Fully Automatic (Bullet) (27 page)

Brad nodded.  “Okay.  That seems fair.”

Val joined them back outside the van.  She seemed less worried than she had before but more upset.  So, Ethan had managed to put her mind at ease as far as his health
, but he’d obviously said something to make her feel bad.  Brad wasn’t completely surprised.  She said, “He doesn’t want us to take him anywhere.  He says he’s fine and just wants to go home.”

“All right.”  Brad was surprised that Val rode shotgun, but she did.  She shouldn’t have bothered, though, because she was constant
ly watching Ethan to make sure he was okay.  Zane was sitting in the back seat on his phone, and Brad imagined he was sexting one of the hot girls he’d been dragged away from, again thanks to Ethan.

When they got home, both Brad and Zane helped Ethan to their apartment.  He was walking some and his eyes were open most of the way, but he was feeling no pain.  Val opened doors for them along the way.

He and Zane continued leading Ethan and Brad said, “I’m gonna put him on the couch so we can keep an eye on him.”

Val walked beside them.  “Then I’m sleeping out here too.”

“You can have my cot.”

“No.  I’m not taking your bed.  I’ll just sleep in the chair.”

“Val, don’t be ridiculous.  The cot’s better than the chair.”

She just smiled and left the room while Brad and Zane helped Ethan lie down.  Brad pulled his friend
’s sneakers off and asked Zane to grab Ethan’s sheet out of the closet.  He asked Ethan, “You feel okay, man?”

Ethan nodded and mumbled an affirmative. 
Brad and Zane went to the kitchen and both grabbed cans of Pepsi out of the fridge.  Val walked past them into the living room and sat on the couch next to Ethan.  Brad told Zane, “I’m going to sleep out here tonight and keep an eye on him.  Anything fishy happens, I’m taking him.”

“I’ll stay out here too.  If you need my help, just say the word.”

“I just wonder when he’s going to outgrow this shit.”

Zane shrugged.
  “He might be one of those guys who never does.”

Brad didn’t know what to say.  He had to believe Ethan would get his shit together, but Zane was right.  What if he never did?  What if this was going to become a lifelong pattern?

Val came back in the kitchen and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet, pouring a glass of water.  Brad asked, “He still seem okay?”

“He said he wanted something to drink.  That’s a good sign, right?”

By the time Brad and Zane made it to the living room and set up cots, Ethan was snoring, and Val had already staked a claim on the chair.  Her arms were crossed in front of her chest as if challenging one of them to wake her up and ask her to move.  Ethan seemed to be breathing fine.  Brad did get him to roll over on his side, though.  He’d heard one too many stories of guys choking on their vomit in their sleep, and, by God, Ethan wasn’t going to die on his watch.

But he was just goddamned sick and tired of
having
to watch in the first place.

Chapter Thirty-two

BRAD WOKE UP the next morning to the sound of coffee brewing.  He sat up, feeling a little panicked and out of sorts.  He had checked on Ethan mid-morning but hadn’t awakened since.  Neither Val nor Ethan were in the living room, so he got up to see what was going on.  He grabbed his jeans off the floor beside the cot and slipped them on, followed by his t-shirt.

He rolled his neck.  He felt stiff.
  Coffee sounded perfect, but, more than that, he wanted to know how Ethan was doing.  As he walked into the kitchen, he saw Valerie but no Ethan.  “How’s he doing?”

“He said he’s okay.”

Things weren’t usually stiff between them, but it felt a little tense.  She stood in front of the cupboard and pulled down two cups, filling them up with coffee.  She grabbed the creamer and sugar and set them on the table and then set a cup of coffee for him on the table. “Thanks.”

“Everything okay with you?”
  He was about to ask the same thing, but she no doubt sensed that he was still wondering what—if anything—was going on between her and Ethan.  Still, he didn’t plan to say a word.  He simply nodded.  “You don’t seem too sure.”

“It’s cool, Val.  It is.”

She stirred her coffee.  “I just…worry about you too.  I know you’re doing a lot for all of us, and I appreciate it.”

He
forced a smile because he knew she was expecting one.  “Thanks.”  She grabbed his hand, squeezing it.  He heard the bathroom door open and she let go.  He wasn’t an idiot.  He knew exactly what that meant and why she did it.

Ethan came into the kitchen seconds later.  It looked like he’d just taken a shower. 
“Man, did I get fucked up last night.”

Yeah, and it sounded like he was proud of it.  Brad couldn’t help the
“Jesus” that rushed out of his mouth.

Val asked,
“How are you?”

He walked over to the cabinet to pull out a mug and poure
d himself some coffee.  “I told you I’m fine.  Not one-hundred percent, but I’m fine.”

“We were worried about you.  What did you take?”

“Stop, Val.  Christ.  You’re not my mom.”

