Authors: Andrea Smith
“How was your trip?” I asked, kicking off my shoes and lifting my sweatshirt up and over my head.
“Brutal,” he replied, getting his nail clipper from the top of his dresser. “I have to fly to Charleston on Friday. Our meeting is early Monday morning, so I figured I would have the weekend to prepare my presentation.”
I slipped my sweat pants off, and unhooked my sports bra, springing my breasts free. I’d always been rather proud of them. They were still full and perky. I sauntered by Jack who was now sitting on the bed, clipping his toenails. I got clean underwear from the drawer and sat down on the bed next to him.
He finally looked up at me, noticing that I was practically naked in front of him. His eyes narrowed infinitesimally, as he actually looked at me for the first time in weeks.
“Have you lost weight, Sammie?”
“It’s nice of you to finally notice.”
“Have you been feeling well?” he asked.
“I feel great. I’ve been working out, getting in shape. What do you think?”
“I think that you’ve probably lost all of the weight you need to lose. If you get much scrawnier, people will think that you’re ill.”
“Hey, “I said, moving closer to him on the bed. “How about I go with you to Charleston? We’ll have a romantic weekend together. We haven’t gone away together alone for as long as I can remember. This would be perfect.”
“Babe,” he said with a sigh, getting up off of the bed. “The whole point of me going down Friday and staying over the weekend is to prepare for Monday’s meeting. I mean, you know how it is with me. I need that total concentration, no distractions when I’m preparing for a big presentation. How about a rain check?”
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll just list that in our rain check voucher. Maybe one day I’ll be able to cash in on all of these IOUs.”
Jack didn’t even bother to respond.
Well, so much for that.
No mention of how my legs, arms, and abs had gotten into shape with ample muscle tone. No mention of how he missed our making love, since it had been months now. I guess that was too much to expect from my mannequin husband. Christ, I was sounding like Becky now. Maybe she was right. The bottom line was that I was getting sick to death of Jack’s inattentiveness towards me. Maybe I needed to take the next step in getting a life of my own.
I sauntered into the bathroom and took a shower. I decided I would start looking for a part-time job as soon as possible. I needed more things of my own.
chapter 4
It was the final day of our pole-dancing lessons, and Vonda and I were chatting in the locker room after showers.
“So, aren’t you glad you finished the lessons?” she asked, towel drying her flaming red hair. “Ginger certainly gave you kudos today after your number. I was a bit jealous, Sam. Did you hire a choreographer to put that together?”
I knew Vonda was being funny. She loved to tease me about how well I was doing with the whole pole-dancing thing.
“Ha ha, Vonda,” I replied, smiling. “You certainly didn’t do too badly in Ginger’s eyes, as I recall.”
“Honey, she was just being nice to the old lady in the group. Plus, I’m the one who cuts the check for her hefty fee.”
“Yeah, right. You know you have the body of a thirty-five year old,” I chided.
“Aren’t you thirty-five?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well honey, I certainly don’t have a body like yours, though I’ll take the compliment. Thank you. Of course, you have to recognize your body has gone younger since you’ve been coming here.”
“Gone younger?”
“Absolutely. You’ve got the bod of a twenty-something since you’ve started working out. Now, if we could just do something about your hair and make-up.”
I rolled my eyes as I put a clean sweatshirt on over my head.
“Roll your eyes all you want. I mean it, though. Plus, you still wear clothes that cover all of your toned muscles and ligaments. What a shame.” She was shaking her head and ‘tsking’ me.
I closed the door of my locker, fastening the lock into place.
“Hey Vonda, you wouldn’t be in need of any part-time help here, would you?”
“You aren’t seriously looking for a job are you? Come on Sam, I know you don’t open up a lot about your personal life, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I see the car you drive, the brands of the clothes and shoes you wear. I have a hard time believing you need money.”
“It’s not really about the money,” I replied, tying the shoelaces on my Nike Air Max shoes. “I just want something of my own, I guess. A job working here would give me that, plus I’d be doing what I love to do.”
Vonda was thoughtful for a moment.
“You know, Sam, I don’t have anything at the moment. My tight-ass husband does the books for this place, and he keeps telling me to cut back as it is, but I might have something else for you. I just need to talk to my sister, Janine.”
“Janine?”
“Yeah, Janine manages a gentleman’s club over on West Washington Street. With your looks and dance skills, I’m sure she might be able to hook you up with some part-time hours.”
“Uh . . . Vonda, I’m not thinking of stripping or giving lap dances. I was thinking more along the lines of personal trainer, maybe?”
“Well, good luck with that, sweetie. But before you slam the door on my suggestion, let me clarify it for you. This club has a variety of clientele. Granted, late night and early morning hours, the clientele wants to see a lot of skin and private dancing. I know that’s not your gig, sweetie. I was thinking maybe she could hook you up with an early shift. That’s when there’s more interest from the after-five businessmen in viewing pole dancing with the classier chicks. That way, you will be doing what you love, right?”
“Well, I don’t know. I mean I’ve never pictured myself as being a dancer at a gentleman’s club. I mean, what do they wear?”
“Very little,” she answered, honestly. “What are you worried about?”
“I don’t think I’m the type, Vonda. It’s just not me, you know?”
“What is
you,
Sam?”
