Full Disclosure (43 page)

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Thought you might.”

“If we ever get married, what kind of wedding do you want?”

“You aren't going to like my answer. I'd elope or the equivalent.”

“Really? You wouldn't want your friends, Kate and Lisa and Vicky, at your wedding?”

“If it was my choice, I wouldn't have a wedding, just a visit to the church and the minister without invitations announcing the event.”

He blinked. “This is more than just not wanting to be the center of attention.”

“I don't like ceremonies. I know it says something awful about me. Weddings. Funerals. Graduations. I don't like attending them, and I dislike even more being part of one. Birthdays are kind of okay. I know that is unrealistic, but a wedding is not something I will anticipate. All that goes into making the event happen is all stress and no upside. I won't enjoy the ceremony. So whatever the plan is, my best hope is simply to survive it.”

“Why?”

“If I could answer that, I would. I don't know. I just get sicker than a dog and will take any out I'm offered not to be there. Vicky asked me to rescue a friend of hers in a domestic dispute, and I about kissed her for giving me an excuse to not stay at her wedding. It's not rational, or explainable, it just is. On the bright side, at least you'll know I really want to marry you if I'm willing to go through with a wedding.” She pushed her hand through her hair. “I know it's not realistic. It's your wedding too. You need a wedding your family attends, wedding pictures you have on your desk, and all the rest of it.”

“Ann, it's our wedding. It can be anything we want it to be. I'm looking at the marriage. If I have to compromise completely on how I get there, it's part of the deal. Marie had a very private
wedding. Immediate family only. Dad gave her away. They invited friends to a party a month after they returned from their honeymoon. My family will survive whatever we decide. Do you want the wedding dress and the cake?”

“I like cake.”

“You want to be married—you just don't want to get married.”

“I could sign the piece of paper. Everything else gets a little shaky.”

“Would you wear my ring?”

“If you wear mine. And I don't want a stone—a nice gold band is good.”

“What about an engagement ring?”

“Please, no.”

“Would you take my name?”

“Yes.”

“Where do you want to go for a honeymoon?”

“Anywhere there isn't a bunch of people. I want a long honeymoon, not rushed, and not somewhere I'm expected to go, like sand, or water, or snow. Home sounds nice.”

He started to smile. “In your world, a marriage is supposed to reduce stress, not add to it.”

“You're beginning to think like me.”

“We're not twenty, Ann. If you want a very simple private wedding and a long honeymoon somewhere no one can find us, I can figure out how to make that happen. I'd like a good marriage. I'd like a wife to survive the experience. And I can accommodate a whole lot to get those things.”

“You're doing all the giving. You'll regret it one day.”

“Will I? Ann, I haven't moved at all. You're the one moving from the unthinkable toward being able to say yes.”

She paled, then blushed.

He smiled. “You are so endearing when you blush.”

“We should finish this another day when I remember what I should have asked.”

“Okay. Go find a book and read for a while.”

“Paul, I have to say this. You're making a mistake thinking about marrying me.”

“How much of that is simply scared, and how much of that is something I should know that I don't?”

“You're optimistic this can work. I'm terrified it won't.”

“One of us will be right. Is there anything else you need to tell me, Ann? Anything that bothers you that you wish had been dealt with?”

“You know me better than anyone alive. You're just optimistic I'm easier to live with than I really am.”

“I'm optimistic that you love well. You say yes, I won't have to worry about your very best effort to work on making it a good, strong marriage. Ann, we've got Lovely on our side. What else do we need?”

“Ask me that again later, please. I'm going to go read a book now.”

“A very good idea. Have a good night, Ann. I'll call you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Paul.”

“Ann?”

She paused before she dropped the link. “Yeah, Falcon?”

“I love you.”

Her smile that started before she clicked the link off was beautiful to see. Paul saved the video and printed that last image.

Paul chose a favorite shirt and a sport coat he was comfortable with. He'd go as the FBI agent he was, with no pretense one way or another. He would be at her home by midday. He had given her five days to consider what they had discussed. It was time. There was no benefit to waiting even a few more days.

He picked up the present he had bought for Black, and a book about stars he had spent some time finding for Ann. However
this day turned out, it would mark the best few months of his life. He had met Ann Silver. And his life was richer than it had ever been before.

He just hoped he handled this day as well as he possibly could. She knew he was coming. He hadn't said, she hadn't asked, but she knew. He'd arrive, and he would ask her, and both their lives would be forever changed.

He chose to ask her on the back patio where he had first kissed her, where the sun warmed the day and the breeze rippled her hair, where flowers burst with color and birds sang, and Black roamed, hunting for small animals he could chase. This was her home, and this was where he had come to know her.

She was beautiful, and so very scared. He wrapped his arms around her in a comfortable hug. “I love you, Ann Silver.”

“I wish you wouldn't ask.”

“I know. You would rather have things stay the same. It's safer. Do you need more time? Are there things about me you don't know, that you wish you knew?”

“I know you. I just don't want you to ask me to make the decision. Because I haven't made it. And I don't know what that answer is going to be if you require me to make it today. I don't know why.”

