Front Page Affair (15 page)

H
E WAS
losing her.

He'd been so close. She'd been there, he knew it. He'd seen her weaken, start to melt. Felt the hot lick of her eyes over his skin, the current charging the air between them. And then, just that quickly, it changed.

The temperature dropped. The static grounded. And a swarm of angry bees manifested beneath his skin, buzzing in his head, making him itch and sting and want to roar in painful frustration.

Why wouldn't she damned well
give
?

Fighting the vise around his chest, he surged to his feet. Wasn't surprised when Payton rose with him. She leaned into his space, looking up at him with eyes that were flat and bleak, devoid of emotion and speared through his soul like a blade.

“Maybe I don't feel so well after all.” Her hand settled cold at the center of his chest.

No. He saw what she was offering him—nothing—and he wouldn't take it.

He wouldn't let her look at him like that. As if somehow the lively, soulful woman who'd lived in this body had been obliterated, leaving an empty husk behind. No, not empty. Just unavailable to him. He couldn't stand it. Wouldn't allow
it. Wouldn't let her shut him out and look through him as if he weren't even there.

With too much testosterone burning through his veins like acid, his hands moved possessively to Payton's hips. His thumbs rubbing deliberately over the delicate bones there.

He knew her and no matter how she wanted to close down and bury herself away from him, she couldn't do it completely. But if he wanted her, alive and hot and angry in his arms, he had to find the spot where she was most vulnerable and—even if it meant he was going straight to hell for it—cut deep.

Gaze fixed on the opaque waters of her eyes, he skimmed a hand beneath the hem of her shirt at her hip. Took a gulp of air and braced every muscle in his body as he pressed his palm to the one spot he hadn't touched—hadn't wanted to touch—in all the weeks since he'd learned about the pregnancy.

Payton flinched, her eyes going wide and sparking with all the emotion she'd wanted to cloak. Rage and hurt flashed beneath the surface. And then something stronger than them both swirled in the liquid brown depths below. Hope. The sight of it was so powerfully alluring after the bleakness he'd witnessed only seconds ago, he didn't know if he could ever break free from its spell.

If he ever wanted to.

But then Payton's hands covered his own where they lay flat against her belly—and the world tilted off its axis as they held their child together for the very first time.

There was a soft rise to the belly that had been a flat plane the last time he'd laid his hand to it. A gentle mound protecting the tiny body within. His child. The mergence of two souls into one.
Their child.

He swallowed, unable to speak. And suddenly he was on his knees, pushing her shirt at both sides so he could see. So he could feel.

His thumbs brushed the smooth skin around her navel.
And then he pressed his forehead against the softness there, turned his ear to rest against her. Wondering if he could hear the sound of her body building its precious shelter. If his baby could hear him.

“Hello?” he whispered against her skin, unable to stop himself.

Slight fingers stroked his hair, teasing through the strands with that familiar touch that after too long without had become foreign.

He turned into her belly and kissed. Drew in the sweet perfume of her skin and kissed again, opening his mouth against her as he prayed she wouldn't push him away. Wouldn't close herself off to him. Again and again, he kissed across the feminine terrain until Payton's fingers tightened in his hair, holding him close.

One thought repeating through his mind. A primal claim, sounding to the rhythm of his pounding heart.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

They both were. And in a way he never could have predicted. Straight through to his soul.

It terrified him. Made his pulse race faster and his hands clutch at the woman he hadn't known how to hold.

Except she was letting him hold her now. Giving him the gift of her body, if only for this one time.

He couldn't think about that. Couldn't think about the void in her eyes when she'd uncovered his latest manipulation. He never wanted to see that look again. Didn't want to think about what it meant that after all the years, he had been the one to put it there. Didn't want to think about what it would take to ensure it never happened again.

Payton knew better. Knew she was headed for heartbreak, but still couldn't back away. A moment before she'd been at the brink of resisting, and then she'd seen it. The instant Nate's universe changed, taking the man she loved to his knees. The
look in his eyes when his hand touched her belly. The sense of marvel. Wonder. He'd cradled their child in the palm of his hand. Kissed the place where it grew within her.

The tenderness of that kiss would stay with her for the rest of her life.

