Gabriel (8 page)

“I care about you, love. I only want you to be happy,” Ruadhan said, scratching the tops of his legs.

“I know that.” I was so lucky to have someone like Ruadhan in my life. I couldn't lose him. “Ruadhan, what did you mean about Gabriel finishing you properly?”

“Oh, little love. I told you once before, I had a debt to repay to Gabriel for saving me. But now he has found what he was looking for, he doesn't need me anymore. And so, I have asked him to end me before you leave together.” Ruadhan didn't look at me, instead choosing to stare out over the Thames.

I stifled a gasp. “No, Ruadhan, just because we're leaving doesn't mean you shouldn't go on. I don't care what you say, you don't deserve to die; there's nothing for you in death.”

“I don't fear death, Lailah.” His words were smooth as he continued to stare out at the river.

“You should,” I shot back.

Ruadhan finally turned to face me, taking my hands in his. He squeezed them as he attempted to reassure me.

But I wasn't reassured. He needed to understand. “Before you tell me your life has already been taken, let me be clear. You are
not
dead. You should cling to the existence you have, because there is nothing for you
after
this.…”

“You're right, love, and I know I cannot change the color of my soul. But Gabriel will afford me one final moment of light.” His voice dropped into a low whisper. “And even though it will be but a single moment, it's one in which the Devil will no longer own me. I will know my God again. I will find peace.” He cleared his throat. “With no purpose left here, why would I cling to what I have become—to
this
?”

I snatched my hands away. “Because today you exist. And because tomorrow, if you choose it, you can
live
.” I halted for a moment as a couple passed us by, but Ruadhan interjected before I had a chance to further my argument.

“I have fulfilled my duty, sweetheart. There's nothing left for me to live for.”

“If you don't want to live for yourself, then live for me. I still need you,” I pleaded. “I want to be happy, Ruadhan. And I want that for you, too.” As I said the words, I exerted as much conviction into them as I could muster.

“God knows, you
deserve
to be happy, Lailah, but…” Ruadhan said, his gaze falling to his feet.

“But what?”

“You know that Purebloods walk the Earth, infecting human beings to build their armies. I know you, and I don't think you can simply turn away from that.”

I hesitated, a shiver running up my spine as I tried to pretend that what he said wasn't true. “You don't know me, Ruadhan. I
will
go away; I will run and I will hide.”

“Maybe.” He fidgeted where he sat. “But you won't be able to turn a blind eye for long. You'll stop running.”

“That's a very large assumption.”

“No, it's not. You knew Zherneboh was coming, and you ran toward him not away from him. Why did you do that?”

“I didn't want him to end you all. He was after me, not you. If I were killed, then the weapon he had created would be gone, and there could be no war.”

“You were prepared to sacrifice your life for us. For everyone.” He cleared his throat, choked up at the memory. “Zherneboh may have intended to produce a weapon in order to wage a war between the worlds, but what if, instead of creating an enemy for Heaven, he created a savior for Earth?”

I edged away from him. I didn't want to hear this. “I am no savior. You have me confused with someone else.” I found my feet and stood up abruptly.

Ruadhan joined me and placed his hand on my arm, stopping me from walking away. “Gabriel is prepared to grant me my last request, and I ask it of him because I have no reason to go on. I no longer have a purpose to serve. Give me a reason … give me a purpose, Lailah. If there is even a glimmer inside you that you will fight, that you will deliver freedom to the world … then I shall wait for you, and I will be right beside you while you try.”

I crossed my arms and rubbed them, trying to rid myself of the chill. But I knew it wasn't coming from the cold breeze nipping at my skin. I peeked up. Ruadhan's eyes were expectant as he waited for my reply, and I began to crumble a little inside. “If I try, I will fail.”

Ruadhan pinched the top of my shoulders with his fingers and sighed. “Little love, you will only fail if you don't try.”

