Full Court Press (27 page)

Beck reached out toward her. “Lily, please—”

“No! I hate you! You visit once a week! Today is not the right day! You ruined it. The schedule. You ruined everything,” she hissed.

Beck pulled his arm back. Carmondy could tell that he was hurt but was fighting to keep his emotions under control.

The doctor stepped forward. “She doesn’t know what she’s saying. You know she can’t control her emotions. She doesn’t understand what she feels.”

“I know,” Beck said, but he still looked pained. “I know. I just...what happened exactly?”

“We wanted to try a new med. It needs to be given four times a day not three, and it looked different, that’s all.”

Beck pushed his hands through his hair, the motion looking very similar to his sister’s. “But her schedule, you know that she has to stay on schedule.”

“We had to take the risk, Mr. Nicholson. The side effects of the other medication...”

Beck nodded. “Ok...I get it. What now? What’s the next step?” he asked, glancing at the girl, who was now starting to look drowsy.

“Let’s go to my office to talk.” The doctor moved toward the door and Beck followed with one last look back at his sister.

Carmondy waited for few minutes before she left the viewing room. She peeked out into the hallway before hurrying to the stairwell and back down to the waiting room, where she quickly sat down.

She couldn’t believe what she had just seen, nor that she had actually sat there and watched the whole thing. It was wrong of her, but yet...she couldn’t have left if she’d wanted to. Her curiosity had won over and she found herself running the scene over and over in her mind.

Half an hour passed. She was starting to get tired so she curled her legs up under her in the chair and closed her eyes. Instead of feeling guilty, she started to imagine how Beck must feel. How did he handle this? One minute the girl was clinging to him, the next she was saying how he hurt her and she hated him. She suddenly wasn’t surprised at Beck’s demeanor. It wasn’t that he didn’t have emotions. He just went through such an emotional roller coaster with his sister that it was understandable how it was hard for him to open up to anyone.

She must have fallen asleep in the chair because the next thing she remembered was being settled into the passenger seat of her Jeep. Her eyes opened to find Beck leaning over and buckling her seat belt before pulling his jacket over her.

She could see the strain in his face. He was definitely holding back some emotions, and the pain on his face made her want to cry.

“Beck.”

“Just go back to sleep,” he said curtly before shutting the door on her and climbing in the other side.

Carmondy turned in her seat to look at him while he silently pulled out of the parking lot. She wanted to say something but she didn’t know what to say. She stayed silent for about fifteen minutes until she couldn’t help herself anymore. Maybe if she hadn’t watched she’d have something to say, but since she knew exactly what had happened...

“Beck...is everything okay?”

He didn’t answer, which wasn’t a big surprise. His hands were so tight on the steering wheel that his knuckles were white, and Car was afraid he shouldn’t be driving.

“Beck, would you mind if I drive instead?”

Beck hesitated only a moment before he hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. He sat in the seat for a moment, taking a couple deep breaths before he got out of the car.

Carmondy slid across to sit in the driver’s seat.

She waited until Beck was settled to put the car into gear and take off.

“Did you want to talk or anything?” she offered anxiously. “Because if you—”

“Carmondy. Can you please not talk?” he said tightly.

She gulped and kept her eyes on the road. “I’m sorry.”

“Just...I’m tired, okay? It’s late and we still have a ways to drive. So just...be quiet.”

She nodded and tried to be understanding. He was emotionally drained, and she knew he just needed a little space.

A while later, Carmondy finally pulled into town. She glanced at Beck. He hadn’t said anything since he had told her to be quiet but she could tell he was stressed.

“Beck?” she said quietly.

He turned to face her without saying anything.

“Would you mind...staying at my place tonight?”

Beck turned back to the windshield. “I am not in the mood.”

She bit back an annoyed remark. “What I meant is... I don’t know if...if I can sleep all right...without anyone.” It was mostly a lie. She just thought he shouldn’t be alone tonight.

“We’ve been through this, and you know I don’t do that stuff.”

“I know, I’m just asking if you could stay. My mom brought some extra stuff from my house. I could make up to the spare bed...unless you wanted my bed and I could take the—”

“No.”

