From the Chrysalis (50 page)

“I even had a little nap, waiting for the penicillin to kick in. Stop splashing around in that water and get over here. Look,” he said, taking her arm when she reached him.
 

He opened a metal door to a room about the size of his former cell and they both went inside. He shone the flashlight onto a sleeping bag on the tiled floor and clicked it off. Liza maneuvered the wall back into position and closed the heavy door behind them, bolting it from the inside. Unwinding a six foot woollen scarf from her neck, she rearranged it at the bottom of the door to block any light. A candle burned in the corner, illuminating steel walls. The light wouldn’t be visible from the tool side of the wall.

“Hmm, real cozy. Any food?”

“Canned stuff, but they forgot to pack an opener. So if a bomb doesn’t get them they’ll starve. I opened up some sardines, though, with the little key. Don’t worry, I also ate a whole package of mints. There’s some money here, too. An emergency fund, I guess. And there’s a first aid kit with some antibiotics, a bottle of Scotch and a stash of grass.”

“Oh God, I hope Mel doesn’t decide he wants to smoke up tonight. Take everything, Dace, take everything. I’ll get some cash out of the bank after Boxing Day and pay them back.”

“Liza, you don’t have two hundred bucks to spare,” he said, watching her eyes glow in the candlelight.

“Yes, I do. Second semester’s tuition will just be a little late. And who knows? Maybe I should just forget about school.”

“Don’t you dare. My father will pay you back. Liza, he’ll help you with whatever you need, do you hear me? Go to him. He’ll never refuse you and he’ll know how to get money to me, too, whenever I ask. He’s done it before. C’mere. You’re shaking like a leaf.” He laughed. “Looks like it’s not enough that I’ve made you totally wanton, you’re a little crook now, too,” he said, pulling her to him by the lapels of her coat. He laid her down on the sleeping bag and covered her body with the length of his. For several minutes, they just lay there. Then he started to relax a little, his breathing coming easier.
 

“Baby,” he whispered, wrapping a large hand around her throat and kneading. “I’m so sorry. Everything’s going to be all right. Open up and let me in.”

For the first time, she refused him. “Shh, Dace. Don’t,” she said, pushing her hands against his shoulders and freeing her throat. “We can’t. What if somebody hears? Besides the police are probably on their way.”

“Darling, you give them too much credit. I was worried when we were outside, center stage, but it’s safe enough in here. Listen to that music. Some kind of classical stuff.”

“Yeah, sounds like a dirge. Very lugubrious.”

“Nice word. I can almost see what it means, but talk English next time, smarty pants. The party’s upstairs. Nobody will come down here tonight. Quit squirming, I want my Christmas present. It’s almost Boxing Day. What do I have to do, tie you up?” he asked, pinning her wrists together above her head with one hand and grabbing her hair with the other, forcing her to look into his eyes.
 

I wish you would,
she thought, surprised to feel a familiar little thrill in her groin, although most of her was wet, cold and spent.
I wish I could get on all fours and present myself to you again.
When had that seemed like fun?
 

“Stop it, Dace, stop it!” she said, much against her will. “Right now. You’re shivering. You’re sick. It’ll be at least twenty-four hours before that penicillin really kicks in. How are you going to get across?”

“At Akwesasne.”

“Aqua what?”

“
Akwesasne
. I’ll have to backtrack, but it’ll throw them off the scent. Yeah, Akwesasne. It’s a Mohawk reservation near Cornwall. Straddles the Quebec and the American borders just like I’m straddling you. Lots of smuggling going on. Mostly cheap cigarettes, but it’s pretty easy to get across.”

“Smuggling? Oh so, the Wolfhounds …”

“Yeah, they’re getting in on some of the action. Dirt Beard’s cousin will pick me up in a car when I double back. I phoned him collect, too. The stupid bugger nearly hung up on me.”

“I guess the police won’t be expecting you to do that.The Wolfhounds are history as far they’re concerned,” she replied, no longer struggling, now that she knew he had a plan. A network of bikers would lead him down through the States. His father would finance him, and …“That’s what they
think,
but while I’ve been Inside, they’ve been growing, regen—”

“Regenerating.”

“And
you—
you never thought my bros were going to do me much good, did you?”

“I’m coming, too,” she said, ignoring his last comment. “And you know what? I bet we both have native blood. I used to hear stories. Granny Debo … our eyes …”

“No.” His voice was gentle.

“No what?”
 

“No, you’re not coming, Little Liza. I had to see you one more time. Aw Jeez, stop hitting me. You’ll be happier here, finishing school, hanging out with Mel. Look at you. You’re almost getting fat, you’re so relaxed. I used to be able to feel your bones. You can do anything you want, but I liked you like that, soft and bony all at once.”

“Relaxed! Oh God, I want to get out of here too. Or at least I used to. Before I went to Ireland that’s all I ever wanted to do.”

“You can’t come. Absolutely not. Too risky. If they find me, they’ll shoot to kill. Besides you’re not a biker’s girl, remember? That’s what you always said.”

“But Dace, the Life, that’s what got you back in jail, so they could—”

“And we both know that I might not be able to change quickly. I thought I could, but … Anyway, I’ll do what I have to do. Maybe with the bikers, maybe not. It’s high time I made my own way. We’ll see.”

