Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) (23 page)

“I’d like to talk to you for a bit before we ask Char to come in,” Jason said to Kendra.

“Okay,” she said, crossing her arms after gesturing to the couch. “Sit down, guys. Can I get you anything to drink or—”

“No,” Jason said, shaking his head firmly. “I just need to get this out before I lose my nerve.” He glanced at me. “I’m the reason Gabe told you he couldn’t see you anymore. So, if you want to blame someone, blame me.” He grimaced when her eyes darted to me. “Seems I just keep screwing things up for you, huh?”

“I don’t understand.” Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “What could Jason have said or done to make you leave me?”

The way she said it made my gut ache, but I knew she was expecting a response and she deserved one. “I was an idiot.” I couldn’t let Jason take all the blame. “I’d made my fair share of mistakes too.” I could have tried to reason with him sooner. I could have admitted my feelings for Kendra months ago. So many could haves and should haves and more than enough blame to go around.

“Gabe, let me explain,” Jason said, raising his hand.

“I’m waiting,” Kendra said, staring at her ex. “What did you say or do to convince him I’d be better off without him?”

“God, this is bad,” he said, swiping his hands over his face.

It looked like he’d aged ten years today. He was a man coming to terms with his mistakes, trying to figure out how to break free of his self-imposed prison of hatred and shame.

“I still can’t believe I did it. Before I tell you, I want you to know how sorry I am. I would never have made good on my threats. I just didn’t want you two together. I wanted—”

“Just tell me what you did, Jason.” Her tone was carefully controlled, but I could tell she was on the verge of lashing out at him.

“Remember those pictures you let me take toward the end of our marriage? And the videos…?”

Kendra paled before her eyes found mine. She was ashamed that I knew about it, but I could care less. The only thing that mattered to me now was earning her forgiveness.

“What about them?” she asked, clenching her teeth.

“I showed some to Gabe,” he said, hooking a thumb in my direction.

“Why?” she cried. “Why would you do that? To hurt him? To humiliate me?”

“I told him if he didn’t end it with you, I’d post that shit online and send the link to everyone you know.” With his elbows resting on his knees, he dropped his face into his hands. “I am so sorry, Kendra. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”

“That’s why you broke up with me?” she asked me softly. “You were trying to protect me?”

I was so relieved she realized that had been my motive. “I’d do anything to protect you, you know that.” At least I hoped she did. I’d lay down my own life for this girl… and her daughter.

“I know I have a lot to make up for,” Jason continued. “Cheating on you was bad enough, but this is unforgiveable. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

She looked at him a long time, as though she were trying to decide how she felt about the man she’d once vowed to love for the rest of her life. “How can I hate you? You’re the father of my daughter. I don’t want to teach her that it’s okay to hold a grudge when someone wrongs you. It’s not.”

She swallowed, curling her hands around her knees. “Obviously, I’m angry. I still can’t believe you would do that to me, but I don’t hate you, Jason.”

“I know I got way off track somewhere along the way,” he said, glancing at a hand-drawn picture sitting on the coffee table, one his daughter had made for her mother. He picked it up, smiling at the two stick figures holding hands as tears welled in his eyes. “I had it all and threw it away. That’s something I have to live with.”

Kendra peeked at me out of the corner of her eye. “We get more than one shot at happiness in this life. At least I like to think we do.”

I hoped that meant she was still counting on me to give her a second chance at the life she’d always dreamed of. But I knew we had a long way to go before we started making plans for the future. I had to earn her trust again, to make her believe that nothing and no one could ever give me reason to walk away from her again.

Jason looked from me to Kendra before he said, “I want you to get a second chance at happiness, Kendra. You deserve that. And I want Char to have the family she deserves, maybe another brother or sister—”

Kendra sucked in a sharp breath. “I can’t think about that now. I don’t know what’s in the cards for us, only that my top priority is making sure that she’s happy and feels secure.”

“I want her to know how I feel about the possibility of you and Gabe being together.” He and Kendra made eye contact before he asked, “Assuming that’s something you still want?”

