Futures and Frosting (25 page)

Carter leans
close to my ear. “Gavin scored that well on his testing?”

“I know, total
shocker for me too.  He obviously doesn’t get his brains from us,” I whisper to
him.

I turned back
and realized all of the women have dispersed from our fun little pow-pow,
grabbed their kids, and scurried out the door without another word.

“Oh and by the
way, we should probably look into some new preschools,” I state.

“What do you
mean you aren’t going to do it?” Liz screeches.  “Carter, we’ve been planning
this for weeks.  You HAVE to do it.”

Liz and I are in
the kitchen of the shop doing dishes while Claire is out front with everyone
else taking down decorations.

I know Liz means
well, but I just can’t do what she wants me to.

“Liz, this just
doesn’t feel right.  It was a great idea before she got pregnant, but I just
can’t do this now.  Claire hasn’t been herself since she found out she was
pregnant.  No matter how many times I try and tell her that everything will be
fine, I don’t think she believes me.  If you hadn’t told me what you did about
her being afraid I didn’t want to marry her, I would have thought she was
cheating on me,” I say.

“Um, dude. 
She’s got your sperm inside of her.  That would be gross.  And if you were so
worried, why the hell haven’t you proposed yet?” Liz questions.

“Because you
told me you’d cut off my dick if I did!” I argue.

“Okay, that may
have been a little extreme.  But I knew she would think you were doing it just
because she was pregnant.  I figured if you waited a while and I kept telling
her she was an idiot, everything would work out and you could propose without
her thinking bad things.”

I sigh and
crossed her arms in front of me. “I can’t wait any longer, Liz.  I know we
planned on me doing this next month on the anniversary of when we first met, but
I can’t put this off one more day.  There is this huge wedge between us right
now and I have a feeling it’s all because of this.  I should have just said
something to her months ago.  To hell with the surprise.”

“Fine.  Have it
your way.  But I swear to God if you just walk up to her and hand her the ring,
I won’t cut your dick off, I’ll just cut one ball off.  You’ll be forever known
as Uniball Carter,” she warns.

We stare at each
other for a few minutes, her eyes narrowing with each second that passed.

“You don’t have
a plan, do you?” she finally asks.

I should tell
her to move away from the knives.

“Um, not
exactly.  I mean, I know what I want to say. I just don’t have all of the
details yet,” I admit.

“Well, I’d help
you, but I kind of want to punch you in the face.  You’re on your own with this
one,” she tells me, throwing the towel she dried the dishes with onto the
counter.  “Now I’m going to have to tell everyone that the plan is off.  It was
the one time I was looking forward to wearing a shirt that Drew picked out.”

I feel bad that
Liz has spent all this time helping me plan something amazing for Claire.  At
the time, we had both agreed it would be awesome if our friends were there to
see the proposal, and Drew of course wanted everyone to wear matching shirts
that Claire would see right after I proposed.  They
were
pretty great
shirts and that is the one thing I will regret not doing, but I know this is
the right decision. 

“So does that
mean no Gavin either?” she asks as she leans her hip against the counter.

“No, no Gavin. 
As cute as it would be for him to be the one to hand her the ring, I need to do
this by myself.  It was just the two of us the day I met her, and I want it to
be just the two of us when I ask her to spend the rest of her life with me,” I
explain.

Liz let out a
great big sigh and finally concedes.

“Alright, I get
it.  Your ball is safe from my wrath.  But just so you know, I’m going to hold
this against you for a long time,” she tells me with a pat on my back.

“I wouldn’t expect
any less.  I just need you to do one more little favor for me.”

“What now?  My
first born, a pint of blood, one of my limbs?  I’ve already given so much!” she
wails in mock horror.

“Oh quit being
such a drama queen.  I already told you I appreciated your help so cut the shit
out.  I just need you to get Claire out of the store for about an hour.  Can
you do that?” I ask.

“No problem.  I
have this raging yeast infection from having too much sex in our hot tub.  I’ll
tell Claire she needs to come to the pharmacy with me and help me pick out the
right YEAST INFECTION cream,” she says, putting the emphasis on the words that
make my skin crawl.

