From This Day Forward (31 page)

“But also a shared one.”

Someone pounded on the door. Nathan pivoted, strode to it, and opened it. Moses stood in the entrance, trouble shadowing his eyes.

“ ’Tis Miz Sarah. She’s havin’ her baby. I was told to come git ya.”

Color drained from Nathan’s face. “Where is the midwife?”

“Charleston. No time.”

Rachel hurried to Nathan’s side. “I want to come too. She might need me.”

Nathan remained in the doorway, his expression shutting down to a bland one, his body frozen in place.

Rachel placed her hand on his shoulder and shook him. “Nathan, you need to get your bag. The baby is early. Sarah will need you.”

“Give me a moment, Moses.” Then Nathan turned away from the man. “What if I cannot do anything to help her? What if…”

She waited until he looked at her. “She needs you. All she wants is for you to do your best. That is all you can do.”

A haunted look invaded his eyes. “But Eliza died. Sarah almost did with Sean. I…” He inhaled a deep breath and nodded. “I have to go.” He made his way to his bag.

“I want to come too,” she repeated.

He made his way outside. “Moses, I will take this horse to Liberty Hall. I need you to bring Mrs. Gordon in the cart.”

“Yes sir.”

Before mounting Moses’s horse, Nathan faced Rachel, clasping her hand and tugging her close. “Don’t be long. Sarah may need you.”

“I shall only take the time to tell Maddy and the children where I am going and then come.” He began to mount, but she stopped him. “Faith is here because of you. Remember that. I know you have seen a lot of death in the past few years. But I would not be here if it were not for you.” She reached up on tiptoes and kissed him, a quick mating of lips before stepping back and allowing him to vault onto the horse.

The look he sent her—full of caring warmth—laid claim to her heart. In that moment she knew she loved him. But would he ever be free of his past?

As Nathan neared Liberty Hall, it became harder for him to drag enough air into his lungs. The heat of the day bore down on him, sweat coating him. The thundering beat of his heart sounded in his head. If anything happened to his sister, he would not be able to forgive himself.

The baby was almost a month early. That did not bode well. Was he going to deliver another dead child?

Faith is here because of you
.

Rachel’s words resounded in his mind. For someone who had not thought he would continue to be a doctor, he had done quite a bit in the past few months. Could he ever turn his back on his training? Rachel didn’t think he should. Now all he needed to do was figure out what he wanted to do.

The sight of Sarah’s house in the distance spurred his pace. He had known becoming a doctor would not be easy, that there were times he would not be able to help as he wanted. He had known that being a surgeon during the war would be demanding and disheartening. Often the option was limited to an amputation, surgery that had to be done quickly, with nothing to ease the intense pain for the patient.

Lord, if this is what You want me to do, I need a sign. If it is not what You want me to do, then what? But whatever Your decision is, please protect Sarah and her child. Allow me to help both of them
.

As he galloped up to the house, he saw John standing on the porch waiting for him. A grim expression on his face seared the gravity of the situation into Nathan.

Rachel entered the bedchamber while Sarah was in the middle of a contraction. Nathan’s soothing voice talked his sister through it while Bella, Sean’s nanny, held her up to push. Rachel rushed to the bed and positioned herself behind Sarah to help the older black woman with Nathan’s sister.

“I cannot push anymore,” Sarah said as the pain subsided and she collapsed back against Rachel and Bella.

“Yes, you can. I see the head. The baby wants to be here.” For a moment, Nathan’s expression showed his concern before he masked it.

“Like you did, Miz Sarah. Your ma hardly had time to make it to her bedchamber,” Bella said.

Nathan roped Rachel’s gaze to him. His damp hair curled on his forehead. “Sarah, only a few more, then you will be able to hold your new baby.”

Sarah gritted her teeth and stiffened then groaned and pushed. Ten minutes later a baby girl slid into Nathan’s hands, and he held her up for Sarah to see. Exhausted, she sank back as her child let out a howl.

“She’s small but beautiful. She is going to break men’s hearts like her mama.” Nathan laid the child on Sarah and cut the cord.

“She has got a good set of lungs like her mama.” The black woman helped Rachel settle Sarah back against the headboard.

Sarah gently ran her hand over her little girl. “Thank you, Nathan.”

As he finished up, Nathan looked at Rachel and said, “Why don’t you take the baby to see her papa?”

Something was wrong. Rachel could see it in Nathan’s eyes, the tensing of his body. She rose and took a blanket from the servant and wrapped the squalling child in it. As she moved toward the door, she glimpsed the blood—too much of it. Nathan was trying to stem the flow. The black woman came around to help Nathan, handing him a linen.

Nathan stood a few feet from the bed, watching his sister sleeping from exhaustion and so much blood loss. He had finally stopped the bleeding, but was it too late? He pivoted away and strode to the window overlooking the front of the house. The sun sank below the tree line to the west. The darkness blanketing the landscape mirrored his emotions. If he couldn’t save his sister…

He would not allow the thought to develop in his mind.
Please, Lord, save Sarah. She has two children who need her
.

