Gamer Girl (22 page)

I rinsed my
paintbrush and then chose a vibrant red for Allora's robe. "I'm
not painting every scene though," I explained. "Most of it
can stay in black and white. I just figured I'd do a cool cover for
it."

"Makes
sense. Whatever you can do to make your entry stand out is a good
thing." Ms. Reilly picked up one of the pages and studied it. It
was from the final chapter of the book. The one where Allora goes
back into the game to ask Sir Leo if he'll return with her to the
real world. Because even though at this point she's vanquished the
bullies through her superpowers and made a million new friends and is
no longer the Freak Girl outcast at her school, there's still
something missing for her. Life isn't complete without her true love
by her side.

In the book, of
course, Sir Leo is overjoyed to return to Earth with his gamer girl.
The jury was still out on my own

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happy ending.
And that made it nearly impossible for me to get up the energy to
finish the final panel. The one where Sir Leo is supposed to sweep
Allora into his arms and kiss her sweetly, declaring his undying love
for his all-powerful, beautiful gamer girl. It was one of the most
important drawings in the entire book, and yet I couldn't bring
myself to work on it. I just kept thinking that my real-life love
story might not end that way.

"I think
you have a good chance, Maddy," Ms. Reilly observed. "I
really do. I know as a teacher I'm supposed to say encouraging things
like that, but in this case it's the truth. Your drawings are just as
good, if not better, than what I've seen in bookstores. And your
story line is a lot of fun, too."

"Thanks."
A lump formed in my throat and I struggled to swallow it down. She
was so nice. And she'd done so much for me. Why couldn't I be more
appreciative? Why did my brain keep wandering back to Sir Leo/Chad
territory?

She set down
the page and looked at me pointedly. "So now do you mind telling
me what's wrong?" she asked, her voice leaving little room for
argument.

I set down the
paintbrush and scrubbed my face with my hands. Maybe I
should
just tell her. It was too hard to keep it all inside, eating away at
me. And if anyone would understand, it was probably Ms. Reilly.

"Allora
and Sir Leo ..." I began, pointing at the characters on the
page. "They're . . . well, they're based on my playing Fields of
Fantasy."

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Ms. Reilly
nodded. "I figured maybe," she said with a small smile.

"My dad
gave me the game about a month ago for my birthday. So I could play
with him because my parents are divorced now."

"Right. I
remember your telling me that."

"Yeah.
Except he's never online." I frowned. "Or he's too busy
with his other friends to play with me. So I started playing with
this other kid. Sir Leo." I pointed to his character. "And
we started to get to know each other really well."

"Right.
This guy, he's not... pressuring you to meet him, is he?" Ms.
Reilly said, going all worried adult on me for a moment.

"Well,
yeah, but it's not like you're thinking. He's not some dirty old
man." "How do you know?"

"Because
he goes here. I figured out who he is."

Relief washed
over her face. "Okay, that's good. I was worried for a moment
you were going to say you had some kind of weird online predator."
She cocked her head. "So why are you upset?"

" 'Cause
he's one of the Haters."

"The
Haters?" The corner of Ms. Reilly's lip curled into a smile.
"Who are the Haters?"

"You know,
Billy and his crew. They're popular, but total bullies."

Ms. Reilly
nodded. "Ah, those guys. So your Sir Leo is one of them?"

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I hung my head.
"Yes. It sucks. I like him so much and in the game he likes me
back and he wants to meet me, but if he found out who I am . . ."

"You think
he'd go running in the other direction."

"Right."

I waited for
Ms. Reilly to give typical adult advice about my being a beautiful
girl, one any guy would be lucky to have, but she didn't. Instead,
she sat looking thoughtful for a moment, then nodded her head.

"I can see
your dilemma," she said. "You want to keep playing, but
you're afraid if he finds out the truth, your virtual romance will
end."

"Yeah."
I nodded. "You probably think I'm being stupid, huh?"

"Not at
all. But at the same time, you can't just go on like this. You'll
drive yourself crazy." "I think I already have."

