From What I Remember (50 page)

I’m so outta here. I stand and make a beeline for Max. We’ve got business to take care of. I’ve got to save face, if nothing else. As usual he’s surrounded by his loyal posse. It’s hard to squeeze my way in, but I do, and the sea parts. Max looks down at me, nervous. He’s not even remotely happy to see me. The reality smacks me in the face. This is so not where I live.

“Lil…hey,” he says. He’s palpably uncomfortable.

I’m going to make this so easy for him. He doesn’t need to be sweating it.

My eyes scan his face. God, he’s gorgeous. I really love him—truly and intensely—in a way I’ve never loved anyone or anything. Sure, there have been ulterior motives circling around, but my love for him is as pure as it gets with me. I suddenly feel like crying. I don’t want to say good-bye, but there’s really no choice.

I lean in to Max. I feel his body go rigid. How is it possible things have changed so much in such a short span of time?

“Listen, Lil, we need to talk. How about we go out for lunch—”

“Save it, Max,” I say. “We don’t need to talk about anything. It’s over. I can’t forgive you for yesterday. We’re done. There’s nothing more to say.”

Max looks at me like I’ve just pulled the Astroturf out from under him.
Sorry, Max, I got there first. You can’t fire me, I quit.

“We should talk, Lily. We can’t just end things like this.”

“You should have thought of that last night,” I say, my voice starting to quiver.

I will not let him see me cry. I will not give him the satisfaction. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, Lil. Really sorry…” Max says as I turn away swallowing the bitter aftertaste of rejection. I make a beeline for Luca, who’s standing nearby, talking to Sam Butterworth.

“Hey, Sonneban,” I say, pulling him into a hug. “Congratulations, dude.”

“You too, Lil,” Luca says, holding me tight, tighter than he probably should, considering, for all he knows, I’m still one of his best friend’s girlfriends. This is going to be easy. Like taking candy from a baby.

Stokes walks up as Luca and I are hugging. She stares, waiting for us to release each other. We do, but not before I give him a little peck on the cheek for good measure, sealing the deal.

“You going to Charlie’s with anyone tonight?” I ask Luca.

“Uh, not really,” Luca says.

“Then how about you pick me up at seven?” I say.

“You’re not going with Max?” Luca asks.

“Nope. I’m going with you, if you’ll have me.”

“Totally,” Luca says. He can barely contain his excitement. His smile spreads from ear to ear, like a goofy stuffed animal. I miss Max already.

Stokes pastes on a smile, but I can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. Why aren’t I going to the party with Max? And what am I doing with Luca? I feel bad, but what can I do? Life sucks. I know it only too well.

s soon as the ceremony is over, I make my way down the row and look for Max, hoping we can talk before I have to go. He was the first person I wanted to see after finishing my speech. The only person I thought would understand what a feat it was, flying through the air without a net. My hesitations about Max have been washed away by the euphoria of graduation. I want to hug him, congratulate him, hear his voice, feel his touch. I’m craving his company, more than Will or Jake or my parents. But I’m too late. I can already see the force field building around him. It’s a hero’s welcome as everyone descends on him. I stand on the periphery and look for a way in. He’s surrounded. I can’t even make a dent. I catch a glimpse of him and wave. He either doesn’t see me or ignores me. What am I doing? Standing here like a fool, begging for affection?

I thought I’d misjudged things this morning, acted too rashly. I was willing to give him a second chance, try again. I thought we were connecting during my speech. I could feel him urging me on, encouraging me. But it was obviously all in my head. He’s not looking for me. He’s not even thinking about me. He’s with Lily and his friends, and I’m just some distant memory. I’m such an idiot. How many times can I fall for the same guy?

I turn and make my way toward the family section when a body slams into me. I almost fall to the ground.

“I love you, man,” Will says to me, kissing both my cheeks, repeatedly.

“‘I love you too, bud,’” I say.

“‘I love you, Bro Montana.’”

“‘I love you, homes.’”

“‘I love you, Broseph Goebbels.’”

“‘I love you,
muchacha
.’”

“‘I love you, Tycho Brohe.’”

We both fall back laughing. Juan looks down at us, thoroughly confused. I’m guessing he’s not intimately familiar with the dialogue from
I Love You, Man
. Sadly, we are. We’ve got to get out more. I silently make a vow to do that this summer. Will and I are going to get the hell off the couch and spend some serious time trying to have a social life, as gruesome as that may be. I can’t stay inside and watch movies for the rest of my life. I kind of like kissing a little too much to do that. There are plenty of boys in La Jolla; I’m sure I can find someone to practice with before I’m off to NYC.

“You were un-frickin-believable up there, Kyles! I don’t know what you had actually written, but it couldn’t have been any better than what you said,” Will says. “It was seriously mind-blowing. Did you plan any of it?”

