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Authors: William Gaddis

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BOOK: Frolic of His Own
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Edging up to the desk at downstage center as he talks, BAGBY twists his head to get a look at the letters opened there as THOMAS turns thoughtfully from the window and crosses to downstage center slowly, treating BAGBY in an almost humouring but patronizing way, and with an assumed reassurance he had not had in Act I.

T
HOMAS

My uncle has said all he had to say. I don't know how I shall convince you, Bagby, if the sight of him didn't, hunched lifeless here over his accounts, as you told me, one morning when you came in?

(PICKING UP PAPER, HOLDS IT OUT)

And his house up in Norwegian Street? Here's a bill from the Pinkertons, for a guard on it. Who are you guarding, his ghost? I told you to sell that house, not to guard it.

B
AGBY

But to sell it off now? Ah, for you to stay in it yourself, that's another matter. I wouldn't care to stay in it if I was you, of course, and the men in the temper they are. It wouldn't be the first that they'd burned it to the ground, and you in it, watchman and all.

T
HOMAS

(IMPATIENTLY, SITTING DOWN AT THE DESK)

And why should they harm it? Haven't I been fair to them? Don't they know me by now? Yes, you've said so yourself, they know me for a just man. And has there been one accident? Even one, since I took up here?

(HOLDS BILL OUT TO
BAGBY,
RETURNING TO MAIL ON THE DESK)

No, here. I've told you, I want order.' I want order here . . . but

(MUTTERING)

I won't hire murderers . . .

B
AGBY

(STANDING BEFORE THE DESK, WITH MOCK AFFRONT)

Murder? Now how many's been murdered then? Surely a head knocked in now and again an't murder? And when two days later you'll see the same head bobbing up and asking for it again?

(PICKING UP A NEWSPAPER, POINTING OUT HEADLINE)

Here, ‘Coal operators may be forced to suspend operations until the militia draft is ended.' You're an owner, whatever else you may be, fair or not. And that's reason enough for them to burn you and your house to the ground right there. Do you see . . . ? where it speaks of the ‘lawless foreign element' that's come in, with the demand for labour what it is now?

(PAUSING TO TAKE A JAWBREAKER FROM HIS WAISTCOAT POCKET AND POP IT INTO HIS MOUTH)

When men behave like savages, after all, with no respect for law and order, how must they be treated? Why, like savages! Take them one by one they may be fine fellows, as you say, but get them together they'll rise up and go wild with their brawling and drink and howling for justice, with no respect for decent people like ourselves.

(CRUNCHING DOWN ON THE JAWBREAKER)

You must knock a bit of justice into them now and again . . .

(SITTING A HAM FAMILIARLY UP AGAINST THE DESK, LEANING ACROSS)

And I might add, sir, you've made no friends here since you came, and it's not as though you mightn't need them, before you're done.

T
HOMAS

(SITTING BACK, HALF DERISIVELY)

We've made friends, haven't we Bagby?

B
AGBY

(IMPULSIVELY CANDID, AS THOUGH TAKEN OFF GUARD)

I hope so sir . . .

(RECOVERING HIS CONFIDENTIAL DETACHMENT)

Ah, but I meant . . . them with influence. The other mine operators, the foundry owners, the bankers . . . they wonder about you, now and again, you know. I've stood up to them for you of course, but it's some of the changes you've made for the men here, giving in to them where your uncle stood fast. It's not . . . playing the game, you might say, doing such things on your own without consulting together . . . though I've told them, of course . . .

T
HOMAS

(AMUSED BUT ANNOYED)

Told them what.

B
AGBY

(REASSURINGLY)

There, I haven't repeated some of the things you've said, no. Of your being the master here with the men's consent . . . no, have no fear of my repeating such things. I've stood up to them for you. But if you was to get out a bit more yourself . . .

T
HOMAS

(DISDAINFULLY, WAVING HAND TOWARD THE WINDOW)

Out? In that?

