Gamer Girl (13 page)

"She's
eight. It's easy to make new friends when you're eight," Mom
said, sounding a bit wistful. I suddenly wondered if she'd made any
new friends herself since we moved and she started her new job.

"Can't we
just move back to Boston?" I blurted out before I could stop
myself. "It'd be so much better for all of us."

Mom's face
regained its pained look. "You know we don't

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have the money,
Maddy," she reminded me. "I've been working two jobs and--"

"Right.
Never mind," I replied quickly. Maybe too quickly. "Anyway,
I've got to work. I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

Mom opened her
mouth, as if to say something, then seemed to change her mind and
closed it again. "Okay," she said. "Hope you're able
to get it all done. Let me know if you need any help." She
headed out of my room, shutting the door behind her.

Once she was
gone, I reached under my math book and pulled out the sketch I'd been
working on, studying it with a critical eye. I was psyched with how
cool it was coming out. Too bad I'd have to wait to finish it
tomorrow. I stuffed it back into my math book. I hadn't been lying
when I told Mom I had a lot of homework. And if I didn't start now, I
wouldn't get to play Fields of Fantasy later. And that meant I
wouldn't get to meet up with Sir Leo, which, let's face it, was sure
to be the highlight of my miserable day. The one person who didn't
think I was a total loser freak.

So I studied
and studied and studied some more. Until my eyes grew bleary and I
could barely read the equations on the page, never mind have the
mental capacity to solve them. Finally deciding to call it a night, I
shut my book and wheeled myself over to my computer desk, switching
on the machine and crossing my fingers Sir Leo would be online. It
was later than I realized--and I prayed that he hadn't gone to bed
yet.

Bing!

Evidently not.
The second I logged in, he pinged me. But

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terflies in my
stomach fluttered their approval. Gah. What was it about him that
made me all crazy? I'd never even met the guy! And yet every time we
met, I got all goofy and girly inside.

[SirLeo]
M'lady! You have arrived. I have been going mad without thee.

[Allora]
I hadn't realized thou would even notice my absence!

[SirLeo]
But of course! I depend on you to do all the damage with your mighty
fire spells.

[Allora]
(Ohhh, I see how it is. I knew you kept me around for something.)

[SirLeo]
In fact, I had been ready to send out a search party for thee.
Worried, perhaps, you had run afoul of a deadly swine.

[Allora]
LOL.

[SirLeo]
Or kidnapped by mad goblins.

[Allora]
He-he.

[SirLeo]
Or ravished by leprechauns, even, desperate for their lucky charms.

[Allora]...

[SirLeo]
Or, um, I don't know... Something else really terrible and bad. :-P

[Allora]
(I was nearly vanquished by evil mathematics, if you must know.)

[SirLeo]
(Ah, the dreaded homework hound. The most foul beast of all.)

[Allora]
(No kidding.)

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[SirLeo]
(I've had a ton lately, myself. Stupid pop quiz today, too. Bleh.)

[Allora]
(Ugh. Don't even get me started. It's like teachers

think we have
nothing better to do with our lives than to come home and do more
schoolwork.)

[SirLeo]
(It's coz they're old and have no lives and want to punish those who
do.)

[Allora]
(LOL. That must be it.)

[SirLeo]
(So how was your day? I mean, besides the homework.)

[Allora]
(Not the greatest, to tell you the truth.)

[SirLeo]
( I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, mine sucked, too.)

[Allora]
(Awhhh. What happened?)

[SirLeo]
(Well, it's just that there's this... Bleh. It's too

long a story to
type out.)

[Allora]...

[SirLeo]
(Let's just say I have really lame friends.)

[Allora]
(Why? What did they do?)

[SirLeo]
(They just think they're soooo cool, you know? And I think they get
off on ruining people's lives.)

[Allora]
(Ah. I know a few people like that myself.)

A certain Billy
Henderson and the Haters came to mind. But I tried to focus on what
Ms. Reilly had said. That it wasn't enough to make them
think
their bullying didn't bother me. I had to get to a point where it
really didn't. And focusing on it wouldn't get me there.

