From Across the Clouded Range (64 page)

Dasen leapt to his feet – the Muldons
could not discover that he had slept on the floor. He threw his
blanket to the side of the bed and placed his pillow next to
Teth.

There was another knock, this one more
insistent. He moved to answer it then realized that he was still
fully dressed. Still moving to the door, he pulled off his socks,
adjusted his pants to make them appear as if he had just pulled
them on, and undid the final button on his shirt as he cracked the
door.

Seri was waiting outside. She was
wearing a long nightdress with frills of lace at the neck and cuff
– Dasen wondered how she could sleep through the summer’s heat in
such a creation. Her hair, dark brown marked with wisps of gray,
was done in a long braid that hung down over her shoulder, and her
soft-brown eyes were alive with the light of the morning. Dasen
tried to look as if he had just dragged himself out of bed. He
rubbed his eyes more for effect than to eliminate any remnant
bleariness. When he had removed his fists from his eyes, Seri
looked past him at Teth still sleeping then smiled at him
knowingly. He returned the smile with as much enthusiasm as he
could muster. Seeing his smile, Seri's grew broader, knocking years
off of her face and lighting it with a girlish whimsy.

"I’ve gotten a bit tagether fir breakfast,”
she said in little more than a whisper. “I know it’s still early,
but Jer’s decided ta head inta town an’ wanted ta talk ta ya before
he goes. If ya’d like, ya can leave Tethina ‘ere. I suspect she
didn’t get as much sleep as she might’ve liked." Seri gave him
another of the knowing smiles and a wink that set him back. It was
all he could do to keep from blushing.

From the look in Seri's eyes, he had not even
succeeded at that, but he responded as if the silent exchange had
never taken place. "That sounds fine. The past few days have been
hard, and I am sure that Tethina would appreciate the sleep.” Seri
just smiled again and started down the stairs toward the
kitchen.

Dasen reversed the dance he had just
performed: buttoned his shirt, tucked it into his pants, recovered
his socks, and followed them with his boots. As he dressed, he
struggled with the dilemma of whether or not to wake Teth. He knew
she’d be mad if he did, but the way she’d acted last night, he
wasn’t sure he wanted her there when he talked with Jer. There was
no telling what she would do. Besides, she had said that he was
supposed to act more like a man.

In the end, he decided he just wasn’t
ready to face her accusations, so he left her to sleep. With a long
glance back at her motionless shape, he walked out the door and
closed it as quietly as he could behind him.

#

Teth shuffled down the stairs of the
Muldon house in a half-daze. The sound of boots on the stairs had
disrupted her from the deepest sleep she remembered having in a
long time, and she was still not quite awake. She had almost rolled
back over in search of further sleep, but the sound that had roused
her could only have been Dasen, and, despite what she had said last
night, she had no intention of letting him leave without
her.

Last night, she had strongly
considered it, had thought about letting him go, had fantasized
about finding him lost, hungry, and begging to make things right.
But the truth was she probably never would have seen him again. He
wouldn’t last a day in the forest without her, and as bad as he
was, he had at least shown that he cared for her, that he would not
take advantage of her.

As she had thought on it in the long
hours it took her to sleep, she had decided he was exactly what she
had said, a coward. He was afraid of what people thought, more
concerned about that than he was about her. But there were a lot
worse things he could be. He could be cruel, domineering, arrogant.
He could have hit her, raped her, left her for dead. But he hadn’t.
He had been caring, kind, and he had been brave. Certainly he was
capable of courage, had shown it time and again since they were
joined. She just had to convince him that she was worth the fight,
that saving her from being drowned by society was as important as
saving her from drowning in a river.

So it was that she had made a plan.
Long after Dasen had fallen asleep, after her foolish tears had
stopped, she had come up with a plan to show him that she was worth
his bravery. She would show him the forces that had shaped her,
show him that they were not the passing interests of a child. He
would have to see why the person she was could not be undone, could
not be reshaped to his whims, could not ever be the woman he
expected. And hardest of all, she would have to show him that she
was worth loving, was worth fighting for. It would be a long, hard
march for both of them, but she could see no other way.

Another yawn racked her as
she trudged down the stairs. She did not hurry. She knew that Dasen
could not be far ahead and mostly wanted to make sure he was not
actually stupid enough to leave without her –
who knows how much trouble he would get into before I could
sneak away and track him down.

At the bottom of the stairs, she heard
voices. Dasen and Jer were speaking, but the table was on the far
side of the room and their conversation was too faint to
understand. She stood for a long moment trying to decipher their
words but could not make out a thing. She prepared herself for what
she needed to do, rehearsed the speech she had planned the night
before, forced herself to lower her shoulders, to look smaller and
weaker, demure and lost. Finally, she turned the corner into the
room.

Dasen and Jer were sitting at the
table while Seri crouched near the fire. None of them saw her, and
she caught a snippet of what Jer was saying. “It’s no journey fir a
woman. If’n ya want, ya can leave now, an’ we’ll . . .”

“
Jer, hush!” Seri
whispered when she saw Teth. To cover the conspiracy, she
continued, “Tethina, it’s good ta see ya up. Did ya sleep well?
Perhaps ya could help me. I need some potatoes from the vegetable
cellar over the hill behind the house. Those men didn’t . . .
.”

Teth did not respond, her face fell
into her hand, and she started to sob. “You can’t, Dasen. Please .
. . by the Order, I can’t survive without you. Please, don’t leave
without me.” Dasen’s look of terror turned to disbelief, his jaw
nearly resting on the table.

