From Ashes (19 page)

Cassidy gasped and jumped back and off the bed, grabbing for her clothes. “Did they even knock this time?!”

“I have
got
to get that key back from him.” I pulled her back to me after I had my jeans on and kissed her roughly. “You almost ready . . . or not?” I deadpanned when I saw she had a different jersey in each hand. I chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Good luck with that one.” Plucking my shirt off the floor, I headed out.

“It’s about time!” Grant bitched as he flopped onto one of the couches. “It’s rude to keep your guests waiting.”

“Kinda rude to just walk in. Adam, swear to God, you do that one more time I’m takin’ my key back from you.”

“Where’s Cassi? I’m hungry,” Jake grumbled, and looked hopelessly toward the bedroom door.

“You’re grown, get your own damn food! Y’all should be happy she makes you food anyway,
and
that we let y’all come over every Sunday to watch whatever games are on.”

“Well, where else are we supposed to go for the game, you have the biggest TV!”

“Your own place? What if Cass hated sports, or better . . . what if she hated y’all?” I smiled and dodged a pillow Adam threw at me.

“Well, thank God you don’t have a stuck-up bitch. At least you have . . .” Jake paused as Cassidy walked out of the bedroom with the most gorgeous blush covering her face. “That.”

I looked at my girl. God, I was one lucky son of a bitch. Her hair was loose with its natural wave and was somewhat mussed up from the heated session we’d just been having. Those honey-colored eyes were bright and full of promises for later, and I watched as her cheeks got even darker. Looking down over her body, my travel stopped short and I laughed. “Guess you chose? Wrong choice, darlin’. You’re in Texas; don’t forget that.” She’d been flipping out all day over which jersey to wear; she only owned two, both of which were basketball jerseys. One was a Lakers jersey, Lamar Odom’s, and the other was a Spurs, Tim Duncan’s. Both teams were playing each other today and, according to Cassidy, that “just wasn’t allowed.”

“This isn’t fair!” She pointed at her gold jersey. “They’re my team, I can’t just abandon them . . .” Her lips stretched into a wide Cheshire cat grin and she lifted the gold jersey up to her chin to show off her white jersey underneath. “But Tim Duncan is my all-time favorite player and the only man I’d ever leave you for, so I decided to keep him closer to my heart.”

My eyes rolled and I held back a laugh as Ethan spoke up. “You can’t cheer on both teams, Cass. Pick one or the other. And remember what Gage said: you ain’t in California anymore, baby girl.”

“But it’s so hard!” She stamped her foot. Actually stamped her damn foot.

“Darlin’ ”—I couldn’t hold back my next laugh—“did you really just stamp your foot?”

Her eyes had begun drifting to the TV as Jake got it on the channel where they were still doing pregame footage and she did a double take, her eyes going wide. “
Shh!
” Her hand flew up and she turned more so she could watch, her hand still up in the air, like that would keep us all from still talking. Oddly, it did.

I did let out a groan though when I saw what she’d seen and was now intently watching. As soon as Tim Duncan’s interview ended I started talking again. “You happy to be gettin’ your fix?”

Cassidy turned and her eyes were bright, her smile bigger than ever. I shook my head at her but pulled her close and kissed her hard. I wasn’t complaining; she was so damn cute when she got excited over watching Tim Duncan. I didn’t even mind that she always reminded me she would leave me for him; if Tim Duncan was the worst thing I had to worry about, I’d say I had it pretty easy.

“You know what I think isn’t fair?” Jake asked. “That Gage gets a girl like Cassi. She actually knows what’s going on in every sport we watch, and she enjoys watching the game. Where’s my Cassi? That’s what I wanna know!”

“I’ll find you one, Jake,” she promised as everyone laughed, and left my arms. “Nothing fancy tonight, guys, I’m just gonna make sandwiches. Anyone wants a beer, we stocked up the fridge at the bar; help yourself.”

“And
that. Right. There.
I want a damn SMB too! Doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s ‘nothing fancy’ or not, there isn’t another SMB out there like Cassi. That’s it, I’m kidnapping and keeping her.” Jake sounded exasperated.

“What the hell is an SMB?” Ethan asked, but we all looked confused.

Jake looked at us like we should know this already. “SMB? Sandwich-Making Bitch.”

