From My Heart (21 page)

Everyone was walking in front of me, so they stopped to see why I was laughing.

“What?” I asked with a satisfied grin on my face. “She looks worse than me!”

“Cale, you’re seriously going to get hurt or end up killing yourself with those things,” Lucy, my girlfriend, scolded me as she pointed to the open bottle of pills that lay on my nightstand. “You don’t need them.”

“Yes I do. Now don’t bring it up anymore,” I replied sharply, planting a kiss on her lips. I gripped her hips to move her on top of me so now she was straddling my legs.

“You don’t fool me, mister.” Lucy giggled, playfully slapping my chest and flipping her hair back behind her shoulders. This girl was so beautiful, even though she didn’t see it. She had told me from the start when we just became friends that she had issues with her weight and appearance because of something that happened back in middle school or early high school. She never went into much detail after that. “Seducing me so I can be quiet won’t work tonight.” Climbing off of my lap, she lay down beside me, wrapping her arms around me from behind as she snuggled up close.

“Hey, a guy can try, right?” I teased, placing my hands on top of hers where they rested just below my waist.

“I suppose.” She breathed against the back of my neck. “I need to throw those things away. That’ll solve the problem.” I wanted to say the Hell it wouldn’t. I had been heavily taking pills since the blow out with my dad a few years back and it helped numb my pain whenever I got anxiety. They had become a part of me and at that point, I didn’t care if anyone called me an addict. I knew what I was.

“And you are just setting yourself up for failure, my love. Now let’s go to sleep,” I said to her, reaching for the lamp in front of me. Turning it off, I squeezed Lucy’s hands again. “Promise you’ll never leave me, right?”

“Of course not,” she said sleepily. “I’ll always be there for you, Cale. I love you too much to walk away.”

It was like déjà vu all over again. Just as I thought things were going great with Lucy, I had no idea she was also seeing Tyler periodically behind my back. If I knew then what I knew now I would’ve dumped her before she cheated on me, but I guess that’s how life works. I was lying in my bunk, replaying that memory in my head over and over. “I’ll always be there for you, Cale. I love you too much to walk away.” That was a lie.

I tried to say the same thing about Bryn, now knowing her big secret. She had kissed my best fucking friend, the same one that screwed Lucy who knew how many times over the years. My initial reaction was just plain ‘What the fuck? Why am I still friends with this guy?’ Any other guy would forget Tyler ever existed, but despite all of the drama and fights we have been through recently and over the years, he usually had my back. I couldn’t think, move, or say anything. When I initially laid eyes on Bryn and Kallie beating the living daylights out of each other, I was infuriated. And I told Bryn that. That was so unlike her so I was shocked to see blood on her clothes and marks on her face. When I confronted her about fighting Kallie, she immediately thought I was taking Kallie’s side.

That was far from the truth. Then when she spilled the secret about how she kissed Tyler, my mind shut down. I wanted to take it out on something so when she went to change out of her bloody clothes, I threw the last bottle of Jack Daniels against the wall, watching the glass shatter into a thousand pieces.

After the show, I pulled Tyler aside and we took a long walk and actually talked about what happened instead of punching each other in the face, which I almost resorted to. He explained to me the first time they kissed was just after she had seen me and Kallie onstage lip locking, which I was still not proud of. It didn’t make the situation any better or justify it, but she had done it to get back at me. I deserved it.

Every little bit of it. I was starting to realize that.

“How are you feeling?” Tyler asked me as we stopped at a rest stop to stretch out our legs. It had been a couple of days since me and Bryn’s big fight. That night after the show, all of the bands went to a club nearby the venue and I drank way too much, which led to me taking one too many pills. I had passed out at the club. It was Bryn that stopped me and tried to slap some sense into me.

“Like a complete fucking failure.” I held my head in my hands, trying to find a way to get rid of the pounding in my head and the pain in my chest. “I just can never shake this or catch a break.”

