Frost Arch (18 page)

Hawthorne worried that I was upset and put his chin on my shoulder. I buckled under the sudden weight.

Steadying myself and biting my lip I looked between the two, “There has to be an alternative.” I begged.

Camryn looked at me sadly then pointed at Hawthorne, “Look at his wings, Ava.”

I peered around Hawthorne’s large form to see his little wings. What I found was a bit of a shock, though I thought by now I should be used to surprises. His wings were large and feathery, neatly folded against his sides and blending beautifully against his coat. They looked quite strong.

“I’m sure he can learn to fly now.” Camryn whispered, “We can set him free and he can fly away from Frost Arch and go somewhere safer. It’s only a matter of time before someone see’s him here.”

I wrapped my arms around Hawthorne’s thick neck and hugged him. It was strange to hug a creature so large and fluffy. He felt a bit like a friendly bear. I buried my face in his fur and sulked.

As usual Hawthorne was always aware of what was going on, as though he could understand every word we said. What did he want? What was really best for him? I didn’t know. I wish I could ask him.

An hour later Camryn and I strolled back to the manor. I hadn’t really spent much time alone with her, Jack was almost always present. For once she was quiet, and not filling every silence with unimportant chatter. Perhaps she had a lot on her mind. I knew I would soon find out. Camryn wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions.

I was right, all too soon.

“I’ve noticed something.” She said, breaking the awkward silence.

“Well done.” I was still sour over the fact that she had suggested we set Hawthorne free.

“For the past few weeks you’ve been vanishing of an evening.” She continued.

I scoffed, “Vanishing?”

“No one knows where you go. Charles has been getting other staff to help out where you usually volunteer.”

I stayed silent and continued my slow pace towards the manor.

“You have become very secretive.” Camryn noted.

“So have you and Jack.” I snapped.

It was true. Whenever conversation strolled onto the topic of Noah Forsythe, Camryn and Jack became mysteriously deaf and rather interested in the weather, (which never changed, but that was beside the point).

“What do you want to know?” Camryn frowned.

“Why do you hate Noah Forsythe so much?” I said stopping and turning to face her.

“We don’t hate-”

I laughed, “Oh, please. I see the way your eyes narrow and your body goes tense when ever his name is mentioned.”

Camryn studied my eyes momentarily, “Is this why you have been vanishing of a night?” She whispered.

“Camryn, I’ve just been doing some different work around the manor, it’s nothing to worry about.” This was partly true, but I didn’t want to cause her more alarm.

She pursed her lips and folded her arms. Several seconds passed before she sighed and dropped her guard, “Do you remember the first thing I said to you when you arrived here?”

I thought back a month and a half ago.

“Well I remember what you said about me. You said I looked an awful lot like-”

“Exactly.” She said as though this settled the matter, though I was still thoroughly confused.

“I don’t understand.”

“Oh, you will.” She gave me one last fleeting look before entering the manor and vanishing from sight.

I cursed, rather frustrated. She hadn’t answered my question at all. She had only confused me further. Huffing impatiently I stormed through the kitchens to return to work.

I wondered if Jack and Camryn would go as far as following me of an evening to see where I went. As far as I knew the only people who were aware of my new “job” were Noah and Charles. But it appeared that Charles gave the generic answer of “other duties” whenever someone asked where I was all the time. Perhaps Noah had asked Charles not to mention it. I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or not. There were a lot of things I wasn’t sure about these days. Myself, for one, and the weird way I acted whenever I was in the same room as Noah. I was sure it wasn’t normal Mage behaviour. I had never felt so giddy, shy, worried, scared, excited and confused all at one time. I reminded myself that I had no experience with men. Males didn’t really like dating Fire Mages. Especially useless ones. It probably didn’t help that I was a total recluse through all of my teenage years. I had no social skills what so ever. I didn’t know how to communicate effectively.

I finished my jobs rather early today. Perhaps it was because I was still annoyed at Camryn and running on that adrenalin, so by the time I was knocking on Noah’s study I was half an hour early. Any normal Mage would put their feet up in that time, but, as I reminded myself, my actions as of late hinted at anything but normal.

“You’re early.” Noah commented as I entered the room. He looked gorgeous, of course, just like every other day, but today his long golden brown hair was out of its usual pony tail and falling to his shoulders. I found myself momentarily dumb-struck and simply gave an awkward smile.

“Did you send your letter okay?” He asked casually, flipping through a world encyclopaedia.

“Mmhmm.” I nodded feebly and crossed the room. I immediately began putting his discarded books onto the appropriate shelves. Before Noah had requested me here the library had been kept in poor order. Books lying everywhere, utterly out of sequence, and dust gathering upon every surface. Now the orange afternoon light shone merrily into the room and bounced off the highly polished surfaces. The books were sorted by topic, then alphabetically by author. Much more organised, I thought happily to myself. Noah often complained that there was no point in me putting away the used books, for he would simply take them down again within a few days. I saw him smirk every time I did it. I knew it didn’t really annoy him. When darkness gathered I would light the candles (very carefully), close the curtains and bustle off to the kitchens to bring Noah his evening snacks. He was always much more pleasant with a full stomach, and he ate several meals a day. I wondered why he wasn’t huge.

“You know, I’m getting twice as much work done now.” He said through a mouthful of turkey.

“That’s good, sir.” I turned my back to him so he wouldn’t see my grin.

“I think it’s because you’ve categorised the library.” He mused.

“I think so too.” I still didn’t turn around. I felt my heart sink. I had hoped he would say another reason for his doubled progress.

I heard him continue to munch away on his food and I unnecessarily straightened various inanimate objects around the room. It was quiet for a while. I found it hard to make conversation. What on earth would I talk about? Why would a man of his stature be interested in anything a maid had to say?