"You
really don't have any choice but to tell him," Ms. Reilly said.
"Let him know who you are. You never know. He may surprise you."

"Yeah,
right."

"Well, you
obviously see something in him that's special, right? Something
that's made you fall for him? So how about you give him a little
credit? Give him a chance to make good. And if he turns you down,
well, then at least you know. And you can move on. And if he doesn't.
. . well, this could be the start of something really great, no?"

"Yeah,
but. . ."

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"But
you're afraid of losing him. I get it. It's scary to imagine the guy
you love running in the other direction. And I'm not saying it might
not happen. But think about it. What do you have to lose? Nothing but
a fantasy world you've conjured up in a virtual reality game and in
your head."

"Yeah, I
guess." I stared down at the cover. Allora shooting fire from
her fingers, vanquishing the bullies with a self-satisfied smirk. If
only I could channel some of her confidence ... "I just want him
to like me, you know? And it seems impossible that he would."

"Maddy,
listen to me," Ms. Reilly said firmly. "I know it's hard to
believe, but not all the kids who run with the popular crowd are the
same. Some are really good people who just get mixed up in a scene
and aren't strong enough to break away or stand up for themselves. As
long as it's not Billy Henderson himself..."--she laughed--"then
I think you may have a chance."

I nodded
slowly. What she said was true. After all, there were all those
nights when Sir Leo and I had chatted about the problems he had
standing up for himself in front of his friends. And he had done it.
Sold out his friend. Stuck up for a girl he thought he barely knew.
Taking my advice, without knowing it'd come from me.

Maybe he
would
surprise me. Maybe he'd even be really psyched that it was me.

I firmed my
resolve. Ms. Reilly was right. No matter what

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the ultimate
answer turned out to be, I had to know for sure either way. When I
got home from school today, I'd log on and tell Sir Leo the truth.
Tell him who I really was and see what happened next.

Like my Gamer
Girl, I had to risk it all for love.

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CHAPTER 21

THAT NIGHT
after school, I ran up to my room and switched on my computer. My
heart was racing in nervous anticipation and my fingers shook, making
it difficult to type. But I could do this. I was strong. I could
handle whatever happened.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Oh, God.

The loading
screen appeared and I typed in my user name and password. A moment
later Allora appeared on the screen, right where I left her. She
smiled up at me encouragingly. Of course
she
had no worries.
She only knew sweet, knightly Sir Leo who brought her flowers and
held her hand while gazing lovingly into her perfect blue eyes.

"Ready for
the moment of truth, Allora?" I whispered to her.

I typed in the
command to make her nod. That was the

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good thing
about video game characters. They always agreed with you.

"Okay,
then. Here goes nothing."

[Allora]
Greetings, Sir Leo.

No response at
first and I worried that my not being online much the past week,
thinking I was avoiding talking to Matt, was making him standoffish.

[SirLeo]
adssfagafds

[Allora]
???

[SirLeo]
Sorry. Bad typing. Whats up?

[Allora]
(I wanted to talk to you about something. Can we

meet
somewhere?)

[SirLeo]
Uh, shore.

[Allora]
(Hm, looks like you're in the Elf Tree Inn, huh? Stay put. I'll be
there in a second.)

[SirLeo]
ok.

I maneuvered
Allora through the busy town streets and walked her into the elfin
inn Sir Leo and I had spent so much time hanging out in. It took me a
second to locate my knight, as he wasn't in his normal chair.
Instead, he was at the bar, downing beers. Must have been one of
those days for him, too.

[Allora]
I'm here.

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Allora
waves.

SirLeo
whistles.

[SirLeo]
Helllllo hottie!

[Allora]
(LOL)

I could feel my
face blushing, then scolded myself for being self-conscious about the
compliments my video game character received. What he thought of the
real-life me would be much more important. I glanced in the mirror
beside my computer, tucking a strand of black hair behind my ear. If
only I'd created a character that looked even remotely like the
real-life me. Then maybe it wouldn't be such a shock to him. I shook
my head and turned back to the game.