“Give them up, Dace. For me.”

“Aw Liza, c’mon. It’s never that easy. And you’ll do what you have to do too. Remember all you wanted? All you wanted to be?” he said, almost burying her body with his. “Neither of us can do anything if we’re not free.”

“Dace, I can’t breathe,” she said, struggling to free her face from his chest and cocking her ears towards the door. “What’s that? I think somebody’s coming downstairs!”

He half-rolled off her, hoisting his upper body on his forearms. They hadn’t got all of him yet. He was still strong, she could see.
Maybe
he would be all right.
 

“Shhh, I heard it too,” he said, gripping her mouth so hard with his right hand he would leave a bruise. He kept it there through the next exchange. “Probably Mel wants his stash.”

“Melo!” a woman’s voice called then, much to their mutual relief, although they were still trying to ease behind a couple of boxes in the corner. Dace had already pinched out the candle with his free hand. “What are you doing, honey?”

“Aw Ma, can’t you leave me alone for five minutes?” Mel said just before he kicked the fake door.
 

Please,
Liza prayed through Dace’s fingers.
Go away, Mel.

“But, Mellie, we have guests! You have a responsibility! And this is your party. Have you spoken to the little Pisani girl yet?”

“Little! Look, I don’t mind the fact that she weighs about four hundred pounds, but I do mind that she simpers. Wants to marry a doctor, I think.”

“Well, what’s wrong with that? Lovely family, Mel, she has a lovely family, unlike that sly, sharp-faced little Liza Devereux. Oh, I don’t know what you see in her. She’s not even pretty. You could do
so
much better.”

Too late, Dace took his hand from Liza’s mouth and plugged his forefingers into her ears.

“Mother!”

“Mel, I’m going to get your Dad.” Her voice dropped slightly as she apparently turned away. “That’s okay, Mrs. Stewart, just put those little cocktail sausages on the counter.” Then her focus was back on her son. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, you’re going to get us all in trouble, smoking that—that funny stuff, grass, whatever it is. The Mayor’s family is here tonight and … Oh, Mel, why do you have to… Where do you get this rebellious streak?”

Feeling Dace’s mouth move against her face in a smile, Liza almost dissolved in giggles before she started praying again:
Go Mel, go.
 

“I was just checking the furnace, for God’s sake,” he answered, his voice retreating a little on the other side. “It’s colder than a witch’s tit down here. Did somebody leave the storm cellar door open? There’s snow on the back stairs. Footprints.”

“Mel!”

“Okay, I’m coming, I’m coming, but I swear to God that come summer I’m getting my own place,” the reluctant host said, his feet pounding upstairs to his mother’s kitchen.

“Whew,” Liza said. “That was close.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to?” Dace said, stretching out on her again, although neither of them dared take off either their clothes or their shoes.
 

Later, when she still hadn’t said another word for fear she might confess the one thing that would keep him and put him back in harm’s way, he spoke again. “Go now. It’s almost four and I want to leave in the dark. Get your bag from under the tree and let Mel know you’re here. He’ll be over the moon. His bedroom window’s unlocked. I already checked it out for you. At least it looked like his room. There were chemistry books all over the floor.”
 

“Dace,” she said, not moving, her eyes tracking dust motes on the floor. “Do you really want me to?”

He went silent, rummaging through a small cupboard of spare clothes.
 

“Dace?” she tried again, raising herself on one elbow, her bangs veiling her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, Liza. It’s what’s right for you. Never mind that the thought of you with that baby-faced boy makes me want to beat your ass. As for him, well, don’t ever leave me alone with him, that’s all I ask. Now drop it. Just drop it,” he said, pulling a sweater over his head. “This is good. A handknit pullover with reindeer and an Arctic parka. Very Canadian. Look at the hood. I can close it right over my face!” he said, then demonstrated, pulling the material so close she could barely even see his eyes.
You look like an anteater,
she thought.
 

She wanted to cry, but something in her was hardening up for the time ahead. She watched him for a while instead, suiting up for the worst. He pulled back the hood of the jacket temporarily. He was paler now; the fever must have broken.
 

“Maybe you should leave first,” she finally said, lying limply back on the sleeping bag.

“All right,” he said, kneeling beside her and looking straight into her eyes. “For God’s sake, why are looking at me like that?” He took her face in his hands.
Like I’m abandoning you?
she thought he said, although his lips didn’t move.

Her lips quivered and tears spilled over. She couldn’t say anything.
Because you are
, she thought.
You don’t want to, but you are.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“For God’s sake,” she said, sniffing and wiping her face with her sleeve. “Hurry. Go. Just go!” she said, half sitting up, taking his hand and kissing the open palm. “I’ve given you my body, my love and my loyalty. What more can you want?”

Dace stood up. He looked down at her. Somehow—it looked a massive effort—he shook his head. “Darling, you’ve given me everything I knew enough to want, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t held something back.”

“And what are
you
holding back?”

“Nothing. You know all my secrets now, good or bad, everything I’d hoped to hide.”
 

And I still want you,
she thought, rolling over and burying her face in the sleeping bag so she wouldn’t have to watch him go.
All I ever wanted was you.