Gamer Girl (27 page)

Sarah gave herself over to him completely
. Every part of her called to him, demanded him. Sarah’s breath began to come in sharp gasps and her skin began to flush. He continued to roll and pull her nipples twisting them, squeezing them as he repeatedly impaled her faster and harder. He lifted her hips and leaned over her once more as Sarah’s eyes rolled back and she rocked upward for him. Eamon felt the rhythmic pulse of her body as she came.

It was wildly exciting but Eamon made himself stop
moving. He didn’t want it to end yet. He wanted to give her more, be with her longer because Eamon knew without doubt that in all the years of sleeping with women, screwing like crazy, that this woman,
this woman
was the only woman with whom he’d actually made love, and he wanted to make love to her as long as he could. When she came back to earth, Eamon kissed her lips and pulled out long enough to turn her over on her stomach, sliding back into her from behind, cupping her breasts, rubbing her belly, holding her hips as he plummeted in and out of her, helping her reach another climax.

“
Oh God, Sarah,” he cried as she convulsed around him moaning sweetly. Eamon exploded inside her, crying out and thrusting deep again and again until he was spent. Then he collapsed on the bed beside her.

Sarah rolled into his arms. S
he cupped his now satisfied manhood in her hand and pressed her mouth against his chest. “I love you, Eamon, I love you so much. I’ll always love you, baby,” she whispered and fell asleep.

I want to feel you inside me once more.
Eamon held her close.
I love you, Eamon.
He was blown away. If he could say just one word, one stupid word,
stay
, Sarah would remain. But he couldn’t say it. He loved her so much it hurt and he still couldn’t say it. He gathered her close, kissed her shoulder and folded around her like a warm blanket. “I love you, Gamer Girl,” he whispered near her ear.

Eamon woke the next morning and reached for Sarah,
but she wasn’t there. He sat up and looked around. He was alone in the hotel room. Sarah’s dress was in the trash but the rest of her things were gone. He pulled on his jeans and walked around the room. There was a note for him written on hotel stationery lying on the table.

Eamon,

When you aren’t afraid, find me.

Sarah.

Eamon looked out the window. It was daylight and he had a great view of the parking lot. Sarah’s car was gone.

“You could have said goodbye,” Eamon whispered. He hit the table hard with his fist, and then he got dressed and checked out of the hotel.

He said

In the weeks that followed Sarah’s departure, Eamon was a zombie. He went through the motions. He came in to work, he did deals, he made decisions and then went out at night, dated, and screwed, but it left him empty, bereft and desolate.

Sarah was
with him in the quiet hours of the night haunting him in his dreams. Again and again she was in his arms, saying “I love you, Eamon,” and he’d wake up alone with her name on his lips.

He went out to the farm for Christmas. Siobhan came home with a fiancé
announcing that she was engaged to be married. Eamon went through the motions. He congratulated his sister, he opened presents, sang carols, went to Mass, ate turkey. He was a player on the stage, acting the part, but Sarah haunted him in the night.

The day after Christmas, Eamon
walked across the meadow to the creek. The trees which were so green and full in July were now bare; their leaves, lying on the ground, crunched beneath his boots as he walked. Eamon reached his favorite spot, tried to clear his head and get back his sense of balance, but it wasn’t working. He sat down on a rock. He was close to tears, his throat ached, but he couldn’t cry. He felt too hollow to cry.

“Eamon?”

Eamon looked up. His father was standing there. He’d been so lost in his own head; he hadn’t even heard his dad approach.

“Yeah, Dad?”

“Son, you’ve been walkin’ around like a dead man since you got here. Mind tellin’ me what eatin’ at yah?”

Eamon said nothing.

Riordan held out his hand. “Come on, boyo. Walk with me.”

Eamon allowed his father to help him to his feet and the two men set off through the
woods. “It’s the girl, that sweet Miss Adams you brought home in July. What happened?”

“She’s gone, Dad. She went home.” Eamon tucked his hands in his pockets.

“She broke up with you?”

“No
.” Eamon said.

“Ah, you pushed her away, didn’t ya
h? 

Eamon started to deny
it, but he needed to tell it to someone. He needed to say it all. “I slept with Sarah, Dad. Got her pregnant. She miscarried, almost died on me. It was the worst day of my freaking life. And when I knew she was going to be okay, I pushed her away with both hands.”

Riordan stopped dead in his tracks. “Ah don’t understand, Eamon, you love that girl. Your Ma and I saw it the first time you brought her here.
How could yah do that to her?”