There was no more fight. No more will. Only want and the desperate need to give in. Give herself over.

He didn't love her. Maybe he couldn't. But he loved their baby and she didn't have to worry for her child's sake. In that instant she'd seen Nate's father in his eyes. The love and devotion apparent to anyone who crossed their paths. And she knew with sudden vivid clarity that she couldn't deny them a single moment together.

It would be enough for her. More than enough.

Her fingers trembled as they touched his jaw in silent inquiry. He turned up to her, the stark need and depth of emotion in his eyes taking her breath away.

“Let me have you.”

She nodded, unable to voice even the most simple word of acceptance.

Nate rose then, so tall and powerful before her. His muscles standing out as though each and every one had gone taut beneath the strain of the last hour.

She reached for the towel at his waist, her fingers trembling as she loosened the cinch. Let it fall away and then grasped the hem of her own shirt.

Nate watched with hungry eyes as she pulled the stretchy cotton overhead and then opened the front catch to her newly too-tight bra. Her breasts spilled free, and she saw that single telling vein pop to life, betraying the expense of his restraint. Restraint she understood was meant to show her he would not take. This time he would wait for her to give.

Her thumbs slipped into the waist of her yoga pants and panties. She pushed them down her hips. Let them pile at her
feet before she stepped free, as naked and exposed as the man who waited for her with a single outstretched arm.

He took her into his embrace, wrapping his long arms around her in a hold so flawless it made her ache. She didn't know how long he would have held her that way, but he was thick and hard against her belly, his perfect beaded nipple a scant distance from her mouth, close enough to touch with the barest flick of her tongue. She couldn't help herself.

And all that tightly reined restraint snapped.

Nate swept her into his arms, a gruff sound grating from his throat as she opened beneath the fall of his kiss. Took the thrust of his tongue and twisted in his arms to press her breasts against the harsh rise and fall of his chest.

In her bedroom, Nate propped a knee at the mattress, setting her back with a careful precision—so different from the times he'd tossed her to his bed and followed her down, laughing and growling as he crawled up her body to claim her. This wasn't playful. It wasn't fun.

It was undiluted desperation to join as one.

Mouths fused, tongues mating, sliding over and around each other as their bodies aligned in all the right places. Nate poised at the opening of her body, held back, gritting his teeth against his need to sink deep. Take. Claim. Keep.

Payton peered up at him, her eyes smoked with a need that matched his own, and yet she, too, paused. Her hand cupped his cheek. “I can't fight anymore.”

“No more.” His voice was a broken rasp. “I promise.” He'd glimpsed what it would look like to destroy the only thing he had worth fighting for, and he wouldn't risk it again.

Her body arched against him, wet and too inviting to resist. “Nate, please. Now.”

He pushed inside then, groaning as he sank full length into her tight hold. Gritting his teeth through the pure skin-to-skin friction.

Heaven.

To be so close.

To be let in.

To be
together
.

It was physical pleasure, but so much more than that and he never wanted it to end.

He arched back, sank deep again, drawing out each long stroke as far as it would go. Savoring the hug of Payton's legs around his hips, her fingers in his hair holding him close. The breathy pants of her rising desire. The clutch of her body when she took the kiss of his groin against hers. The escalating cries and pleas for more. He wanted to give her more. Give her everything. All he had and all he was. Anything she asked so he never lost this again.

And when her lips parted on a silent cry, her body seized around him, and she stared up at him with those soulful brown eyes that begged him to hold her…longer…harder…just like that…daring him to make it last forever—the world shifted again and he knew it would never be the same.

Braced on strong arms above her, Nate searched her eyes, his deep blue stare more penetrating than the hard body that rocked within her own. He carried her through the crashing waves of orgasm, followed the receding tide, and then urged her into the surf again. Not once looking away.

Let him see.

I love you
.

He knew already.

Always you.

There was nothing left to hide.

Forever you.

He drove hard inside her. She arched against him, reveling in the stretch and give of her body as he filled her again and again, taking her fast toward the peak from which she'd just returned.

“Don't stop, please,” she gasped, clutching tight at his shoulders. “Please.”

