FullDisclosure (8 page)

“I see.” To Denise, who was still standing in the doorway, her hand attached to the knob and her eyes trained on Jake’s ass, Evan said, “That’s fine, Denise. You can head home if you like.”

“Oh. Oh. All right. Thank you.” And at last, with a smile and a nod for Jake, she left, pulling the door closed behind her.

Jake was grinning as he plunked the box down by the door and took a moment to lock it. “I guess she saw something she liked.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“That’s a nice way to greet an old fuck buddy.”

Already exhausted, Evan dropped into his chair. “You were never that, Jake, and you know it.”

“Well I thought I did, but lately I’m not so sure.”

“Trust me. You weren’t. But for as much as I cared for you—and still do—you shouldn’t have come here. You know how I feel about that.”

Jake placed his hands on the desk and leaned in toward Evan, close enough that Evan got a whiff of his cologne. “Again, I thought I knew how you felt about a lot of things, but after talking to Sadie I don’t know what to think.”

Evan wilted a little more. “Sadie. So you did talk to her. How is she?”

“Not that you actually seem to care, but she’s much better now, thanks. Now that I’ve taken her in and started to…I don’t know. To rebuild her. She’s so weak, Evan. So used up and in need of help. She was your friend once! I don’t know how you could have turned your back on that!”

Evan rose from his seat, stared at him. “Pardon? Taken her in? What does that mean?”

“Just what it sounds like. I took her home with me, fed her and gave her a decent bed to sleep in. She’s been living in virtual poverty since she got out. She’s thin as a rail. But you saw that at the restaurant. And it meant nothing to you.”

Evan turned away, his gaze focused on the city below his window. “Actually, I didn’t notice. I saw her and I froze. All I could see was her face.” And he could still see it. Those delicate, elflike features with the big brown eyes. Brown eyes with gold flecks that might have been fairy dust. He’d always been captivated by her eyes—and that had always frightened him.

“You almost say that like you care.”

Evan whirled on him. “I do care! God damn it, Jake. Regardless of how it looks and what you apparently think of me, I do care. I always have. I care deeply.”

“Then why didn’t you
do
anything when she came to you? And why did you brush her off so casually yesterday? It makes no sense.”

Evan couldn’t speak, he had no idea what to say. How much to share, or even whether he should.

“Just like your sudden rejection of me makes no sense.”

The tone in Jake’s voice cut him. He’d never wanted to hurt Jake—or anyone. “I have my reasons, Jake. They’re important and they’re valid. You have to believe me.”

“Fuck. I don’t believe this.”

“I can help financially,” offered Evan out of desperation. “Eventually I could do more, but for right now—that will have to be enough.”

“I don’t need your money,” he said it softly. “But she does. And I feel like you owe her, and I don’t feel I have the right to refuse—so I’m going to agree. I just don’t know how much yet. I don’t know enough about her situation to say.”

“Okay.” Evan sat down again. “Well, when you do know—”

“You need to see her. Or rather she needs to see you. That’s what you really owe her, Evan. That’s what would mean something.”

Evan felt himself weakening. He did want to see her—desperately. “I don’t know.”

“Tonight. I’m taking her out for a nice dinner at Elanzo’s. You should come.”

Elanzo’s. He and Jake had been there before. It was a tiny Italian place, complete with checkered tablecloths, wine-bottle candleholders and a violinist in the corner. It was categorically cliché and therefore not popular with any of Evan’s colleagues or cohorts. It would have been perfect, but…

“I can’t.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Evan! What is wrong with you? You can’t take an hour out of your busy schedule to—”

“I’m
busy
, all right?”

“With what? A date?”

“I’m seeing a movie.” The rest slipped out before he could stop it. “With my daughter.”

Jake felt as if he’d been sucker punched. Those words knocked the wind clean out of him. “What? What did you say?”

Evan’s expression was pained. “Damn it. I didn’t intend to tell you like this.”