“No. I was just kind of rambling off the top of my head.”

“You’re a superhero. I’m in awe of your powers.”

“It didn’t sound rambling at all,” Juan says. “Best valedictorian speech I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow. Thanks, Juan,” I say.

“Truly genius, girlfriend. You’re my role model. Always were. Always will be.”

“Thanks, Will.” I’m getting teary. It’s been a day. I am going to miss Will Bixby so much.

“Okay, enough with the sentimental journey. We need a little hair of the dog.” I know he’s trying to lighten the moment. Will isn’t one for waterworks.

“Shut up,” I laugh, shoving him.

“Did you talk to Max yet? He’s right over there.”

“No. And I’m not going to.”

“You can’t leave things hanging. You two make sense together, regardless of Lily Wentworth’s meager existence. If you’re not going to do anything, then I am,” Will says, obviously eager to stir whatever pot he can get his hands on.

“Will…no. Don’t do anything. Max and I are—we’re nothing. And I don’t want you getting involved, do you understand?”

“But I know how to fix these things.”

“Nothing needs fixing. Stay out of it, Will. Promise me.”

“Okay. You have my word.”

“Seriously, I don’t want to see him again. I just want to move on.”

“I get it. We’ll find you a better man this summer. Max Langston is in our rearview mirror.”

“Kylie, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie.” Jake is chanting my name as he rushes toward us.

I open my arms and he runs into my embrace. “Jakie, Jakie, Jakie.”

We hold on to each other for a few seconds. With Will standing nearby, it suddenly feels really good to be back on familiar territory, with the people I love. I can live without Max Langston. I can totally live without Max Langston. I’ve got all I need.

“Aren’t you going to say hello to Uncle Will?” Will asks Jake.

Jake disentangles himself from me and looks at Will. “You’re not my uncle.”

“I know,” Will says, pulling Jake into a bear hug. “I’m your stepbrother.”

“No. You’re not,” Jake responds, in all seriousness.

“Right again, Jakie. I’m just boring old Will, Kylie’s friend.”

Mom and Dad approach.

“Congratulations, sweetie,” Mom says. “We’re so proud of you.”

The two of them encircle me. Their hands are on me, smoothing my hair, touching my face, rubbing my back, petting my shoulders, as though I’ve been off at war. They finally release me, and I know the questions will start soon. Where have I been? Why am I wearing this crazy dress? I decide to take the lead.

“Mom, Dad, I know I messed up. I’m sorry if you were worried. It was completely unintentional.…”

Mom looks at me like she’s trying to muster some anger, but she’s so busy feeling proud of me that she can’t.

“Kylie, we were really scared,” Dad says.

Dad, scared? Really?

“When Will’s mom said you weren’t sleeping over…that was not good.” Mom looks away like she’s going to cry. I feel awful.

“It’s all my fault,” Will says.

“And how’s that, Will?” Mom says. “Care to explain?”

I can practically hear the gears grinding in Will’s brain as he tries to come up with some kind of wacky spin that will deftly get me out of my jam. But I don’t want him to do that. It’s not necessary. I can get myself out of my own mess.

“That’s a lie. It’s not Will’s fault at all. He actually came to my rescue.”

“Okay,” Mom says, not knowing what to make of all this.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you guys out. It was an accident. A kind of crazy accident that spun wildly out of control.”

“You’ve got quite a bit of explaining to do,” Mom says.

“I know,” I say. “Can we wait till we get home? And then, I promise, I’ll tell you everything.”

“I loved the speech, Kyles,” Dad says.

“You did? Really?” I ask, because it seems strange coming from him.

“It was from the heart. And beautifully written, as always. Just like everything you’ve ever written,” Dad says.

That last comment really takes me by surprise. I didn’t realize Dad had read any of my writing. Man, he can keep some major secrets.

“It was beautiful, sweetie. A little salty at times for my taste, with some of the foul language, but otherwise perfect, really. But that isn’t what you’ve been working on all these months, is it?” Mom asks.

“No. I just kind of winged it. Like I said, the speech I’d been writing didn’t really work anymore. All part of the long story.”

Headmaster Alvarez waves and saunters over. Is he going to chastise me for my speech? For telling everyone to forget school and live life? I’m sure I must be the biggest disappointment ever.

“Congratulations,” he says to my parents, shaking both their hands.

Alvarez turns to me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks at me. I cringe inside as I wait for it.

“Great job, Kylie,” he says. “I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Though I might have put a bit more emphasis on the school part.”

“You’re not angry?”

“I was a little surprised at first. But it was refreshing to see a different side of you emerge. Maybe someday you’ll make it back here and give the commencement speech. I have a feeling you’re going to be very famous one day. Just don’t forget about us, okay?”

“Never,” I say.

And then Alvarez turns to Will. “I like the overalls, Bixby. It’s a nice change of pace.”