He gathered her closer, slid an arm beneath her hips and held her to him as his voice rasped over her soul. “Just let me love you.”

She cried out, her body pushed to release. Her heart torn in two. The world shattering around them as Nate followed her over the edge, her name on his lips.

Then gasping ragged breaths, he rolled to her side keeping one arm slung across her waist as he pulled her into the warmth of his body. She buried her face in his chest, letting the moments pass until Nate slipped into an oblivion beyond her grasp.

“Just let me love you.”

They were beautiful words of passion to describe the physical act. So beautiful she could almost pretend…

N
ATE
sat at the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, forearms propped over his knees, jaw painfully set.

This wasn't going to work.

He looked over his shoulder at Payton's sleeping form, quietly curled into herself, a tiny furrow pulled between her delicate brows.

She didn't want what he was offering. Not really. They'd been in the same book, but on different pages from the start. He'd tried not to hurt her, but he'd been an idiot and in the end that was all he'd managed to do. Even today, when suddenly all the pieces of his life seemed to be falling into place, one jagged edge didn't fit and he'd felt it cut through Payton's vulnerable heart.

Just let me love you.

He shouldn't have said the words like that. What the hell had he been thinking?

Dropping his head into his hands, he let out a frustrated growl. A small noise of protest sounded from behind him as Payton clutched the corner of the sheet closer to her. She needed to rest. Needed a break. Needed a hell of a lot better than what he'd been giving her.

He knew what he had to do.

He pushed to his feet and found the comforter on the floor at the far corner of the bed. Covered her with it and quietly left.

 

The afternoon light was dying, leaving puddles of amber and burnt sienna across the western sky. Payton stood by the window, her forehead pressed to the glass, Nate's note in hand. She'd found it on the kitchen table after waking to an empty bed and quiet apartment a half-hour before. Had stalled in her steps at the sight of the single sheet propped against the bud-vase—inexplicably terrified. But the note had been no more than to tell her he'd had a few things to take care of and would be back later. Nothing earth-shattering or cryptic or telling. A few lines about some errands.

She needed to stop being so dramatic.

At the sound of the lock tumbling from down the hall, she straightened. Set the note on the counter and headed toward the door where Nate had just walked in, burdened with an overflowing grocery bag.

Food, she realized with a smile. The man was forever trying to take care of her. Tonight he wanted to make sure she ate a healthy meal.

“Sorry I was gone so long,” he apologized, dropping a kiss at her temple before carrying the groceries through to the kitchen. “I stopped to pick up some dinner on the way back.”

On the way back? “Were you at the office?”

He set the bag on the counter and turned to her, those too-blue eyes so beautiful they made her weak. “I drove out to my dad's.”

“Did you tell him…about the baby?” About them? He'd been waiting to tell his father, she knew, until he'd gotten a marriage commitment from her.

Nate nodded.

So he'd read her decision in her eyes. Just as well. No need to make a big production of telling him he'd won.

No. That wasn't right. It stopped being a game the moment
she'd seen his eyes fill with love for their child. No more fighting. No winners. No losers.

Abandoning the food, he took her into his arms. He smelled so good and felt so strong around her. She'd have this for the rest of her life.

“I told him you were pregnant. And that we weren't getting married.”

It took a moment for the words to make sense. She pushed back and looked up into his eyes, stunned. Shocked. And scared.

Her throat was tight and her knees loose. “What—why—?”

She didn't understand. Couldn't form the words to ask for clarification, explanation.

Nate's head dropped, his mouth pulling into a pained grimace. “I've been such a bastard. I never wanted to hurt you. But I've been doing it for so long now I can't remember a time when I wasn't.”

She remembered. Her hand pressed flat to his chest, resting over the heavy thump, thump of his heart. “Things have been hard over the last months. Everything changed in the blink of an eye and we've both been reacting emotionally.”

“No. That's just it. I haven't been. If I'd been in touch with anything beyond my need to control the situation, I would have realized that forcing you into a loveless marriage wouldn't be fair to either of us.”

The words stung, sliced through her, cutting deep. He was giving her what she'd wanted. Wasn't he? Suddenly it didn't feel like it. It felt as if the ground were giving way beneath her feet and she were losing everything.