“No to my bed? Or no to sleeping over?”

Beck didn’t answer but didn’t say anything as she drove past his street and continued on toward her apartment.

When she pulled into the parking lot and turned her car off, he still didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t tell anyone but, last night, even with Anderson, I had a nightmare. I couldn’t breathe. It seemed like forever but I didn’t pass out or anything, it was just like...I couldn’t breathe for a really long time and I just laid there...gasping and crying. I was all alone and it was so scary...I can’t—”

“I get it,” Beck snapped. “I’ll stay. Let’s go.” He hopped out of the car and waited for her.

She sighed with relief and had the urge to grab his hand as they walked side by side up the stairs to her apartment but she didn’t, of course.

Once in her apartment, she looked at Beck. His eyes were devoid of emotion but the lines on his face gave away the fact that he was very tired.

Carmondy crossed to the spare bedroom. “I’ll just make up the sheets really fast. If you’re hungry there’s food—”

He waved his hand at her and she disappeared into the bedroom. When she came back, he was still standing in the same spot, rubbing his hair.

“The room is ready.”

He nodded. “A shower.”

“Yeah, of course, umm... the shower in the spare bedroom doesn’t have anything in it yet but mine has shampoo and towels and everything.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to keep you up.”

“You won’t, it’s fine. I promise. Besides, you can shower while I brush my teeth and wash my face and stuff, not a problem.”

She showed him to her bathroom. “The spare towels are there and...yeah. Have at it, I’m just gonna...” She gestured toward the sink.

He nodded and stepped toward the shower, dropping his clothes as he went.

She brushed her teeth as he showered, but could see his body through the misted glass. He wasn’t moving, just standing under the spray, pushing his hands through his hair every now and then.

Carmondy finished quickly and left him alone in the bathroom. After changing into pajamas, she turned off her lights and got into bed. Several minutes later Beck exited the bathroom quietly, towel wrapped around his hips.

She noticed he glanced back at her bed once before shutting the door.

Carmondy shot up in bed, both hands to her throat. She was gasping but as soon as she woke, she found that she wasn’t short on air. She was fine. She sighed and touched her face, finding a stream of tears, just like last time.

After washing her face with cold water, she returned to her bed but didn’t lay down. She wasn’t tired anymore. Nightmares didn’t usually bother her that much once she was awake but since this one was recurring and realistic, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep. Not alone, anyway.

Carmondy grabbed an oversized sweatshirt and pulled it on. The door to the spare bedroom was open and upon entering, she could see Beck in the dim light. The covers were pushed down to his waist, his torso bare.

More than anything, she wanted to crawl under the covers with him and curl up at his side, but besides knowing that Beck would kick her out, she also didn’t want to wake him.

She wrapped her arms around herself and curled up in the armchair in the corner of the room, feeling more comfortable than in her own bed.

Carmondy rolled over in bed, pressing her face into the pillow in an attempt to block out the light that was disturbing her sleep. With her nose against the pillow, she inhaled and got a good whiff of something unfamiliar.

She inhaled. No, it wasn’t unfamiliar. It just didn’t belong on her pillow. She lifted her head and blinked in the morning light. She wasn’t even in her bedroom. She was in the spare bedroom. Last night’s memories came flooding back: the trip to Roslyn, Beck’s sister, the trip back from Roslyn, sleeping, the nightmare, falling asleep in the chair. That explained Beck’s scent on the pillow but it didn’t explain how she’d gotten from the chair to the bed.

When she left the bedroom, she found him in the kitchen.

“Good morning,” she said, trying to sound upbeat without being overly cheery as she got herself something to eat.

Beck grunted in acknowledgement.

“Did you sleep okay?” she asked.

He nodded. “Slept fine.”

“That’s good. Hey, do you happen to know how I got from the chair to the bed, by any chance?”

“What the fuck were you sleeping in that chair for? That could seriously mess up your back.”

“I’m not the one with back problems, and you didn’t answer my question.”

“Well, you certainly didn’t levitate there, did you?” he snapped. “I woke up early and saw you so I moved you.”

