of jewelry Brian had given Shay for her last birthday from her pocket. “Here,” Julia said softly. “I found it on the floor in the den.”

“Mama, why didn’t you tell me you had it? You saw me running around here searching for it!” Shay yelled at her mother.

“This
is not going to end well,” Reggie mumbled.

Julia swallowed hard. “Next time try opening that big mouth of yours and saying something.” Julia’s voice sounded too sweet, almost sugary.

Reggie stood.

Shay rolled her neck and screamed at her mother. “I don’t have to tell you everything, I’m a grown—”

The avalanche came so fast, Shay didn’t get the chance to complete her sentence. Julia literally slammed the words out of her mouth. With ease, Julia grabbed her, flung her across the table and slammed her onto the kitchen floor. Shay thought she was about to die. Reggie grabbed Julia from behind and carried her out of the kitchen to keep her from doing any more damage. Shay took the opportunity to run for cover inside of her room.

It took Reggie thirty minutes to calm Julia down and make her promise she wouldn’t kill her daughter, before he allowed her to go upstairs.

“Mama, I’m sorry,” Shay said when Julia stepped into her room without knocking.

“What is going on with you, Shay? “I’m going to give you a chance to tell the truth, before I read your mail.”

“I got upset when I couldn’t find my bracelet, that’s all.” Shay turned away from her mother.

“I’m not talking about just today. You’ve haven’t been yourself for over two weeks. What’s bothering you and don’t say nothing.”

Shay didn’t respond, she couldn’t without telling her mother the whole story and she was too embarrassed to do that.

“Shay,” Julia persisted.

“I can’t say,” she finally answered between sniffles.

Julia sighed deeply. “I’m turning into my mother.” Ana Simone could see through every smoke screen, like she had some kind of truth magnet chip embedded in her.

“Then I’ll say it for you. You had sex and now you feel guilty about it because you want to do it again,” Julia stated plainly.

Shay looked at her mother in disbelief. “How did you know?”

“The questions you asked about the flesh and sin were a dead giveaway.”

“Oh.” Shay’s voice was just above a whisper. “Do you know with whom?”

Julia twisted her face. “Let me take a wild guess. He’s twenty-three, six foot four, dark-complexioned with a left dimple and looks a lot like my husband.”  Julia folded her arms, effectively daring her daughter to deny it. “Am I close?”

Shay was embarrassed, but also relieved, at least now she didn’t have to hide it. “Did he tell you?”

“No he didn’t, but the way he’s been avoiding you and this house was a good clue.”

Shay sat with her shoulders slumped.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

Shay exhaled. “Yes.”

“Why aren’t you seeing each other anymore?”

“Because, we’re not going to pursue a relationship, we’re going to remain friends only—very distant friends.”

Julia looked at her daughter as if she were a stranger. “Girl, what are you talking about? You and Brian have been in a relationship practically since the day you met!”

Shay wiped her face. “But when we slept together, it messed things up.”

“How?”

“We willfully sinned, Mama, and we enjoyed it. We have to pay for that.”

“And you think you have to pay for your mistake by never having contact with each other again?” Julia questioned.

“Exactly.”

Julia felt sorry for her baby. “So you’re prepared to be miserable for the rest of your life, because of one mistake? That’s going to be kind of hard to do since his father and brother live in this house and I love him like a son.”  Shay didn’t respond.  “Do you love Brian?”

“Yes.” Shay realized that now that he wasn’t around. Actually, she realized it a year ago, but wasn’t ready until today to admit it.

“Does he love you?”

Shay thought about their last conversation. “I don’t know.”

“What if he is in love with you? Don’t you think God can forgive you of your indiscretion and show you how to build a proper relationship? Shay, you and Brian have something special. Don’t allow one mistake to destroy everything.”

“I don’t think I can have a godly relationship with him, Mama.  Maybe if I didn’t enjoy having sex with him so much, it might be possible,” Shay answered. “All the relating I want to do involves a horizontal position.”

Julia narrowed her eyebrows. “Just how many times have you had sex?”

“Just that one time, but we did it twice.”

“Just twice, and you’ve lost your mind?” Julia teased.

“Mama, you don’t understand.” Shay fanned her face and laid back on her bed.

“Oh, I have a good idea.” Julia grinned. “But seriously, honey, don’t feel guilty because you enjoyed it. Sex was designed to feel good. Sex feels good whether you’re married or not. But the
only
sex that God honors is within the confines of marriage. Repent for committing the act of fornication, and don’t do it again.”

“You need to be honest with him about your feelings and stop hiding behind being
just friends.
You and Brian are
just friends
about as much as Reggie and I are.” Julia smirked. “I guess that’s how your little brother was conceived, by spreading all that friendship around.”

“Mama,” Shay whined.

“Mama, nothing. You need to set some boundaries for yourself. When Reggie and I were dating, I knew if I kissed him on the lips, I’d end up in bed with him. So we didn’t kiss until after Pastor Jackson pronounced us husband and wife. You have to find out what you are weak to and protect yourself. The only way the devil can get the upper hand, is if we’re ignorant to his devices.”

Julia left Shay’s room an hour later. “
God, please let her take heed to what I’ve said,” she prayed on her way down the hall to check on Josiah.

“Todd, where’s the orange juice?” Brian yelled at his roommate.

“We ran out yesterday,” Todd yelled back

“And you couldn’t pick up some more?” Brian slammed the refrigerator door shut.

“Man, it’s your week to buy groceries. And while you’re there get some toothpaste.”