I took a deep breath, absorbing Ruadhan's message. How could I take on an army of Pureblood Masters and their Second Generation Vampires? I couldn't even control my abilities yet. And it wasn't just my life I was affecting; it was also Gabriel's. After all that had happened, all that he had been through to find me, to save me, to still love me—I didn't want to be the cause of his unhappiness.

“It's not just me, Ruadhan. It's Gabriel, too. He knows … he understands the dimensions, the beings that inhabit them, the risks, and he wants to run.” There was a part of me that felt as though I was being a coward, as though I was hiding behind Gabriel, but it was true.

“Lailah, you must search your soul and pick your own path. You must trust in yourself to make and own those decisions. If you don't, any freedom, any happiness you might find, will only be short lived.”

“And what if the path I choose leads me away from everything I have been searching for,” I said.

“You mean
Gabriel
?”

At the mention of Gabriel's name my mind stretched, trying to connect to him. There was nothing; he was still blocking me.

“What, Ruadhan? Why'd you say his name like that?” I said, pushing.

Ruadhan frowned, and he rubbed his chin vigorously. “Since he came back from the States, he's different.”

“Different how?” I asked.

“Never mind. Let's walk back. You look uncomfortably cold.” For once, Ruadhan didn't usher me ahead of him, instead striding away and leaving me to trail behind.

But I wasn't to be put off so easily. I was sick and tired of being treated like a child. I caught up with the six-foot-tall Ruadhan's pace. “Ruadhan, how is Gabriel different?”

He didn't look at me as he continued on briskly. “Gabriel's trying to protect you the best way he can. I understand that. He knows what he's doing, but he hasn't exactly been forthright with me about what that is. And I have a feeling, for the first time in a hundred years, that I wouldn't agree with his methods.”

“Ruadhan, is he in danger?” I was jogging now.

Finally, Ruadhan's pace let up, and he gazed down to meet my eyes. “Yes, as are you. As you both always will be, if you run.”

We continued on, and I found myself quietly flapping about Gabriel. Where was he? What was he doing? Had the Purebloods or the Arch Angels found him?

I stretched my mind wide and thought of him, but a sheet of light filled it—blinding me and preventing me from seeing past it. I had become well-practiced at building a wall in my head to keep Gabriel out, but it seemed as though his preferred method was a blanket of untraversable light.

But then, as I followed Ruadhan up the sloping driveway back to the front door of the B&B, something changed. I shut my eyes and concentrated on the light, and a small hairline fissure seemed to branch across the white sheet. I immediately felt a sensation of rising emotion—of panic—as if Gabriel's emotions were seeping through. I reached for the door frame to steady myself as Ruadhan stepped inside, and I focused on the tear in Gabriel's white cloak. And then I saw it: the shape of a sun set within a marble floor.

I knew where he was.

He was in the cottage on the grounds of the Hedgerley house. Nausea stewed within me, and I thought then that Gabriel was in some sort of trouble. I tried to reconnect but the crack had already been restitched by the light, and I was left stuck on the outside of Gabriel's sheet once more.

Adrenaline surged, and I shot out onto the road and made for the woods so fast that all I left in my wake was a whip of air that skimmed Ruadhan's back.

 

SIX

M
Y FIRST INSTINCT WAS
to run, and so I dashed with a superspeed along the pavement, knocking into a stranger as he made his way into a convenience store.

It was risky to let anyone see me, so I ran into the woods. I ground to a halt. As I did, the muscles in my legs contracted with a stab of pain. I shook it off.

I didn't know my way from Henley to Hedgerley. Eyeing the thick trunk of a tall hawthorn tree, I placed my hands on the bark and sprang up its side. The ridges and uneven surface dug into my palms as I clawed my way to the top.

I scoured the vast land spread out all around me. But it was useless. I might be able to run faster, but it made no difference if I didn't know where it was I was trying to run to.

There was nothing elegant about the way I scrambled down the tree's side. As I neared the bottom, my ankle buckled, and I lost my footing and plummeted toward the iced dirt. Just as I was about to hit the ground, my feet arched, and I landed on my tiptoes as though I were a ballerina, balancing
en pointe
. But it didn't last long, the heels of my feet suddenly smacking back down to the iced mud.