She smiled. “Well, thank you. It was very thoughtful of you.”

He only looked more irritated and hurriedly went into her room to get ready.

Car thought back to the night before and what she had seen. She felt a sudden pang of guilt. Should she tell him? If he would just let someone in, they could really help him out. Dealing with it all himself didn’t do him any good. She knew he would be incredibly angry if he found out she knew, but she could help him. Not telling him was sort of like lying. Maybe if she just told him right away then he could get past the angry part sooner.

“Beck, we need to talk!” she blurted abruptly on the ride to school.

He pulled into the parking lot and waited a few moments before speaking. “Spit it out. We’re going to be late.”

“Oh, okay, umm... let’s talk after.”

Beck rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Carmondy looked up and saw a piece of his hair sticking up. He had pushed it all down and forward instead of pushing it up into a messy Mohawk like he normally did. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached up and pushed the piece of hair back into place.

“What the fuck?” Beck jerked away.

“Your hair was messed up. I fixed it.”

“Don’t touch me,” he said dangerously.

“What the hell is your problem?” she asked.

“Don’t touch me.” He glared.

“This seems to be a recurring theme, you know. I can’t touch you but you can nail me into next week!”

He rubbed both hands through his hair vigorously, purposely making it stick up in all directions. “Exactly.” He leaned forward and looked menacing. “You don’t touch me unless I give you permission.”

“I don’t understand.” She gulped. This was starting to be a little more than she wanted but at the same time, she had the urge to nod and say ‘yes, sir’.

Suddenly Beck was across the Jeep and the back of her seat dropped back until she was lying down with Beck straddling her.

“Uhh, Beck? I thought this was about me touching your hair.”

He smirked and pushed her shirt up above her waist. When her hands pushed to stop him, he grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head against the headrest. He used his other hand to roam all over her torso. His warm fingers trailed over her bare stomach and waist before moving up to her chest, neck and jaw.

“Understand now?” he asked. His hand snaked around her neck.

Yes, she understood, but she shook her head. “N-no, I don’t.”

I’ll clarify.” His hand slid back down to her stomach. “I can touch you anywhere I want.” His fingers skimmed under the waistband of her shorts briefly, leaving her wanting more. “But you must ask when you want to touch me. Understand?” Beck’s hand moved down her legs to slip up the back of her shorts and grab her upper thigh possessively.

“I understand,” she breathed, instinctively pushing her hips up off the seat.

He smirked again and squeezed her thigh tightly. “I think we need to pick up where we left off yesterday, don’t you?”

She was almost trembling with anticipation. “We have practice.”

“After, then. My place. You’re gonna put these muscles,” his hand slid to the inside of her thigh, “to good use for me. Aren’t you?”

She nodded fervently.

He withdrew his hand only to touch her jaw and mouth. “And maybe these ones too.” He plucked at her lower lip. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Carmondy almost lost it right there. She wasn’t sure if she’d want to go down on him but with the way Beck was talking and touching her, with the commanding dominance, it made her want to do anything and everything he said. She’d definitely give it a try.

With a thumb on her chin, he pulled her jaw open, a smile spreading on his face before he lowered his lips and kissed her open mouth. His tongue pushed between her teeth confidently, like it owned the place. In fact, she wasn’t sure if she owned any part of her body right now. She was pretty sure it all belonged to him.

The kiss, while just as overwhelming as his other kisses, almost seemed more like a claim to ownership than a kiss, which confused her. He only seemed to want anything to do with her in situations like this, when they were getting intimate or having sex, which was pretty typical for a guy, right? He made her feel willing to surrender her entire body to him. Any other time, she might as well be on the other side of the world with as much distance as he put between them. Carmondy was starting to find herself short of breath while Beck’s mouth stilled over hers and he sucked the last bit of remaining air from her lungs before he pulled away.

Carmondy let her head drop to one side as she caught her breath, knowing if she looked Beck in the eyes right now, she’d be lost. He had other ideas, though. He turned her head back and pushed his hands into her hair to hold her in place.