“
I know that I’m a
terrible burden on you,” Teth continued after a moment to contain
her histrionics. She went to the table, grabbed Dasen’s arm, and
pleaded, “I know that it would be safer for both of us, if I stay
here, but I can’t bear to let you go and live with the worry of
never seeing you again. Less than a week ago, I pledged that I
would stand with you no matter how hard our lives are, and I intend
to keep that promise. I know I don’t do much, but at least I can
dig roots at the end of the day and cook a meal.” She paused and
stared into his eyes. “If you ask me to stay,” a loud snuffle, “I
will live up to my vow and obey, but I tell you, it will break my
heart.” She clutched his hand as if she would have to be pried
away.

Dasen was too surprised to respond,
though she saw realization beginning to bloom. She looked timidly
away to keep her eyes from giving her away. A second later, Seri
was at her side. Teth buried her face in the small woman’s
bountiful chest and wept loudly. She could almost feel the matron’s
eyes boring into Dasen from above.

“
That’s a mighty fine wife
there,” Jer said. “We’d be happy ta have ‘er ‘ere, but I think ya’d
be missin’ ‘er. Ya know, sometimes we’s need somethin’ ta protect
ta keep our bravery up, ta keep us goin’ when the times is hard.
I’m not tellin’ ya what ta do, but Tethina ‘ere might give ya that
strength when yir a needin’ it.”

Dasen sighed, long and deep. “Of
couse, you can come,” he said, voice dripping with mock sympathy.
“You know I could never do it without you. Now please stop with
this crying and have some breakfast.”

#

They said goodbye to Jer where the
road met a hunting trail that would take them north and east.
Despite their repeated warnings, he insisted on going into Potter’s
Place to find out what happened to his boys. He wished them the
best, gave Teth a warm hug, shook hands with Dasen, and continued
down the main road armed with nothing more than a thick stave that
he used as a walking stick. Teth said a silent prayer as he
disappeared from view. She held little hope that her prayer would
be answered, but she asked, nonetheless, that he find his boys and
bring them home.

Following through with his position as
the man, Dasen led the way down the narrow path. He carried a pack
that Jer had given them crammed full of as many things as Teth
could fit into it, including a new water bag, vegetables, a small
pan that Seri had been able to spare, and a few other essentials.
He also carried the bow and the quiver of arrows – now full from a
stock Jer maintained at a hunting shelter in the forest – along
with the silly pitchfork walking stick that he refused to give
up.

Jer had also given them a hand-drawn
map of the forests through which they tramped. He had been a forest
master for twenty years and claimed to know the forests well. As
such, he had suggested that they head toward Thoren rather than
Wildern. It was far closer, and they could approach it through the
empty forests to the north with far less chance of meeting the
invaders. Dasen had agreed, assuming the invaders were less likely
to attack the smaller city and that word could easily be sent down
the Orm River. As was proper, Teth had listened from the other side
of the room where she prepared the pack for their trip. Now Dasen
held the map sideways, unable to make head or tails of Jer’s
sketches.

“
Can we stop this now?” he
asked.

“
Stop what?” Teth returned
with innocence.

“
We both know that I
should not be leading or carrying this bow.”

“
What do you mean? You’re
the man. I’m just a woman. I couldn’t possibly lead us through the
forest or shoot a bow. The Order has dictated that I am only
capable of cooking, cleaning, caring for babies. I wouldn’t want us
to descend into chaos, after all.”

“
Teth, you know that’s
ridiculous. I meant when we get to the city. I mean. . .
.”

“
You mean it’s okay for me
to be who I am as long as there aren’t people around.” Her anger
rose, burning through the humble façade she was trying to maintain.
“You mean it is alright for me to do all these things as long as no
one else sees it, as long as I turn back into your proper little
wife when there are people who might object.”

“
It’s not that simple.
These are special circumstances. You need to do those things so we
can survive. In the city, around other people, you don’t need to be
that way.”

“
My whole life has been
‘special circumstances.’ ‘That way’ is the way I am. It is the only
way I know to be. And you don’t get to have it both ways. I’m not a
candle that you can light when you need to see. If you think it is
so easy for me to be the woman you want, then it should be just as
easy for you to be the man I want. Isn’t that what your precious
Order dictates? So I will be a proper wife, and you can be a proper
husband. So lead on my valiant protector. Lead on.”

Apparently that was enough
for Dasen. He turned on his heel and stomped down the path without
a word. Teth followed. Surprisingly, she felt no satisfaction from
the tirade.
I have to show him who I am
and why that person is important, but he still has to like that
person in the end
,
she reminded herself. And even worse than that, she felt
literally naked without her bow.

Chapter 29

On the other side of a continent,
across rivers flowing inexhaustibly toward their destined meeting
with the seas, beyond fields ripe with crops, over mountains jagged
and snowcapped, and through moon-shaded cities momentarily giving
their problems over to sleep lay Jaret Rammeriz. He was broken,
battered, and barely sane, but against all logic, hope, and mercy,
he was alive.

When he had crashed into the wall of
the imperial throne room, his last thought had been that he was
going to die. In that moment of pain and terror, he had welcomed
that escape. The ability to leave the troubled world and return to
the purifying light of order had seemed a blessing, and he had
embraced the pain that he knew would lead the way to death’s
consolation.

But death had not come. Instead, he
found himself locked in a stark cell drifting in and out of dreams
and half-dreams so horrible that he wondered if he had been cast
into the storms of chaos rather than welcomed into the serenity of
order. He lost track of how many times he had awaken, or if he ever
had, given that the images from his dreams never really left. He
remembered seeing the blank walls of his cell, the light moving
across the stone floor, the stout wooden door that constrained him,
but those realities were marred by terrible spectral shapes that
crept about the room, taunting him and poking at him with their
talons. To expel those horrors, he presses his eyes shut and fell
back into dreams where the specters were not so easily
dismissed.