I hesitated, trying to think about how I visualized myself. All I came up with was how other people visualized me.
I was visualized as a daughter, a wife, a mother, a best friend by those people in my life, but I had no clue as to how I viewed myself as a person. I’d never bothered to carve out an identity for myself.
“That’s what I thought,” Vonda replied with a smirk. “Look, before you shoot the idea down, visit Janine at the club. I’ll give her a call and see if she can meet with you some afternoon next week. See you Monday?”
“I’ll be here,” I said, giving her a weak smile.
I convinced myself on my drive home that there would be no harm in at least meeting Janine and seeing what the club was like, but I sincerely doubted that pole dancing at a gentleman’s club was the identity I truly wished to carve out for myself.
I spent the weekend cleaning the house. Jack was in Charlotte again, only this time he had mentioned the fact that Susan was accompanying him. They supposedly were meeting with the city government officials to wrap up the deal. The decision had been made to build the distribution center in Charlotte. Jack had said he’d be gone a week this time. They were meeting with surveyors and contractors.
I was fairly certain that Jack was fucking Susan. His increased obsession with his looks and wardrobe hadn’t gone unnoticed by me. I was surprised at my own impassiveness about the situation. Perhaps having gained some self-confidence these past couple of months had given me some perspective on my marriage. Becky was right, Jack was a mannequin. Correction: Jack was a cheating mannequin.
I was putting some of the new clothes I’d purchased into our large, walk-in closet. I had to shove Jack’s clothes over to make room. He had one whole side of the closet, and half of mine. Becky had pointed out how unacceptable it was that Jack had a much larger wardrobe than me.
On second thought, his clothes were all going to the other side. I wasn’t going to have my new wardrobe getting wrinkled because they were all crowded together. I removed handfuls of hangers with Jack’s shirts and sweaters on them and hung them on the bar on his side of the closet. There. His clothes could get smashed together now. My cell chimed from the bedroom. It was Lindsey.
“Hi, Mom,” she greeted cheerily from the other end. “I’ve been worried about you.”
“Me? Why?”
“You don’t call me as often as you used to. I’m beginning to think you don’t miss me anymore.”
“Sweetie, you know better than that. I just know you’re busy with college. I’ve been trying to find some hobbies of my own to fill the void.”
“I’m so glad to hear you say that, Mom. What have you been doing?”
“I’ve been doing kick-boxing and Pilates.”
“No, really Mom. I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Really? Well, that’s fantastic. It just doesn’t seem like you. So are you enjoying it?”
“I love it,” I replied, honestly. “I had to buy all new clothes, though.”
“You were due, Mom. I’m really happy that you’re finally doing stuff for yourself. How does Daddy like it?”
“I’m not sure he’s really noticed, Lindsey.”
“I’m sure that he has. You know Daddy. He’s just not one to make a big deal out of anything. Is he home?”
“No, sweetie, he’s in Charlotte for a week or so. He finally tied up the deal with locating the new distribution facility for Banion. He’s been pretty distracted.”
“Well, see then,” she replied, giving him the benefit of the doubt for his lack of attention to me. “I’m sure once that facility is up and running, Daddy will have more time to spend with you.”
She didn’t realize that the distraction wasn’t the distribution facility. It was Susan.
“How are your classes going?” I asked, desperate to change the subject with her.
“For the most part fine. I mean there’s the usual struggles with chemistry and trig, hut no surprises there. I have an upperclassman tutoring me. He’s totally hot so it’s kind of distracting.”
“Lindsey,” I laughed, “Your dad and I aren’t paying that kind of tuition for you to be distracted.”
“No worries there. He’s
totally
about the tutoring, trust me.”
I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Lindsey had gone through a painful break-up the previous summer with her high school sweetheart, Lance. I’d done my best to soothe her pain, all the while really wanting to tell her that it was probably the best thing that could have happened. I’d seen a lot of Jack in Lance, and I wanted better for my daughter.
“Mom, I’m still planning to come home for Christmas, but I’m sticking around here for Thanksgiving. One of the girls in the dorm has invited me to her family’s home in Connecticut. We’re going to do a little skiing. Are you okay with that?”
“That’s fine, Lindsey. I’m not even sure what we’ll be doing. Your grandparents are still in Hawaii until after the first of the year. Things have sure changed in a year, I guess.”
“You sound sad. If you want me to come home, I will.”
“No sweetie, I’m fine. You stick with your plans, okay?”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am, sweetie.”
chapter 5
I was sitting at the bar at Jewels waiting for Janine to finish chewing out one of the employees in her office. Kevin, the bartender, had given me a glass of club soda to drink. He chatted with me for a few minutes. I picked up on a distinct Boston accent. He was a fairly friendly guy, telling me a little bit about the club and the clientele.
It was just after 11:30 a.m. The club officially opened in ninety minutes. I looked about, studying the layout. There were three separate horseshoe shaped stages with seating around each. Towards the back, there was a sunken seating area with round tables and cushioned seats. I figured those separate seating areas were for customers requesting private attention from a dancer.
The thought of doing lap dances or dancing privately for a customer didn’t appeal to me whatsoever. Vonda had assured me that the club offered a variety of different types of dancers. She’d let Janine know that I was only interested in pole-dancing. The fact that I was here waiting to be interviewed by Janine meant that she must have been receptive to my conditions.