“Liz, too much
information,” I say with a grimace.

“But it’s really
yeasty.  I could make a loaf of bread with this shit.”

“OH MY GOD!  Cut
it out.  I’m going to puke,” I tell her.

Liz laughs as
she walks around the counter to go out front and talk to Claire.

“Payback is a
bitch.  And YEAST INFECTIONS really itch,” she yells back to me with another
laugh.

I try to block
the last few minutes of conversation from my mind as I get to work planning how
this will go down.  Claire sticks her head into the kitchen doorway a little
while later to tell me she was running to the store with Liz.  I can’t help but
laugh a little when she whispers, “She’s got an issue.  And she needs my help. 
It’s…an issue.  I’ll be back soon.”

Right after she
disappears from sight, Liz pops her head in to give me one more parting shot.

“Say ‘bacterial
vaginosis is delicious’.  SAY IT!”

~

I honestly don’t
remember a time when I’ve been this nervous.  I would have taken a minute to
run to the bathroom and throw up the contents of my stomach, but I just heard
the bell over the door of the shop ring and knew Claire was back.

I take my place
at one end of the kitchen island and wait.

Claire walks
through the doorway seconds later and stops, a look of confusion on her face as
she takes in the sight before her.

“Um, why are
there red Solo cups all over the counter?” she asks.

“I thought we
could take a trip down memory lane and play a little beer pong,” I tell her
with a grin.

She walks
further into the room.

“Nice sentiment
and all but I don’t I want our child to be born a pot head
and
a drunk.”

I laugh and pick
up the empty milk jug for her to see.

“Technically,
this is milk pong.”

She laughs when
she gets to the other end of the island and glances into the cup closest to
her.

“Ahhh gotcha. 
If I remember correctly, I kicked your ass the last time we played,” she says
with a smile.

“Oh I don’t
think so.  I’m pretty sure all of the ass kicking was done by me.  You sucked
at beer pong.”

“Lies!  Not only
were Liz and I the lap dance champions in our dorm, we were also beer pong
champions,” she told me with a satisfied smirk.

“Wait, what?”

She laughs again
and shakes her head at me. “I know I told you this story.”

“No, I’m pretty
sure I would remember every part of a story that involved you and lap dancing,”
I argue.

“Liz and I used
to do lap dances on each other for free beers at the college bars.  I was a little
bendier then so I was usually the one on top,” she says nonchalantly.

Claire,
bendy, girl lap dances…my penis exploded.  That JUST happened.

“Promise me I
will get to see this someday very soon,” I tell her.

“Yeah, okay. 
Because pregnant chick lap dances are so hot.” She chuckles.

“I don’t think
you understand how serious I am right now, Claire.  This is right up there with
meeting God and winning the lottery.”

Seeing her happy
and smiling confirms my decision to do this right now, this exact way.  If only
I could get the image of Claire grinding on another woman out of my head.

Damn you,
penis, you aren’t in charge tonight!  Take a break, go back to sleep, nothing
to see here.

“As much as it
pains me to say this, the lap dance can wait, but you’re going to have to prove
to me right now that you’ve still got it in beer pong.  The ping pong balls are
right in front of you.  Put your ball where your mouth is.”

She raises her
eyebrow at me.

“Hmmm, that
didn’t come out right.  But I kind of like it,” I tell her with a shrug.

She picks up one
of the balls and lines up her shot.  It bounces off the rim of the first cup
and lands in one behind it.

“Yeah, that’s
what I thought,” she taunts as I remove the ball from the cup and drink the
milk.

I set the empty
cup to the side, pick up my own ball and take aim while trying to keep my hand
from shaking.  I know I need to make as many shots as I can for this to work
out the way I want it to.  I toss the ball and it sinks right in the cup
closest to her.  I let out a huge sigh as she removes the ball and picked up
the cup.

“Lucky shot,”
she tells me before downing the milk.

