From What I Remember (33 page)

elicitaciones!”
an old woman says as I pass her. Congratulations? For what? For running away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me? For not knowing how to be young and impulsive and carefree? For falling for a guy with a serious girlfriend? For being completely, totally, emotionally, socially retarded? I’m walking to the end of a long pier that extends out over the water. I lost Max somewhere along the boardwalk. I was ducking and weaving through the crowds and then ended up on the pier. I’m pretty sure Max continued to look for me on the boardwalk, heading in the opposite direction. I know it’s ridiculous to hide from him like this, but I need to think, to gather my wits. I don’t know what I’m doing here, and somehow, someway, I’ve got to figure it out.

The pier is wooden and narrow, and as I walk the length of it I have the sensation that I’m walking on water. I can see the bay shimmering on all sides, and beneath me, too, between the slats of wood. There’s a full moon shining so bright it lights up the whole sky. I pass by a few couples sitting with their legs dangling over the water. I can’t help thinking this would be a lovely spot to hang with Max. Too bad I’ve just abandoned him.

When I finally reach the end of the pier, I’m alone. I turn around and can see all of Ensenada circling the bay, the hills rising above the water, the lights of the town blinking and glowing. I take a seat on the ground. It feels like I’m sitting at the edge of the world. I stare out at the wide expanse of ocean. I can make out a few boats in the distance. I think I see something jump out of the water. A dolphin? I doubt it.

What am I doing? I practically attacked Max on the dance floor and then went scurrying away like a scared little mouse. I am so not normal. I may even be psychotic. Something took hold of me and I couldn’t help myself. I had to touch his skin, feel his lips on mine. It felt so good, so right. But then I couldn’t help thinking that he’s not really mine. He’s Lily’s. This isn’t right.

But if he really belonged to Lily, would any of this have happened? Would it have felt so right? I remind myself, they aren’t married. We’re just teenagers. This is hardly adultery. There’s obviously something happening between us. Why can’t I explore it? See what happens, where it goes. Sure, he could break my heart tomorrow. But isn’t it worth taking the chance? Why must I always hold back, ruminating, instead of just jumping in with abandon?

“¡Felicitaciones!”
a couple calls out as they approach.

What is up with all the congratulations? Are people mistaking me for someone else? Someone lucky in love. Someone who deserves congratulations. That’s not me, people. I am a fool. I just ran away from a very hot guy who happened to be totally into me, at least for the moment.

The couple approaches. They stand a few feet away, staring down at me. Am I meant to answer them?

“Uh,
gracias
,” I say.

“American?” the girl asks me.

“Yes.”

As soon as people discover you’re American, they’re dying to speak English with you. It’s such a funny thing. In the States, we’d never speak anything but English with a foreigner. The world of the superpower. It means never having to say you’re sorry in anything but English.

“You came down to Ensenada to get married?” the boy asks.

What are they talking about?

“Married? No,” I say.

“But you’re wearing the dress,” the girl says.

I look down at my dress. “I just bought it here. In Ensenada.”

That’s when I notice we’re both wearing the same dress; hers is yellow. Wait. Did I actually buy a wedding dress? Oh, shit. What a royal, freaking mistake. No wonder everyone is congratulating me. I’m parading through the streets in a wedding dress. What an idiot. And Max bought it for me. I have to laugh at the irony.

“It looks nice on you,” she says.

“You too,” I say.

They walk away, leaving me in the lonely company of my endless stream of anxieties. The alcohol must be wearing off, because the volume in my head has been turned way up. Can’t I just shut down my brain and let my heart lead the way? So he’s got a girlfriend. Don’t people sometimes meet the love of their life when they’re already with someone? What about
The Philadelphia Story
?
Sleepless in Seattle
? But those are movies, and this is real life, my real life, where movie endings NEVER happen.

I can’t think about this anymore. I lie down on the wood planks and stare up at the sky. It’s filled to capacity with stars. I never see this many stars in San Diego. The city lights are too bright; the sky looks murky and muted. But out here it’s clear and pristine. I think I can make out the Little Dipper. I start to count stars. It’s a good distraction from the dizziness of going round and round.

“Found you,” Max says, looking down at me. “Turns out, I’m not so easy to get rid of.”

I’m so happy he’s here I feel like crying. And yet I have no idea where to begin, based on where we left off.