B
AGBY

Out in society I mean to say, not tramping the streets alone at night, as you've done and unarmed at that. No, there's some that pass through here, United States senators and the like, cultured people like yourself, and speaking the French language and such things, and your father that served in that embassy there . . . and then that you've seen a bit of the South, it don't hurt in these times, you know, with many of them's never been down there. And a bit of influence, now and again, it don't hurt when you want things done . . .

(LEANING CLOSER OVER DESK, IN SPICY CONFIDENCE)

And then, if you cared to do yourself up a bit, that and move from the place you've been living up into a decent establishment, up in Mahantongo Street perhaps, dressed up a bit more in the fashion, you might say, instead of such worn clothes as mine here that's all I can afford, why . . . I know of a lady or two who'd find it an honour . . .

T
HOMAS

(SARCASTICALLY)

And how would you have me dressed, Bagby? In a uniform . . . ?

(LOOKING AT A LETTER FROM TOP OF THE PILE)

From Brooks Brothers?

B
AGBY

(DISCONCERTED, LOOKING ANXIOUSLY AT THE LETTER)

Ah, you . . . know the firm, sir? In New York?

(CRANING NECK TO LOOK AT THE LETTER)

Gentlemen's clothiers . . . a fine old firm . . .

T
HOMAS

(HOLDING THE LETTER BACK, READS AND COMMENTS ACIDLY)

It sounds like just the place. Here's a mention of a contract for ‘twelve thousand uniforms which were delivered at a net price of nine dollars fifty . . . ' You've dealt with them?

B
AGBY

(GUARDEDLY, BACKING OFF)

Not directly myself, I've had friends, influential friends . . .

T
HOMAS

(READS AND COMMENTS ACIDLY)

Yes, I'd like to see myself in one of these uniforms! Here, ‘of inferior material, strange and outlandish cut, and ingenious construction . . . ' I like that. ‘Pocketless, buttonless, and otherwise devoid of necessary entity . . . '

B
AGBY

(RECOVERING EXPANSIVELY, STANDING BACK)

There, that was all straightened out you know. The newspapers tried to make it a scandal but some very prominent people stepped in and straightened it out. There was some that let on that the state officers had conspired with the manufacturers there, but it was all straightened out. The soldiers was left with some rags, the Brooks Brothers with some money, and the people reading the papers with a new scandal. Why, some of them prominent people that straightened it out, I know them myself, you know, people with influence . . .

T
HOMAS

(COLDLY, HANDING OVER THE LETTER)

I gathered you did. This letter is addressed to you. And let me tell you, Bagby, when I want company, when I want influence I'll find it myself. If there's one thing money can buy that's worth the having, it's privacy, do you hear? Privacy . . . ! there. Where are the walls I've asked for here, instead of this glass cage I'm in?

B
AGBY

But you wouldn't be able to see what's going on, with walls all about you and nowhere to look but the window? and out at the pits? Your uncle liked to see what went on. Here, he'd tap on the glass with the ring he wore, and I'd be in in an instant. A look from him through the glass, and I'd know what he wanted.

T
HOMAS

(CURTLY, RETURNING TO THE MAIL)

Now you know what I want, and you see to it.

B
AGBY

(SOMEWHAT APPREHENSIVELY, LOOKING AT THE MAIL)

As you say sir, and I shall explain to the staff . . .

T
HOMAS

(WITH ANNOYANCE)

You need explain nothing to anyone. Do you think I come into this office every morning just to watch that parade of sharpers that lines up there at your desk?

B
AGBY

(REPROVINGLY, BUT PREOCCUPIED TRYING TO SEE THE MAIL)

There's problems come up with the mines you know, details . . . unless you might be referring to the man in here yesterday? Him with the hair down his back? Now there's a man, sir, you wouldn't speak so slighting if you knew what he's up to. He's an inventor, a rare fellow you might say, and I may let you into a confidence. He's built a rapid-fire gun that will end the war in a day. Yes, once it's brought into the line, once it's seen by the right people . . . them with influence . . . was there . . . any more of my mail? that might be . . . mixed in?

T
HOMAS

(WITH FEIGNED LACK OF INTEREST, HOLDING UP A LETTER)

Two hundred barrels of mess pork, shipped to Washington?