“I think I do. You trust God to always love you. You don't trust me to always love you.” He rested his head against hers. “You want to trust me. You want to be confident that I'll always love you. But you are afraid there will be a day it will change. You are afraid there will be a day I won't love you anymore. And you are afraid of the risk. You wouldn't survive the pain if that day came. You're afraid that the love won't last.”

She didn't say anything.

“How did I do?”

“Probably got me right.”

“I can't take away that fear you feel. I can tell you two things you can count on. I value God's opinion of me and my relationship with Him. It matters to Him that I love you and that I keep loving you as the years go by. He's even said how He handles my prayers will be directly tied to how I treat you. I'm not taking this lightly. I will love you the best I know how for as long as I live. I'm never going to divorce you. I will put what you need ahead of what my family needs. I will put what you need ahead of what my job needs. I won't let you have second place.”

“I just don't understand—why me?” she whispered. “You don't get a family of your own. You don't get someone comfortable with the social demands of the Falcon family. You don't even get much help with your family.”

“I get someone who loves God. I get a wonderfully deep, imaginative thinker and reader and writer. I get someone who keeps a quiet life, who values friends, who can fly a plane and talk business with ease. Who can work a murder. How many husbands get that?” He smiled.

He continued, “I get someone who takes relationships seriously but doesn't take life too seriously. When you say I love you, I don't worry about it ever ending. You give your heart when you say I love you. I get a good wife, something very rare and hard to find. I get you, Ann.”

“What happens if I say no?”

“I survive. So do you.” He rubbed her arms. “If that's the decision you make, we will both survive it. We've given this the best we have, and if the decision is no, I'll accept it. You aren't going to lose a friend. You're too important to me. If I can't have you as my wife, I'm keeping you as my best friend.”

“Ask. Then give me a day. No, two days.”

He settled his arms more comfortably around her. “Ann, I know your secrets and who you are and the things that matter to you. I have the blessing of your friends who know you best. I
don't make this decision lightly or without thought and prayer. I love you. I know you, and I love you. Ann Silver, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” He lifted her chin to see her face and wiped her eyes, and very softly kissed her. “You have two days to decide.”

S
he went flying. She left at dawn, soaring into the cool morning air as the sunrise began to lighten the sky. The clouds, puffy and drifting, floated across in front of her as she headed north. “It's a beautiful morning, Lovely.”

She didn't need to ask for His advice. She already had it. She knew Paul, had met him, knew his heart, and how he handled stress and joy. Lovely had helped her see who he was and what was before her to decide.

And Lovely was leaving the decision to be hers.

Her emotions quivered at the choice, the fear that something would go wrong. She was the weak link in this decision. She didn't know if she could be the wife he needed. Her heart would break if she failed at this, her life would never recover, and she'd be taking a good man down with her, one who had a large extended family depending on him. She'd ruin the best thing that had ever entered her life if she got this wrong.

He loved her. He wanted to marry her. He was offering her a priceless gift. She wanted that lifetime connection to someone who knew her secrets and loved her. And she was scared to reach for it.

She went back in her mind to the first time she had met him and let herself remember the conversations, the risks she had
taken with him, and the man she had found him to be.
Paul is a good man.
The kind of man who will make my future so much better than my present.

He'd love her, and keep loving her, even when life got hard. She could trust him to be what she needed. But she wasn't sure she could be what he needed.

She went to see Kate. She arrived at the Chicago Police Department headquarters shortly after noon. Kate's office was empty. Ann found her assistant. “Is Kate in the building or out in the field?”

“She's in the building somewhere. Want me to find her for you?”

“I don't mind the wait. She'll be back eventually.”

Ann stretched out on Kate's couch and out of habit closed her eyes for a catnap. Within minutes she could feel herself drifting to sleep.

“Hey, sleepy girl.”

Ann opened her eyes just enough to see Kate. “I can nap awhile longer if you've got something to do.”

“I'm taking the excuse to not do something for the next half hour.” Kate held out the second mug. “Hot chocolate. Thank Tabitha. She had it waiting for me as I passed her desk.”

Ann sat up and accepted the mug. Chocolate helped. “Paul asked me to marry him.”

Kate grinned. “And you got on a plane to come nap on my couch.”

“It seemed like the thing to do.”

“What did you say?”

“That I would tell him tomorrow.”

“Want a girls' night out? We can pick up Rachel and be with Lisa and Vicky by evening.”

She thought about it and then accepted reality. “Not if I'm the pilot. I haven't had enough sleep to want to be responsible for passengers.”

“Dave can fly us out. He owes me.”

“Then a girls' night out sounds nice. I need courage. I'll borrow it.”

Kate softly laughed. “Since Lisa had to talk me into saying yes to Dave's proposal, I'm in your corner on this one.”

Paul's kitchen was crowded with his three brothers occupying the territory. He still felt like pacing, but there wasn't room. The nice thing about family was a wait didn't happen alone. Harper took the offered soda. “You asked her to marry you.”

“Yes.”

“What did she say?”

“She hasn't answered me yet.”