“I guess not.”

“Gotta hand it to you, though. That was a tricky move back there. Took me a few minutes to figure out that you snuck around the crowd and went the other way. Can I sit down?”

“Free country.” That came out a little snarkier than I planned.

“Technically, Mexico is a little less of a democracy than the U.S.”

“You can still sit down. You’re not breaking any laws.”

“Thanks. ’Cause, you know, wouldn’t want to do anything illegal.”

“I can appreciate that.”

Max lies down next to me.

“Kylie, I know this is complicated.…”

“Yeah, you have a girlfriend.…”

“Maybe. But I’ve been thinking about kissing you all day.”

“Really?”

“Really. Whatever’s happening between us has nothing to do with Lily. And everything to do with us. That kiss meant something. The whole day has meant something.”

“But what about Lily?” I don’t want to keep pushing the issue, but I can’t help myself.

“Look, I have no idea what’s going to happen between us. But I know I can’t have these kinds of feelings for you and stay with Lily. Even if we never see each other again—which would suck, by the way—I can’t stay with Lily. Today made me realize that I don’t really love her. I don’t know if I ever did.”

Max and I stare at each other.

“Sorry I bailed on you,” I say. “It’s just, this is not normally what I do.” I’m peeling off my defenses, leaving myself raw, exposed, scared. I’m doing this, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

“Me either.”

“What are you talking about? You’re like a professional boyfriend.”

“Thanks. You make me sound like a gigolo.”

“That’s not what I mean. It’s just, you always have a girlfriend. And, well, I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“But it’s never felt like this with anyone. And it’s not just about the kiss. Although it was pretty awesome. It’s more than that. I know we don’t really know each other, but I feel completely connected to you, Kylie. I can’t explain it. I can talk to you. Really talk. Being here in Mexico, it’s been such an insane experience, in a good way. And being away from La Jolla, away from Freiburg, it’s made me realize how boring things have been. How boring I’ve gotten. I’ve built a wall around myself and I don’t let much in.”

Max stops and breathes in. I don’t say a thing.

“I don’t want that anymore. I want to explore life, and so do you. I love that about you. When we kissed, it just, I don’t know, kind of blew me away. I know it all sounds so corny, but you can’t deny it. There’s something here. And we’d be idiots to just walk away from it. I don’t think this happens all the time, Kylie. I mean, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends and I’ve never felt like this.”

“Please, do tell me more about the multiple girlfriends. That is so sexy.”

“Seriously, Kylie. I want to talk about this. And I never want to talk about anything. I don’t know if you’re scared or you don’t feel the same—”

“I feel the same,” I blurt. “And I’m scared.”

“Me too.”

Strange as it sounds, I believe him. The great Max Langston is scared and nervous, just like me. We’re not all that different.

We look at each other for a moment. I think we’re both trying to make sense of things. It’s not entirely clear, but as I look at him, it’s coming into sharper focus. I realize I’ve made my decision. I’m going for it, whatever the consequences, Lily or no Lily, even though it may only last for one night. Whatever this is, I don’t want it to end. Hopefully, I’m not being naïve. At the very least, we’ll have tonight, which is more than I would have had yesterday.

My hand slides over the wooden planks and I place it on top of his, closing the distance between us. He squeezes my hand tightly.

“I can’t make you any promises, Kylie. All I’m saying is, I like you. A lot. I can’t talk like this to anyone else. You’re funny. And smart. Very smart. And sexy. And weird. And a little bit of a head case.”

“I’m a total head case.”

“Maybe, but it’s sexy. Really sexy.”

Max flashes me a huge grin. God, he’s gorgeous.

“So can we just be with each other and see what happens?”

“Yes. We can. We totally can,” I say.

And then, without thinking too much about it, I climb on top of Max and slowly, very slowly, lean down until our faces are nearly touching. I float over him for a moment, studying his face, his features, and then I kiss him. And he kisses me. And our mouths open and the world disappears, and it’s just me and Max alone in the universe. Nothing matters except for tonight. And if that’s all we end up with after everything is said and done, it’s enough. Because right here, right now, is all that matters. I don’t want to be anyone but Kylie Flores kissing Max Langston in Ensenada.

ou having fun?” Juan whispers in my ear as we bump and grind with a bunch of boys.