“I don’t know what I want, honestly. This is a lot to take in.”

I didn’t blame her for not being willing or able to take me back like nothing ever happened, but I hoped the day would come when she could forgive my mistakes and learn to love me again.

“About the divorce,” Jason said, twisting the simple gold wedding ring he’d never taken off. “I’m ready to move forward with it whenever you are.”

Kendra released a slow sigh, closing her eyes. “I’m glad to hear that. It’s the best thing for all of us, including our daughter. You know that, right?”

“I guess so.” His Adam’s apple bobbed repeatedly before he said, “It’s just hard to let go.”

“I know it is.” I was awed by the compassion I heard in Kendra’s voice when she said, “It’s never easy to let go. Don’t think this has been easy for me, Jason. It hasn’t. I loved you. There was a time I wanted us to be together forever.”

I was tempted to excuse myself, knowing this was a conversation I didn’t need to be a part of, but just as I was about to give them some time alone, Kendra’s eye met mine and she whispered, “But my heart is somewhere else now. It has been for a long time.”

“Right,” Jason said, clearing his throat. “So, uh, do you think I can talk to Char now?”

“Sure,” Kendra said, standing. “I’ll call her in.”

Kendra

I was still shocked by this turn of events. I didn’t know how to process it. Gabe had ended our relationship not because he didn’t love me, but because he was trying to save me from public humiliation that would have touched every area of my life.

As I listened to Jason tell our daughter that her mommy and daddy were getting a divorce, but that we would always be there for her, no matter what, my eyes drifted to the man who seemed to suck the oxygen out of every room he stepped into. Gabe.

Over the past year and a half, he’d been my secret crush, my friend, my lover, my hero. Seeing him had gotten me out of bed on days when the hopelessness of my situation with Jason threatened to crush me. In spite of everything that had happened between us, I still owed him a debt of gratitude for giving me hope when I thought all was lost.

Char was sitting in Jason’s lap, playing with his fingers. “I’m sad I won’t be able to go to the old house anymore,” she said, her lower lip jutting out. “I’ll miss it.”

Jason had told her he planned to sell our family home because, as he put it, we all needed to move on. I knew it was a practical choice, since we would have to split the equity in the house, but Char wouldn’t understand that.

“But this is your home now,” Jason said, looking at the comfortable home I’d made for the two of us. “You like it here, right?”

“I did.” Her lip trembled again as she looked up at Gabe. “But now Gabe and Poncho are leaving. I’m going to miss them.”

My little girl wasn’t the only one. I’d miss them too. Especially Poncho’s master.

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Gabe said, smiling at Char. “Maybe I should call the Realtor and tell her I’ve changed my mind about selling the house.”

“Yay!” Char said, bouncing up and down in her daddy’s lap as she clapped her hands.

I smiled at her reaction, but asked Gabe, “What about the house you already bought?”

He shrugged. “You know I usually try to flip a couple of houses a year. Maybe this could be one of them. Or maybe I’ll renovate it and hang on to it for a bit, see what the future has in store for…” His eyes drifted to Char and I knew he was thinking
us,
but he said, “Me.”

“How about we go and get some ice cream?” Jason said to Char. “If that’s okay with your mom?”

“Sure, it’s fine.” I knew Jason wanted some alone time to tell Char that he approved of my relationship with Gabe. Assuming we tried to pick up where we’d left off, he didn’t want Char to feel guilty for sharing her love with another man. I had to admit Jason showed signs of turning things around, becoming the man I’d fallen in love with again. I just hoped nothing happened to derail his progress.

After a quick kiss on my cheek and a wave to Gabe, I watched my daughter skip out the door, holding her daddy’s hand. She didn’t seem devastated by the news that Jason and I planned to make our separation permanent. Perhaps because she’d known in her heart, as I had, it was only a matter of time.

Gabe waited until he heard the door close before he came to sit on the table in front of me. “You must have a million questions.”

“Just one. Why didn’t you tell me the real reason you were ending it?” I’d always thought I could count on Gabe to be honest with me. The fact that he’d kept something like that from me, even if he felt justified, still stung.