He had checked over her baby daughter, and she was small but seemed healthy. Eliza’s mother, Bella, had found a wet nurse for the baby. Seeing Bella at the birth had thrown him for a moment. Her appearance brought forward all the emotions he had experienced when he had delivered Eliza’s dead baby and then could not do anything to save his childhood companion and friend. But Bella was the perfect one to help with the birthing, because she had been at all of their births—his, Patrick’s, and Sarah’s. Would it have made any difference if Bella had been available to help Eliza in the cotton field?

Observing the last rays of the sun disappearing, Nathan shut down his remembrances. He stared at the gray of dusk evolving into the black of night. The sound of the bedchamber door opening brought him around to face Bella. She smiled, such kindness in her eyes. He had known she had come with Sarah to Liberty Hall but had avoided her when he had visited, even though she was Sean’s nanny. Although she had never said a word about Eliza, he had always wondered if she blamed him. He was the reason his grandfather had sent Eliza to work in the fields rather than staying in the house as a servant.

Bella shuffled toward him, her movements slower than he recalled when she was at Pinecrest. Her black skin was still smooth, showing few age lines, but gray was sprinkled throughout her dark hair.

“ ’Tis good to see you.” Bella glanced at Sarah, still asleep. “She will be all right. De Lord will see to it.”

“I hope so. How have you been?”

“A few aches here and dere.”

“Taking anything for those aches?”

“I have my herbs. Dey work most times.”

He had learned a lot from her about herbs and plants that helped ease pain.

“Some dings ya just cannot outrun. Old age is one.”

Nathan chuckled. “I have missed you.”

“You know where I have been.” Her sharp eyes assessed him.

“Yes, but since Eliza’s death—”

“Hush, child. You did what you could. Dere was no one else. Miz Sarah told me dat you and Master Stuart fought ’cause of Eliza. Is dat why you two don’t talk?”

The compassion in her voice unraveled what was left of his composure. He sank back on the windowsill. “It started when Papa died. Grandfather changed. Papa’s death was hard on him. You were living with Sarah and John, but you would not have recognized Grandfather after that. He sent Mama away. Nothing I did satisfied him. He did not want me to be a doctor at all. I did not know him anymore.”

“I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye to your mama.”

“Why did he send her away? I don’t understand his anger toward her just because she had been born an Englishwoman. She lived over half her life in America. She was an American citizen.”

“She never told you why she was leaving?”

“She did not say much of anything. It was so rushed. When I came back from the war last year, I tried to approach Grandfather and settle our differences. He threw me off the plantation. He is not an easy man, but I loved him. Still do.”

Bella wound her arms around him and hugged him as she often did while he was growing up. She had raised him and his siblings even more than his own mother. “Child, I am sorry for your pain. I suspect I know why.”

Nathan leaned back and peered at Bella. “Why?”

“Have you written your mama and asked her?”

“Yes, on several occasions. I received a letter back once. She was happy in England and hoped we would be happy at Pinecrest. She had stayed in America because of Papa, but now that Papa was gone she wanted to return to her homeland.”
Like Rachel
. His heart thudded with that realization, adding a new pain on top of all the rest.

“I was with your mama when you were born, seven months after your parents married. You were a little small, but not two months early small. You don’t look like your papa. In her pain she called out another man’s name. She never told me you were not your papa’s son, but I have always wondered.”

Nathan stiffened, his hands curling into fists. Her revelation explained so much—his grandfather’s reaction after his son died, the fact his father had always been a little standoffish to him, his mother giving him money from her side of the family but not Sarah or Patrick. But he still had a lot of questions that needed answers. There were only two people who could tell him—his grandfather and his mother, who lived thousands of miles away. Which meant he would have to demand answers from the one man who did not want to see him.

Nathan clasped Bella’s upper arms and pressed her to him. “Thank you for telling me.”

When she stepped back, she scrutinized him for a long moment. “What are ya goin’ t’ do?”

“See my grandfather. This time I will not allow him to kick me off the plantation until I get answers.”

Sixteen

“What will you call her?” Rachel asked John, who continued to prowl around the parlor.

“Sarah wanted to name a girl after her mother, Louise Anne, so that will be her name.” John held his new baby, staring down at her. “She is going to look like Sarah.” A grin leaked through the serious expression that had been on his face since he had seen Sarah after Nathan stopped the bleeding a couple of hours ago.

Rachel had been able to lay the child next to Sarah for a few minutes before the exhausted woman drifted off to sleep. Then Nathan had asked everyone to leave and let the mother rest. That was what she needed the most. John sat with his wife for a while longer then came down to the parlor to cradle his baby against him as if that would calm his worry. But deep lines of concern grooved his face since he appeared in the room.