Boone leaned against the counter, nursing his own soda. “You didn't mess up the asking? Didn't forget the ring, or forget the love-you part?”

“She didn't want an engagement ring, and I got the love-you part just right.”

Joseph raised an eyebrow. “Something else going on?”

“She's so scared to death the marriage will fail she's not willing to make the decision.”

“What are you going to do if she says no?”

Paul had been weighing that every hour of this wait. “Give her time, ask her again.”

Joseph laughed. “She doesn't have a chance—she just doesn't know it yet.”

Harper tipped his soda toward Joseph. “I'll start the pool for how many times he has to ask before he gets a yes. Five bucks a number? Winner buys the wedding gift?”

“I'm in.”

Paul smiled.

Boone slung his arm around Paul's shoulder and pushed him toward the elevator. “Come on, big brother. We're going to go play ball and take your mind off it.”

“She might call.”

“She's with Vicky. For your sake, she's in the best place she could be. If four married friends can't get her off the indecision, you've got a definite challenge on your hands. Dave flew them out and stayed. He'll call if Ann wants to find you.”

Vicky hosted the ladies' night, and the five of them ended up in her living room with carryout Chinese.

Ann finished an egg roll. “Why is marriage worth it?” she asked, then immediately felt herself blush.

Lisa laughed, shook her head, then turned serious. “Belonging. I'm Quinn's and he's mine. I like spending my days and nights with him, and he likes spending his with me.”

“With Cole it's the hug after a very long day. He makes life better,” Rachel offered.

“Boone excels at easing that knot that shows up at the base of my neck,” Vicky agreed.

“Laughter. Love. Holly,” Kate replied.

Ann shared an amused smile with Kate. She set aside her plate and settled deeper into the couch. She pulled over a pillow.

“We know Paul. He's a good man, Ann,” Vicky offered.

“I know that. I don't know why I can't decide. I don't know why I'm waiting. I know him. I know myself. We've talked about every subject I can think of that will matter to a good marriage. And still I can't settle on what is the right decision.”

“Do you trust him with your secrets?”

“Yes.”

“There's friendship. Is there chemistry?”

“Good chemistry. My heart does this flutter flop and a smile takes over anytime he's around.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes. I wasn't sure, but I am now. I love him.” They waited for her to find the words. “We match at the core. Same intensity of beliefs. Same values. Same work ethic. Same respect for marriage being forever. And he asked me, and I froze. I just froze.”

“Can you see yourself as married?”

“No.”

“Maybe you're asking yourself the wrong question. Marriage is not better than single. It's just different. The right question is, do you want to spend your life with Paul?”

“The idea of saying I do makes me freeze. Maybe he asked the question before I was ready for it. But I'm afraid I'm hesitating because I know the answer should be no, and I don't want to disappoint him.”

“Ann, you're deliberate. So is Paul. He's been thinking about getting married for a long time, and you just started to seriously consider it. You might simply need more time. There's no reason not to take more time. If you and Paul are a good fit, it's not going to change if you get married this year or next year. You've got fifty years ahead of you. Take more time.”

“And if he decides he doesn't want to wait?”

“If he's too impatient to wait for you, he's an idiot. Take the time if you want more time.”

“I don't know what more time will change.”

“You're waiting for someone to promise you it will work out. No one can.”

“I've got cold feet.”

“I'd say you've got ice blocks.”

Vicky passed over the plate of brownies.

“It's sad that I'm this indecisive.”

“Ann, you might never be comfortable saying I do. You might just have to take a deep breath and do what you want, regardless of how you feel about the decision.”

“Close my eyes and jump.”

“Paul is willing to catch you. He's a good man. You can trust our opinion on that as well as your own.”

Paul heard the elevator chime, glanced at the security board, and saw Boone had keyed in to come up. He poured an extra
cup of coffee and walked through to meet him. He was heading to Ann's within the hour and having Boone to make the drive with him was going to help.

The elevator opened.

Ann was standing there. She held up Boone's key. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

He set the coffee on the side table and wiped his hands on his slacks. “Sorry, you surprised me. Come in, Ann.”

She caught his sleeve as she walked past him and tugged him to come along. She headed toward his den. She pointed him toward his favorite chair and perched herself on the arm of the couch. “You know why I have friends?”

He smiled. She looked punchy tired. “To keep you up all hours of the night?”

“With four friends to tell me stories about being married? It was like an adult slumber party without the slumber. They like to hold up a mirror and tell you what you already know.”

“And what do you know?”

“I'm scared. And somewhere along the way I fell deeply in love with you. They pretty much concurred I should take a deep breath and do what I want.”

“And?”

She looked at the clock. “I've still got eight hours. You owe me a movie. And I need a nap. And I've got a couple more questions for you. So I'm taking a nap on your couch, then you can take me to a late lunch at Falcons and find us a movie. Somewhere along the way I'll make a decision.”

He smiled. “I can handle all of that. I'll leave you to get a nap and give Jackie a call so she can set aside a quiet table for us.”

“I want to try whatever is her latest favorite creation. And have some more of that apple cobbler.”

“Have a preference on the movie?”

“Funny would be nice.”