“I wanted to.” He reached for my hands, looking down at my bare fingers as he rubbed his thumbs across them. “But Jay was a bit of a loose cannon. I really believed he’d make good on his threats and I couldn’t risk that.”

“I understand.” I did understand why he did it. A part of me was even grateful he had, but the other part of me was frustrated and confused. I wanted a partner who would be honest with me, not one who would try to shelter and protect me because he didn’t believe I was strong enough to handle the truth.

“But?”

He knew me too well. “But I need someone I can trust. Someone who’ll be honest with me even when it hurts.”

He brought my hands to his lips, his eyes locking on mine. “I know I screwed this up. I could have handled it better. But just know that everything I did I did for one reason… because I love you.”

I lowered my head, unable to speak. I still loved him too, so much. But could I believe he wouldn’t bail on me again when a situation seemed impossible? “You don’t just walk away, Gabe. Not when you love someone. You stay. You fight. When things get hard, you find a solution together.”

“I know, baby.” He lowered his head. “I know.”

“If you’d told me what Jason planned to do, we could have figured out a way to stop him. Together. But you didn’t give us that chance. You made the decision for me, and I’m not going to lie. That hurts.”

“I hate that I hurt you,” he said, his voice gravelly as he bit his lip. “I hate that. But, Kendra, I’ll do anything to protect you… and that little girl. I love her too, you know.”

I closed my eyes, knowing he meant it. I saw it every time he looked at her, every time she made him laugh. She’d captured a piece of heart, without meaning to, and I knew no matter what happened between us, she would always have a special place in his heart.

“You know how I feel about you. But that’s not what this is about. I’ve made a mistake before. I can’t afford to make another one.”

“And you think giving me another chance would be a mistake?”

I didn’t want to believe that, but my heart and head were leading me in different directions. My head was telling me I couldn’t take another risk like that, but my heart was threatening to shatter if I didn’t.

“I don’t know what to think.”

I dropped my head and he gripped the back of my neck, pulling me close, until my head rested on his shoulder. Kissing the top of my head, he said, “What if you went with your gut. If you didn’t overthink it—”

“If it were just me, maybe I could do that.  But I have to think of Char too.” I raised my head and before I could draw a breath, his lips were on mine.

The kiss felt like it was never going to end, yet it ended way too soon. I wanted it to last forever because when he was kissing me, I couldn’t think about anything else, and right now I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to feel.

“How about if you agree to give me one day. That’s all I’m asking for, just one day.”

“I don’t understand,” I said, frowning. “How is one day going to help me decide what to do?”

“I’m asking for one day to start,” he said, giving me that sexy, lopsided grin I loved so much. “If that day goes well, you give me another, and another, and another.”

I laughed at his reasoning. “Are you suggesting I put you on probation?”

“I’ve screwed this up twice now,” he said, shrugging. “I’d say I deserve to be on probation.”

“Okay,” I said, smiling as I framed his handsome face with my hands before leaning in to kiss him. “One day.”

***

Jason offered to take Char back to his place last night, claiming he needed help packing. And Gabe went home to call the realtor, to let her know he’d changed his mind about selling the house.

Today was the first day of “our new arrangement” and I wasn’t sure what to expect. So when he arrived on my doorstep a little after ten that morning with a huge bouquet of flowers in a clear glass vase, I was speechless. And more than a little excited about what he might have in store for me today.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you,” I whispered, smiling as he leaned in to kiss me.

“It occurred to me we haven’t spent a lot of time doing things most couples who are dating do.”

That was true. Though we’d spent as much time together as any couple in a committed relationship, Char was usually with us. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, since Jay has Char today, I was hoping you could spend the day with me.”

“How do you know he’s spending the day with her?” I asked, reaching for my purse after setting the flowers down on the hall table.

“He texted to let me know.” He reached for my hand after I’d locked the door and we crossed my front lawn to his driveway.

“You and Jason are friendly again?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. They’d been close before, but it never occurred to me they could resurrect their friendship after everything that went down.