“So why did you run away?”

My heart stopped and I swirled around to face him. He was watching me now, his elbows on his desk and his face cupped in his hands.

“Excuse me?” I breathed. I was sure I hadn’t mentioned anything about ‘running away’ in the letter that he had read.

“Why did you run away?” He repeated slowly.

“I don’t know what you mean … sir.” I said softly.

Noah smiled, “It’s all right if you don’t want to tell me, Avalon. I was simply curious. Forgive me for prying.”

I scowled internally. Always the perfect gentleman. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair.

I would never betray Helena. I would die to protect her.

“I just wanted to do things for myself.” I lied, beginning to straighten things around the room again.

Noah stood from his desk and stepped around it. In a few short strides he was just a meter from me. He had his hands in his pockets, and he was staring at me. Reading me. Reading my eyes. I could feel it.

“Why?” He pressed.

He was watching so intently now. There was no way I could lie convincingly.

I decided to tell the half truth, “I was having trouble controlling my Power. I was becoming a burden. I left because I didn’t want to destroy anything else.”

“Anything else?”

“My families little cottage isn’t exactly fire-proof. Besides, it was time for a new start. I wanted to start over in a place where people didn’t know me or judge me because I’m a Fire Mage.” Strangely I found myself spilling my feelings, “I was known as a trouble maker, a fire demon in Mortlock.”

Noah pursed his lips, “You’re all right now though.” He pointed out.

“Yes. I think it’s because I had a chance to start again. I’ve always been afraid to be around people, sir.”

“I know. You’re conversation skills are rather poor.” Noah teased.

I ignored him. Somehow I had been dying to confess all of these things since I had run away. But why Noah? Why was I suddenly having a bad case of verbal diarrhoea?

“I tried to repress my Power for years and years, but I would just have nightmares and it would come exploding from my body. I wasn’t allowed to socialise with the other children. I once set a little boys hair on fire, and that was it. So I stayed at home for most of my life, hiding from the world. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

I licked my lips and avoided Noah’s eyes.

“You are quite interesting, Avalon Redding. Ever since I first lay eyes on you in the grounds, on my day of return, you’ve always reminded me of … well …” He trailed off, “I could tell there was something bothering you from day one. I think you are hurting more than you let on.”

I shrugged indifferently, “I have more things to worry about now, sir.” Oh, how I wanted to tell him how right he was. I ached inside. For Helena. For Hawthorne. For him.

“You shouldn’t bottle it up.” Noah told me. I felt like a child being lectured by a teacher, “One day you’ll burst.”

“I have a lot of distractions.” I challenged.

“You take on a lot of responsibility for someone so young.”

Now I really felt like a child.

“It was awfully selfish of you to run away and leave your family. Do you understand the unnecessary worry? How would you like it if they left you without a goodbye?”

“I probably wouldn’t like it very much, sir, but-”

“They probably haven’t stopped worrying since you left. You could be dead for all they know.” Noah cut me off.

“I sent them a letter today. They’ll know I’m fine soon-”

“A coward runs away and hides-”

“Stop!”

I pressed my lips together and looked at Noah fearfully. He looked angry at first, but after a moment his shoulders relaxed and he sighed. I knew that if I had said that to any of my Masters it would have resulted in a swift beating. But this was Noah. He was kindly.

“I’m sorry.” I breathed. I felt my skin tingle, and a familiar warm sensation crept through my veins. I concentrated as hard as I could. I would not allow myself to lose control. Not here, not now. This room was filled with far too many important books. Noah had spent hours in here working and researching. I felt my body shake and I heard a strange rasping noise but I wasn’t quite sure what was causing it.

A moment later Noah’s hands were on my shoulders and his soothing voice was in my ear.

“It’s all right.” He whispered, “Stop crying.”

Crying? It took me several moments to realise that the strange rasping noise was coming from my own mouth as I took great shuddering gasps. I was then aware of the scolding lava seeping from my eyes. I wanted my mother. I missed her. I wanted to cry in her arms and have her tell me it would be okay. I wanted to play games with Helena in our little back yard, and have my father complain about how messy I always was. I wanted to pick the flowers from the Hawthorn tree outside my window, and taste my mother’s delicious potato soup. Why had I done this? Noah was right. I was being selfish and stupid, and they would be worried sick about me. But could I go back? Could I face them after this? Hadn’t running away made sense at the time I was doing it? I didn’t want to hurt Helena again. It hurt every time I saw those ugly scars I had given her as a result of my carelessness. I hadn’t even noticed that I was in Noah’s arms now, sobbing into his wide chest.

Noah rubbed my back soothingly. Did he notice that my body had risen dramatically in temperature? Did he realise that my tears would burn him? If he did, he didn’t say anything. I was starting to calm down now after my unexpected episode. He had been right, and I had been bottling it up. It was lucky that I hadn’t spontaneously combusted. It had taken me an awful lot of will power not to.

Once my breathing had returned to normal I wiped at the fire tears streaming down my face. I always tended to cry when I was furious, an embarrassing little fact. Noah watched me curiously as I was impervious to the heat. As usual, unthinkingly I wiped my hands on my uniform leaving it covered in ash, just like my face. Noah handed me a handkerchief from his pocket. My eyes stung as I looked up at Noah and muttered my thanks. I stepped back from him. This behaviour was simply out of the question from someone in my position. I’d deserve to be beaten after throwing myself at the Masters son. Deep down I wanted to be hurt, just so I could feel the pain of my decision. Noah however did not seem shaken. He continued to hold my gaze like I was a rather interesting book.