The room got tense as at least Adam, Ethan, and I got ready to rip into Jake for talking about Cassidy like that. But all of a sudden Cassidy burst into laughter so hard she had to grip my arm to keep herself standing. Jake and Grant laughed with her.

“See, she gets it,” Jake said, and picked the remote back up to turn up the volume.

Cassidy was wiping tears from her eyes when her laughs turned into soft giggles. “Jake, just for that I’m making your sandwiches first and
I’ll
get your beer for you.”

“You’re serious right now?” Ethan asked her, still looking pissed off. At least there were some sane people in the room still.

“Well, yeah. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.” She looked at me and her smile faltered when she realized I wasn’t finding anything about that funny. “All right, Jake, did you mean that to be offensive?”

Jake said, “
Hell
no. That’s the best compliment I could give a chick. I won’t let just anyone make me a sandwich.” He grinned ridiculously at her.

“And I didn’t take it as offensive.” I still hadn’t relaxed my tense frame, and from the looks of it, neither had Ethan or Adam, so she kept talking. “It’s like that whole women-belong-in-the-kitchen-barefoot-and-pregnant thing; it’s funny. If Jake meant any of that literally, I doubt he’d be okay with me watching the game with you guys.”

“Exactly!” Jake threw an arm out toward Cassidy, pointing toward her. “She gets it, why don’t y’all?”

Cassidy kissed my cheek and moved to the kitchen. “But, Jake, I expect an early birthday present this year of a Cowboys jersey with the initials
SMB
on the back rather than a player’s name.”

“Gage, you are one lucky motherfucker. That’s all I’m gonna say,” Grant said, soft enough that I doubted Cass could hear him, and Jake grunted his agreement.

“Seriously, man, it’s a compliment, you need to relax,” Jake said, and turned up the volume even louder.

But by this point, I was relaxed, completely. Something Cassidy said was replaying through my mind over and over again, and I turned to look at her. She glanced up as she finished getting everything out of the fridge and smiled softly at me. That smile I’d realized was reserved just for me. She turned to get a carving board and bread and I let my eyes roam over her again, her long hair reaching her waist, the tank top Lakers jersey resting loosely on her hips and those super-short black shorts that were driving me crazy right now. My jeans got tight as I continued over her legs down to her bare feet. The corner of my mouth lifted slightly and I snapped my eyes back up a little just in time for her to turn. I kept my gaze in that spot, letting the image she’d put in my mind play through, and finally looked back up to her beautiful face. Was it twisted that I hardened even more at the thought of Cassidy pregnant? Before the guys could notice I was sporting a hard-on again, I turned and headed back for our room.

How many times had I thought about marrying Cassidy and having a family with her? Thousands, at the very least, but for whatever reason I’d never thought of her actually pregnant. And damn if I ever wanted that image to leave my mind. It’d only been a month and a half since we’d gotten together, but I’d been in love with her for almost two years now.
That’s not too crazy, to think of this already, is it? Fuck . . . who am I kidding? Of course it is. I’m only twenty-two, and she’s nineteen. I shouldn’t be thinking about this for years.
And I doubted I would have actually thought about having kids if she hadn’t made that one completely innocent comment. But she did, and now it was all I could think of. Cassidy round with my kid.
That
would be an incredible sight.

“Babe?”

I turned to see her worried expression as she closed the door behind her.

“Are you okay? You aren’t really mad at Jake, are you? I thought it was funny.”

“No, I’m not.”

Cass smiled softly before her brows pinched together again. “Then what’s wrong? Why are you in here, and . . . I don’t even know how to explain your expression. I can’t tell if you’re mad or confused or—I just have no idea.”

God, I wanted to tell her. I wanted to say I was gonna kick the guys out, that I wanted her to stop taking birth control and I wanted to marry her immediately. But I knew I’d freak her out—hell, I was freaking myself out. Not the marrying-her part; I’d have married her in an instant. But the rest of it. I needed to take all this slow; I needed to find a way to ease Cassidy into the idea of even having a family. I knew because of her childhood, she had this fear of having children. She was terrified she’d turn into her mother. I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that could ever happen. Right now, though, if I were to tell her I was imagining her pregnant, I could only imagine that mask I hated so damn much slipping back on her face. It would ruin things for us, not just today, but for some time to come. She’d shut down, I had no doubt about it. So instead, I pushed the image of her pregnant to the back of my mind and smiled down at her.

