Frisky Business (39 page)

‘No, mum’s away on holiday at the moment – in Egypt.’

‘Oh, right.’

‘She’ll be back next week, though, so she’ll take him when we go down to the house.’ Romy had decided they should fix up the gate lodge first so it was fit for her and Luke to move into before starting work on the main house. It wouldn’t take much to make it liveable, and it was all work they could do themselves, which would save money for the rest of the renovations. She had suggested organising a working party for the following weekend, roping in as many people
as they could to help so that they could get the work done quickly.

‘Fancy a weekend in the country?’ Kit asked Sinead now. ‘Unlimited fresh air in exchange for a lot of hard work.’

‘You’re not selling it properly,’ Romy said to him. ‘You didn’t even mention the beer. There’ll be beer,’ she said to Sinead. ‘And wine. It’ll be fun.’

‘Next weekend? It sounds great, but I’ll be in Paris.’

‘Oh, shame. That makes Ethan my only recruit,’ he said to Romy.

‘You’re coming?’ Romy asked Ethan.

‘Yeah, definitely.’

‘He’s not starting his new job until January, so he’s going to help us with the house,’ Kit told her.

‘Oh?’ Romy said to Ethan. ‘Have you got skills?’

‘I’m a pretty decent carpenter,’ he said. ‘And I’m good at the general grunt work.’

‘Oh God,’ Kit groaned, ‘don’t get him started on his time building houses in South Africa.’

‘You did?’ Sinead looked at him in surprise. ‘I never knew that.’

‘It was just a volunteer thing I did in my gap year.’

‘It’s a pity Tank will be away on honeymoon,’ Kit said. ‘He’d be good at the demolition side of things.’

‘I thought I’d ask Danny to come,’ Romy said to Kit. ‘He could take a look at the grounds, maybe make a plan for the gardens.’

‘That’d be brilliant! We can ask him when we go to collect Thingummy.’

‘We?
Aren’t you going to dinner at your parents’?’ Laura had a big family get-together planned with some of the relations who had come to the wedding and she had assumed Kit would be going.

‘Well
, since
you’re
not, I thought I should spend the night with you and—’

‘Luke.’

‘Yeah. I mean, I’m sort of his dad now, amn’t I?’

‘What do you mean?’ Romy looked at him aghast, her heart hammering. How could he have found out?

‘Well, you know, because we’re … going out together. That sort of makes me his father, doesn’t it?’

‘Er … no. It really doesn’t.’

‘Okay, stepdad.’

‘Still no.’

‘Isn’t the mother’s boyfriend usually called a stepdad?’

‘Maybe if they’re living together. Certainly not when they’ve only been going out for about a week.’

‘Oh. Still, I’m sort of the father figure in his life now, amn’t I? He’s a boy – he needs a male role model.’

Romy smiled, glad that Kit was so willing to be part of Luke’s life. Even if they weren’t going to be together, she felt he would be a good father to Luke. ‘Well, there’s plenty of time for that. He’s only four months old. You should go for dinner with your family tonight. You can show him how to be a man another time.’

‘Oh. Okay.’

‘And see who else you can rope in for next weekend,’ Romy said. ‘Call in all your favours.’

‘I don’t really have any to call in.’

‘Don’t worry,’ she said, smiling. ‘I have loads.’

‘It’ll be fun,’ she said to Lesley the next day when she dropped in for coffee. ‘Road trip, a weekend in the country, lots of wine. We’ll bring sleeping bags and camp out indoors.’

‘Does
it count as a road trip if you’re only going to Wicklow?’

‘We’ll be driving there. On the road.’

‘Fair enough. Will I be able to smash stuff up?’ Lesley asked.

‘You can smash stuff up and tear stuff down to your heart’s content.’

A little smile curled at the edges of Lesley’s mouth. ‘Can I have a lump hammer?’

‘Of course you can have a lump hammer. I’ll reserve one just for you.’

‘Right, I’m in.’ She shook her head ruefully at Romy. ‘You know all my weaknesses.’

‘I do. Resistance is futile.’

‘So anyway, tell me all about the weekend. How did the vanilla seduction go?’

‘It was a total bust.’

‘What?’ Lesley shrieked. ‘When I didn’t hear from you, I assumed … what happened?’

‘Nothing,’ Romy said flatly. ‘Absolutely bugger all.’

‘Wait,’ Lesley said, grabbing Romy’s arm and pulling her up.

‘Where are we going?’

‘To the incident nook,’ Lesley said, dragging Romy into the study and over to the whiteboard in the corner.

Romy glanced at the board. It had changed since the last time she saw it. Now the Darth Vader in the centre had Kit’s face stuck on. On one side was written ‘BDSM’ with a picture of a butt plug taped beneath it, on the other ‘Vanilla’ with a picture of an ice-cream cone, and at the bottom was the word ‘Gay’ with a picture of Elton John.

‘Okay,’ Lesley said, folding her arms, ‘tell me everything. He didn’t recognise the sex toys?’ She pointed to the butt plug.