126

[SirLeo]
(Honestly, sometimes I really think I'd be better off without
friends.)

[Allora]
(Heh. You don't mean that. Trust me.)

[SirLeo]
(Ummm ... You haven't met my friends.)

I drummed my
fingers on the desk, a bit annoyed. Yeah, right. He could say that
because he had no idea how that actually felt. How lonely and
depressing it was to have absolutely no one at your school to talk
to. To eat lunch with. To share stories about stupid teachers with.
Even sucky friends would be better than no friends at all, in my
opinion.

[Allora]
(What's so bad about these friends of yours?)

[SirLeo]
(Um, IDK. It's just... well, you know how they say, "If your
friends jumped off a cliff, would you?")

[Allora]
(LOL, ya.)

[SirLeo]
(Sometimes I think I would.)

[Allora]
(No way. I can't see it.)

[SirLeo]
(Heh. This is why I like talking to you. You have no idea what I'm
like IRL.)
[Allora]
(IRL?)

[SirLeo]
(In real life.)

[Allora]
(Are you that diff?)

[SirLeo]
(Well, no. I mean, I don't know. It's just... I feel like I can be
myself around you. Not always feeling like I'm acting. Worried what
people think about me.)

[Allora]
(Ah, I see.)

[SirLeo]
(It's, like, everyone thinks I'm this other guy, you

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know? And I can
never be myself 'cause they would think

I'm a total
freak.)

[Allora];;

Strange, I
thought as I typed in the Japanese emoticon for tears. He seemed so
confident. So cool. Was that only because his role of knight in
shining armor in the game allowed him to act that way? Was he
completely different in real life? I guess it wasn't that shocking.
After all, he probably had the totally wrong idea about me as well.
Probably thought I was cool and popular and beautiful. . . . I turned
back to the conversation.

[Allora]
(Give me an example.)

[SirLeo]
(An example?)

[Allora]
(You know, like, when you're forced to act unlike yourself.)

[SirLeo]
(Oh... um,IDK.)

[Allora]...

[SirLeo]
(kk. Like, I can't tell people I'm into ... certain things.)

[Allora]
(Certain things? Like what?)
Sir Leo shrugs.

[Allora]
(Come on! Michael Jackson CDs? Do you have a leg warmer fetish?)

[SirLeo]
(LOL!! No!)

[Allora]
(So what is this horrible, terrible, crazy thing that you like that
you won't even tell your BFFs?)

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[SirLeo]
(ZOMG, you're sooo pushy today.)

[Allora]
(He-he. Yup, yup.)

Allora
pushes Sir Leo playfully.

[SirLeo]
(LOL. kk, fine. But now you're going to think I'm a total geek, too.)

[Allora]
(Hmm....Well, I guess it's just a risk you're

going to have
to take.)

[SirLeo]
(Fine. I like... comic books.)

Allora
raises an eyebrow.

Sir Leo
blushes.

[Allora]
(Comic books? Your deep dark secret is ... comic books?)

[Sir Leo] (Um,
yeah. Stupid, huh?)

[Allora]
(No bodies buried in the basement? No undying

crush on Rosie
O'Donnell?)

[SirLeo]
(Just comic books. But I'm really into them. I

mean,
obsessively so.)

[Allora]
(How obsessive is obsessively so? I mean, do

you go to
comic-cons? Have you seen 300more than 300

times? Do you
have Superman, volume one?)

[SirLeo]
(LOL. Yes, maybe, and I wish. In that order, sadly.)

[Allora]
(So you're a geek.)

[SirLeo]
(Er, I guess?)

I suddenly
realized I was grinning from ear to ear. He was a geek. A real geek.
Just like me. How cool was that?

[Allora]
(Do you like manga or just American comics?)

129

[SirLeo]
(Um, American. Marvel stuff, mostly. I don't really know too much
about manga. Why? Do you like it?)

[Allora]
(Oh, yeah, I love it. You should definitely give it a try.)

[SirLeo]
(kk. Maybe I will.)

[Allora]
(There are a lot of great ones out there. I can

recommend some
if you want.)