Brad saw that Ethan’s words bit her.  She sucked in a quick breath
, and her eyes flashed with anger.  When she looked at Brad, he studied her.  Surely she remembered the conversation they’d had over the summer.  As much as he wished he could bitch slap Ethan into thinking about his health and his future, he couldn’t.  Stupid or not, Ethan was living his life and was doing exactly what he wanted to do.  Until he decided to change, nothing any of them did or said would make a difference.

He couldn’t take it right now.  Whether or not there was anything between his two friends, he felt like
he didn’t belong there at that moment.  So he got up and used the excuse that he needed to take a shower.  Really, he just needed some serious time alone.

* * *

Brad was glad to see Ethan was lucid for the show that night.  He hoped maybe Ethan would stop partying so hard and try to enjoy the performance.

But Val was trying something new that night.  He had no idea what had inspired it, but she was singing differently.  She was doing some breathy hot thing with her voice, and he was pissed because it was a turn on.

He found out later that he wasn’t the only one who thought her vocal antics were sexy as hell.  They were in the van on the way back to the apartment and Nick said, “What the hell was that you were doing with your voice tonight, Val?  Holy shit.”

Zane
added, “Yeah.  That was some cool shit.”

Yeah, Brad liked it too but he didn’t want her doing it all the time.
  “It
was
.  But just make sure the audience can hear you.”

Zane
disagreed.  “They could.”

“Was I too quiet?”

He had to explain.  “Maybe a little too breathy.”  He couldn’t tell her it would be hard for him to listen to it, and not because he wouldn’t be able to hear it.  It wasn’t bad, though, and he knew he wasn’t coming from the right place.  “But I liked it.  It needs a little work, but keep doing it.”

It had be
en a long week and Brad just wanted some rest.  One of the bands they played with gave them a twelve-pack of beer, and they planned to drink a few while watching movies in the living room.  Instead of watching movies, though, they talked about the concert.  Brad was glad his bandmates could feel it too—something was changing with them, changing for the better, and they were growing and improving every time they got onstage.  It was like hyper practice, and Brad was starting to believe that there was nothing better for their skills than playing live.  He was convinced of it, because they’d never grown like this before, not when they were practicing in his mom’s garage.

He’d had enough beer to relax after being keyed up.  It was his night in the bedroom and he was grateful.  The cots weren’t bad, but they made him appreciate the feel of a real bed.  Even the couch couldn’t compare.  What was funny was Brad knew the bed had seen better days.  But it didn’t matter.

He was having a hard time drifting off.  Sleep was elusive, and he was sure it was because the progress Fully Automatic was making helped him hope for the future.  He could almost feel it.

He rolled to his other side, trying to clear his thoughts…

And then he heard it.

The unmistakable sounds of a woman having an orgasm.

Not just
a
woman.

Val.

Oh, God, no.  His worst fears confirmed and in what a shitty way.  His mind was struggling with it, trying to help him find a way to deny it.  Maybe she was masturbating, right? 
That
would be hot.

But he knew.  It was something he’d known in the back of his mind for a while.  He knew it was Ethan with Valerie
, and he was trying not to imagine them fucking.  It was hard, though, as her cries lingered, and he squeezed his eyes tighter, bending the pillow to cover his exposed ear, trying to block out her sounds of passion, trying not to hate the man who was a brother to him.

Now there was no question as to if Valerie was a virgin anymore.  If Ethan hadn’t been diving deeper into some heavy shit, Brad might be okay with it.

All right.  Not completely.  But Brad did want Val to be happy.  He could at least learn to live with it.

And, as though the universe wanted to make sure he wasn’t in denial, he heard them talking after.  They weren’t loud, but he could tell it was Ethan and Val.  There was no question.  He considered covering his ears with his pillow
again, but then they were quiet.  And if the adrenaline would leave his body, he could try to go to sleep.

But, moments later, she started orgasming again.  Jesus Christ.

If he’d thought sleep was difficult to attain before, he’d had no idea.  And, suddenly, the bed just didn’t feel as comfortable anymore.

* * *

The next morning, Brad poured water into the coffee pot, trying to force himself awake.  He’d hardly slept the night before.  His stomach had been in a knot.  He wasn’t even sure how he’d managed to fall asleep, but he was grateful that they’d grown quiet after the second time.

He stretched and turned around, leaning against the counter, and he saw three guys sleeping in the living room instead of two.  What the fuck was Ethan doing sleeping out here?  Had Val kicked his ass out
afterward?

No…that didn’t seem like something she’d do.  More likely
, Ethan had felt uncomfortable and selfish (nothing new) and left her room.  Fucked her and left her.  Brad nodded, gritting his teeth again and pouring a cup of coffee before heading into the shower.  He had a song brewing inside him he’d have to write, a song no one but himself would ever see.