‘No. He obviously had no idea what they were. He’s definitely not into BDSM.’

‘So you proceeded to phase two – the vanilla seduction.’ She waved at the ice-cream cone.

‘Yes, and it seemed to be going really well. He was all over me at the reception, and I got quite, you know, wound up. But then when we went back to the room, it was like he threw a switch and just turned it off.’

‘Did you show him your underwear?’

‘Yes! At first, I thought maybe he was trying to be a gentleman and didn’t think I’d be up for it.’

‘But you put him straight on that?’

‘Definitely.’

‘And there’s no way he could have misread your signals? You know, there’s such a thing as too subtle. Sometimes, you can err on the side of Doris Day.’

‘I crawled on top of him wearing practically nothing and started kissing him.’

‘Nice move – very proactive.’

‘Thank you.’

‘And what did he do?’

‘He – he
tucked me in!’

‘He did
what?’

‘He said I’d get cold and I should get into bed. And then he tucked me in, and we watched TV.’

‘You’re joking!’

‘No.’

Lesley looked at Romy in silence, chewing her lip. ‘That’s it, then – he’s gay,’ she said finally.

‘But he’s not! I used to go out with him, remember?’

‘That doesn’t mean anything. Lots of gay men start out with girlfriends. Elton, if you remember,’ she said, rapping her knuckles on his picture, ‘even had a wife at one point.’

‘I
suppose.’ Romy frowned, struggling to get her head around the idea.

‘Look at the facts.’ Lesley turned to the whiteboard. ‘He’s not kinky,’ she said, pulling off the picture of the butt plug. ‘He’s not vanilla.’ She removed the ice-cream cone. ‘What does that leave?’

Romy looked at the board. ‘Elton John,’ she said. ‘He’s Elton John.’

‘You jumped him in your underwear and he tucked you into bed, for feck’s sake! What more proof do you need?’

‘It was really nice underwear too,’ Romy mused.

‘I’m sure it was.’

‘But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay. Maybe he just doesn’t fancy me.’

‘I’ve seen you in your underwear. It’s not you, it’s him.’

The more Romy thought about it, the more obvious it seemed. Except … ‘He wasn’t gay that night at David’s party.’

‘Well … maybe that was a once-off for him. Or he could swing both ways. Look, why don’t I put a tail on him so we’ll know for sure?’ Lesley said.

‘No, don’t do that. What does it matter? Anyway, he’s entitled to his secrets.’ If he
were
gay, Kit clearly didn’t want anyone to know – including her.

‘So, what happens now?’ Lesley asked.

‘Now I have to tell him about Luke.’

Romy had been agonising over a way to bring up the subject of David’s fateful Hallowe’en party. She didn’t want to freak Kit out, but now that she knew where they stood, she had to tell him that he was Luke’s father – she just couldn’t think how to start. But a couple of nights later, she was reading through
the TV listings in the paper when something caught her eye.

‘Oh,’ she said to Kit, ‘The first two
Star Wars
movies are on tonight. Let’s have a marathon.’

‘Really?’ Kit frowned. ‘What is it with you and
Star Wars?
I don’t remember you being such a fan.’

‘Well, I’ve developed a bit of a thing for Darth Vader,’ she said with a playful smile. ‘I think it’s the mask, and the air of mystery.’

‘Oh!’ Kit’s eyebrows shot up.

Shit! He looked totally freaked out. So much for introducing the subject in a light, casual way.

‘I have very fond memories of a night I spent with a masked man.’ She gave him a significant look.

‘Oh, right.’ Kit tugged at his collar. He appeared to be breaking out in a sweat. ‘Um … cup of tea?’ he asked, shooting off the sofa and practically running to the kitchen before she could even open her mouth to answer.

‘Yes, please,’ she said to his retreating back.

Well – that went well, she thought, smiling wryly to herself.

In the kitchen, Kit put the kettle on and stood waiting for it to boil while he took deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. Jesus, why did Romy suddenly feel the need to regale him with the details of her penchant for masked sadists? He really didn’t want to hear about it. And now she insisted on bringing up that awful night at David’s party. He drew out the process of making the tea, stalling for time while he tried to think of a way to change the subject when he went back to the living room. If only he knew how to do a Chinese tea ceremony …

He
didn’t want to think about that night ever again. He should never have got so drunk. If he hadn’t been completely arseholed there was no way he’d ever have let that fat fuck David talk him into a threesome. The mere thought of his big stupid head sticking out of that Shrek costume made him want to puke. And by some horrible, ludicrous twist of fate, it turned out Romy was the woman he’d roped in as the token third party – token because it quickly became clear that the threesome was just a pretext for David to satisfy his bi-curiosity by shagging another man. It hadn’t taken long for Red Riding Hood to figure out that she was surplus to requirements. After some cursory fumbling with her breasts, David had completely ignored her while he concentrated on fucking Kit’s mouth with his tongue and groping his crotch. Eventually, she’d got pissed off and left in a huff.