[Allora]
(So before we go questing, I wanted to talk.)

[SirLeo]
ok.

[Allora]
(It's been sooo fun playing with you. And I'm sorry I've seemed
weirded out every time you ask me personal stuff. It's not that I
don't want to tell you things. I've felt weird about the irl versus
online thing.)

No response
from Sir Leo. I took a deep breath and kept typing.

[Allora]
(So I've changed my mind. I would like to meet up with you.)

[SirLeo]
Kewl. On a date with a hot elf chick. Rock on.

[Allora]
(LOL! I'm trying to be serious here!)

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[SirLeo]
OK. So when do you want to hook up?

[Allora]
(Wait, before we figure that out, I want you to know that I've
figured out who you are. We go to the same

school,
actually.)

[SirLeo]
LOL. Who am I then???

[Allora]
(Chad Murray.)

[SirLeo]
LOL yes. You are right! So who are you?

My fingers
froze. My breath caught in my throat. For a moment I couldn't type.
But I was at the point of no return. Here went nothing.

[Allora]
(I'm Maddy Starr.)

[Sir
Leo]0MGu're Freak Girl!!!!!

Sir Leo
laughs.

[SirLeo]
LOL LOL LOL. No way!

I stared at the
screen, my every nightmare coming true. Here I'd been hoping,
praying, it'd all be okay. Obviously I'd just been kidding myself. My
heart plummeted to my stomach as all my fantasies were flushed down
the toilet in one fell swoop.

I was a joke to
him. A freaking joke. I wanted to die.

[SirLeo]
Dude, and here I thought you were some totally hot chick. Not the
witchy skank that goes to our school. That's too effing funny.

[Allora]
Why is that funny? And I'm not a witch. Or a skank.

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[SirLeo]
Whatever, dude. I can't believe you actually thought you'd have a
chance with someone like Chad Murray. LOL LOL LOL.

Tears blurred
my vision and I could barely read what he wrote. But I could see
enough. More than enough to break my heart.

[Allora]
Well, I guess I know how you feel now. And so this is good-bye.

Sir Leo
laughs.

[SirLeo]
Sayonara, Freak Girl.

I reached down
and switched off my computer, not even bothering to shut it down
correctly. I didn't care if it crashed. In fact, at this moment I
didn't care if the whole world crashed, careening off its axis and
spiraling straight toward the apocalypse.

It was over.
Over forever. I'd dared. I'd risked. I'd gambled it all.

And I'd lost.

It was over.
The crazy dream had morphed into a terrible nightmare. The hope I'd
had of hooking up, going out, bridging a gap, showing the world that
cliques don't make a bit of difference when two people were really,
truly in love? Crushed. Smashed. Shattered. Like Grandma's babies.
Gone forever.

My heart ached
in my chest as my brain tried to mass

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dump all its
fantasies of what could have happened. All those crazy daydreams I'd
stored up of Chad and me. Holding hands in the school hallways.
Kissing by the lockers. Cuddling on the bleachers. Going out on a
real date. Making out at the movies.

I squeezed my
eyes shut and pinched myself, praying this was all some crazy bizarre
dream that I'd soon wake up from. But it was no use. This was
reality. My reality.

I hated him.
Hated, hated, hated him. I wanted to run to his house and punch him
in the stomach. Tear at his face with my fingernails until he bled.
Something--anything--to make him feel as horrible as I felt right
now.

But I couldn't.
I had to retain some pride. I would go to school the next day and
face the Haters like I didn't have a care in the world. And when they
laughed at me, I would just walk away, head held high.

And pray I won
the manga contest so I could have enough cash to pay for next year's
tuition at Boston Academy.

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CHAPTER 22

TOSSED and
turned all night, alternating crying with vibrant, violent fantasies
about how to make Chad's life as miserable as possible. I wanted to
hit him, to hurt him, to make him feel as much pain as I felt as I
lay there, alone and unwanted. Freak Girl once again.