Jake sank down into the soft leather of Evan’s couch. “No. I can see that.” He shook his head to clear it. “Seems to me you didn’t intend to tell me at all.”

Evan didn’t deny it. He just sat there looking torn and tortured, every blink of those big blue eyes tearing a tiny strip off Jake’s heart.

“Who’s her mother, Evan? Why have you never mentioned her before?”

“I didn’t mention her when you and I first met because
I
didn’t even know she existed. I only found out about her about eight months ago.” He held up a hand. “And I didn’t mention her then because I had no idea what to think myself. There was so much baggage that came along with that information, it took me a long time to process it. And then I had no idea how it would go, or what would happen, once we did meet. It was all so uncertain, Jake.” Evan clasped his hands together on the blotter in front of him. “And then when I did meet her, got to know her, that sealed it. She can never know about you, let alone meet you. So what was the point in even mentioning her?”

“I don’t get it. Why can’t she know about me?” But then he rethought that question. “Hang on. Why don’t you start at the beginning. Who is her mother, for starters? And why didn’t you know about her until a few months ago?”

“Her mother is Melissa Martin and I met her way back in my early twenties. You remember that story I told you about the former owner of this company? The man who seduced and abused me and put me off men for years?”

Jake nodded. “Of course.” How could he forget? The scars on Evan’s back were vivid and constant reminders of the pain he’d endured at the hands of that sadist.

“I’m afraid I wasn’t his only victim. Melissa got sucked in as well. Only she was even more vulnerable than I was. She’d come from a rural community, run away from home to find her way in the big city. And that was what she got for taking that risk.”

Before Jake could ask the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue, Evan answered it for him. “We got to know each other because he…played with us together one night. After that we slept together a few times, sought comfort in each other’s arms. But we did so unbeknownst to our
master
. And when he found out about it he was furious. He beat Melissa pretty badly, and after that she disappeared. I never knew what happened to her. I just always hoped she went back home and found some comfort there. But it turns out she went even further than that. She was so horrified by what had happened that she fled to the other side of the country and joined a religious…commune of sorts. She’s spent the last twenty-six years repenting for her sins and living in isolation in northern British Columbia. And that’s where she raised our daughter. Rachel.”

“So you had no idea she was even pregnant.”

“No. None. I guess I was naïve, considering we were idiots and didn’t use protection, but I had no reason to worry about it. She was gone.”

“And then suddenly you heard from her?”

“Yes. Rachel had finally worn her down. She wanted to know her father, and rightly so. But Melissa was—and is—terrified that her daughter will find out how she was conceived and what we were involved in.”

“Rachel wouldn’t understand?”

“Melissa doesn’t believe she would.” Evan leaned forward, his expression earnest. “Her religion is all she’s ever known, Jake. She’s lived it and breathed it since she was a baby. And in her world homosexuality and anything sexual that deviates from the missionary position in a committed marital relationship is a sin.” He shook his head sadly. “You should’ve seen her when she first met my neighbors.”

“Mike and Andrew? They’re great guys!”

“And they hold hands on the elevator. She’s disgusted by it.”

Jake blinked in disbelief. “I guess I’m the naïve one. I had hoped that kind of attitude had died out with the dinosaurs. At least among the more…civilized set.”

“I’m afraid not. It’s alive and well—and living in my condo.” He stood, turned to the window and said more to himself than Jake, “She’s a good person. She is. Really. She just doesn’t know any better.”

“Oh Evan. I’m sorry.”

Obviously restless, he sat down again. “I’m stuck, Jake. Can’t you see? I love my daughter. Or at least I want to. I
need
to know her, to find out who she is and if we can take a stab at being family. But in order to do that I can’t let her see the real me.” He dropped his face in his hands. “Don’t think the irony of that is lost on me. It isn’t.”