“Stop being down on yourself, Pelton. That’s why you can’t recover from your addiction. You question yourself and that’s when you take more,” Tyler replied honestly. “Maybe once we’re wrapped up on the east coast, you should consider rehab. Before you say anything, just hear me out. Think of all of us. Think of your brothers, think of Bryn. You love her like you say you do? Show her. She needs to know you still care about her. She seems afraid to be around you because she doesn’t know when you’re going to turn into an ass.”

“You sound like my mother sometimes,” I said, patting him on the back. “Why don’t you quit and be a shrink or something?”

Tyler threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, right. I just know you all too well, Cale. We’ve been through a lot of things since the pre-school days.”

I nodded in agreement. “That’s too true.”

As Tyler went to use the restroom, I sat on a huge rock by the restroom collecting my thoughts. He was right. I absolutely loved Bryn. With my whole heart and soul. More than she’d ever know. I wanted to win back her trust and make her my girlfriend again, but I was hurting her and everyone else in the band. Maybe it took going through everything I’d went through to finally see that. With less than a week until we ended the tour in Boston, I had to make that tough decision: would I go to rehab or watch myself deteriorate before everyone’s eyes?

“You seem pretty lost in thought,” Bryn commented, sitting down beside me. There was plenty of distance between us and I wanted to close that gap, to put my arm around her. “Is it okay if I sit here or are you going to fight with me?”

She had a right to be that way. I’d treated her like shit more than I’d been nice and I hated myself for being like a dick towards her. Bryn had been through a lot since losing her brother and her parents’ sort of trying to get in touch with her now and then. She didn’t need the burden of me and my problems on her shoulders.

“I’m just thinking, that’s all,” I replied coldly. “And no, I don’t plan on fighting with you anytime soon, Bryn.”

Bryn’s lips curled into a smirk. “Good,” she said, patting my knee. “Because I’ve seen and done enough fighting this tour with just about everyone and I don’t want to do it anymore. Even with Kallie.” After the catfight between Bryn and Kallie, Kallie finally got off my ass and moved onto one of the guys in The Brittle Souls. Have at it. “But can you believe we’re almost done?”

“You’ve made it through like a champ, B,” I said. “We had some fun times, didn’t we?” I thought of the many late night parties we had, spending our alone time together, and lastly the night we went to the club after the big blowout. Even if Gina and Bethany kept Bryn as far away from me as possible, I still watched her bumping and grinding with her friends, and it turned me on horribly. I wound up kissing a girl that got way too close to me while I ordered a round of drinks, but all I could see was Bryn. It didn’t feel right to me.

“We sure did,” she replied. I could see a hint of sadness in her face, but she was trying to hide it. “I don’t know what I’ll do with our time off.” Since “Straight from the Heart” hit the internet and radio, it was our highest rated song to date. We did radio interviews at various stations in between tour dates to promote the song, and we were planning on doing an acoustic set for a few fans before the last show in Boston. But I didn’t want to tell Bryn I might have already thought about my plans for the break.

I wanted to be one hundred percent sure that was what I wanted to do.

“At least you’ve got Gina and Bethany to spend time with,” I told her.

“Yeah, but they’re going to start looking for jobs when they get home. They even talked about starting up a music magazine, but you know how they are. They like to dream big and take more risks than I do.” She smiled, standing up and walking away. “See you back on the bus.”

We were back in our home state tonight in Grand Rapids. While I was up sitting at the table strumming Vince’s acoustic guitar, I saw I had a few text messages.

Damon: Hey man heard you guys were playing at Intersection tonight right?

I texted Damon—lead singer of Ignite the Flames, and friend of mine—back right away.

Me: Hell yes, you going to be in the area?

Damon: Yes sir, all of us will be. Just got done helping Lucy move out of her place.