B
AGBY

(TAKING IT WITH A SHOW OF INTERESTED IGNORANCE)

Possibly . . .

T
HOMAS

Sabres at four dollars and twelve cents ‘for ornamental purposes'? Are they for the mines?

B
AGBY

(TAKING THE LETTER)

No sir, a small commission . . .

T
HOMAS

Small? And priced to the government at eight dollars? And here, pants at two dollars fifty cents on government contract for five?

B
AGBY

(TAKING THE LETTER, DISTRACTED)

Yes, five . . . dollars a pair, it may mean? At two fifty each? And . . . was there nothing else, then?

T
HOMAS

No. Not if we've worms in the mines, that is.

B
AGBY

 . . . Worms?

T
HOMAS

(HOLDING OUT A PAPER)

A shipment of vermifuges, from something called Pfizers in Brooklyn. You signed this order?

B
AGBY

I . . . I didn't know what they was sir. ‘Vermifuges.'

T
HOMAS

Will you tell me the meaning of all this, then? You knew the cost and the mark-up, and that was enough . . .

B
AGBY

(INTERRUPTING DEFERENTIALLY)

There, sir, you mustn't be . . . outraged . . . An occasional small commission that passes my way. There, and an't it a man's place to come forward and offer a hand? Yes, with times what they are, and the government fighting to preserve the Union, and equality for people like ourselves? A bit of business on the side now and again, when I find I can help things along, a chance to be of assistance . . .

(TAKING A PAPER FROM HIS INSIDE COAT POCKET)

To help out a friend . . . as you called me . . .

(HANDING THE PAPER TO
THOMAS)

To lend a hand against fate, you might say, I might let you into this . . . Not that you're off on a boat trip. It's a marine insurance policy indeed, but you needn't go anywhere to collect on it. It's a new thing, an accident clause. You don't even need to drown, an accident in the parlour will suffice. Surely you've paid fifteen cents for twenty four hours protection on a train journey from loss of life and limb? This don't end overnight, it goes on, on until you collect. Yes,
I have it myself, you know, and it's them plays the game, this company here, making up odds against death and accident, and nobody loses. It's a fine new dodge for all concerned. Why, you may manage things anywhere, and collect what they call the principal for no more than the loss of both hands, feet, eyes, or a winning combination . . .

T
HOMAS

(THRUSTING THE PAPER BACK AT HIM EXASPERATED)

A fine new dodge! Is this how you spend all your time here? And that parade past your desk, your Pfizers and Brooks Brothers peddling worm medicine and one-legged trousers . . .

B
AGBY

(BURSTING OUT DEFIANTLY)

And what would you have! No, it's all honest goods. I've broken no law. Do you think it's like the army buying sand for sugar, and being sold rye for coffee? paying for leather no better than brown paper? The governor of the state himself, and I've met him, before the war was a week old he'd contracted for ten thousand suits of clothes and a half million dollars was gone in a month. And a single firm here last November got a state contract for eight hundred and fifty thousand yards of army cloth. A million three hundred thousand dollars to a single firm! And I should hang back? When a beef contract runs from three dollars ninety cents to eight dollars thirty a hundred pounds, on the hoof at that? And you ask me to hesitate?

(COMING IN MORE CLOSELY, IN CONFIDENCE)

I've a friend now, he's a major for the moment, his company got a contract for ten thousand head of cattle at eight cents a pound and he let it out very next day at six and a half. Thirty two thousand dollars overnight, without the risk of a penny! Do you think he ever saw the cattle? He knows as much of cows as I do of these vermifuges, and here was thirty two thousand two hundred and sixty eight dollars and seventeen cents overnight, without risking a penny. Why, before the new war secretary came in there was feed contracts let for mixed oats and corn, and who knew the difference when the ratio was switched about? Must you know oats from corn? or only the difference in price. And who knew what had happened, the mules? blown to pieces with grape shot when they'd fairly finished eating?

BOOK: Frolic of His Own
5.68Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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