Eamon, who’d kept walking whirled around to face his father. “I’ve seen what love does, Da
d. I watched you sweat away your life at that god damn auto plant, scraping, scrimping by, and living paycheck to paycheck. I watched you turn yourself into a slave for love. Never able to do what you wanted. I swore I would never let some woman do that to me.”

Riordan’s eyebrows went up. “Ah, I see. Let me ask you somethin’ son.
The day she almost died, did you feel free? When you almost lost her forever…did yah feel free then?”

“I don’t…”

“And now that she’s gone. Are yah feelin’ free now? You got what you wanted. How does that feel, Eamon?”

“I-I”

Riordan stepped up to his son and grabbed him by his jacket. “And how dare you judge my life! I am not a slave, boyo. I saw yer Ma and I knew that I would pay any price t’ have her. It’s over thirty years since I married her and she still takes my breath away. I lie beside her every night and I see her face every morning and I count myself a lucky man. Free? I am never as free as when I am thinkin’ of yer Ma and bein’ with her. I’m the rich man, Eamon, not you. I have everything that matters. You just have money.”

When Eamon said nothing, Riordan shook him
hard. “Tell me son, how many of those women you sleep with make you feel that way? Can you even remember their faces? How well does that fancy condo and hot car fill that empty place inside you now?”

“Yeah? Well you weren’t the only one who paid the price, Dad. Siobhan and Aidan and the rest of us were all there paying the price with you! All of us crammed into that tiny house. Never a moment’s peace, never a moment’s privacy. Wearing worn out shoes and hand me down—“

Riordan slapped Eamon hard across the mouth. “Dia diabhal asal dúr! Éist do bhéal —you shut your mouth! You know nuthin’ about bein’ poor.” Riordan’s eyes flashed fire. “You didn’t go without food, you didn’t go without a roof over your head, and you don’t know what it’s like to see yer ma die from illness and no money for a doctor. So don’t you tell me about how hard you had it!”

“Dad
! I’m sorry.” Suddenly Eamon was fifteen again. “I didn’t mean…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” His voice broke. “Swear to God, Dad, I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Riordan calmed down. In a softer voice, he said,
“It’s a paradox, Eamon. The more you seek freedom in things the less freedom you will have. But you love that girl. That is the truth of it, and only the truth can set you free.”

Eamon
furtively wiped his eyes. Riordan gave him time and finally put his arm around his son. “Let’s get to the house for some coffee before we both freeze.”

Eamon went back to
town, to work, went back to his condo. He tried to screw women to make the pain go away but it didn’t work, he couldn’t exorcise her. When it all got too bleak, he’d put up the video and watch her sing.

…
Will I see you once again, in the Meadowlands of home? Will you kiss me once again, my sweet one, my own?

“Sarah,” He whispered, staring at the screen. “Sarah, what have I done?”

A couple months went by and Eamon received an email. When he saw the sender, everything just went quiet. His sat there, finger poised over the mouse a long moment before he opened it.

Eamon,

I’m returning to Kansas City. San Diego is so expensive. Don’t want to live off my Mom and Dad or David, and the Midwest is home for me.

Not trying to stalk, just need to be able to pay the bills. Don’t worry.

Sarah

Eamon stared at the message
. How could he say what he wanted to say? “It’s a free country” was too harsh. “Come home, Sarah,” sounded like begging. Finally, he wrote back.

I understand, Sarah. I don’t question your motives. Have a safe trip back.

E.

He sent the email, feeli
ng happier than he had in weeks. Sarah was coming back to Kansas City. Eamon looked for her in all the usual places. He ate lunch at the bistro, but he never saw her there. Jason and the choir proved to be a dead end—Sarah wasn’t singing with them this season.

It was stupid. All he had to do was email her. Eamon knew that Sarah would write him back
. But that would be admitting that he needed her and he did need her, but that scared the hell out of him. Fear kept him paralyzed.

Wint
er transitioned into spring. Eamon was waiting at a light by the park in front of the US District Court when he saw her. Sarah came out of the courthouse, tote bag slung across her shoulder. She crossed the street but didn’t see him as she walked down the sidewalk toward the Jackson County Courthouse. She was
Miss Paralegal
again, dressed in a classic sheath, wearing simple pumps. Honked at by the car behind him, Eamon pulled away and tried to find a parking place, but by the time he found an empty spot and ran back to the park, she was gone.
Sarah!

Frustrated, Eamon drove
on and ended up late to his meeting. A few days after seeing her, he walked into his office to find Martin sitting at his conference table with two coffees waiting.