“I’m fine, sweetheart. I’d just been checkin’ you out and got hard thinking about what we’d been interrupted doing. Decided it was better to walk away before any of the guys noticed.”

Her honey eyes widened and heated before she looked down. Instantly my erection made itself known again.
Down, boy.
She took another step closer and pressed her body to mine. “I’ll take care of that as soon as they’re gone,” she whispered huskily, and with a suggestive smile, turned and walked out of the room.

Chapter Thirteen

C
ASSIDY

I
’D SPENT MOST
of that next week at Jesse and Isabella’s, and thankfully Gage went with me. We were both completely enchanted with her tales of Italy and the man she’d grown up with and loved. She was a sweet woman, and we hated seeing her so ill, which is why we’d spent every free second there since the morning after the whole SMB basketball game.

Isabella had some good days and other not-so-good days, but this whole week had been awful, and I could see how much it was wearing on Jesse. That Monday he hadn’t been able to even put a coffee with three sugars together correctly, and I’d finally sent him on a lunch, and then home when he told me Isabella couldn’t get out of bed that morning, even with his help. It wasn’t until this morning that she’d been able to get around on her own and seem like herself again.

In the month and a half since we’d first brought food to their house, it’d become a weekly ritual for us. Every Sunday morning before the guys came over for the game, we’d go over with food for the week and talk with her and Jesse for hours until it was time to go home. After this week though, Gage and I were exhausted emotionally. I couldn’t understand how Jesse could do it; after only a handful of afternoons and nights with her, we were both so emotionally drained from worrying about her, all we wanted to do was sleep the weekend away and pray that she got better. But Jackie had called as we were on our way back from Isabella’s and said we absolutely had to be at her party tonight.

Figuring we needed all the help we could get to bring our spirits up, we’d decided to go and I was already seriously regretting it.

“Damn it,” Gage mumbled under his breath, and I paused. Tyler was there; this was the first time I was seeing him since the morning he’d shown up at Gage’s door, and he was with that redhead he’d brought home the night he kicked me out. “Darlin’, if you want to leave, tell me and we’re gone.”

“It’s fine. I’m not going to let him control what we do; that’s dumb.”

As soon as Ty saw me, he broke away from the redhead and walked quickly over to us, giving Gage a death stare before stepping close to me. “Cassi, how are you?”

My heart clenched and my arms twitched, wanting to wrap them around Tyler’s waist, but a squeeze from Gage’s hand and one look at the redhead glaring at our group reminded me why that wasn’t an option. “Tyler.”

“Don’t be like that, baby.”

“Don’t. Call. Her. Baby,” Gage said through clenched teeth, and pulled me closer to his side.

Tyler’s eyes narrowed and swept over to look Gage up and down. “She’s never complained about it.” His brown eyes came back to me and turned pleading. “Cassi, can we please talk?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Ty,” I said softly, fully aware of Grant, Ethan, and Jackie standing near us.

“Why? Did Gage tell you that you can’t speak to me now?”

“No, he didn’t. I just don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Hi, Gage.” A soft but sultry voice joined the conversation and I looked past Tyler to see the redhead, realizing this was the first time I’d heard her speak.

“Cara.” His hand tightened around mine again and anyone near us could feel the tension rolling off his body.

Gage’s body was turned so my shoulder was against his stomach and he was staring down at me, but I was looking straight at Cara. Her eyes took on a strange heat when they looked at Gage and she dragged her bottom lip through her teeth. An uneasy feeling filled my stomach and got worse when her eyes locked on me and she slipped her hand into Tyler’s.

“Your name’s Carrie, right?” she asked with a sneer. I had no doubt she knew exactly what my name was, but before I could correct her she kept going. “I would say I’m sorry for taking Tyler from you. But, well, I’m not.” She shrugged and her lips formed into an awkward shape, making her look like a duck. “You’re not his type, but I’m sure if you ask real nice, Gage will give you either my Monday- or Wednesday-night slot.”

I felt Gage’s body lock up even further; I swear if someone had poked him he’d have shattered. But I had no idea what she meant by “Monday- or Wednesday-night slot.” I didn’t have to ask; Cara didn’t leave me wondering for long.

“I mean, it would probably be more of a charity case than anything, but Lord knows you need to learn how to keep a boyfriend and Gage needs to fill his booty-call slots.”

“Cara, shut up,” Gage whispered. I didn’t have to see his face to know what she was saying was true. The horrified tone in those three words said it all.