[SirLeo]
(Yeah? That'd be cool.)

[Allora]
(No problem. I'll draw you up a list for next time

we play.)

[SirLeo]
(So, um, you don't think I'm totally lame then?)

[Allora]
(Are you kidding? I think it's way cool.)

[SirLeo]
(Hmm. Though I haven't told you about my Spider-Man Underoos
collection ...)
Allora stares.

[SirLeo]
(Just kidding.)

[Allora]
(Phew.)

[SirLeo]
(They, uh, don't make my size.)

[Allora]
(He-he.)

[SirLeo]
(He-he.)

He-he
indeed. He was so funny and sweet. How could he possibly believe that
people wouldn't like him for who he really was? Then again, no one
liked me for who I was, so maybe he was onto something there. Still,
it seemed a terrible way to live your life. To be forced to hide this
fascinating, funny, cool person who had a real passion for something
special and instead go around acting like a no-personality sheep,
just to

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keep your
friends list intact. Skipping comic-cons to go to football games.
Sneaking comics under
Sports Illustrated.
It was sad, really.

[Allora]
(I bet your friends don't know you play video

games, either.)

[SirLeo]
(Um, yeah. No way.)

[Allora]
(And if you told them, they'd make fun of you and call you a loser?)
[SirLeo]
(Basically.)

[Allora]
(Wow. Cool friends. Wish I had me some of those.)

[SirLeo]
(Yeah, well, it's not that easy. Once you're in a crowd...)

[Allora]
(But what's the sense of having friends who don't respect who you
really are? Real friends, even if they don't like the things you do,
still respect the fact that you do them.)

[SirLeo]
(Sigh. I know, you're right.)

[Allora]
(Of course. I'm always right, remember?)

[SirLeo]
(LOL. You know, I'm really glad I met you, Allora. You're not like
any of my real life friends. You're special.)

Allora
blushes.

[Allora]
(Yeah. Special needs, right?)
Sir Leo laughs.

[SirLeo]
(Hey--I'm trying to compliment you.)

[Allora]
(I know. I'm just teasing.)

No response for
a moment, then . . .

131

[SirLeo]
(Argh. I can't take it! I wish you lived in Farming-dale. I'd totally
ask you out.)

My heart jumped
to my throat as I stared at his words. Farm-lngdale? Okay, there
probably were a ton of Farmingdales out there, right? He didn't
necessarily mean Farmingdale, New Hampshire, the town I was currently
living in, right?

But what if he
did? Oh, my God, what if he actually went to my school? What if Sir
Leo was someone I knew in real life? Like, what if we passed each
other in the halls every day and never knew it? That would be crazy!

And really,
really cool.

My mind
launched into full-on fantasy mode. Sir Leo asking me out on a date.
Meeting him in person for the first time. Laughing and sharing and
not relying on a keyboard to bare our souls. Wandering the real
world, instead of the game, holding hands and talking for hours. The
sun would set and he'd take me in his arms and kiss me like I'd never
been kissed before.

I shook my
head.
Stop it, Maddy,
I rebuked myself. There was no need to
indulge in this kind of senseless fantasy. We could never take our
friendship to the real-life level, even if we did happen to live in
the same town. Because neither of us was the same person when the
computer shut down and there was no way someone as cool as he would
want to go out with someone like me. A freak girl. The laughingstock
of the high school.

Better to keep
it all online.

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[SirLeo]
(Great. Now I've scared you off again. I'm sorry.)

[Allora]
(No, sorry. It's just... I don't know...)

[SirLeo]
(Not a good idea. Right. I know. I'm just... well, it's so limiting
to type online. I want to tell you all this stuff and I just... never
mind. It was stupid. Forget it.)

My heart felt
like it was tearing in two as I read his pain typed across my screen.
He really did like me. But which "me" was that? The online
sexy elf me, that's which. The one who sounded brave and independent
and didn't care what people thought of her. My real-life self would
truly disappoint.

[Allora]
(I'm sorry. It's just... I think it's better this way. But I still
want to play, okay? As much as possible. You're, like, turning into
this great friend.)