“I love you more
than I ever thought was possible,” I tell her softly as she sets the cup down. 
She cocks her head to the side and smiles at me.

I pick up
another ball and quickly throw it before she could say anything back to me.  It
sinks into another cup right in front of her.  As she picks up the cup to drink
it, I speak again.

“I love you
because you make me laugh and you make me want to be a better man.”

I already have
another ball in my hand and throw it into the air before she even finishes the
last cup of milk.  She stares at me wide-eyed as the ball plops into the next
cup in line and she hesitates before picking it up.  I wait until the cup is by
her mouth before I continue.

“I love you
because every day you amaze me.”

A lone tear
escapes from her eye as I throw another ball right into a cup.  I’ve never
played this well in my life.  I guess it's only fitting since this is the only
game where I'm playing
for
my life.

She picks that
cup up and sniffles before taking a drink.

“I love you
because you are the best mother in the entire world.”

One more to go. 
And this was the one that counts.  I aim and watch the ball sail in an arc
toward the last cup on her side of the counter.  I hold my breath until it
drops right where it needs to go.  I walk around the counter until I'm next to
her and wait for her to finish the last cup of milk.

A surprised gasp
sounds from her when she tips the cup back and something bumps against her
lip.  As she pulls the cup away from her mouth and looks into the bottom of it,
I get down on one knee.

With shaking
hands, she reaches her fingers into the cup and pulls out the diamond ring I
have been carrying in my pocket for months.  She turns to look at me and gasps
again when she sees where I am.

“The first time
we did this, every time one of us sunk a shot we would tell each other a fact
about ourselves.  I remember you told me your favorite color was pink and that
you watched the movie ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ once a year because it made
you nostalgic for the time when Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t look like a troll.”

Claire laughs
through the tears that are now falling freely.

“This time, I
needed you to know every fact about why I love you.  I wanted to marry you the
first time I saw you again.  I wanted to get down on my knees and beg you to
never leave me.  And I should have done it.  I should never have waited this
long.  There is no one else in this world I could imagine spending my life
with.  I want to teach inappropriate things to our children with you forever. 
Claire Donna Morgan, will you please,
please
marry me and love me for
the rest of your life?”

She leans over
and throws her arms around me, holding me tight as she sobs out the one word I
have waited forever to hear from her.

“Yes!”

I pull out of
her arms long enough to take the ring from her hand and slip it on her finger. 
Our happy moment is interrupted seconds later by Gavin running into the
kitchen.

“Mom, guess
what?  I swallowed a penny!” he announces.

Claire and I
pull away from each other and turn to see all of our friends and Claire’s
father standing in the doorway wearing the shirts Drew had picked out that say,
“I played beer pong and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, knocked up, and a
fiancé”.

“Sorry, Carter,
I couldn’t resist the shirts.  And really, they’re still appropriate
considering how you proposed,” Liz says with a smile.

“Wait, I’m
sorry.  But did Gavin just say he swallowed a penny?” Claire asks, wiping the
tears off of her cheeks.

“Oh, yeah. 
Well, we
think
he swallowed a penny.  We’re not quite sure,” Drew
explains.  “He wanted some candy so Liz dumped out her purse on the floor
because she knew she had a bunch of Tic Tacs at the bottom.  He started
scooping things up and shoving them in his mouth before we saw what he was
doing.  According to him, he swallowed a penny.  But kids are liars.”

Gavin stomps his
foot. “YOU’RE A LIAR YOU BIG FAT TURKEY!”

“I am not fat. 
I’m muscular.  Get your facts straight,” Drew argues.

“Okay, can
someone please tell me if my kid really swallowed a penny?” Claire asks loudly,
putting a halt to the arguing.

“Well, I Googled
‘kids swallowing pennies’ and you’d be surprised how many hits I got,” Liz
says.  “Anyway, as long as the penny was made before 1982, he’ll be fine.”

Claire and I
stare at her for a few minutes before Claire explodes.

“What the
fuck?!”

“Awwwwww, Mom,”
Gavin scolds as he pointed at her.