“Oh.” She sucked air in through her teeth. “Whoops, did you already fill those spots? God, Gage, I knew you had a healthy appetite, but I thought you’d at least mourn my loss for a while. Don’t worry, honey,” Cara said, focusing her attention back on me with an unconvincing grimace, “he doesn’t keep any of his girls around for very long. I’m sure a night will open for you soon.”

I looked up at Tyler to see his obvious concern for me as he disentangled himself from her, but Jackie was already pulling me away from him, Cara, and Gage.

“Cassidy!” Gage called as I was swept away.

I lived with Gage, I spent every night with him; I would have known if he was going to a booty call at night. But Gage’s reaction to Cara told me that what Cara was saying had truth to it.

“That bitch. Don’t listen to anything she said, Cass, she was just trying to rub her relationship with Tyler in your face.”

“Then why was she talking about Gage?!”

Jackie looked at me like she wished she had the answer, and then Jackie’s little frame started shaking and her face turned murderous. “You better hope like hell that what she was saying wasn’t true, Gage Carson.”

I whirled around to see a wide-eyed, pale-faced Gage shut Jackie’s door behind him.

“Babe—”

“Is it true?” I demanded.

“I can explain.”

“Oh my God, it’s true? You had days? Like . . . you had a fucking schedule for your fuck buddies, Gage?!”

His eyes got even wider and he took a deep, shaky breath in.

“When. Was. This?” What had Cara said? Something about his having a healthy appetite but thinking he’d mourn her loss first.

“Cassidy,” Gage said, “I need to explain first.”

“When, Gage? Because from what she was saying, it didn’t sound like it was a couple of years ago!”

“The last time was the night before I left for the ranch for winter break.”

That night was the night I’d given him the picture and he’d left quickly. What girl had he gone to screw that night? And then it hit me, and my voice lost all the force behind it and came out soft. “Oh my God, you lied to me.” Jackie tried to leave the room but I gripped her hand harder. “Tyler was right, you left the apartment because you didn’t want me there with you. I
was
making it hard for your relationships.” I had been in the way, just like Tyler said. If Tyler hadn’t been lying about that, what else hadn’t he been lying about?

“No, no, babe, that’s not it at all. I didn’t lie to you, I’ve never lied to you.”

“Bullshit!”

I could tell from his expression my language in the room had been surprising him. He stepped closer, trying to pull me into his arms, but I stepped back with Jackie. “Cassidy, that hadn’t begun until I started coming around again after I’d moved out. It only lasted for a month and a half. I was just trying to forget you. I thought you’d led me on; you know everything Tyler told me when we lived together and at the ranch! I was pissed, and I wanted to get back at you and forget you; that was my way.”

The room fell silent for a few moments while I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “That is the most pathetic, disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Cassidy—”

“How many of those girls did you treat the way you’ve been treating me? Did you tell all of them you love them? That they’re perfect? I swear to God, Gage, I knew you were experienced but I had no idea you had a fucking
schedule
!”

“I have never told another girl that I loved them. Only you, Cassidy, it’s only ever been you.” His green eyes were pained and his shoulders looked like they were hunched in.

“Gage, do you really expect me to believe you? Was this all a game for you? Innocent, naïve Cassidy got dumped by her boyfriend because she wouldn’t have sex with him; let’s see how long it’ll take me to bang her.”

He flinched like I’d slapped him, but before he could say anything I gasped loudly.

“Oh my God. How many of them did you screw without a condom? Did you ‘just not think about it’ with all of them too?!”

“This is getting awkward,” Jackie said when Ethan walked in and gave me a double take as I said those last few sentences.

“Babe!” Gage no longer looked just hurt; he was pissed too. “How could you even think that? Are you serious right now, Cassidy?! I have
never—
”

“How do I know that you haven’t given me some disease, Gage?!”

“Cass!”

“Get out.” I kept one hand gripping Jackie and let the other point toward her bedroom door. “Get out, Gage.”

“Darlin’,” he said softly, and took two steps toward me, one arm extended.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I screeched at him. “Get. Out!”

“C’mon, Gage,” Ethan said as he slowly dragged him toward the bedroom door, “you need to give her time alone, let’s go back out here.”

“Cassidy, I swear, it’s not like you think. I love you.”

“Let’s go, man.” Ethan grabbed his upper arm and pulled harder.