Lucy—my ex-girlfriend and bassist in Ignite the Flames—lived in Muskegon, on the west side of the state, where she grew up her whole life. Even while she made a shit-ton of money, she still chose to live in the very first apartment she ever rented. I was surprised to hear she was finally moving out of that place. It’d be good to see all of them tonight.

Me: Bet she’s excited. I’ll save you guys’ backstage passes.

Damon: Sweet dude, thanks! Lucy can’t wait to see Bryn btw.

Me: Haha well Bryn will be excited too. You should do a song with us.

Damon: NOW we’re talking! I’ll see you guys there and we’ll talk.

This was going to be one Hell of a homecoming.

***

“Bryn Schaefler! It’s been way too long!” I heard Lucy shout as we finished up sound check at the Intersection. Cale told me that she and the rest of Ignite the Flames were coming out to the show tonight, which made me all too excited. I couldn’t wait to formally introduce her to Gina and Bethany, who were already geeking about meeting yet another rock star.

“Lucy Tomlinson. You look amazing!” We squealed as we hugged each other tight. Her black hair was crimped and had bright blond streaks in it, and she wore a pair of floral print shorts and a solid baby pink colored tank top. She looked a lot skinnier than the last time I saw her in November, the day of the shooting.

“Thanks! So do you, girly.” Lucy gestured to my tight black dress and knee high boots. “How’ve you been?”

Where did I even start?

“I’ve been better, I guess.”

“Uh oh…” Lucy frowned. “Let’s go somewhere and you can tell me. Plus I want to meet your friends too.”

I nodded and we linked arms as we went out into the lobby of the venue, where there was no sign of life. No at least for a couple of hours.

“So Cale and I aren’t together anymore…” I started to say and Lucy’s mouth dropped open.

“Are you serious?” she asked. “What happened? You two were the perfect little couple.”

“Did you know about his addiction to painkillers?”

Lucy stayed silent for a second. Then she nodded. “Yeah. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course you can.” 

“That’s why I cheated on him with Tyler. I was trying so hard to get him to quit taking those. That was my last straw and I thought it might have made him wake up,” Lucy explained. “But I’ll spare you the gory details. I take it that’s what happened with you too?”

“Well, Tyler kind of blurted it out after they got into a fist fight awhile back,” I said. “But yeah, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore, especially when that’s a huge secret to keep from someone you supposedly love.”

Lucy sat there next to me and listened to every word as I told her everything. The time Kallie and I fist fought and when I confessed to kissing Tyler.

“Wow, girl. It sounds like we’re one in the same.” She meant it sarcastically; we both started laughing. “But you still love him, right?”

“Of course I do,” I admitted. “I always will. I could honestly picture spending my life with him, as crazy as that sounds coming from the mouth of an eighteen-year-old.”

Lucy draped her arm around my shoulders. “You’ll get that chance, Bryn. I could see it when you guys were doing sound check and practicing ‘You Were Young.’ When he’s crazy about someone he gets that look in his eye, and his eyes were only on you. It was plain and obvious to all of us.”

“I’m scared though,” I said in a near whisper. “What if something happens to him? He could slip an OD, or even worse…”

“Bryn, that won’t happen,” Lucy assured me. “If he loves you and loves his band, he’ll do what’s right. You just have to have faith in him and trust he’ll make the right decision.” She squeezed my shoulder and we went backstage where I finally introduced her to Gina and Bethany.

“Girls, this is Lucy from Ignite the Flames. Lucy, these are my best friends from back home, Gina and Bethany.” I pointed from one girl to the other as they all exchanged hugs.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting you right now!” Bethany jumped up and down. “I’m totally in love with you.”

Lucy laughed and flashed a smile. “Well thank you. Bryn’s told me all about you guys.”

Gina and Bethany shared a look and it seemed like they were about to faint.

“Don’t worry,” I told Lucy. “They did this when they met the guys’ last tour.” 

Just then, someone came from behind me and wrapped their arms around my waist. I shrieked and shouted, “Oh my god, who’s that?” The girls started giggling and I craned my head to see Damon Charming behind me.