Eamon sat down and took one of the cups. “What’s up?”

“What’s up with you, man?” Martin asked. “You’ve been distracted for weeks now; your head’s not in the game and you’re late for meetings. Eamon, what’s wrong?”

Moving to the windows, Eamon looked down on the city
and wondered where she was, wondered if she was a block away or somewhere out in the burbs. “She’s out there. She told me she was coming back to town.”

“You mean Sarah?” Martin got up and moved to stand beside him. “This is about Sarah?”

“Yeah.”

Martin punched Eamon’s arm, hard. “Damn it, why don’t you just grow up and admit that your life
is freaking desert without her! You
love
her, Eamon! When are you going to accept that?”

Eamon whirled around so that he could look Martin in the eye. “You know where she is?”

Martin flung his hands wide. “Sure I do. Andrea and I had dinner with her just last week. Nicole’s asked her to be her maid of honor.”

“Why didn’t you tell me
Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Why should I?
You want to know about Sarah? You ask her yourself!”

Martin’s words sank in.
“You said she’s going to be Nicole’s maid of honor?”

“Yes, Eamon, that’s what I said.
”

“Then she’
ll be at the engagement party! She’ll be there!”

“Yeah? So?”

“Oh man, she’ll be there.”

Sarah left the hotel early after being with Eamon and went home to pack. Her lease had another six months to run so she paid a few months ahead and then took her flight to San Diego.

It was good to be with the parental units for Christmas. Sarah needed her
family, needed the hugs and the maternal concern. But after a few weeks in San Diego, she knew she had to go back to Kansas City. Kansas City was home now and whatever her life would be, it was going to happen there.

Just be
fore she left San Diego, the wire transfer of the thirty thousand dollar bonus she’d been awarded for her work on the DLC appeared in her bank account. Sarah could now do something she’d wanted to do for awhile. She enrolled in an online doctoral program in forensic psychology to finish her PhD at long last.

I
t didn’t take long for her to find a fairly lucrative part-time job as a rotating paralegal. Sarah reached out to Martin and Jim who both gave her glowing recommendations. When her team found out that she was back in town, she began getting calls and invites to meet up. Glad to have her friends around, all Sarah asked was that they not mention her around Eamon. “Best to just keep me out of the conversation around him, okay?”

But
John proposed to Nicki and Nicki asked Sarah to be her maid of honor, Sarah hesitated, knowing it meant seeing Eamon. “Look, Sarah if you won’t do it here then we’ll go to Vegas. Hell, you’re the reason we’re together, you’re the reason I’m an artist at Gryphon instead of an administrative assistant. You’re going to be my maid of honor and that’s all there is to it.”

Sarah agreed
but she still had qualms. As she dressed for the party in a soft coral dress made of stretch fabric that flowed over her body like water, she saw how provocative she appeared and wondered if she should try so hard. The dress’ cut was demure enough: a high neckline, long sleeves and a slightly lower back that showed a little of her shoulder blades. It was the fact that her body was poured into the dress that made it so alluring. Finally, she decided to be bold and wear the damn dress. At least her shoes were sensible; she’d chosen them because they had a two inch heel and strap that kept them in place. Her dress might say
do me
but her shoes said
nah, let’s just tango.
She brushed her hair, now long enough to stay behind her ear when she tucked it there. It was cut to swing forward when she looked down and to flow when she tossed her head. It wasn’t as much fun as her old cut, but it was…elegant and it went with the small diamond drops in her ears that swayed as well.

Sarah
offered to come to
Hard Hearted Hannah’s
a little early, but Nicole nixed that.

“I have it handled, Sarah,” Nicole told her. “
All you have to do is show up, give a speech telling my in-laws to be how wonderful I am and have a good time.”

When
Sarah walked in at the appointed hour she found John and Nicole standing near the entrance, greeting their guests. After some hugs and kisses, Nicole said, “You’re at our favorite table, along with the family.”

Sarah
turned the corner into the main area of the bar, and a bunch of the guys got up and waved at her. “Sarah! Hey, come on over!” As she reached the table she was surrounded by her crew who hugged her tight and introduced her to wives and girlfriends. “Guys, it’s so good to see you. Will someone get me a drink?” For the next thirty minutes, everyone filled Sarah in on what they were up to and how far along they were on the new title for the
Wickerworld
series. Sarah’s eyes grew wistful, “That sounds like so much fun! I wish—”she lowered her head, “—never mind what I wish.” She got a bright smile.

“So what are you doing, Sarah?”
Kyle asked.