Forcing herself to nod, she pushed the barest smile to her lips. “How did your father take the news?”

Nate let out a self-deprecating laugh. “He was annoyed I'd waited this long to tell him.”

“I bet.” She'd known it was hard on him to keep the secret. But he hadn't been ready.

“He was happy to hear I was making him a grandfather, even if I wasn't making an honest woman of you.” He shoved a hand through the short waves of his hair, ran it over the muscles of his neck. “But he agreed that after the horse's ass I've been, I was going to lose you forever if I kept pushing you to marry me.”

She blinked up at him, to find those blue, blue eyes fixed intently on her. “What are you saying?”

“Payton, I've been such an idiot. I pushed you away, thinking you deserved more than I could give. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I wanted you to have everything—love, marriage, family—all the things I didn't believe I was capable of sharing with you. And then I found out you were pregnant. Without having to examine why I needed it so badly, I suddenly had my justification to hold onto you forever. Only I was so intent on tying you down and fitting us into this perfect box, I didn't realize I'd been backing you into a prison.”

Her mouth opened and then snapped closed at the realization she had no idea what to say to him. He finally understood, but how could she explain that when he knocked down the walls and took away the lock, that prison became paradise—the only place she wanted to live.

“I want us to be a family, Payton. But not because it's something I have to do. Not because it's a duty I feel honor bound to uphold. And sure as hell not for some paper certificate. I want it because I want you.”

Tears of joy flooded her eyes. He hadn't offered her love, but he'd given her everything else she could ever want. It was enough. More than enough. “I want you, too. More than anything.”

And then she was in his arms, held so hard against him. Safe and warm and basking in the promise of their future
when the words she'd never thought to hear came gruff against the tumble of her curls. “I love you.”

Payton pushed back from his hold, panic that she'd heard wrong or suddenly started hallucinating gripped her. Nate took a step back, letting her see him. The honesty of his words etched across the features of his beautiful face. Her heart tripped in her chest, and the room around her tilted and dimmed at the edges. She reached out grasping at air—found Nate's hand there to support her. She barely had the breath to ask, “You love me?”

“I really do. I didn't think I knew how. It was so foreign to me, so unfamiliar, I didn't recognize it even when it was shaking me to the core. Scaring the hell out of me.” Those blue eyes stared steadily back at her, open, windows to a soul…brimming with hope. “I love you. And if you're willing to take a chance on me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Extracting a small black box from his back pocket, Nate went down on one knee. He flipped open the lid revealing an eternity band of glittering diamonds and held it out to her. “Payton Liss. I love you. Will you make me the happiest man alive by agreeing to live unwed with me for the duration of our lives? By allowing me to care for you, provide you with everything your heart desires, and love you and our baby forever?”

Her heart sped and helpless laughter bubbled free. He loved her!

She went to the floor beside him and, arms linking around his neck, answered, “No.”

His head jerked up, a harsh bark of laughter escaping him. Amusement lit his eyes. That crazy confidence shining bright.

This man knew her. He really knew her.

“So after all that,” he asked, voice thick with emotion he wouldn't hide, “now you want me to marry you, hmm?”

She peered up at him, letting him see everything her heart held. All the love. All the hope. Everything she knew he would cherish and protect. “I really do.”

The corner of his mouth kicked into the grin she'd loved her whole life. “When?”

Pulling his head down to hers, she brushed her lips against his. Reveled in his tightening hold. “How fast can you make it happen?”

Before she could blink she'd been pulled into the cradle of his thighs, that gorgeous ring sparkled on her finger, and Nate was issuing orders into his phone.

“I want a plane for Vegas, ready to take off in one hour.”

Nate pulled her closer and, holding the phone from his ear, stared deep into her eyes.

With one look, she told him everything he needed to know.

The muscle in his jaw jumped as his gaze went dark. “You're right. We better make it two.”

Tossing the phone aside, he slid his fingers into the curls at her nape and captured her mouth with a kiss that touched her soul and tasted like forever.

Cupping her cheek in his palm, he brought his brow to hers. “Tell me. I need to hear the words.”

“Forever, Nate. From so long ago and with everything I am. I love you. Always.”