I might possess some supernatural gifts—the same as a Vampire and an Angel Descendant—but I had no idea how to control them, and for some reason my Vampire abilities were starting to bring with them a dull ache.

Gabriel and I had traveled to the hill by the power of thought, but he said I should just know how, as though it were not something that required some form of tutorial. If I wanted to get to him, I was going to have to try.

I took a deep, calming breath and closed my eyes, imagining the cottage in the garden of the Hedgerley house.

Nothing happened.

I screwed my face up, closing my eyes tightly once more, desperately wanting to open my eyes to find it in front of me.

This time, it was instant.

It felt like my body rocked backward before catapulting forward, as if the world had stopped spinning for the briefest of moments. I was staring at the cottage ahead of me in the distance.

I'd done it. I had traveled here by thought.

Standing at the edge of the forest, I heard a woman's voice. I slunk behind the deciduous shrubs and hid.

I focused on the cottage. The door was slightly ajar, and the voice came again from outside the entranceway.

Hanora.

The air was damp with dew, but I caught a trace of citrus as Gabriel walked up beside her.

Hanora inclined her head in my direction, then looked away as Gabriel placed his hands on her arms.

She balanced her weight from one high-heeled boot to the other. She clutched her long, extravagant wool coat around herself, holding her elbows with her slender fingers. A silk scarf was wrapped around her head, the burn marks still scarring her skin—the same as the last time I had seen her. I still didn't know how she, a Vampire, had come by such damaging marks.

I focused, using my Vampire abilities to tune into their conversation.

“… come inside with me, Mary,” Gabriel said.

Hanora's eyes flashed red, and she jolted backward. “
Mary
? In
her
death, hope is now gone?” Her every word was laced with sadness. “With
her
end, I no longer own the name you gave me?”

Gabriel's expression was unreadable, even for me, and still blocked from him, I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

“You're free,” Gabriel said. “You're not mine anymore. You are your own person.” He paused. Reaching for her again, he stroked the edge of her downturned lips. “You now belong to yourself again, which is why I'll no longer call you by the name I gave you the night we met.”

Hanora didn't seem to like what he had said, and she edged back from him.

“No, it's okay. Please, come inside with me; it's dangerous out here, for both of us.”

Still she seemed unsure. “You've forgiven me?” she whispered.

Gabriel nodded firmly. Stepping toward her, he pushed down the scarf with his thumbs and carefully brushed the back of his hand over her eyebrow. “Have you
me
?”

What was he talking about? What was he even doing here with her?

“Come. Let us talk inside.” He took her hand in his own.

I bit the inside of my cheek.

He turned around, willing her to follow him inside, and this time she did as he asked.

As the door to the cottage closed, a million thoughts whirled through my mind. Gabriel had business to tie up; perhaps she was on the agenda. He had spoken softly and touched her tenderly, despite her betrayal. But then Gabriel was an Angel, created in light; of course he would forgive her for betraying him, me, all of us. He had saved her, spent nearly a hundred years with her, and somehow, despite what she was, she had loved him. Perhaps, this was his way of saying good-bye before he took me away.

But then, a jealous thought struck me as I considered what that good-bye might look like. So despite the stupidity of it, I began to stride toward the cottage.

I was nearing the entrance when the sound of brambles snapping behind me caught my attention.

I reeled around. From across the field, his hazel eyes bore through me. I recognized him from the château fort—he was dressed in vintage chinos, a deep V-neck T-shirt, and a dark leather jacket. It was the Vampire I had nearly ended. It was Jonah.

Panic rose inside me, and I darted fast from the cottage, grinding to a wobbly halt in a clearing.

“Charming.” His voice traveled on the icy breeze as he suddenly appeared in front of me.

I threw up my hand. “Stay back! You need to leave.” I stepped backward.

“We need to talk.” Without warning, he jumped high into the air, landing just a few feet away from me.