“Working part-time and finishing up my PhD in forensic ps
ychology. Oh, and one of the other companies approached me about doing some work on their music track for the next game,” Sarah told them. “They loved my song on
Wickerworld.
”

Kyle tipped his beer up, took a swig and wiped his mouth before saying, “That’s great, Sarah, really.
Damn! Now I’ll have to buy their soundtrack.”

The other guests were arriving in great numbers, and Sarah looked around. “Guys, I’d better go mingle. I promised Nicole I’d meet her parents.” Sarah stood up and turned toward the door.

Eamon was there with Martin and Andrea. Sarah couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see anything in the room except Eamon or hear anything except her heart pounding. All the defenses she had carefully built in her mind crumbled with a single look. She felt stripped naked, vulnerable and sad.

Andrea took one look at Sarah’s face and almost ran to her, “Sarah,” she said on a bright note, hugging her. “Good to see you
.” Andrea leaned near and whispered, “Look at me, Sarah, just look at me.”

Sarah
did and managed to find a stage smile, kissing the air by each of Andrea’s cheeks.

Andrea whispered, “You okay now?”

“Yeah,” Sarah said, but she wasn’t, not really.

Andrea put an arm around Sarah’s wai
st. “Let’s get it over with then.”

Together, they walked toward the table. For a moment, Sarah thought that he was going to make her walk the entire way but suddenly he was hurrying across the floor
.

Sarah held out her hand, “Hello, Mr. Byrne.”

“Hello, Miss Adams. It is…really good to see you again.”

“And you,” she managed to reply.

Sarah let go of his hand and turned to Martin, “Hi, Martin.”

Martin kissed her cheek. “Hello Sarah, are you sitting with us tonight?”

“No, tonight I sit with the happy couple, and their families.” Her eye was caught by Nicole and John coming into the main room of the bar. “And if you all will excuse me, I think I see them now.”

Sarah wal
ked away without another glance until she reached the safety of Nicole’s and John’s group and ushered them to their table.

Nicole leaned over. “You okay.”

Sarah drank her water and pulled it together. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. This is your night Nicole.” Sarah took a page from her mom’s book and became the perfect hostess for her friends’ sake.

At dinner,
John’s best man gave the first toast. Then Sarah spoke telling everyone how kind generous, creative, intelligent and utterly right for one another John and Nicole were.

“They helped me save the jobs of
many of us with their talents, and then they saved my life. How can two people so gifted not be right for one another?” Sarah asked as she finished her spiel. “So please, raise your glass to the happy couple and let us wish them peace, long life and a love that lasts forever.” She turned to John and Nicole, raised her glass. “To the happy couple.”

“To the happy couple!”

Waiters quickly followed with the
food before everyone could get drunk on an empty stomach, and after dinner, John and Nicole started the dancing. Everyone joined them in typical Gryphon fashion: dancing in pairs, in groups, with friends, with strangers. She was just coming back to the table from a dance when Eamon came to her side. She felt him before she saw him and turned. He’d lost the coat and tie a while back, and he looked...great.

“Will you dance with me, Miss Adams?” He asked quietly, holding out his hand. When she hesitated, he said
softly, “You promised me a long time ago, that if I asked you to dance, you would dance with me. Please, dance with me Sarah.”

Sarah put her hand in his a
nd he led her out to the floor. His arm went around her waist, but instead of holding her arm out he folded it onto his chest where she could feel his heart beating under her hand. They picked up the rhythm of the slow sexy ballad; she felt his breath stir her hair and resisted the impulse to look into his eyes.

“I miss you, Sarah,” he whispered. “I miss you every day.”

“I miss you, too.” Sarah put her head down on his chest.

“
Please, come back to Gryphon—”

Sarah
had to look at him and her eyes were haunted. “Eamon, I love you. I can’t bear to watch…I can’t bear it; it isn’t enough and you know it. Please don’t make me cry in front of everyone,” she begged him softly.

He lowered his head so that his lips were next to her ear.
“Sarah…,”

Sarah’s breath hitched as her control began to break.

Somehow he knew. “Okay, I won’t.” Eamon smiled and held her away a little so that they could dance a little less passionately and more artistically. When the number ended, he escorted her back to the table. “Thank you, Miss Adams. It is always a pleasure to dance with you.”

“The pleasure was mine, Mr. Byrne.” Sarah watched him walk away and sat back down. She remained awhile longer so that it wouldn’t appear that she’
d run away once more, and then she said goodnight to Nicole and John and went home.