Jake could feel Evan’s anguish, and suddenly he regretted all his harsh words—and harsh judgments. He crossed to his friend and laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’re making the best of an impossible situation. I understand completely. I just wish…”

Evan stood, faced him. He was so close. “Go on. You just wish what?”

“I wish you had told me sooner. I could have been there for you. That’s what friends are for.”

“I know, Jake.” He cupped the back of Jake’s head, the gesture both intimate and possessive. “I know you are. The problem is, you’re more than a friend. So much more.”

Jake met his gaze, held captive by what he saw there. “I don’t understand. Why is that a problem?”

“Because I can’t hide how I feel. I can’t be around you without wanting to do this.” He kissed him then, drew Jake’s lips to his and kissed him. It wasn’t a sensual kiss, or even a tender one. It was hard and deep and left no question as to the level of desire that Evan felt. When he drew away he left Jake breathless and wanting. “I’ve missed you, Jake. I’ve missed you more than I can say. But I thought that by being with you I was sabotaging my relationship with Rachel. I can’t have both, so why bother even trying?”

Jake ran his hands across Evan’s chest, getting a sense of the rippling muscles and the beating heart beneath. “Well, I’m here now, Evan. For this moment at least we’re together—and we’re alone. What you do with me is up to you.”

Evan’s hands cruised over Jake’s chest as well, and they were trembling. Or perhaps it was Jake’s own flesh that was vibrating with need.

“Don’t tempt me.” Evan’s lips passed across Jake’s again, this time with only the barest touch, merely a hint of promise. His hand fisted against the small of Jake’s back in a harsh embrace—an embrace that drew them together and allowed Jake to feel the full extent of Evan’s temptation.

“But I’m so good at it.”

“Yes.” Evan’s hands ran up and down his back, his breath came in short bursts. “Yes, you are.”

Jake’s teeth closed on Evan’s throat and there was a groan of pleasured response. “But I shouldn’t,” he breathed as Jake’s lips cruised farther down his throat to nibble on his collarbone. “I’m supposed to be meeting Rachel in less than an hour.”

Jake caught his chin in his hand. “Then we’ll be quick. Please, Evan. It’s been too long.” He hated the sound of his own begging, but he thought he’d explode if he didn’t find some relief.

“All right.” The suit jacket was already on the floor. “Very quick.”

They didn’t even bother removing their shirts. Evan’s hung open as he worked frantically at the belt and button of Jake’s Dockers and then his own silk blend trousers.

When Evan’s hand found Jake’s cock, Jake’s legs almost buckled beneath him, but there was no time for prelude or for the sweet sensation of Evan’s lips on his rod. No doubt spurred on by a feeling of lack of control in his life at that moment, Evan took full control of their lovemaking, and although it wasn’t typical of their rhythm, Jake was happy to give him that power.

Reaching for the tube he had stashed in the second drawer of his desk more than a year ago, Evan bent him over the desk and explored Jake’s ass with a lubricated finger. Jake was ready, eager, and let him know it. A moment later the tip of Evan’s bare cock was pressed against the sensitive ring of flesh. They had forgone condoms several months ago after getting tested and swearing to use them in any external liaisons. Not that there had been any. There had been no need.

“Do you want me?” Evan’s voice was little more than a growl.

“I want you to fuck—” The last word was lost on a groan of pleasure as Evan thrust himself deep. Jake felt Evan’s hands on his shoulders, the touch strong yet strangely sensual as Evan pounded himself into Jake over and over and both men grew damp with sweat. At last one of Evan’s hands found its way around to hold Jake’s cock once again, stroking it firmly in sync with his thrusts.

Jake’s climax came quickly and hard, pumping Jake’s cum into the handful of tissue that he’d managed to grab in preparation. The contractions of his body brought Evan to his own climax and they finally collapsed, spent and exhausted on the leather couch by the desk.

Jake lavished a long, slow kiss on his lover’s lips, kept his hand on Evan’s chest where his heartbeat was the strongest. “That was too quick. I didn’t get to savor anything.”