Gage stared at me with the most devastating expression as he stumbled behind Ethan out of the room.

“How could he?” I asked Jackie as soon as the door was shut behind them.

“Come here, Cass.” Jackie pulled me toward the bed and sat me down. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, so let me start by saying that I agree with you, it is gross that he had days for girls. I think he’s a pig for that, but, sweetie”—she brushed some of my hair away from my face—“the rest of it? You can’t really be mad at him for that. Because weren’t you doing something similar? You thought Gage didn’t want anything to do with you, so you started dating Tyler. And while you two weren’t having sex, you made out all the time and you were trying to get yourself ready to go there with Tyler.”

I wanted to be mad at her for taking Gage’s side, but as always, I knew Jackie was seeing things in a way I couldn’t.

“I’ve known Gage for almost three years. He’s had a couple girlfriends, dated a few more girls, but he’s never been in love with any of them. He’s never once treated any of them the way he treats you. Like I said, what he did was not all right. But at least talk to him about it. Don’t break up with him because of something stupid he did while trying to get over you.”

“But
her,
Jackie? Why did she have to sleep with Gage and then Tyler?”

“I know, I was about ready to go off on her, but Gage didn’t know Tyler was going to do that to you. Don’t hold this against Gage.” She was silent for a minute before talking again. “I can tell you’re not considering my advice, so hear this: everyone does stupid shit when they’re upset. Doesn’t matter what, could be indulging in pints of Ben and Jerry’s, or it could be what Gage did. I did something along the lines of what Gage did once. I dated this guy Anthony all four years of high school; he left for UT right away, but I went to a community college for a year before I decided to come here too. I thought we’d be together forever, but he ended up finding someone else and told me
after
I’d already started school here. I was so upset that I went and slept with his roommate, who just happened to be his twin brother, and made sure Anthony found out about it.”

“You didn’t!” I said, my mouth wide open, and then started bursting into laughter.

Jackie giggled next to me. “I did!”

“Did his brother not care that you were using him?”

“Nope, he was so mad at Anthony for what he did to me, he was game as soon as I mentioned it. Actually, he and I remained good friends and he’s the one who introduced me to Ethan . . . it’s Adam.”

“You had sex with Adam?!” I whispered, horrified. How were she and Dana friends? How were Adam and Ethan friends? “Do Ethan and Dana know what happened? And where’s this Anthony guy?”

Jackie laughed harder and wiped tears from her eyes. “Yes, everyone knows what happened. Adam had actually already told Ethan about me and everything that had happened; Ethan still wanted to meet me. Dana didn’t like me at first last year when she and Adam started dating, but after she hung out with me and Ethan she got over it really quick. And Anthony decided he wanted to go into the army, so he left after his second fall semester.”

“Oh my word.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath in and out to calm her laughing. “All that is to say, people do stupid shit when they’re upset. Don’t be too hard on Gage. He’s not cheating on you, and remember, I get to hear what goes on behind enemy lines since I’m dating one of his best friends. He fell for you the moment he saw you. I didn’t have to hear that from you to know it; he told Ethan too. We were all just waiting for you guys to come together.”

“Ugh, I feel so stupid for overreacting!” I jumped off the bed, pulling her with me. “Thank you, Jackie, what would I do without you?” I hugged her quickly.

“Well, let’s just hope Gage is still here so we don’t have to go track him down.”

Just then there was a loud crash and a few guys started yelling, one of them distinctly my Gage. “Oh shit.”

G
AGE

E
THAN HAD TO
pull me out of the room so I wouldn’t continue to make an ass out of myself and dig myself into an even deeper hole with Cassidy. Was it too much to ask for us to have a normal night out without something happening?

I shoved him. “Get the fuck off me.”

“You need to calm down, man.”

“I am calm! I just can’t fucking lose Cassidy because of Cara!” God, in December I thought I’d die if Cassidy ever found out because I knew she would look at me differently, and I didn’t think I’d be able to handle that, but I didn’t know just how painful that death would be. I didn’t think I could handle seeing her look at me like that one more time. Like . . . exactly what she said: she was looking at me like I disgusted her, and I couldn’t blame her; I disgusted myself. But how could she for one damn second think that I would use her as a fucking game, or that I would ever treat anyone else the way I treated her? I hadn’t made it a secret since we’d been together how special she was to me and how different she was for me. But apparently she’d never believed any of that anyway.