He looked completely different. His blond hair was shaved off and was wearing a Detroit Tigers hoodie and baggy jeans but somehow they fit him just right. He didn’t look like the Damon I remembered seeing last summer, but he still looked good.

“Hey, little girl,” he murmured. “Surprised to see me?” He let go of me and my hands wrapped around his back to embrace him.

“’Course not. Cale told me you were helping Lucy move so you guys were going to come by the show,” I said, hardly containing my smile. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” he replied, his eyes now on my friends. “I take it these are your best friends you used to talk about?”

I nodded. “Yup. That’s Gina and Bethany. They moved back from California so I told them they should come on tour with us.”

“I need to move near you, Bryn. Are there other girls around there that look as nice as them?” Damon joked, and Lucy slapped the back of his head.

“You’re such a man-whore, Damon. Stop it,” Lucy teased. “Go bug Cale or someone else.”

He put his hands up and backed away. “Okay, alright I will. You gotta watch this girl, she has the bark and she will bite.” He winked and waved at us as he headed towards the guys, who were across the room.

***

The Brittle Souls were onstage and I was on the side checking out their set with Lucy and Pauly, her bandmate, when Cale tapped on my shoulder. He took my breath away. He was dressed in a long sleeved white t-shirt that clung to his abs and his arms in just the right spots. His designer jeans reminded me of the first time we had lunch at Lozano’s together and I had thought he was darn good looking even then.

Deep breath, Bryn, it’s just Cale,
I had to remind myself as he rocked back and forth on his feet, appearing nervous.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” he asked quietly, pointing towards the door to outside.

“Yeah, of course,” I replied. I followed Cale as we maneuvered our way outside and as far away from ear shot as we could go. I was starting to feel a little scared since we were a little ways away from the building and I didn’t want anything to happen to us.

“Is everything okay?” I asked as he started to look down at his feet.

Lifting his head up, he locked his eyes onto mine. “I just have something I really need to tell you. I’ve been thinking about this all day long today…”

“Okay?” Now I was really worried.

He took my hands out of my pockets and intertwined our fingers.

Letting out a sigh, he said, “You have no idea how I’ve missed this between us, Bryn. I know I kept my secret from you and you said you couldn’t do us anymore, which I understand, but you will always be my girl. No matter what.”

I didn’t know what to say. This was Cale in his vulnerable state, and I wasn’t sure what bomb he was going to throw my way.

“Do you feel this?” Cale’s voice cracked as he positioned my hand on his scar inches from his heart.

“This should hurt me,” he said. “But you know what? It doesn’t anymore. I would do anything for you, Bryn Schaefler.” He paused, tears starting to fill up his eyes. “
Anything
. I took a bullet to save you. I got stabbed and beaten to a bloody pulp. But I would do it again because you are everything to me. And I’m the luckiest guy in the world because I can say you’re still mine.”

He held my gaze, not blinking for one second. “Now feel this.” He moved my fingers so they now lay across his beating heart, which pounded under my hand. “This right here, beats only for you.
Just
for you. This is why it is killing me to let you and the guys go for a while. But I have to get help. I can’t hurt you or my brothers any longer.”

Our fingers separated and I latched onto him as if my life depended on it. I dug into his shoulders as we stood there and cried. I cried because the love of my life finally decided to get the help he needed to get his life on track. His grip on me tightened as he whispered how much he was going to miss me when he left, how much he loved me.

“It’s only 90 days,” Cale whispered as he kissed my cheek. “I’m calling tomorrow to sign myself up and I’ll leave after the tour is over.”

“I love you,” I murmured, leaning up to kiss him. “I’m so proud that you decided to do this.”

“I love you too, Bryn,” Cale responded. “Just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that when I get back, we’ll pick up where we left off before you broke up with me?” His eyes were filled with hope as he wiped away the wetness under them.

“Yes, I would want nothing more.”