Since he didn’t have to work that day, he started writing his song in the bedroom on his acoustic guitar.  He heard Val leave for work, and he felt relieved that he hadn’t had to look her in the eyes.  He couldn’t right now—just couldn’t.  She’d be able to tell and, i
f she was happy, he didn’t want to ruin it for her.

He wanted her to be happy.  He was going to do his best to make sure she was.

So, later that afternoon, he just couldn’t help himself.  Ethan had treated Val like shit in the past, and by God, it wasn’t going to happen again.  If he’d deflowered the girl, then he was going to treat her like his girlfriend and not just another whore.  If Brad had had the money, he would have just joined a gym and pumped iron until he couldn’t move or beaten a bag until he fell down.  But he couldn’t.  All he had was his guitar and his mind.  And so he spent the entire morning thinking…thinking about how he was going to say to Ethan what he had to say.

He did get out of the house
to take a walk to clear his mind and, when he got back, decided to talk to Ethan soon.  If nothing else, maybe he could talk some sense into his self-destructive friend.  When he got back, Ethan was sitting on the chair in the living room.  He’d been up for a while by the looks of it.  Nick was back in the bedroom pounding on the drums, and Zane was in the kitchen eating breakfast.  Ethan was dressed but he didn’t seem fully alert.  Brad stopped in front of his friend.  “Hey, man…let me know when you’re awake.  We need to talk.”

Ethan looked up, squinting one of his eyes as though Brad were the sun.  His mouth curled on one side, but Brad couldn’t read him.  “Say
what you gotta say now.  I
am
awake.”

Brad inhaled.  Yeah, his thoughts were organized enough.  He nodded
, took a slow breath, and swallowed.  “What’s goin’ on with you and Val?”

Ethan let out a breath and shook his head.  “I knew it.  I
knew
I should’ve talked to you first.  Val said there was nothing going on between you two.”

That almost winded him. 
Nothing?
  There was
nothing
between them?  He wasn’t sure how the hell to respond to that.  Val was a liar if she’d said there was nothing…there was definitely
something
, even though they’d both chosen to sublimate it.  But Brad also knew his friend Ethan a little too well and suspected his friend might be exaggerating what Valerie said.  Maybe Valerie had told him their agreement…that stupid hands-off policy Brad himself had put into place, and Ethan had simplified it.  Yeah…that sounded right.  Val had always seemed open and honest with Brad, so he could believe that a little better.  Either that or she was fooling herself.  That too was a possibility.  So he took another breath before answering his friend.  “For the good of the band, we decided not to go there.  You knew that.”

Ethan shrugged.  “I know that’s what you told her dad.”

Brad kept his voice level even though he could feel anger starting to simmer in his chest.  “I meant it.”  He took another deep breath.  “But you didn’t answer my question.  You and Val…”

Ethan raised an eyebrow.  “What about it?”  He let out a breath and closed his eyes.  “Yeah, okay.  So…we’re kinda together.”

“What do you mean
kinda
?  Either you are or you aren’t.  I’m sure Val doesn’t feel so half-hearted about it.”

“Exactly how would
you
know that, Bradley?”

Brad sucked in another deep breath, trying to keep calm.  Ethan usually called him
Bradley
when he wanted to poke at him, and he knew this was one of those times.  Ethan was implying that, just because Brad had never made love to Valerie, he didn’t know what she wanted…but Brad suspected he knew more about what Val wanted and needed than his drugged-out friend did.  He thought he might know a lot more about the way Val thought than maybe even she did.  “Ask her yourself if you don’t believe me.”  Ethan rolled his eyes.  Brad decided to try a different approach and sat on the sofa so he was seated diagonally next to Ethan.  “She really cares about you, man.”  Why, he couldn’t understand.  “Try to be good to her.”

He
saw Ethan bristle.  “I have been.”  His eyelids lowered.

“Then be
better
.”  Ethan looked up at him again.  “Quit takin’ the shit.  She worries about that.”

Ethan’s voice was low.  “She’s not my mom.  Neither are you.  I didn’t ask what she wanted.
  I didn’t ask for her to want me.”

“Doesn’t matter.
  You’re committed now.  You have more than just yourself to think about.”

Ethan stood.  Yeah…Brad was getting under his skin. 
Good
.  Maybe that was what he needed to wake up.  “I didn’t ask to watch out for someone else.  She’s a big girl.  She makes her own decisions.”

“Jesus, man. 
Think
about what you’re saying.”  He stood up.  Ethan seemed to think he could intimidate Brad by hovering over him, but Brad was taller.  He didn’t even need to puff his chest out like Ethan.  He just stood up.

“I have.  She knows me.  She knows what I’m like.  I’ve never hidden that from her.  She takes me as I am or not.  I don’t give a shit.”